Category: Friends

No snow but lotsa ice cream!

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We woke up this morning dejected.  The supposed 4 inches of snow that should have blanketed our lawn turned out to be a dusting of white powder atop our green grass.  The kids looked out the window and sighed.  But although Old Man Winter failed to appear through snow, he did appear through frigid temperatures. 

-1 degrees with wind chill. 

No run for me this morning.  Instead, I hit the 8 am yoga class downtown with the hopes that everyone else slept in under their covers.  Not so lucky.  It was packed with women in their yoga attire and freshly painted toenails and perky little ponytails.  How awful and judgmental am I?  Jon always gets on me when I start describing people like this.  And he’s right.  The reason why they annoy me so much is because I secretly want a pair of yoga pants instead of my ten-year old adidas capris, and I secretly want bright candy red nail polish on my nasty, beat-down toes.  So, I’m jealous – I admit it.  Class was ok – I got spoiled with my very first instructor who whooped me up and made me feel like I had run a marathon after her class.  Everyone else pales in comparison (as Jon says to me “they teach like normal people, Mary!”).

Maggie came over at 11 am to watch the kids while Jon and I hit the Container Store to order a custom designed closet.  Whoo-hoo!  I would post a picture of our closet to let you see the disaster it is but it would be way too embarrassing (and that is from someone who is rarely embarrassed).  The store personnel were great – very friendly and efficient.  Our designer worked a layout for us and within 45 minutes, we had purchased the materials and installation for our bedroom closet.  Awesome.  When we got home, Ms. Maggie had bathed out children – a feat we had not accomplished in two days.  She even got Mario to wash his hair (a feat I have not accomplished in a week) and Maria to let her brush her hair.  Maria’s hair looks gorgeous when you actually brush it (imagine that).  We have Maggie sitting for us this Summer and we cannot wait – she is going to have these kids whooped into shape so quickly that Jon and I are going to be put to shame.  We have no problem with shame. 

Maria’s friend Gwen came over at 2 pm.  I was skeptical as to whether we should keep Alana over when Gwen came but these are 6-year-old girls – there couldn’t be too much drama, heh?!  Actually, they played well together without any drama; a few spats here and there but no drama.  They trashed the basement by having a “paper party” (consisting of throwing paper all over the place); demolished Maria’s room by spreading barbies and clothes all over; and trashed the kitchen by making crafts.  I had gotten them interested in Wii Just Dance but I noticed Gwen sitting on the chair looking bored and a little sad.  I asked her if she liked to dance and she shook her head “no.”  So, we moved onto a different activity – crafts.  

Maria with her TP doll

Gwen told me she loved to draw and so it was an easy choice.  Maria and Alana went with it, too.  We made toilet paper dolls (I did not make that craft up – I found the idea on the internet!).  The girls also tried to one up each other by drawing on themselves with magic marker.  Alana drew on her hand, Gwen on her finger, Maria … on her neck.  Yes, a giant butterfly with different colors across her neck.  She cried when I told her that dad would be so upset and told me with big tears rolling down her face: “I was just trying to be funny.”  That is her thing – she likes to make people laugh by going to the very edge – or over sometimes.  I love her for that trait but also worry about it.  We need to temper it a bit.  We got most of the butterfly off and Maria moved onto stickers. 

After crafts, we had to get out of the house for a bit.  Not so much for the kids but for me.  I know I have ADD – the folks should have diagnosed me years ago but then I would have been on drugs for way too long so I am glad they didn’t.  And it could be worse – I could sit on the couch all day watching Ellen.  We headed to Graeter’s playland for some running around and some ice cream (a tad hypocritical).  If I could eat Graeter’s for every meal, I would be one happy camper.  I love their chocolate chocolate chip.  I love their peanut butter chip.  I guess I simply love anything chip.  The girls loved the see-saw until some other kids moved in and bothered them.  They moved on to the slide and the tree house.  Some boys began teasing Mario on the slide, and Maria took care of them.  She protected that boy like a vicious guard dog making sure that they stayed away from him.  I was even scared.  After playing, we enjoyed some yummy ice cream.  Alana got strawberry (ugh!), Mario got 2 dips of chocolate chip (and left some for me god love him) and Maria and Gwen split a chocolate banana split.  They went to town on that thing.  I think Gwen has Maria’s appetite so the two of them together ate that split in record time.  Alana hadn’t even made a dent in her cone.  On the way home, the girls looked out the back window and talked to drivers behind us saying things like “Come on slow poke, catch up!” or “That woman looks old and look at that man…”  They giggled the entire way home.  It reminded me of me and my girlfriend, Beth when we would take road trips as young girls.  The innocence and slapstick and giddiness.

