To pay attention…

January 27, 2014January 27, 2014Leave a comment

To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work.

-Mary Oliver

A hawk schooled me today. There I was with my nose in a book walking across campus when not twenty feet to my right, a hawk blew past me with a large squirrel hanging from its talons. What an incredible sight. I looked around me and there was just one other person walking in front of me on his headphones. He was not phased by the creature. I stood motionless. My eyes moving with the hawk’s flight. It perched itself up in the barren tree content to hold its kill as it watched the kids pass by bundled up against the frigid winds. I braved pulling off my glove to get a picture; it was way too cold to zoom in or adjust. Just snap.

I walked back to my office with my book closed and lodged between papers in my backpack. I looked at the Cuzzins yogurt shop with the chairs flipped over on the tables. When did that place start closing at 2 pm? Maybe some day I will open an ice cream store like Ri and I used to talk about doing on Grandview Ave. when she was 4 years old. I watched as a young kid motioned his arms up and down to the beat of what must have been some good rappin’ on his iPod. I wondered if Mario would be engaging in these same moves when he’s a teenager or whether he’d be jamming out to his uncle Jack’s funk or maybe his own jams; will he learn piano or the drums or the sax, like Jackson? I stared too long at a guy who wore shorts and a t-shirt and casually strolled down High Street in the -4 degree weather as if it was mid-Summer. And I thought of Ri and her ability to go outside during these past couple of weeks with no hat or gloves and survive. She has Jon’s and my warm blood in her. After all, she stayed at the sledding hill a half hour after Mario left freezing and after I begged her to go (noticing it was 1 degree on my phone).

Oh, so this is what it is like to walk without a book in hand or a phone or a magazine or a law article. Oh… what a treat to observe things and people and moments, to imagine what life may have in store, to smile at a past memory with my kids.

Who needs snow to sled?

January 20, 2014January 20, 2014Leave a comment

Sledding in 2014 – Check!

The other day when it hit 50 degrees and I walked down the street watching the snow and ice melt into a muddy mess, a thought came to mind. It was January and we had not gone sledding yet. Maybe that wasn’t too strange since there are two more months of Winter but with all of the snow we have had in the last month and a half, I worry that there will be little to snow coming in the future (or there will be snow but it will be -15 degrees outside).

On Saturday night, we did a switch-a-roo with Patrick and Carrie. They took Mario and we took Alana for the night. When Mario came home Sunday morning, and trekked snow in the house, it hit me. “Let’s try to go sledding!” (it also hit me that he needs to learn to take his boots off, but that’s another post). There is only one decent sledding hill around us. It’s a small but steep hill at Wyman Woods. And it’s usually pure dirt if you get there after 10 am because everyone goes there.

It was 10:30. Was it worth a try?

A unanimous “Yes” from us all so we jumped in our snow suits and went for it. We parked a block away thinking there would be no parking. We drug the plastic sleds over the sidewalk and crossed the street. The kids ran towards the hill.

“It has some snow, mom! And there is no one here!”

They were being generous but at that point, it could have been all dirt and we would have tried it. It’s at those moments that I appreciate my pops. If there’s one other person on this earth who would have plunged into that hill with all his might no matter the lack of snow, it’s my dad. He taught me to how to go with what ya got and make the most fun of it. So the hill barely has any snow left on it, deal with it…. So the hill has bumps all over it that could break your back, big deal…. So there isn’t any other sane folks out here sledding, more fun for us! I could hear his voice like he was standing right next to me (after all, this is the man that hitched a plastic baby pool to the back of his four-wheeler and drug Ri all around when they got a snowfall at the farm).
So, when the kids turned to me waiting to see what I’d say about sledding, my response was a loud roar proclaiming: “Let’s do this!”

And “do this” we did. Ri went down first and I thought her head may pop off. With each bump she hit, you could see her bottom rise up and her head jerk.

