Tag: Appreciation

I owe ya one, babe.

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One of the tender moments

So I had a horrible day.  The weather simply can’t get any more ridiculous between the spattering rain and the grey overcast skies and the windy bitter air.  I had to speak at an event and felt like a bumbling idiot.  Mario spilled chocolate milk and ketchup all over the sofa. Cy licked what he could before I got to him, and then proceeded to puke it all up so I got the added pleasure of not only wiping up milk and ketchup but also doggie throw-up and saliva.  Maria is going through 6-year-old menopause complaining of heat attacks and kicking all around on the couch until she jabbed me in the thigh. Work is gearing up again and I am losing the one person I have relied on the past two months to another job.  I haven’t had a good workout in at least five days, which is an eternity for me. 

I did get my hubby back tonight, though, and he even put the kids to bed.  He also reminded me of how precious life can be amongst all the turmoil and craziness of the day.  When he came through the door, the kids’ faces lit up and they chimed in unison “Daddy!”  He had arrived home at 10 pm from a day trip New York (got up at 4:45 am).  As much as the kiddies can get on my nerves, I would much rather come home to them then be forced to fly on those day trips.  So, I decided to calm myself down by reading through some quotes about life and found this one:

Why does a person even get up in the morning?  You have breakfast, you floss your teeth so you’ll have healthy gums in your old age, and then you get in your car and drive down I-10 and die.  Life is so stupid I can’t stand it.  ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

I laughed out loud at the rawness of it and the notion struck me as so true, at times – until you have someone who loves you remind you that it’s not all that bad and the sweet, tender moments are worth living for… Thanks, babe, for getting me through tonight.

Lettin’ loose on a Thursday afternoon

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My grandma has not been feeling well for a couple of weeks.

Work has been stressful and energy-draining.

The kids have been going non-stop with school and parties. 

I felt disengaged and needed to take a break from the normal routine.  I moved my meetings so I had a blank sheet on Thursday afternoon.  I picked Mario up from school at 1:15 just as he was laying down to take a nap.  When he saw me, he shot straight up in the air and asked “Are we leaving, mom?”  When I responded affirmatively, he leapt in the air, grabbed my hand, and shot towards the door. 

Mario concentrating on Wii

“Did you bring the bike, mom?”

“I did, little man.”

“Good, we can save energy!”  I have been trying to teach him about the importance of riding bikes and walking over taking a car everywhere and was happy to hear some of it was sinking in to his budding brain. We clipped on his Spiderman helmet and rode down the bike path.  On the way down the path, Mario turned his head around to me. 

“Mom, thanks for picking me up early today – it made me really happy.  We are going to have fun today!” 

Chalk that moment up for one to put in the memory banks.  The statement absolutely blew me away with the warmth and genuineness of it.  I let him play a game of Wii basketball when we got home while I packed our bag.  Yes, a bag for a three-hour stay in Cincy.  I packed an extra set of clothes, nighties, extra shoes, popcorn, pretzels, and ham.  Jon is still amazed at my strange packing habits but you can never have enough food – you never know when you might get a flat tire out in the middle of nowhere and be stranded for three days until discovered (even on a straight shot down I-71!).  My girl would not be able to live on berries. 

M&M with great-grandma

Mario and I picked up Maria an hour early from school.  We stopped at the gas station for gas, pop, and chips, and got on our way (this has been our routine since Maria was a baby – nothing better than a long road trip with pop and snacks!).  I promised the kids we would stop at French Park (the park I went to during my childhood) if they promised they would be good when we visited Great Grandma at her assisted living apartment.  It was strange to drive on the street I used to travel on as a kid.  Memories popped up in my head with each new block we passed.  French Park looked the exact same as it did when I was a kid.  We parked at the top of the first hill and walked down to the creek.  The kids hopped the rocks to the other side of the trail.  Maria found a set of stairs and we followed those through the enchanted forest with the overhanging trees and vines and the delicate flowers.  When we got to the top of the stairs, we noticed tracks from an animal.  Maria thought a dog, Mario thought a lion.  As we continued, Mario spotted a rabbit amongst the tress.  He was so proud of himself repeating to me every five minutes “I spotted a rabbit, mom!” 

After a few minutes, the kids decided that they wanted to head back down to the creek.  The thought of dipping their toes in the water was too enticing. 

M&M in the creek

We found a good spot to take off our shoes and socks, and we gingerly stepped into the freezing cold water.  The sun beamed through the spaces of leaves in the trees and the rocks seemed perfectly placed to lead us down the creek.  Maria tried to find frogs (for me) and Mario found rocks that resembled guns and acted like he was the captain of a boat fighting off pirates.  We threw rocks in the water (after trying to skip them with no luck (pee-paw is needed)) and splashed each other.  The kids had a blast.  When we headed back to the beginning of the trail, they both begged to come back to the park again.  I need to look for some good ones in Columbus – there is such a sense of gratitude and appreciation that floods over me when I hike and play in nature and I think it infiltrates the kids as well.  They were so good on the way to Great Grandma’s house and at her house, too.  It can be a battle to keep them under control in her apartment because it is so small and there is not a lot to do. But on this day, they played quietly with her blocks and balloons, ate their dinner, and stayed quiet while I talked with Great Grandma.  I did poke them a few times to make sure they were not aliens who had stolen my children. 

