Parenting Advice – Show the Love

A friend forwarded this Article to me this morning. It reinforces one of my strongest beliefs as a parent: always show kids constant love and support, and don’t freak out over superficial crap. I love Toni Morrison’s story in the article. Greet your child with a smile, a hug, an “I love you” before anything else. Foster joy and wonder and commitment.

I remember scouring over parenting books when I was pregnant with Maria and reviewing the same books when pregnant with Mario. Deep down, I think I knew their limitations. They acted more like a security blanket for me as I approached being a new mom. But I remember also rolling my eyes while reading the books and thinking “they really believe they can pinpoint every move a mom should make with a child?”

One of my biggest pet peeves is self-righteousness, and a lot of articles espouse advice as if it’s the golden rule. You don’t follow it, and boy, you are a horrid parent. But this article reinforces the importance of the intangibles in childrens’ lives – the kiss on the forehead when they are heading off to school, the dance party you start up while listening to Bieber, the pat on the back when they find their shoes on their own (and in this family, that merits at least one Oreo with the pat!).

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Planting positive seeds for our girls

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I don’t know many people who could pull off running shorts with pink cowboy boots but Ri does it with class! I love that she has her own unique style and she isn’t worried about what other kids at school will think.

When she walked downstairs, I stepped back from the counter and said “I love that you have your own look, Ri.” She responded “I may just be a fashion designer one day, mom.”

I try to reinforce in her that girls don’t have to conform to the latest trends in magazines or on tv; they don’t have to have their hair styled perfectly or their skinny jeans; they don’t need to look like Barbie. I think it’s sinking in somewhat (although she still loves to wear eyeshadow – ugh).

I read a great article in the Huffington Post last night that reminded me to stray away from comments about Ri’s appearance and focus instead on Ri’s hobbies and interests. The author talks about the natural inclination to say to a little girl “look at you! You are so pretty in that dress! Aren’t you gorgeous in those shoes!” but how we need to stop ourselves and instead focus on non-cosmetic attributes. The author asked the little girl about her favorite book and they talked about being your own person and not succumbing to peer pressure. She was able to avoid any talk about hair or makeup or clothes, and felt that she planted one seed in a garden valuing girls’ brains and not girls’ looks.

I, for one, vote for planting more such seeds and growing that garden as large as possible.