But she has that Menkedick insanity in her and kept going back for more (including a ride down with me where I was convinced that my tailbone cracked). Mario loved it, too. He accidentally conquered an ice ramp that I am sure some nutty teen built. I started him off a good twenty feet from it at the top of the hill but he swerved right towards it as he flew down the hill. Ri and I looked at each other in fear and before we could blink, he hit it right on and flew into the air at least three feet. He jettisoned back to the ground with a crash of plastic and rode out the rest of the ride until he landed 50 feet away from the ramp. We waited and cringed waiting for a giant wail. But all we saw was a little guy rising from his plastic sled and walking towards us.

“Are you ok, darlin'” I yelled to him.

“That was awesome! I can’t believe I hit it!”

To be six years old.

I remember times at French Park with my dad. I remember having a bit more fear in my heart when I sled down those park hills – they were ginormous to me (I wonder what they’d look like today?). I remember laughing a lot and having a wonderful time. And I remember my dad jumping on his sled and braving the hills with me. I am glad I can do the same with my kiddos.

At the end of our adventure, after we were all banged up and our tailbones were aching, I looked over at my kids and quoted one of Mario’s favorite lines from Ghostbusters: “we came, we saw, we kicked its butt” (I had to be appropriate with my language – even though Mario corrected me and said “no, mom, it’s a–!”)!”

Pure Bliss

January 18, 2014January 18, 2014Leave a comment

I experienced a joyful, hilarious moment last night. I was brushing my teeth and looked down to see no toilet paper. “Ugh, there’s no T.P. in here!” Maria was standing next to me brushing her teeth and started laughing hysterically at my predicament. I couldn’t help but chuckle with her; her laugh is contagious. While we were laughing, she tried to step into the bathtub to reach for the washcloth (trying to be funny and act like it’s T.P.) but she tripped herself up on the tub ledge and fell into the tub. Before I could be worried about her being hurt, she rose up with a giant smile on her face and a laughter so deep and hard that it wouldn’t even come out. I began laughing hysterically with her; the two of us gathering more steam by simply looking at one another.

I have experienced that type of raucous laughter with best girlfriends in the past (both drunk and sober) but never so with Ri. Sure, I have laughed with her, and laughed hard with her, but this was different. It was pure bliss. As I laid in bed with her trying to get her to sleep, she still giggled. All I could think of was how much I adored her as my daughter and how much fun she is to have in my life. She has a zest for life that will take her far, and I want to watch as long as I am able.

Chipotle love

January 11, 2014Leave a comment

These babes make me topple over with the love I have for them. I let Ri Grace have a whole burrito (black beans, cheese and sour cream) at Chipotle after she begged me the entire time we stood in line. When I ordered her one, she exclaimed “you are the best mom ever!” So worth a burrito!

Too Much Praise!

January 10, 2014January 10, 20141 Comment

So I remember reading an article similar to this one back when Maria was a toddler. And I remember thinking “that is such bullish–! You can never praise a kid too much.”

If there is one fu– up that I have had as a mom, I think this ranks up there (god knows I have had quite a few). I am able to completely verify the accuracy of the study in this article.

My sweet Maria has only ever been told since birth what an amazingly wonderful, special, fantastic, incredible girl she is. Any project she works on warrants a “what a spectacular job” no matter if it’s mediocre or truly spectacular. Any sport she attempts warrants a “you are a machine out there” no matter if she tripped over everyone. Any drawing she created warranted “that is gorgeous” even if she scribbled and put in little effort. Get my drift?
And I thought “what a great mom I am lavishing all this praise on my girl.”
And she did and continues to do, wonderful things. She’s passionate, adventurous, caring, loving, aware, funny, smart. But she’s also hesitant to try new things or to push herself beyond her known capabilities. She will, at times, but it takes work to get her there. That is why after reading this article, I was beating myself up. It’s hard to think of Ri as having low self-esteem. She is boisterous and not afraid to talk to people and always ready to take a trip and see new sights. She asks questions of adults when she doesn’t understand. She introduces herself to strangers.
But she also gets worried that she’s not as good a reader as her classmates. That she’s uglier than her girlfriends. That she isn’t motivated like her colleagues. That her teacher thinks she’s stupid. When I ask her to try soccer, she doesn’t want to. When I tell her to try to finish a long article, she complains (now that could be pure laziness!). When I tell her to draw an animal she hasn’t drawn, she hesitates.
Is it because I praised her so much that she doesn’t want to risk disappointing me with a new project she doesn’t know if she can complete well? Have I inadvertently caused her to avoid challenges?
Errhh. It’s so frustrating. It’s also humbling. Here I am praising my kid left and right and inadvertently judging the mom who doesn’t – when all along I could have learned some tips from her. It also can’t be the end of the world. There are plenty of “right” things I have done with that baby girl. I’m over the delusion that I will be the perfect mom. I just don’t want to screw her up too much (by the way, Mario is a whole other story – he thrives with excessive praise but there are quite a few other areas that I need to work on…).
So, I will keep this article in mind when I have told Ri for the 10th time how incredible her drawing looks of two stick figures. And I will continue to work on exercises that raise her self-esteem because I know my girl can reach the farthest star in the sky if she believes fully in herself. And I will continue to appreciate myself as a mother trying my hardest to raise intelligent, thoughtful, confident, and empathetic kids.