Deep in thought

We ended to trip with baths at Grandma Lolo’s house and a walk on the golf course.  The kids found 5 balls each, and were so excited to bring them home to show Papa Rod.  The ride home was even a positive because both kids fell asleep before home.  Maria fell asleep within ten minutes (as always). Mario watched Scooby Doo.  I kept hoping I would turn around and see him asleep so I could just put them both in bed when we got home and I could relax (otherwise, Mario gets his second wind and takes forever to fall asleep).  With about 20 minutes left to go, I glanced back to see if he had fallen asleep and saw that he had unclipped his seatbelt.  I scolded him and demanded that he re-buckle it.  He started wailing and could not get himself together to buckle up so I had to pull over and do it for him.  He cried and cried.  I held his hand for about a minute as I stood outside the car and looked down to see he was sleeping.

Shout out to Moms

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M&M hanging with their mama

Mother’s Day is this weekend.  I hope for a few hours to veg alone either at Stauf’s or on a massage table or on a run along the river.  I hope for nothing more than a couple of home-made pictures from M&M telling me that I am the bomb and that I am super cool. 

I remember reading Anne Lamott’s piece on Mother’s Day (Why I hate Mother\’s Day) a year or so ago.  My girlfriend at the time was contemplating whether to have a child – she is a professional with a good job, husband, house, dogs and she is heavily involved in the community. 

In thinking about her dilemma, I thought about what M&M have brought to my life.  Can I imagine life without them now?  No way.  Could I have imagined life without kids before I had them.  Probably.  It would have allowed me to get more involved in the community, go to events I wanted to attend whenever I wanted to do so, get up in the morning and go for a long run, have more freedom to do just what I desired.  Now I have to adjust my schedule for the kids and give up on events and gatherings that I would otherwise be inclined to attend because I want to be with M&M (and when I don’t to be with them particularly, I feel obliged to be!).  I would never regret the decision to have my munchballs – they fill me with joy and amazement and good times – but I do believe that a person can decide to forego the baby route and still lead a fulfilling, complete life as Anne Lamott argues in her piece.  My girlfriend ended up going the baby route and she has her ups and downs and her frustrations like all of us moms do.  And I know that she does not regret her decision but I am sure there are those days that we all have where we daydream about all we were able to do in this world “pre-baby.”

Me and my girls with sweet baby Grace

I don’t mind the idea of a Mother’s Day celebration or any “Hallmark” celebration for that matter.  We lead such hectic lives that if it takes a special day to make us slow down to recognize the people who mean the most to us, why not?  Earlier today, I watched the newscasters on NBC became emotional when looking back at their moms’ presence in their lives.  As much as I wanted to roll my eyes at this manufactured sentimentality, I found myself thinking about the women in my life and feeling appreciation and gratitude for their presence in my life.  In the end, it is those moments we have throughout our days that keep us plugging along the bumpy road that life can bring us. 

I hope that my mom realizes how much I love her in spite of our battles throughout high school and college.  I now look back at those spats and my anger and frustration and don’t see the woman I saw through my 17 year-old eyes; rather, I see a woman who was full of passion and wonder and yearning to try to find herself and the life that she wanted to live –

My mom and Ri

very similar to the struggle I face in juggling motherhood, my job, being a wife and a member of my community.  Now she has stepped into the grandma role helping me raise M&M and giving me a sounding board whenever I struggle with work issues or anxiety about whether I am damaging my children.  She has reinforced in me that I am a strong, intelligent woman, and she has always supported me.   

Meg and Ri

      

I hope that my stepmom realizes how much I love her for sticking with our crazy clan during the roughest of times (me as a teenager and Sarah as a toddler – god help her).  Meg-pie walks to her own tune refusing to conform to any norm.  She exudes confidence and strength and has always provided support and comfort to me in the worst of times (between breaking up with my high school boyfriend to managing a rogue boss).  She has taught me to always question and to always wonder – as hard and taxing as it may be at times – it’s the only way to grow. 

Patty with M&M

I hope that Patty realizes how much I love her for being a warm, dynamic mom to Jon and providing him with the skills and compassion to be such a loving father to M&M.  Patty exudes energy and has a zest for life that challenges my energy (and we’re thirty years apart!).  She has gone to the limits for M&M taking them for days at a time and playing with them for hours on end.  She gives her whole self to her family, and never declines a chance to spend time with us.  Her spirit is infectious. 

Great Grandma!

I hope that my Grandma Menkedick realizes how much I love her because she is an amazing, incredible, persevering woman who has made a mark on me that serves me well every day of my life (my late Grandma Heile also serves the same role for me).  G-ma teaches me to be humble and gracious and to stand up for myself.  She is the first one to tell me that I need to tell my boss that I won’t work late hours; tell M&M that bedtime is at 9 pm and there will be no getting out of bed; and make my body take some rest time.  She keeps me in line and she reminds me of the power of living in the moment and appreciating the small things be it vegetables ripe from the field or watching late-night tv on the couch with a glass of coke and Pringles.

I have been lucky to have so many strong, energetic, passionate players in my life, many of them women. As Anne Lamott states:

“The main thing that ever helped mothers was other people mothering them; a chain of mothering that keeps the whole shebang afloat. I am the woman I grew to be partly in spite of my mother, and partly because of the extraordinary love of her best friends, and my own best friends’ mothers, and from surrogates, many of whom were not women at all but gay men. I have loved them my entire life, even after their passing.”

