Anne Lamott deserves eternal grace and love. She continues to pull me through rough times and ground me on this Earth, feet flat, eyes ahead, mouth situated upwards. Not even my hubby or my kids can take me to the place she leads me where I feel a deep comfort and appreciation for all I have and who I am. No matter if I just had a wreck of work day, a blowout with my kids, a frantic eating frenzy of chocolate and pizza – her stories penetrate.
I read her story about her friend David Roche tonight ( http://www.davidroche.com/anne-lamott/). I have read it at least ten times before but I specifically hunted it down on the internet tonight because I knew it would lift me up. David is a humorist. He happens to have a facial deformity, too. He uses it to lift people out of their house of fear and to open up their mind to the beauty in their world. He talks about the fleeting moments of true happiness and bliss.
…[E]veryone has come to understand that unconditional love is a reality, but with a shelf life of about eight to ten seconds. Instead of beating yourself up because you feel it only fleetingly, you should savor those moments when it appears. As David puts it, “We might say to our beloved, ‘Honey, I’ve been having these feelings of unconditional love for you for the last eight to ten seconds.’ Or, ‘Darling, I’ll love you till the very end of dinner.'”
Oh, how true. I have been beating myself up lately because of my irritation with not feeling more of these incredible, awe-inspiring moments on a routine basis but this brings me back to reality. Stop wishing for more of these moments and instead relish in the moments that do come my way. I am quite sure that Maria’s raucous laugh or Mario’s silly faces or Jon’s adoring comments could produce an unconditional love-filled moment or two but I often brush it aside as I try to plan for the next day or the upcoming meal or bath time. I will try to let it wash over me from now on and live in that moment of bliss.
I took Maria and Mario to the park tonight to play in the sand volley ball court and run around the jungle gym. A group of parents were in the park with their kids watching them play soccer. I stood talking with another mom who was holding one of her newborn twins. As I stood with her, I occasionally glanced over at M&M who were skipping through the sand and dragging sticks behind them. I watched them as they ran together to the jungle gym and Maria teased Mario all the way up the stairs to the slide and then helped him situate himself to go down feet first. They giggled together and yelled for each other. I look back on those moments this evening as I sit at this computer and I smile. What more to wish for at this time in life than a pair of kids who find humor in each other and enjoy the outdoors and nature and fresh air and fall nights. We are blessed by someone or something to be able to take in all of the smells of Fall, all of the energy of young kids, all of the beauty of a falling sun.
Thanks, Anne, for letting me mediate on this tonight.