Amen!

Cone dog

January 10, 2014Leave a comment

Our poor cone-head pup. Ri, Mario and I picked him up on Monday afternoon in the freezing cold weather (the kids were off school due to wind temperatures below zero) and we all “ohhhhed and ahhhhed” over him when they brought him to us. He was pretty out of it from being sedated and the kids were able to hug all over him without him being disturbed. Maria held him against her in the backseat and Mario rubbed his back. Rocco was trembling and the kids kept demanding that I go faster.
When we tried to get him out of the car, he refused to budge. I had to scoop him up in my arms and carry him into the house. Ri and Mario got a kick out of that. As soon as we stepped inside, the kids ran upstairs and got blankets for Rocco. I sat him in the family room and they covered him up. They reached in the cone and rubbed his ears. They told him they loved him. Every time any of us moved away from him, he whined. So, we took turns sitting with him. This was easy for the kids because they got to chill on their iPads.

In the evening, we played crazy eights. I kept jumping up from the table to console Rocco who continued to whine. We finally all got up and went in the family room to be with him. He placed his head on the carpet and let us rub all over him. “He loves us!” Mario announced happily.
The next day he was up and walking around like nothing happened, except he couldn’t quite understand why he had to wear a cone. He was a bit more use to it but he continued to run into his cage and the walls, which continued to crack up the kids.

We got eight more days with this cone. I can’t wait until it comes off, and I know Rocco can’t either. The kids kinda dig it though….

New Year’s Eve 2013

January 3, 2014Leave a comment

Jon and I are in trouble. Big trouble.

Ri is a one heck of a party animal.

Not only did she stay up until after the ball dropped but she ran outside after midnight in my jacket and Jon’s boots and slammed her gingerbread house on the sidewalk (one of her Brownie girls gave her the idea). She was ready to keep going after midnight – she blew her horns and kept taunting us with “what, are you tired?!” But we made her go upstairs after the high of the gingerbread house destruction and she fell asleep next to me in about ten minutes.

Up until 11 pm, we were all hanging in there together. We played Yahtzee – Maria kicked our butts. Patty and I drank some wine. We ate chips and dip. We watched lame tv coverage of the ball drop (I have never seen such a sad display of commentators). Ri got to see Miley Cyrus perform. But then Mario fell asleep on my lap and Patty could barely keep her eyes open and Jon was two winks away from falling asleep.

We did get hold of Uncle Jack at midnight – Peepaw had dropped him off in Brooklyn on the 30th and he told us he was planning to head to Times Square. we could hear the chaos behind him. Ri and I are heading there with him next year.

The following morning, Mario asked us to re-play the ball drop. Luckily Jon had recorded it. Ri and Mario grabbed their blowers and clappers and went to town eight hours after the official beginning of 2014.

I find it a very good sign that Mario did not flip out that he had fallen asleep before midnight, and that he was grateful to blow his horn after the fact. I also find it positive that Ri did not rub in the fact she stayed awake to Mario. And lastly, I find it very telling that we started the year with Patty at our house. I think that means that family will play a significant role in our lives this year and, an even more fabulous byproduct of that: Jon and I will have lots of free babysitters!

Here’s to 2014!