So on this Mother’s Day, I give a shout out to all of those women and the many others who have marked my life – thanks for bringing me the experiences that have led me to who I am today.  I love you all.

Happynomics

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Precious babes ready for their stroller ride.

I woke this morning to a compliment: “You are a pretty flower.” Spoken from the lips of my son as we sat in McDonalds eating Timbits and burritos this chilly morning (ignore our diet, please, it really is a Sunday morning treat – and sometimes Monday and Wednesday and Friday treat…).  He had bitten into a timbit and fixed his stare on me.  I tilted my head and looked perplexed.  That is when he softly spoke the words to me.  I pursed my lips and rubbed my eyes and thanked him for saying something so sweet to his mama.  Maria saw this entire scene and quickly chimed in with “Mom, you are a…a… pretty flower.”  She is usually pretty quick with a quip to follow-up on her brother’s so she must believe that Mario summed it up pretty well to simply repeat his compliment.  I swallowed both of their compliments up and stored them away in that place all of us mothers have – the “I need to remember something positive about these kids” storage chest that we can open when all heck is breaking loose and we feel like we need to escape but cannot.  If we can just take ourselves back to one of those memories, hopefully we can stay sane enough to make it through the breakdown.  Kinda like chocolate….

Maria (Ms. Serious) and Mario (Mr. Jolly) playing Wii.

On our stroller ride home, Mario finally admitted he was cold.  Both kids refuse to wear big coats or hats or gloves even though it is only 38 degrees outside.  I bring their coats and accessories because I know eventually they will request them – or I should say, one will request them.  Mario.  Maria is a cold weather machine; a heater; a polar bear.  She has our warm blood streaming through her and it takes a blizzard to make her slightly chilled.  When we got home, Mario went straight to the Wii for a b-ball game.  Maria and I went back out for a stroll and talked about Mario’s birth, her birth, what kind of car I had growing up, what kind of car she wants when she gets older, and boyfriends (she is so inquisitive about the past – I love it).  

When we got back home, Maria and Mario played Wii together while Jon worked and I cleaned.  They went upstairs after five games and took a bath.  Maria loves it when Mario is in a good mood because he will play Barbies with her.  He still uses his Spiderman figurine but he will act like Spiderman is talking to Barbie, they go on dates, talk about their friends, and so on.  It is hilarious to listen to from behind the door.  They played a good half hour before they started to splash the water around the tub and all over the floor.  We politely screamed at them to get out, and before we knew it, there were two naked children in Maria’s room reciting “we are robots” and giggling hysterically. 

Maria and Mario fashion models

Jon and I continued to work and clean and Maria and Mario played together upstairs.  After another half hour, Maria yelled down asking if we were both ready for a fashion show.  “Sure!” we yelled back to her.  She introduced her and Mario while they waltzed down the stairs and stepped off the landing in a beautiful display of velvet green and plaid.  Mario in a button down shirt and Maria in a dazzling dress.  I screamed like they were teen idols, and asked for their photo and autograph, which Maria loved.  I also asked if I could kiss her cheek and she blushed with excitement.  “You are such a superstar, Ri, thanks for saying hi to me!”  She laughed and waved goodbye and went up to help Mario who realized he had a tear in his pants (causing him to bolt up the steps to avoid being seen by any other fans).

I finished cleaning the cabinet in the kitchen.  While I scrubbed spaghetti sauce off the white paint and listening to M&M laughing upstairs and talked to Jon about our week ahead, I felt a surge of happiness through my bones.  Pure, raw happiness.  Life could have stopped right there at that second – my head swirled with happiness about who I was, people I loved, experiences I had, places I traveled, choices I made.  All in that moment.   

This evening I perused the NY Times and happened by Roger Cohen’s post titled The Happynomics of Life.  England’s prime minister has decided to create a happiness index.  Cohen argues that this idea is not outrageous and could be helpful if used wisely.   He notes that when Western industrialized societies started measuring gross domestic product, the issue for many was survival.  But now that most of us have enough to live on — or far more than enough by the standards of human history — the question may want to turn to: “What’s going on inside our heads?”  Trying to make a shift from financial prosperity to emotional prosperity.  Putting value on things that don’t have price tags: open spaces, clear air, security, release from pressure — things of growing importance but also growing scarce.

The kids playing it up before Jeni's

Cohen thought of some recent moments of happiness in his own life. “One came walking across Regent’s Park, my skin tingling at the first brush of spring. Another came kissing my daughter goodnight as she slept and seeing how peaceful she was. A third came in Cairo seeing the powerful dignity of the Egyptian people coalescing to bring peaceful change.  These moments were linked to nature, to finding time, to feeling the transcendent power of the human spirit. Emotional prosperity is not the next e-mail in a relentless life.”

His piece struck me based on my experience earlier in the day, and stayed with me as I took Maria and Mario and Maria’s friend, Jonera to Jeni’s for ice cream.  They all ran ahead of me laughing at Mario making silly faces at them.  They giggled the entire time at Jeni’s about goofy things – Mario’s dancing, Maria’s kissing frenzy, the puppy at the window waving to us.  We walked home with the crisp cusp of Winter at our side but with birds chirping and people on their porches clearing the way for swings and planters.

The kids enjoying Jeni's

Fresh Air – Finally!