We ended the night with pjs and toothbrushing and helicoptering (until Alana bumped her head on the bed headboard).  Oh, and some ice cream sandwiches just to make sure we got our fill of milk and sugar for the day.

I Am Because We Are

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I took my time getting out of bed this morning.  Jon lovingly rolled out of bed at 7:10 am to take the kids downstairs.  They have reverted back to their old wake-up time – 6:30 am.  Brutal on a Saturday morning.  Especially when nursing a head cold.

Maria headed back upstairs after heading down with the boys.  She cuddled her body against mine and rubbed my hair trying to get the tangles out (an act she loves because I inevitably say “Ouch!” and she retorts “That’s how I feel when you brush my hair!”).  She begged me not to go on my Saturday morning run complaining that I never spend Saturday mornings with her.  I explained to her that I spend all of Saturday day and night with her outside of my run, but that didn’t matter one bit in her mind.  When she knew she would not get me to skip my run, she begged me to at least get up and carry her piggyback downstairs.  I asked her to give me 15 minutes.  She counted down 15 minutes on the clock and when that 15 minutes expired, she sang “Cock-a-doodle-do!”  She is a nutball.

As I got dressed and looked outside at the bleak morning, I resolved I would do a short run – 5 miles – and call it a day.  My head hurt from my cold, my nose was runny and stuffy and my eyes felt droopy.  Jon always asks why I would choose to go outside and exercise when I felt like that but to me, it helps.  Opens up those sinuses, right?!  On my first leg of the run, I felt heavy in the legs and I thought I may take the mileage down to 3.  But something happened as I jogged down my second hill and saw a group of runners – male and female – running up the hill.  They looked my way, smiled, waved, and yelled “Good day, heh?”  I returned the morning hello and felt energized.  After another mile, I jogged by a woman walking her dog who I see often on my morning runs.  Her dog yapped and she shrugged her shoulders at me saying “I wish he’d know you by now and not bother you with that barking. Do a mile for me!”  I waved and continued. 

M&M posing at the tile shop they went to with Jon and me later in the day.

I made it to my turn-off. I could choose to take a left and head up the hill to the gym or head straight towards downtown.  Seeing others energized me and I continued toward downtown.  When I passed a bus stop, the two older men sitting on the bench commented  “Lookin’ good hunny.  Keep that body moving.  Uh-huh.”  I nodded at them appreciating their subtle encouragement. I continued through downtown into Short North and up King Avenue.  I ran over the bridge and caught a glimpse of Mario’s favorite bird (heron) standing tall on a rock in the water.  I thought of Maria and Mario and my full day ahead with them.  I smiled.  I thought of Jon and a full week with him this week due to his lack of travel.  I smiled.  I looked at the road ahead and the run I was soon set to accomplish.  I smiled. 

An old African Proverb suddenly entered my head: “I am because we are.”  My sis had sent me this proverb in a card a while back.  I thought back to the warm people I had seen on my run, my family, my friends, the pre-historic heron, and how fitting the proverb was for my Saturday morning run.  I repeated it over and over as I ran home to spend the day with Jon and M&M.

Purposeful girlfriend

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I called my girlfriend tonight as I walked out of work.  I usually never get a hold of her – we keep up with each other by leaving long-winded messages on voicemail.  Buy tonight she answered.  And we laughed. I needed that.

K is my soul-mate girlfriend.  We have known each other since first grade.  We are both highly opinionated and strong-willed.  We both believe in ourselves and stand up for our principles. We both are attorneys who have experienced all of the stress and politics of law firms.  We both believe in supporting organizations that care for the underprivileged.  We both hate the suburbs.  The only difference I can think of is the one we had a while back over who should be the 2008 candidate for President (she was for Hillary and I was for Obama; I should have listened to Kath).