Bittersweet Christmas 2013

January 1, 2014Leave a comment

Christmas 2013 ended up being a very rough one. Jon’s dad got sick on the 14th and couldn’t get out of bed. He had just traveled to a funeral on Friday in Canton and spoken with family members. But by the time we arrived on Sunday, he was still in bed and not saying much. I was able to sit with him and watch the football game. I didn’t say much out of deference to him – he always liked calm and quiet and I wanted to provide that to him in what we knew were his final days. Jon got to be near him and tell him he loved him on Sunday, also. What a blessing that was because he started to decline quickly on Monday. All of his children were able to get to the house before he passed on Friday. Patty was able to read him the Bible in the comforts of their home and comfort him with her smile. That is one memory I will never forget: watching her bend down to Joe and whisper “I love you” and seeing his mouth widen into a smile and say “I love you” in return. Fifty years together and committed more than ever.

The next week was painful for all the family to experience, especially Patty and the five sons. Jon stayed in Marion most nights and the kids and I went up a couple of times to say goodbye. On Wednesday night, many of the grand kids were there – Dagmawit, Maria and Mario, Alana and Gio, Emmi and Eli (great grand kids). They played downstairs and we could hear their laughter from Joe’s room. Kevin and Chris and Jon and Patrick and Patty reminisced about times with Joe while we stood in his room. The next day, the hospice nurse told us we may want to keep it quiet for Joe. We agreed. But I do believe that Joe enjoyed hearing his grand kids downstairs one final time since he spent so much time with them over the last few years. For 90 years old, it was amazing how much he could tolerate. And how he always was ready for an embrace.

He passed away with Patty, Jon and Chris by his side. We all went to the house that evening and celebrated him. We held his wake on Sunday and the mass on Monday. Then we came home to prepare for Christmas Eve. Needless to say, we were all spent, emotionally and physically.
We took Patty to Cincy with us on Christmas Eve. She fit right in with the rowdy Heiles (actually, after we left we realized that it’s really just me that creates the rowdiness anymore…and I do it well!). We went to Grandma Lolo’s first where Maria and Mario were quite pleased. Ri got a “real” baby doll with five sets of clothes and Mario got Skylander Swap. Of course, Mario said thanks but then immediately asked “where’s more presents?” Jon and I both had a talk with him about being grateful and it sunk in … until the next gift opening. Maria was the same way at age 5 and grew out of it; but Mario may be tougher. Needless to say, we will be practicing gratitude all year long in 2014. My mom loved getting Maria a baby doll. The two of us refuse to let her grow up and slurped up the fact that she still wanted a baby doll for Christmas.

We ate some chocolate covered cherries (Mario was not a fan) and headed to Laura’s house (formerly Grandma Heile’s home). All my baby cousins are grown up – it is just not right. They all sit properly in their chairs and drink their wine and talk about their jobs! Maria and Mario sit all over them and rough house with the boys. They love it.

We left Laura’s house and headed back north to wait for Santa to arrive. Ri fell quickly to sleep because “Santa would come more quickly.” Mario stayed wide awake watching Epic with Patty and then played Legos with her in the basement until 11 pm. She is a machine.
Christmas morning arrived and Ri was the first up. She laid patiently with Jon and me until Mario woke up and jumped on our bed screaming “let’s open presents!” And we were off to the races!

I bought them a bunch of clothes and small gifts, which they opened with vigor. At the end, they both looked up and smiled but wondered if anything else was coming (Mario had begged for an iPad all season; Ri had wanted one too but was conflicted because she also wanted a sewing kit and American Girl doll clothes, and she didn’t want to be greedy). I left the room and returned with two packages and a note. Maria read the note from Santa.

The note detailed all of the dos and don’ts of having an iPad mini. Mario could hardly hold still as Ri read. Santa told them that they have to play educational games and get off of it when their parents say so, and they have to continue to be good and giving to others. I think Ri processed it; Mario is gonna take some time!

The next 24 hours was a whirl wind. Meg, my dad, Jack, Sarah and Jorge arrived around 10 am. We ate yummy casserole and biscuits and then took two hours to open presents. We are notorious for being slow present openers. We have to ohhhh and ahhhh. Ri and Mario found out about their Disney trip. Ri flipped out with excitement; Mario was in a state of awe. He was both excited and nervous about going without Jon or me. He still loves hanging with Jon and me, but we know he will have a blast.