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Maria and Mario enjoying the 50 degree weather

The only good aspect of living through such cold, dreary, snowy, rainy, blustery days is that when a mildly sunny 50 degree day pokes through, it is like nirvana.   I had been trying to convince myself all week not to fall deep into the doldrums but it had not worked especially well.  I went to bed at 9:30 last night because I was tired and irritable and sick of the cold – go away old man winter!   

But then Saturday arrived like a bright pink package waiting for you on Christmas morning and I felt sparks of energy zing throughout my body.  The sun was out, and it was above 40 degrees.  I went for a run around the neighborhood.  I felt like I could go for 20 miles.  When I came home, Maria immediately begged to go on a walk – yes ma’am!  She got her homework sheet (find things outside that engage one of your five senses) and went to wait for me on the porch.  Mario, always imitating his sister, grabbed a pad of paper and pen and followed her outside (on a side note, Mario wore jeans today for the first time in probably 4 months – he had sworn off jeans and only donned sweats for all of winter (can we say George Castanza?!)) 

Enjoying their favorite tree

They walked a few houses up noticing the delicate Spring flowers blooming on the hillsides of the neighbors’ yards.  Mario did not like the white ones because they drooped downwards and looked like they were “dead.” He liked the purple ones standing at attention, sturdy, strong.  Mario is all into muscle lately whether on him (“Feel my muscles, everyone”) or on objects.  Maria reminded me that we needed to buy flower seeds and flowers to plant soon so our yard would look pretty for Spring.  She is a task master.  After looking around the street, she chose a car to describe her senses.  She saw the car, touched the car, smelled the car (she observed if it was turned on she would smell gas) and heard the car start its engine ( I tried for a flower or tree but she wanted a car). 

We headed up the street to Stauf’s for a bagel and cream cheese.  We had not hit Stauf’s together for a long time and it was refreshing to sit in the coffeehouse and relax.  And neither of my children ran around like crazy people, which thrilled me most of all.  Mario sat on my lap and Maria sat in her chair.  Is this what it is like to have well-behaved kids?  Love it. We took off down Grandview Avenue – Maria running ahead and hiding behind signs and Mario trailing behind doing the same.  Luckily, Maria is very good about stopping at every crosswalk but I still make her stop every 20 feet or so.  What is it going to be like when she is older and wants to walk alone with her girlfriends?! 

Mario soaking up the pampering

We made it past the post office, past the waterfall in the flower shop, and to the hair cutting place.  Mario stopped dead in his tracks; ran his hand through his hair, and demanded he get a haircut.  “It has been too long, mom.”  So, we headed inside.  Maria and Mario flipped through magazines (Mario’s was ESPN and Maria’s was Vogue – swear!) and Maria got called up to the chair.  She had decided she would “get a trim.”  However, she didn’t make it two minutes before she started crying about how much it hurt to comb her hair.  It went from a slight sniffle to a full-blown sob and we had to stop the hairstylist.  If there is one thing that Maria hates it is getting her hair combed.  I let her brush her own hair for school because she has such a meltdown if I touch it.  It is one of those battles I choose not to have because it isn’t worth it in comparison to getting dressed, getting lunch together, getting homework done.  She certainly does not do the best with it but I don’t have enough energy to waste fighting this one (although there are times that I just want to style her gorgeous thick hair!). Mario is up to the chair next.  He sits straight up, eyes focused in the mirror, sucker in his mouth, and does not move the entire time the stylist cuts, razors and trims up his hair.  He watches intently in the mirror soaking up the adoration and pampering from the staff.  When finished, he agrees to some gel through his hair.  When we get outside, the wind blows hard.  “Mom, does my hair still look good?”  The boy is destined to be the next drop-dead male model – god help us. 

We head to Giant Eagle next to pick up lawn bags and yogurt with candy on top (Mario’s new obsession).  I am concerned about the walk home because I now have bags of groceries and therefore it is inevitable one will be too tired to walk and want me to carry them.  However, much to my amazement, they run with each other down Grandview Avenue, stopping at the waterfall again and the mailboxes.  They continue to think it is so funny to hide from me behind a parking meter.  

We were so close to home when Mario tripped on a hose; hence, the end of the walk for him.  I carried him home with Maria by my side asking if I was proud of her for walking the entire way. “Maria, you are my amazing, strong, adventurous girl – I am so proud of you.”  She continued to look down the street but I saw a little smile form on her face. 

My rough and tough princess

Thank god for this day – we all needed it to raise our spirits and get us back into life again.  Recharge the batteries.  See the light.  Tomorrow is supposed to be back to 40 degrees and cloudy but we can handle it for a few days now that we have had the gorgeousness and splendor of today.  Besides, daylight savings time is tonight so it will be light until 7 or so every evening – another saving grace to keep us away from those doldrums.

“It Wasn’t as Fun as I Thought It Would Be!”

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“It wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be…” 

The words out of Maria’s mouth when I picked her up from her old daycare last Monday.  She had been so excited to go back to her old stomping grounds and hang out with her favorite teachers, Amanda and Chris and Nate, and her old friends, Sydney, Logan, Brianna.  She even gave up a birthday party to go to school all day.  When I dropped her off, she quickly shooed me away and hung on Ms. Chris as I walked out the door.   When I returned at 5:15 that night, she ran to me like she used to when I picked her up from that school – arms out, smile wide.  I thought she would be excited when I told her that she may be going back daycare one more day, tomorrow.  Rather, she fell limp. 

“No way, mom.  I don’t want to come back here again.”

“Why, Ri, you were so excited about coming to school today.”