K became a mama a little over a year ago when she adopted her precious baby girl. Now, in addition to talking about the woes of practicing law or the aches and pains of turning 40, we talk about raising kids.  Tonight, we discussed our never-ending search for our purpose in life.  K found herself running to the mall to buy something and then walking around for an hour looking at books promising to provide the meaning of life.  I told her I searched the internet last night for an hour googling “meaning of life” and “life’s purpose.”  Searching, searching, searching.  I don’t think it’s a bad activity but I also think that I could probably realize just as much if I allowed myself to take time to meditate and have some quiet time.  Then again, I would probably be like Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love when she goes to the meditation school, sits down to meditate, and can only think about the twenty things she has to do and how she is being bad because she is not “meditating.”

M&M experiencing the joys of sliding!

We got on the conversation of kids.  Aren’t we supposed to feel happy and fulfilled because we have kids?  We are raising these helpless little creatures and showing them an exciting world where they can experience adventure and wonder.  What more can we ask for in life?  Obviously, lots.  Our conversation took me back to an article in 2008 in the Daily Beast.  The article reported studies that found that parents are less happy than non-parents.  More stressed, more depressed. Makes you want to take some birth control ASAP, heh?!  The article opines that maybe it’s because we are having kids at a later age and we look back to our 20s and even 30s and think “I loved having that martini with my girlfriends after work” or “How great was it to wake up on Saturday morning at 10 am, go for a run, and spend the day watching old movies.” None of those activities will see the light of day when babes arrive in the house.  Hell, I’m lucky to be ten minutes into a movie without some form of interruption whether it’s a kid crying or a toddler peeing the bed.

But the article did end with an interesting tidbit.   Although parents reported being less happy, they did find greater purpose in life when having children.  K and I agree that having our babes does push the purpose bar of our life up quite a bit.  There is no doubt that raising kids and experiencing the joys and depth of emotion that kids bring to you is purposeful. But it is not our only purpose.  And there we stand.  Still trying to search for that additional purpose for why we are here.  What more we can do in the second half of our lives to feel that we made the most out of this one, precious life?  It drives us nuts on many a day – we call one another and question “why can’t we just be content in our jobs and with our babies and our husbands and our homes?”  Don’t we “have it all?”  Obviously not.  In the end, as much as we joke that we wish we could just be unaware and unquestioning. I think it is yet another strength that we both carry.  Our ability to always search for more, to always push ourselves to grow, to always ask questions.  To have a girlfriend that I know is questioning right along side of me even if she is 100 miles away, provides a comfort to me that cannot be provided by any other soul.

Lighten Up!

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Doing an alright job with these darlings

I had coffee with my girlfriend last week and spent a majority of the get-together lamenting about how I feel like I am not doing enough with my life.  She felt the same way.  We both tore off chunks of our chocolate chip muffin and shoved them in our mouths as if those morsels would satiate us and cease our thinking on this topic any further.  It didn’t work.

It doesn’t work for a lot of women, it seems.  I am around professional women all day (typically attorneys) and I can’t think of one that has felt she is doing everything she should be doing.  One feels like she should stay home more with her kids; another feels that she should express her artistic side more by joining a band; another feels like she should get more involved in her local community; another feels like she should be a first grade room mother for her son.  I always feel like I should be doing more to help the under-privileged. 

Here I am: a woman who worked throughout college and obtained a bachelor’s degree; worked as a Fitness Director; went to law school and obtained a JD; married a wonderful man and had two adorable children; beat out others for a great job with lots of flexibility; is blessed with good lungs for running; lives in an awesome neighborhood; has the most loving and accepting family; sits on the boards of two non-profit organizations; and can still eat a pint of ice cream a night!  What more could I ask for from life?

Obviously, with the way I think, LOTS!