After we opened presents, my Menkedick crew took off and our Ionno crew came over. Patty and I broke out her whipped cream vodka ( yikes!) and the kids played together all day long without any fighting.

The girls went to the park with me and Rocco and climbed all over downed trees. Times are a changing: Ri is turning into the outdoors girl while Mario is wanting to stay in all the time.

The next morning we drove to Marietta for Joe’s burial. The cemetery sat on a steep hill amidst a throng of trees that must look magnificent in Autumn. A group of Patty’s family members showed up to the cemetery and afterwards we went over to West Virginia for Italian food (now there is an oxymoron for ya). It was comforting to sit with Jon and his family and my parents during lunch.
I took in our conversation with vigor.

Girlfriends

December 27, 2013December 27, 2013Leave a comment

Friend. Good.

I saw these two words written on a greeting card along with a silhouette of a big dog staring at the silhouette of a puppy. I immediately thought of my Cincy girls.

I’ve known these babes since the womb it feels like; actually it’s more like 1st grade. I’ve had many a crazy experience with them both individually and as a group. Lisa and I used to cheer the Reds on at the old Riverfront Stadium (and had the biggest crush on Dave Parker); Jill and I used to play house at our old kindergarten; Ericka used to catch my fast pitch softballs in high school; and Kathy and I used to get rowdy and break car door windows (actually that was just Kathy on my car window!).
We all are very different at this stage of our lives having pursued different life paths, different cities, different hobbies. But oh doesn’t that make for some fabulous conversation and some hilarious moments.
I took Maria Grace with me on the five and a half hour trek to Midland, Michigan where Kathy resides. She couldn’t wait to babysit Kathy’s kids and hang with her “aunts.” We, of course, had to stop off for some snacks along the way…

And we had to hit the Michigan welcome center…

Ri knew her father would enjoy those pictures. We were the first to arrive at Kathy’s sweet abode. What a magnificent house and location. Ri was excited that Grace was so excited to see her. And she adored Rose from the minute she set eyes on her. Kathy and Andrew were off the hook from feeding her, reading to her, and bathing her as soon as Ri walked in the house.

Lisa arrived a couple hours later with Josh and Emma. Maria was a bit irked at first because she liked having Emma and Rose to herself but she quickly bonded with Ms. Emma and babied Josh so all was good.

The kids played while we caught up on life. We chatted about Christmas presents, school, work, hubbies. Ericka and Jill finally arrived and we broke out the wine and snacks and cozied up on the downstairs couch together. Such a quaint setting with a fireplace and wood siding. Ms. Maria hung in with us until 12:30 am contributing quite often to the conversation. There is no doubt she will be engaging on the same all-night conversations with her friends years to come.
I woke up to a winter wonderland on Saturday morning. The neighbors had their snow blowers revved up but they had not cleared any snow yet. I walked in an all white landscape and listened to the ice crackling and the random bird singing. Heaven.
When I returned, Ri was playing away with the other kids. I watched her laughing with Emma and I was taken back to being 8 years old and playing with my girlfriends sitting in the next room. It was pure joy to see my daughter with my girlfriends’ daughters. A new generation beginning life-long friendships.

We got dressed and headed out to lunch in downtown Midland. The kids drew pictures for us in their booth, ate their food, and ran around like maniacs. We talked about our lives, our irritations, our blessings. It was like we had never moved away from one another.

We had to do the funny face picture after our meal. I knew all these gals and kids would participate. Next we headed to the mall. We all did some last minute shopping and let the kids sit on Santa’s lap. I was el cheapo and did not buy a picture. I was pissed at myself when we left because I remembered I had a Buddha picture of Ri when she was seven months old on Santa’s lap and it would have been a hilarious contrast seeing her now on his lap. Next year….
We hit Barnes and Noble to look at books and that was where we experienced the epic Grace meltdown. It was classic. At first, all was well. Ri read to the kids and they were all smiles.