“I don’t know, mom. It just wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be.”

Oh, darling one.  All I could think when she said those words was how often in my life I have built up an event to only exit it hours later thinking “Well, that wasn’t quite what I expected.” Or, to be more accurate in my thinking “Well, that sucked.”

M&M - post unwrapping gifts

I thought about Maria’s sincere and truthful statement after the holiday festivities this weekend. 

First, the festivities.  It started with Christmas Eve at my mom’s house and my cousin’s house (formerly my grandmother’s house).  Soon after we stepped into my mom’s house, both kids were begging to open presents, especially Mario.  We told Maria to wait a few minutes, and although you could tell she was not too happy about it, she adhered to our wishes and shuffled around the presents looking to find the words “Maria.”  Mario, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with waiting. 

“Mom, I want to open presents now.”

“Mario, you have to wait a few minutes. This celebration is not just about gifts, it is about being with family.”

M&M at mom's house loving Barbies and transformers!

It was as if I told him that Santa did not exist (and I had been tempted to do it many times in the last few weeks when he had pushed me to the limit).  He scrunched his face, looked perplexed, and stomped away.  “How could this day be for anything other than presents”, he thought?  Dad and I had only been telling him for weeks that he better get to sleep or he won’t get any presents from Santa.  After he stomped away for 30 seconds, he returned with a vengeance and a loud scream: “I want to open my presents.”  Mom gave in as grandmas tend to do, and the kids ripped open their presents.  Mario opened one after the other within 4 minutes and then looked up and said “I want more.”  Lovely.

Maria, on the other hand, expressed her appreciation for her camera and books and proceeded to give the warm hugs and kisses for her thoughtful presents.  Thank goodness for that little girl right now.  She knows just when she needs to step in so that I don’t rip my head off or more likely, my sweet, adorable hellboy’s head. 

Maria enjoying time with her cousins (Mario refused to join in)!

Jon and I and my mom and Rod were able to rip open our present in lightening speed before Maria and Mario wore us down with their incessant demands.  I found out later that I totally missed some jewelry my mom bought me because I was too busy just trying to get the gifts open so we could move on to the cousin’s house.  We rushed out of mom’s to get to cousin Laura’s house for the Heile get-together.  Mario and I walked up the three stairs to the kitchen and everyone stood there and screamed “Welcome! Merry Christmas!”  It sounded like they all had superpower megaphones but that was just their normal voices.  I am inflicted with that loud voice, also.  Therefore, my natural reaction was to join in the screaming and laughing and hugging.  Mario was not amused.  He immediately withdrew and would not look at anyone (Maria, on the other hand, ran over to her cousins and hugged and teased them – a true Heile). 

Mario a bit excited about his ball from Aunt Jane.

For most of the night, Mario was on my hip (except when I turned on SpongeBob downstairs for him to watch – the only thing that will pry him away from me).  He was sullen and pissy until nearly everyone left and then he livened up and had a good time for the remaining 20 minutes of our stay.   Not exactly what I had hoped for when thinking about the night.

We drove home, both kids still awake at 9:30 when we arrived at the front door.  It took a while for bed to actually occur and I spent the next hour preparing for Santa to come.  Finally, I hit the sack around 11 pm.  Poor Jon was fighting a sinus infection so he got about 3 hours of sleep.  The kids awoke at 7:30 (not bad for Christmas morning) and flew down the steps to the presents.  Mario ripped through all of his presents with his last one being a Spiderman web shooter.  That present was the only one that caught his eye and that he actually stopped to take a breath and admire.  We could have gotten him lumps of coal wrapped in tissue with the Spiderman web shooter and he would have never known.  In fact, that is what Santa should have brought based on Mario’s behavior the last two months.  Maria ripped through her presents, also, and seemed pleased with what she received – her favorite being her barbie dolls and Leapster.  However, when she went to play the one game I got her, Globe Expedition, she returned to the room almost immediately crying about how the game was horrible. 

Maria showing off her presents

“I just want to play a game, mom.  This game just wants you to learn things.”

Oh, heaven forbid.  She proceeded to complain about how this Christmas had been horrible and boring.  Meanwhile, Mario burst out in tears because he shot all of his web string within ten minutes and he no longer had any to play with through the day.  Ahh, such peace and joy for the holidays.  Not the picture I had in mind for the holidays.   

Jon’s family came over at 2 pm for Christmas dinner.  The kids played fairly well together although Mario still clung to me or Patty the entire time.  They left around 8 pm that night and we were all exhausted except Mario who always gets his second wind around that time.  He wanted to wrestle and jump and punch and kick.  The boy is like the energizer bunny.  We played for a while in Maria’s room – Mario put on his imaginary diving suit and jumped in the ocean off of Maria’s bed and Maria helped him look for fish to catch.  Maria and I fried the fish and ate them.  After 15 minutes of that game, Ri and I read some Fancy Nancy books. and Mario chose Dr. Seuss.  Mario got out of bed, as always, within 10 minutes of putting him down.  We fed him cheese and crackers and he begged me to go upstairs with him.  I hesitated because I wanted to veg out with my computer and cookies, but I gave in and was fast asleep by 10 pm.  Ugh, so much for some down time and again, not the night I had thought it would be.