I am part of a large crowd of women.  Should that make me feel better? It doesn’t.  It’s not that I want to stop pursuing ideals and goals that I set for myself, I just want to stop feeling like they should all be completed by 5 pm.  I want to stop beating myself up about not taking Maria to lunch when my colleague tells me about her lunch with her daughter.  I want to pat myself on the back when I take Maria and Mario to a board meeting to let them hear how people who are less privileged than us have to live.  I want to want a lot out of this life; I just want to do it keeping a smile on my face.  As writer Elizabeth Gilbert says “Lighten Up!” 

Let’s just anticipate that we (all of us) will disappoint ourselves somehow in the decade to come. Go ahead and let it happen. Let somebody else be a better mother than you for one afternoon. Let somebody else go to art school. Let somebody else have a happy marriage, while you foolishly pick the wrong guy. (Hell, I’ve done it; it’s survivable.) While you’re at it, take the wrong job. Move to the wrong city. Lose your temper in front of the boss, quit training for that marathon, wolf down a truckload of cupcakes the day after you start your diet. Blow it all catastrophically, in fact, and then start over with good cheer. This is what we all must learn to do, for this is how maps get charted—by taking wrong turns that lead to surprising passageways that open into spectacularly unexpected new worlds. So just march on. Future generations will thank you—trust me—for showing the way, for beating brave new footpaths out of wonky old mistakes.

Fall flat on your face if you must, but please, for the sake of us all, do not stop.

Map your own life.

What did we used to talk about?!

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My girlfriends and our talking points!

I drove down to Cincy today to take care of my grandma.  On the way down, I got the chance to make all of my phone calls that I usually never have time to make.  I called my girlfriends in Cincy and my former colleague at the law firm.  The conversations all went something like this:

“How was your holiday”?

“Great, INSERT KID’S NAME was so cute.  He unwrapped his presents and had a big smile on his face. He’s been starting to talk.  Do you think he should be talking more?  He hasn’t learned how to go to the bathroom yet.  Do you think I should be potty training him yet?…

Before kids, the conversations would have went something like this:

“How was your holiday?”

“Great.  I went out dancing. Remember that dance club we went to last week?  Saw that cute guy there, too.  I hit that running trail that we love. It was so nice to get a ten mile run in and then hit the sauna….” 

Why is it that once we have kids, they are all, or at least a majority, of what we talk about?  I am positive that I had a full life before M&M but the way that I talk, you would never know.  Dance club? More like Kids Club anymore.  Workout class. More like Toddler Gymnastics class.  The Onion wasn’t too far off when it parodied this dilemma. It has become a game for me and my girlfriends now.  As soon as we notice that we are talking only about the kids, we struggle to find at least one other topic to discuss.  It’s just that a majority of our lives are spent with these little munchballs so a majority of our conversation turns toward them.  But I do feel bad for the poor souls who don’t have kids and have to hear us drone on about our little darlings.   Even though I must say that those other poor souls without children tend to spend a majority of their time talking about their dogs…. 

 

Winter has arrived.

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Snow!

The New Year brought snow.  I should clarify – light flurries.  But that differentiation did not matter to Maria. She threw on her coat and gloves and hat and took advantage of the dusting of snow to make snow angels on the deck of the house.  Mario sat in his room sulking because Maria did not tell him she was heading out to engage in such activity.  The New Year also brought a stroll down memory lane.  Jon took the memory card from our camera and found a way to put the slide show on our giant screen tv.  Very cool.  The pictures were only as far back as a year ago but we still waxed nostalgia about how the kids have grown, how old our former house looks, and how relaxing and warm our trip to Cancun was in February 2011.

Waiting for the pool!

With the light flurries came blustery winds and temperatures in the teens with the wind chill.  We are not ready for this yet since we have been spoiled with 45 degree weather over the last two weeks.  So what is the best way to beat the winter cold blues?  Go to a swimming pool! Indoor , of course.  We dusted off our suits, found our goggles, called our cousin, Alana, and headed to the Dublin Recreation Center.  The kids threw on their suits in record time only to find out that they had to wait seven minutes for the rest break to end.  One aspect of the Dublin pool I dislike is that they have 15 minute rest breaks every hour.  You freeze.  Especially little Mario who shivers and turns purple.  I hold him close to me and feel his tiny body shiver against me. 