Then I wanted a picture of the moms in the same pose. Kathy sat in Grace’s seat. Oh my. Ms. Grace let us know her anger at that move and went to town on Kathy. All the rest of us could do was laugh our a–es off because we’ve all been there. Kathy packed it up immediately and we all followed her. On the way to the car, Josh had a follow-up meltdown that rivaled Emma’s because he dropped his gum on the floor. There’s one big difference between Lisa and me. I would have brushed it off and popped it right back in his mouth but Lisa promptly discarded it. By the time we all got back to the cars, we were ready for the comforts of home and wine.
We broke out pizza. wine, guacamole and my beloved sheet cake and went to town after singing happy birthday to E.

We decided to head out to a wine bar at 9 pm just like we would have done in our twenties. We still got it. Except we only lasted until 10:45 pm. Ri was so sad for us to leave and all the other kids were going to bed so we let her go with us. She was ecstatic. She played on the iPad the entire time until she passed out on my lap at 10:30 (from exhaustion, not wine).

On Sunday morning, we ate sheet cake for breakfast and packed up our things dreading the ride home both because it was nasty outside and because we wanted a longer stay. These gals are my soul sisters who I can trust to be there for me no matter what. It’s hard to believe we’ve known each other for 35+ years and we still love each other so much! However, there are tines when we are just like an old married couple – committed but on each other’s nerves! But that’s the beauty in a long, thriving relationship – you take each other for who you are. I can’t imagine my world without these gals and I’m awfully glad that Ri got to share in the love with me.

Decorating Grandma’s Christmas tree

December 3, 2013December 3, 2013Leave a comment

Maria begged me to come home early last night so we could decorate the Christmas tree. I made her day when I pulled in the driveway on my bike at 5:10. Although I was still talking to my work colleague, Ri jumped in my arms and whispered “thank you thank you!” With that kind of welcome, I will come home early any day. She dragged me in the house and down the steps to retrieve Grandma Menkedick’s Christmas tree standing upright in the cardboard box under the stairs. Jon would rather have a “live” tree and I would, too but I also love having something of Grandma’s so central in our house. I know that she would be proud that her tree continues to grace our living room because she always loved for me to tell her that we put it up in years’ past when she was still with us. She loved contributing in that way. And the kids love helping to resurrect it each year.
Sophie was over when we started piecing it together. She commented that it doesn’t look like a Christmas tree and Ri immediately jumped in on Grandma’s behalf.
“Just wait until we get all the branches in place. Then you will change your mind.”
And she was right. After we inserted all the branches and flushed it out in accordance with the instructions found on the original tethered but legible, delicate piece of brown paper, it looked just like a baby fir you’d find at a tree lot. Pure magic.
After that task was completed, we ran up to the attic in a mad rush to find the boxes of ornaments ranging in age of creation from 40 years to last year. Maria and Mario teamed up to lug down one box and I lugged the other. Rocco followed behind us trying to nose his way to the front of the line (which he eventually accomplished even with Mario yelling “No, Rocco!”). Maria and her sentimental self reached in to the box and pulled out an ornament that I had bought for my grandma in 1978. Mario went to grab it and she scolded him: “this is a prized possession of mom’s so you have to be gentle.” Meanwhile, Rocco gave us all heart attacks with his barreling under the tree and shaking the ornaments. However, he only broke one which is the same number I broke.

The kids took some down time from ornament hanging and ornament admiring in order to play “hide-the-pickle” (No, it’s not some inappropriate adult game). We have an ornament that Uncle Jack gifted me in the shape of a pickle because I love pickles so much. The kids made up a game two Christmas’ ago where they hide the pickle ornament somewhere on the tree and the other kid has to find it. Loads of fun for hours! Sophie won by hiding it in such a snug place in the middle of the tree that both Ri and Mario gave up.
Finally, after the pickle game ended and the ornaments were hung, Mario placed the blue star on the top of the tree. Ri has let him do it every year because she loves to see how excited he gets when she says “ok, you can do it” (plus she gets to photograph it).

And so, another year of Christmas tree decoration is complete… unless Rocco decides to wrestle the tree and all of its ornaments. But I think he even feels Grandma’s spirit because after a few swipes at it, he laid down to rest by its side.

"MOM!"

Adventures in the Life of a Working Mama