The crew preparing to open presents

On Sunday, I got up at 7 am and ran up to Panera to get some yummy bakery treats.  I literally ran up the street just to wake me up because I was exhausted from the past two days – 15 degrees will open your eyes and get your blood pumpin’ anyday.  My dad and Meg, Sarah and Jorge, and Jack came over at 9 am.  Let the third round of chaos begin!  Sarah and Jorge madly wrapped gifts, Mario begged to open presents, Cy barked madly, and Maria stole bites of all of the bakery treats. 

We tossed around gifts to their rightful owners and tried to prepare ourselves for the traditional opening of the presents.  I think back to life just eight years ago when Jon and I were sans children, Sarah was home from college, and Jack was in high school.  We would head over to Meg and dad’s house at a reasonable, adult-like hour, spend at least an hour and a half opening presents, and then get treated to a down-home breakfast of eggs and toast and pancakes.  My family needs that time to open presents.  We like to open a gift and talk about its origins, its necessity to our lives, its cool texture or how we’ll use it.  Jon’s family is exact opposite.  Everyone opens their gifts at the same time, a thank you follows the opening of the present, and it’s done.  I am quite sure I take the nutty in-law award at Christmas with them as I explain for ten minutes when and where I am going to use the gift and how I had been wanting it for years and years.   

Mario enjoying a present

On this Christmas, however, we have two little munchkins that cannot hold back their excitement for opening more presents.  We also have a drop-dead time that we have to leave to Cincy to visit family.  Therefore, in the end, we  only have about an hour to open gifts, which in any other family may be more than enough time, but it is like a nanosecond for us.  Maria and Mario opened first because Mario was going to go into coronary arrest if he did not open his big box.  And, what joy when he saw his bean bag!  Joy that lasted nearly 5 seconds at which time he pushed it to the side and asked, while salivating and looking a bit crazed, “where is my next one?”  Maria, my gracious five-year old girl, expressed much appreciation for her bean bag.  She has heard stories of how I laid on my bean bag watching tv, eating doritos, and sipping coke on the weekends.  She dreamed of aping me.  By the time M&M finished opening, we had about 40 minutes.  I think we got through a round or two of gifts before we realized we only had 10 minutes left.  We threw out tradition and began opening our presents quickly, and only speaking about them for a few seconds.  Very strange and wonderful to my dear hubby, but again, not what I thought it would be like that morning.  

Mario taking a break from being mad to laugh at silly grandpa and aunt sarah!

We then headed back to Cincy to see my grandma, uncle, and cousin and her family.  Mario remained in his complete mama state refusing to say hello to his great-grandma and refusing to even let Pee-paw hold him while I went to the car (Maria gave double the hugs and kisses to great-grandma – thanks Ri).  I cannot wait to tell these “clingy mama” stories to Mario when he is 13 years old and begging me with all of his heart not to kiss him when I drop him off at school or come around him and his friends.  Finally, Pee-paw whisked him away crying and all to show him the pool table; he quickly became immersed in pushing the balls into the different side pockets.  Maria and Annaliese played dress-up and I got to breathe for a few minutes and get in a talk with Meg and grandma about raising boys.  I also got to take a little stroll with my siblings as we took the dogs out to get some air.  Sarah has two pups named Stella and Mona.  Dad has one pup named Rosie.  Rosie is insane.  Stella is wild.  Mona is chill.  I walked Mona. 

Maria and her great-grandma

We had another delicious meal and opened yet another round of presents.  Mario received his 20th spiderman toy.  He could own a spiderman factory.  He gave his traditional pout after he opened his last gift and complained that everyone else had more presents than him.  I tried to explain to him that others had the same amount but that he opened his like a hurricane leaving others in the dust.  He liked the analogy of beating others so his mood became upbeat again.  Boys.  Maria swaddled her new baby, which surprisingly held her attention for a good amount of time.

We left my uncle’s house around 5 pm and headed up north to our distant home.  We forgot my sweater and Maria’s doll so we circled back to the house with much exhaustion. 

Ms. Maria

As I looked back at the holiday events – my mom’s and cousin’s house, our house with Jon’s family, and my dad and Meg and family, I think about the myriad of times during the three-day period when I thought “This is not what I expected” and I felt irritated or tired or frustrated.  But nearly every time I had such feelings, I quickly pushed my mood up a few notches by thinking about how grateful I am for my family.  Grateful that I could share the holiday with my closest relatives – my hubby, my kids, my mom, dad, stepmom, sister, brother, grandmother, in-laws, cousins, aunts….  Grateful that I could laugh with them about Mario’s terrible threes and Maria’s infatuation with boys and Justin Bieber.  Grateful that I could see my 90-year-old grandma enjoying her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  Grateful to have such a wide spectrum of personalities and interests amongst my family members. 

When I spoke with Maria after Christmas was officially over at my uncle’s house, I talked with her about this principle of gratitude.  I explained to her that people who practiced gratitude typically lived more joyful, content, meaningful lives.  I used an example: Sometimes mom gets very irritated and angry with you or Mario when you are acting up but after a while I close my eyes and think about how grateful I am to be your mother, to watch you grow and learn, to give you love and comfort.  Once I practice that gratitude, I feel better.  Maria sat looking at the wall for a few seconds and then replied “Yeah, Mario irritates me sometimes, too.”  I chuckled and asked her although she got irriated with Mario, was she still thankful to have him as her brother.  She glanced over at Mario who was intently playing with his spiderman figurine and eating a cookie, looked at me, and quietly responded “yes.”