When they blew the whistles to jump in, Maria was the first to jump.  Alana was a distant second and Mario right after her.  He went swimming across the pool.  Maria gingerly walked on her tiptoes around the pool.  Alana clung to me.  Alana knows how to swim but she must still not feel comfortable with it.  She also likes to goof around with me and splash me.  I am so used to Maria doing this it didn’t bother me too much but I was hoping that her and Maria would play more together to let me chill.  Of course, Mario was also in his clingy state wanting me to act like a dinosaur.  He wanted to breathe fire on me and shoot lasers at me but he wanted me to live and just be hurt – not die.  He has specific instructions with all of his games. 

The pool has a lazy river that Alana and Mario loved.  Alana wanted me holding her hand the entire time and Mario wanted me to be within a foot of him in case he went under too long and needed help up.  I have gotten better at sensing when he wants me to hold him and when he wants to be left alone but every once in a while I grab him when he wants to be on his own and he growls at me.  I usually give him a look and he says “Sorry, mommy.”  At least he recognizes his issues too!  Maria went around the river by herself.  I would look over at her on the other side and see her laying her hair in the water letting the current push her along.  She is so calm in the water compared to Alana who is clingy and hyper (it’s funny because out of the water, it can be the opposite). 

 

Ready for the showers

Maria’s friend Zach arrived about a half hour after we got in the pool.  All was fine for a while but then Maria felt torn between Alana and him.  Zach wanted to go down the big slide (which Alana could not do) and Alana wanted to go down the baby one.  Maria looked at me with those big blue eyes and said “I feel torn, mom.  I want to be with Alana because she is my cousin but I also like Zach and they don’t want to do the same things.”  I explained to her that such a thing happens a lot and she just needed to split her time the way she felt best.  I also explained that she had brought Alana with her so she needed to be sensitive to that.  In the meantime, Alana only wanted to play with me so it didn’t matter.  But Ri stuck with us for the most part since her and Zach have about a 15 minute tolerance for each other before they spat. 

After the pool, the kids stood in the showers for 20 minutes.  Mario loves to stand under a hot shower and let it run over his head.  Maria and Alana just like to be goofy in it and act like they are famous stars.  Maria is also getting modest with her old age.  She did not want to get naked and dressed int he “main” locker area because too many people were around.  This was surprising from the girl who used to run naked around my aunt’s house to make my Grandma Heile laugh hysterically.  We sat with Zach and Grace and Amy in the lobby and ate pretzels and subway sandwiches.  We asked questions to the kids like “who would you most like to meet?”  Mario answered “my butt” while Maria and Alana answered “BIG TIME RUSH!”  When asked where they would like to visit, Maria and Alana both answered NYC because that is where Big Time Rush lives (not sure about that) and Mario answered with his stock answer: Hawaii.  Jon and I can picture him on his surf board with his blonde hair and chiseled little body riding the waves all day long. 

As we drove home, I looked in the rear view mirror.  Mario’s head was cocked to the side and he was fast asleep.  The holiday celebrations finally catching up to him.  Maria and Alana intently watched Thumbelina on the DVD entranced with the friendship between Thumbelina and Tom Thumb.  The snow lightly hit the car windshield and blew over to the grassy bank.  I took a few deep breaths and thought of Jon waiting at our warm home for us.  Winter has arrived.

Pot-bellied pigs and marshmallows

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Maria and I traveled downtown on Sunday afternoon.  There were actually people and cars all over the place!  What a promising sight to behold!  The Columbus Commons is a new development in the heart of downtown.  It is a large grassy area with a carousel.  Yoga classes are held there, kickball games, music fests.  On Sunday, they had a holiday festival for kids.  I had wanted to take Maria and Mario to it on Saturday afternoon but it rained/snowed all afternoon (the kids were so excited to see tiny snowflakes!). 