Boo at the Zoo

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Maria and her goat

I had heard from a few friends that the zoo has a fun “Boo at the Zoo” event in honor of the Halloween season.  I thought Maria and Mario would enjoy it since we had not been to the zoo for a year and they would be able to not only see the animals but gather treats at all of the treat stations.  I was right. 

Mario and his goat

We got to the zoo at 10:30 in the morning thinking that we would leave by 1 or so in order to get a nap later in the afternoon.  We left at 5:30 pm.  The kids had a blast in their costumes (especially Mario who strutted up to anyone who glanced at him and shouted “Spiderman!”).  The weather could not have been nicer.  We got the treat of seeing a polar bear dive into the water right in front of us.  A mama and baby elephant fed on hay together.  A huge rhino walked by us.  The kids petted a snake (they could not wait to come home and describe the event to dad who is not fond of snakes)!  We even found the barn and petting zoo.  The petting zoo had a score of baby goats for the kids to pet and comb.  Maria loved combing and brushing the babes.  She has got the most gentle demeanor around babies – human or animal.  Mario liked their tiny poop pebbles thinking they “looked cool.”

Maria and her baby elephant

We watched the bats being fed in the bat cage (bananas and apples) and my observant Maria noticed three little white bats at the corner of the room that looked like newborn babies (or it could have been a different species of bat).  Nonetheless, Maria again proves that she is like her father – able to see the tiniest of things that most people overlook in their hurried lives.  She makes me breathe and slow down.  Unfortunately, we went to the reptile house next so I slowed down to see the snakes and lizards. 

We ate a healthy lunch of zoo pizza, hot dog and french fries at the Zoo Eatery.  While we were eating, they played a clip about Africa and Mario perked up “That is where mom wants to go, Ria!”  I have dreamed of Africa since seeing “Out of Africa” with Meryl Streep and Robert Redford years ago.  The land reeks of beauty and depth and richness.  I love Alexandra Fuller’s books of her childhood in Africa.  Something about that country penetrates me.

Spiderman heading down the slide

After filling ourselves to the brim with grease, we headed off to the zoo playland, which both kids surprisingly enjoyed (usually one of them gets bored quickly).  Maria played mother hen to Mario watching his every step and guiding him in the correct direction when he veered awry.  At one point, some older boy began to push his way by Mario to get through a tunnel, and I saw Maria take the boy’s arm and thrust him back.  Little does Mario know how his sister protects him and has his back.  I have a feeling this protective sister will remain throughout his life (watch out girls). 

Super Girl heading down the slide

We ended our visit by petting a rat and hugging Biscuit and Gravy from Bob Evans (yes, the kids knew who they were – that is a bad sign!).   I allowed each of them to get something little from the gift shop – Maria got a stuffed animal penguin that we named Pipi and Mario got two plastic cheetahs.  On the drive home, Maria wrapped Pipi up in her Super Girl cape and told Pipi how happy she would be at her new home.  Mario smashed his new cheetahs together and made them kill each other the entire way home. 

I got home and sat on the couch.  M&M soon huddled over to me wanting to continue to play.  As I tickled their feet and smothered them with kisses, I thought to myself “this is a perfect day.”  I wish I could bottle that feeling up and open it up when I need it (like tonight when I am fighting a bunch of deadlines and trying to get everything together).   I am working hard on changing my thinking when I start to go down this path of worry and anxiousness.   This weekend, I could have been in a worried, anxious, irritable state based on some situations at work.  But I knew I needed to change my thinking from worried/anxious to grateful in order to keep me up on the mood elevator, and keep me enjoying the weekend with my family. 

Maria was not lcosing her eyes because she was scared of the snake!

There were times I slipped and started down the worrisome path, but each time I caught myself and guided my thinking back to grateful (look at these awesome kids of mine, look at my kind hubby, look at my great family and network of friends…).  When I can find grateful, I can find stability and peace.  And I can go to bed at night just a little more uplifted and hopeful of what is to come (which tomorrow is more Halloween candy so yippee!!!).

Mario braving it!

Another save by Anne Lamott

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Maria and Mario enjoying the slide on one of our routine park trips!

Anne Lamott deserves eternal grace and love.  She continues to pull me through rough times and ground me on this Earth, feet flat, eyes ahead, mouth situated upwards.  Not even my hubby or my kids can take me to the place she leads me where I feel a deep comfort and appreciation for all I have and who I am.  No matter if I just had a wreck of work day, a blowout with my kids, a frantic eating frenzy of chocolate and pizza – her stories penetrate. 

I read her story about her friend David Roche tonight ( http://www.davidroche.com/anne-lamott/).  I have read it at least ten times before but I specifically hunted it down on the internet tonight because I knew it would lift me up.  David is a humorist.  He happens to have a facial deformity, too.  He uses it to lift people out of their house of fear and to open up their mind to the beauty in their world.  He talks about the fleeting moments of true happiness and bliss. 

…[E]veryone has come to understand that unconditional love is a reality, but with a shelf life of about eight to ten seconds. Instead of beating yourself up because you feel it only fleetingly, you should savor those moments when it appears. As David puts it, “We might say to our beloved, ‘Honey, I’ve been having these feelings of unconditional love for you for the last eight to ten seconds.’ Or, ‘Darling, I’ll love you till the very end of dinner.'”