We took Maria’s friend Anna since Mario spent the day with dad at “Big Mario’s” house in Dover, Ohio engaging in “manly” activities like wrestling, play fighting and hunting deer. They chatted the whole way downtown about games on their moms’ I phones and how they wanted their own for Christmas (keep dreamin’ sista!).  When we arrived, the place was booming with people.  It was an awesome sight compared to the emptiness the downtown usually contains.  The first stop was the petting zoo.  For a mere $5.00, the kids could feed baby bottles of milk to the goats, llamas and pot-bellied pigs!  Yes, pot-bellied pigs – my absolute favorite animal on Earth!  I could have sat in that pen all day holding those little munchball swine.  Maria was even more excited for me.  “Mom! Mom! They have your pigs!”  We must have spent 45 minutes in that giant pen, feeding the pigs and goats and petting the llamas and camel.  They loved watching the pigs guzzle the milk and hugging on the llama. 

 

Next, we moved onto s’mores.  They had a giant fire pit in the middle of the Commons for people to get warm and make s’mores.  They provided each kid with a stick, two graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows (what about the adults?!).  Maria likes her marshmallows barely melted (I think she actually simply has no patience to let them cook!). and Anna likes her marshmallows burnt to the crisp (the way I like them, too).  We warmed ourselves up (I even scored a tiny bite of a s’more from Ri) and hit the carousel.  Maria rode the elephant.  Two years ago she would have waved at me every time she passed me, but this year, she chatted with Anna nearly the entire time never even taking a glance at me!  However, towards the end, I did see her glance over at me to see if I was still around so I secretly know she still needs her mama! 

After the carousel, we hit the bouncey house.  This bouncey house was brutal – they allowed 7 kids in at one time.  Luckily, Maria and Anna were the oldest so they did not get trampled.  They even were sweet enough to watch out for the little tykes in the bouncey with them (let’s see 6  year old boys do that!).  After the bouncey house, we moved onto the train ride.  By this time, my hands felt like ice.  I had thin gloves on and any more my hands turn purple if out in the cold for longer than 15 minutes.  Fortunately, Maria lost her ride ticket after the train ride so I was able to convince the two of them to head to Target with me for icees (no, not hot cocoa because that makes too much sense!) and pretzels.  The girls read Teen magazine while I found cookbooks for my girlfriends.  That night I dreamt of m little pot-bellied friends with the hopes that Santa may bring me one for Christmas (hint, hint, Jon!).

Happy Feet 2

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The kids and I ran errands galore this afternoon from noon until 4.  We hit four different stores to return things and purchase new things.  Meg warned me that I better be ready to buy and return with a new house since it takes a while to figure out your style for each room.  She was correct.  And I feel like I can’t spend money on anything more until I return what I don’t want.  Hence, why we had to hit four different stores.  I cannot stand to spend my time doing such tasks but I resolved it had to be done and put myself in the mindset to get it done.  It is a little easier to accomplish this task now that it is cold outside. 

The kids were surprisingly very good and even listened to me when I commanded them to come.  At the last store, I let them each buy a small toy for being so good. I have mixed feelings on that choice: I don’t want them to think they will always get that if “they act good” but I also dragged them all over god’s creation and thought a $5 toy was a special treat that they earned.  Who knows what the right answer is? Actually, the right answer is whatever we feel comfortable doing in that situation so I guess I picked the right answer. 

As we drove home, my friend Amy called and told me she was going to see the 6:30 pm movie, Happy Feet 2.  When she called, I was hesitant to commit because I wanted to continue to get the shopping done that I needed done.  But after walking in the front door and laying down our bags, I thought “what the heck” – I need a break and movie popcorn is too tempting.”  The movie theatre, Mill Run, serves food.  You sit at a counter and watch the movie.  It was strange.  I am not sure if I liked it better or not.  I kinda like the intimacy of the regular theatre seats where your shoulder is up against the next and the popcorn sits on the armrest between you.  But the kids liked it because it was something different. 

Jammin' with the chipmunks after the movie

 Happy Feet 2 did not impress me.  I thought it was rather dull and the only good music was in the beginning and the very end.  The baby penguin, Will, was cute but the plot never thickened to the point you cared and the entire movie seemed disjointed.  They tried to make some political points with global warming but I don’t think the kids got the subtlety with which they were made.  Nonetheless, the kids sat through the entire movie so they must have found it interesting (Mario did make me play with his wrestlers for about 15 minutes but stayed tuned in the rest of the time).

I would have rather seen Puss-n-Boots but that could have been just as bad.  I have never been a big kids movie fan.  Rio was the first one I had seen that I enjoyed.  But the popcorn was delicious, and Mario’s corn dogs weren’t bad.

Practicing gratitude

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I asked Maria and Mario what they were grateful for while we ate dinner tonight. 

Holding the baby chicks at the farm

Maria: eggs (she had just brought some back from Grandma Meg’s and Peepaw’s farm); little grapes (we had found “baby” sized grapes in the bunch of grapes earlier in the evening); and her grandmas (all three of them!).

Mario: for a wonderful night; mom and dad and Ria and Cy (“I miss him, mom”); my grandmas; and the farm. 

Mom: for the bike ride and for 62 degree weather and for our new home.

I try to ask this question every night in order to reinforce how important it is to recognize all the wonderful people and things around us.  As part of my training to be a culture shaping facilitator at the university, we performed an exercise around gratitude.  We were asked to think about how many times through the day we stressed about something or we wallowed in self-pity because we did not have something or we missed someone or we failed to get something done.  Then we were asked to think about all that we did have – be it a home, significant other, health, car to travel in, clothes, friends, etc.  Most of us realized that when all was said and done a great majority of our life was good.  We had a roof over our head, we were able to travel, we had family who loved us, we had a pet who licked us, we fed ourselves three meals a day (if not more); yet, we realized that we tended to focus  a significant amount of our time and energy on the negative things or people in our lives. 

Hence, the idea of practicing gratitude.  Ever since that training, I have consciously made an effort to push myself to be grateful, especially during the times I see myself heading downhill.  And I figure if I can start M&M praciticing it, they will be experts by age 10. 

And it’s not that hard.  Each day, I find myself tripping over a wealth of things and activities and people for which to be grateful.  Tonight, I was grateful for the chilly fall weather that allowed us to throw on our sweatshirts and bike helmets and take a ride to visit our friends.  I love watching M&M head out on their cycles, laughing and talking the entire way to the destination.  Maria sings songs to herself.  Mario points out each animal and flower he sees on the way.  I love seeing the grin on Maria’s face as she turns a corner all by herself and the excitement in Mario’s voice when he spots a squirrel behind a bush.  I try to allow myself to see the world anew like M&M.  When Mario points to the squirrel, I look at the little critter and wonder if he will find a nut, what tree he will choose to climb, how many brothers and sisters he has at home.  When Maria turns that corner, I remember back to riding my back with Beth Ann, my grade school friend, and how thrilling it was to speed up and down our alley. 

M&M keep me practicing gratitude.  It is hard not to practice it when I have them by my side.  Hopefully, our evening ritual will become embodied in them to where they hit the pillow at night and think about all they have to be grateful for in the day that is about to pass under them.  The stars, the night, a warm blanket, sweet dreams….

Happiness is hanging with a 70’s hippy and an 1800’s pirate

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Happiness is hanging with a 70’s hippy girl and an 1800’s pirate…

We began our Halloween day getting up late and scurrying around trying to get outfits and breakfast and hand-made cards together.  Maria and I jumped in the car at 8:17 and made it to school at 8:20 as the bell rang.  Maria was able to devour a cereal bar in that three-minute period of time, though – my girl can do anything!  Mario drove with dad and got treated to timbits and loads of chocolate at preschool (could that be why he is running around like a mini-tornado at 10 pm?). 

Maria had her 2nd annual Halloween school party where they walk around the perimeter of the school to show off their costumes to the ogling and way-too-excited parents and friends.  I arrived just in time to see Maria walking out of the school and turning down the street.  She looked so happy.  Maria has an infectious laugh and just hearing it once a day keeps the doctor away, I believe.  I heard it as I watched her walk down the street with her girlfriends.  She spotted me soon after I pulled up and held out her hand for me to join the walk (how long will her intense desire to have her mom near her amongst friends last?!).  I walked her around the perimeter of the school taking in the sights of other scary, beautiful, funny, and cute costumed characters.  Maria wore her 70’s hippy outfit well.  She even threw on the John Lennon specs for a bit of the walk.  However, she would not do the peace sign to people as she walked by, which would have sealed the deal.  She gets very self-conscious when eyes are on her.  She is like her dad – she is much better in a small setting versus a larger one.  There was a snow princess in Maria’s class who wore lipstick and eye shadow. Maria commented about her saying “all she cares about are her clothes and make-up – I am not into that.”  Thank god my dear. 