Mario's tenth silly face

Oh, how true.  I have been beating myself up lately because of my irritation with not feeling more of these incredible, awe-inspiring moments on a routine basis but this brings me back to reality.  Stop wishing for more of these moments and instead relish in the moments that do come my way.  I am quite sure that Maria’s raucous laugh or Mario’s silly faces or Jon’s adoring comments could produce an unconditional love-filled moment or two but I often brush it aside as I try to plan for the next day or the upcoming meal or bath time.  I will try to let it wash over me from now on and live in that moment of bliss. 

Maria laughing it up after diving in the pool with her clothes on!

I took Maria and Mario to the park tonight to play in the sand volley ball court and run around the jungle gym.  A group of parents were in the park with their kids watching them play soccer.  I stood talking with another mom who was holding one of her newborn twins.  As I stood with her, I occasionally glanced over at M&M who were skipping through the sand and dragging sticks behind them.  I watched them as they ran together to the jungle gym and Maria teased Mario all the way up the stairs to the slide and then helped him situate himself to go down feet first.  They giggled together and yelled for each other.  I look back on those moments this evening as I sit at this computer and I smile.  What more to wish for at this time in life than a pair of kids who find humor in each other and enjoy the outdoors and nature and fresh air and fall nights.  We are blessed by someone or something to be able to take in all of the smells of Fall, all of the energy of young kids, all of the beauty of a falling sun. 

M&M hanging tight on the ride home

Thanks, Anne, for letting me mediate on this tonight.

Growing Up

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My babies are growing up.  I remember when Maria was just a tiny 8 pound baby serious and somber. I remember when Mario was an 8 pound baby smiling and squirming everywhere.  And now here they are ages 5 and almost three.  Maria heading to kindergarten and Mario heading to preschool. 

Mario's picture on his door

Mario’s last “full” day in the toddler room was today; his teachers (who I adore) blew up a picture of him in his helmet to hang up on the door.  It included well wishes from them and the other toddlers.  Maria took one look at it and cooed at him “ahh, Mario, we love you – you are so cuuute!”  Amanda, the teacher who has been with him the longest, cried as we talked about his transition.  I am fairly calm about it at this stage but next week will likely throw me for a loop, especially if it is hard from him to transition.  I persevered through nearly three months of incessant crying each day I dropped him off until he finally got to the point of waving goodbye to me with a smile on his face.  I hope the same scenario will not occur again.  Maria is bummed he will not be in her room (even though she is only in her class another four weeks).  She wants to nurture him for as long as possible before she heads out to big K. 

Maria cuddling her borther after a swim

I will always remember an email that my dad sent to me a while back. I still have the email in my office to lift my spirits in time of need (and god knows there have been too many times lately!).  In part, he told me that he was incredibly happy that I was his oldest child because I was so good with my little sis and brother.  I feel the same way with Maria.  She is the best older sister a boy could have – funny, protective, daring, adventurous, warm, and generous. 

I think Mario will enjoy preschool – he adores learning and one of the preschool teachers is a science nut, which is right up Mario’s alley.  I think he will also continue his crazy antics and have all of his new friends in stitches within a couple of hours on his first day.  He is a born comedian. 

I think Maria will enjoy Kindergarten but I fear it may take her a little more time to get used to the new school, new friends, new teachers.  It took her some time to get used to the new friends at her current school.  She is very shy when she first meets kids her age and can be a little intimidating in her look (a total Jon characteristic!).  She gets nervous and withdrawn.  But, once she feels comfortable, she is just as crazy as her brother.  She is still into boys and boyfriends and dating.  It makes no sense to me.  Age 5.  How?  I struggle with whether to just forbid the talk in the house or to allow her to “let it out” with the hopes that she loses all interest by the age of 7.  Anyone had this issue and resolve it well?  Help a struggling mom out!

Maria "taking care of" her brother

There was a time years ago when I was complaining to a friend about how tired I was and irritable I was due to the lack of sleep from being up with a cranky, colicky Maria night after night.  My friend looked at me directly in the eyes and retorted “You will look back at these days and wonder how they darted by so fast.”  At the time, I wanted to smack her. Now, I see exactly what she meant.  I still remember those days of being so tired and irritable, and I am glad that I am not getting up every two hours with a crying baby.  But, they do seem like they were just here yesterday and old time has flown by past me shaking its head and sassing “told ya.”  Because of that, I am more conscious of my time with these babies.  I know the days of Mario lightly touching my cheek and whispering “I love you to the moon” are not going to last forever.  I understand that Maria’s wish to hang out with me every second of the day will not survive ten more years.  I want to embrace it while I can and hold it close to me.

M&M heading to school this summer

Anne Lamott quote

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M&M splashing it up at the pool

Ok, so I just had to talk one more day about Anne Lamott and put a quote out here that I love of hers.  It comes from Plan B Further Thoughts on Faith.  Wonderful Book.  Here is the quote:

“I don’t know why the most we can hope for on some days is to end up a little less crazy than before, less down on ourselves. ”

That wraps up my day today.  I felt a little less crazy than I have felt in a few weeks and a little more positive about where I am, who I am.  Ferron helped, too, I believe.  And that german chocolate cake Doris made tonight.  And hearing from my sis.  And a fun night at the pool with M&M.  I will go to bed with those soothing thoughts on my mind and hope for an even less crazier day tomorrow and less harshness from my own head about what I am doing, who I am, why I do the things I do.  Just be for once.  Ahh, it is all so clear at 11 pm at night…:)