Doris and Kim with the kids

Megan picked Maria and Mario up from school today so I could get a little work done before leaving for Halloween night.  I begged her to give them a bath since Mario’s hair looked as brittle as desert grass.  Thank god for Megan – she cranked out the bath and had them ready to roll when Jon and I got home.  We headed to our old neighbors’ house, Doris and Kim, for dinner.  They made chili and brats for the adults and hot dogs for the kids (Mario took one bite of the hot dog and exclaimed “this is the best hot dog and bun ever!”).  We miss them and their cooking!  Maria finished in record time and got her costume.  She refused to wear her John Lennon spectacles but still sported the total hippy look and would have fit in at Woodstock without a problem.  When we were getting on her costume she asked “were hippies for peace, mom?”  I answered “yes” and she smiled and responded “Good, I want peace, not war.”  John Lennon would have used her as his muse. Mario finished soon after Maria and donned his pirate costume (after taking ten minutes to situate his skull cap). 

The Halloween gang

And we were off.  Into the sprinkles of rain.  Within a block, Maria was cold and wanted to go to her friend, Zach’s house.  We headed over there and met up with Zach the Ghost and his cousins.  We walked a few houses with them but Zach was going way too fast for M&M who took their time at each house.  Both always said “thank you” and Mario added “Have a happy Halloween!”   By the third block, both kids were ready to head back to Doris and Kim’s house.  I could not believe it.  I tried to entice them by telling them we were close to Mrs. Page’s house (Maria’s old teacher who she loves) but even that didn’t work.  I felt shafted!  I specifically had two kids in order to get at least ten pounds of candy each Halloween.  How could they want to come home 25 minutes after they started?  I would always stay out until the very last light turned off at the very last house in the neighborhood.  I would dump out my candy on the family room floor and count every last piece, always making it over 100.  I would go to sleep with a massive belly ache and wake up the morning ready to dive back into the chocolate.  Now that I think back to those experiences more, maybe it’s a good thing that M&M only have a desire to go to 10 houses and gather only enough candy to skim their Halloween bags.  I should celebrate their moderation and ungreedy selves.

Chaos among the troops!

When we got back to Doris and Kim’s house, we dumped their candy (it did not even take up the whole side of the dining room table!) and found pieces that mommy would like, friends would like, and grandparents would like.  Mario went coo-coo for Skittles and Tootsie Rolls and Maria went coo-coo for Snickers.  I took down the Hershey’s bars and Reese Pieces.  Nothing better than hunting for candy and coming back to eat the kill!  We headed over to Zach’s house after eating ourselves silly and engaged in some fun-filled wrestling and madness.  It is always crazy when we head over there because Zach and Maria pick each other up and rough house like two drunk frat boys.  Mario inevitably joins in the mix while they scream at the top of their lungs.  Someone is usually hurt within five minutes, consoled, and then the chaos starts again.  My friend Amy and I become both exasperated and slap-happy with it all – thank god we have each other to get through it! 

After Zach’s, we bundled up and strolled home while I told them stories about Mario playing in the forest and Maria turning into a princess.  They love my stories, which I love to tell, except after a night of non-stop action and chocolate and screaming and insanity.  But a good mom perseveres through it (although I made it home in record strollering time). When we got home, we watched Big Time Rush Halloween together (I read recently that if you let your kids watch tv, you should watch it with them) and I asked them questions about it afterwards.  Maria looked at me in disgust “Mom, this is not school, just let us be kids!”  We turned off the lights and headed upstairs to sleep.  We snuggled under the covers together and fell asleep within 10 minutes, bellies full of chocolate and heads full of Halloween memories.