Family Ritual

January 31, 2011Leave a comment

The Adventure Team with the addition of M&M!

Last night, I read a book that included a section about the importance of family rites and rituals. The author asked the question “why do we need rites and rituals?” and answered it with the following: “Because we fall into forgetfulness. The speed Demon captures our souls. We are too busy…. The demands of modern life are so many that we easily become distracted and neglect to pause and consider what is really important.”

When I read this passage last night, I immediately thought about some of the past rituals that I share with my family. My dad, stepmom, brother and sister and I used to take summer vacations to areas where we could hike, find rocks, swim and camp. It was an outdoor adventure and not surprisingly, we dubbed ourselves “The Adventure Team.” I look back on those trips with such fond memories (even though for a few of my teenage years, I remember dreading the thought of leaving my friends and the city to go to the lonesome woods!) and an appreciation for Dad and Meg’s persistence in making such vacations happen. A high appreciation now that I have kids and know the effort and time necessary to prepare for such events and the lack of “leisure” that can often occur on such vacations!

Mario enjoying his donuts!

Today, Maria, Mario, Jon, and I woke up to a balmy 32 degrees outside and the sight of a cardinal and robin perched in a bare magnolia tree in the back yard. We looked out the back door at the two birds debating which one was a male and female; the babies they may have in the Spring; and the magnificent color of red the cardinal wore against the ashen tree. After the birds flew away, we headed back into the living room, and decided that it was warm enough to take a stroller ride to the donut shop. It has been a while since we did this on a Sunday morning. The kids bundled up with their nighties under their clothes, and we jumped in the stroller for a wintry, snowy ride to Tim Horton’s.

During the ride, Maria noticed how beautiful the morning was with the sun shining (the first time in days!) and the snow glistening. Mario noticed the huge nests that were still present in the bare trees. Ahh, it is these mornings that I breathe in my children and my life and everything beams around me….

Maria and her sultry pose at the donut shoppe.

Once at Tim Horton’s, we claimed our regular seats near the window and ate our donuts and bagel. We talked about Mama Ionno’s house and what they would play there when they went for dinner. We talked about Daisies and how many cookies Maria has sold to family. We talked about summer and how great it will be to stroll to the donut shop in a t-shirt and shorts! After the donuts, Maria begged to go to the river to find rocks. I was not sure Mario would agree because he gets so cold even wrapped up in three layers but he ended up being game. It was an adventure getting there since the bike path was still covered in snow. I got my arm workout in for the week!

Maria found her stash of cool rocks, as always. The girl has an eye for unique rocks. She found one with fossils and another shiny onyx one. Mario threw small, medium and large rocks into the water listening for the different sounds they produced upon impact. We found an “iceberg” jutting off the edge of the bank and took turns throwing rocks on it and watching the ice break off and float down the river. I told them that if anyone ever told them that they were not strong, they could tell them that they destroyed an iceberg! They liked that.

Maria and Mario at the river

We headed back to the house about a half hour later. I trudged back through the snow along the path and took a deep sigh upon seeing the road. We headed up Grandview Avenue taking in the immense sunlight and “warm” temperatures. While I pushed the kids up the hill, I thought about family rituals and it dawned on me that going to the river is our family ritual. Spending the morning at the river engaging in the simple acts of gathering rocks and making huge splashes in the water. It is strange to think about creating new rituals for my children; my focus in the past has always been on retaining the rituals from my childhood – Christmas dinners at Grandmas’ houses; Easter egg hunts at Grandma’s house; birthday parties with big sheet cakes.

But now I found myself creating a new ritual with Maria and Mario that, although right in line with the activites of my childhood summer vacations. was different and special to us. And best of all, the trips allowed all of us to “pause and consider what is really important.”

22 minutes

November 20, 20102 Comments

Mario and I showing our dukes before heading out for a muffin

Mario and I enjoyed a mother/son night tonight while Jon and Maria went hunting (Jon had resolved that he was 99% sure he would not shoot a turkey if he saw one with Maria – luckily, he did not see one).

Before I picked Mario up from daycare, I grabbed two Spiderman movies at the library. Mario eats, sleeps, and dreams Spiderman. If he see anything Spiderman anywhere – store, magazine, newspaper, tv, he goes hyper. If Spiderman walked into our house tomorrow, I think he would faint at the sight of him. he worships him. He also is in love with MJ, Spiderman’s girlfriend. Last night, he acted like we was on the phone with MJ, calling her up by dialing “1,2,3,4,5” and coyly introducing himself.

“Hi, MJ, this is Spiderman.”

“Yes. Uh-huh. Ok. Sure.”

“Ok, bye.”

And he hung up. He looked over at Jon and I and smiled.

While we were watching Spiderman tonight, MJ came on the screen. Mario jumped up off the couch and yelled “MaryJane!” Then he looked me in the eyes and said matter of fact “I want to go into the tv to see her.” That is one romantic fella.

My Superhero

After watching two Spiderman episodes, Mario was up for some action. He asked me to be the “bad guy” and he would be Spiderman. He made me sit on the floor. He grabbed a couch pillow and swung it my way grunting the entire way. I picked it up and swung it lightly back at him and he flew to the floor faking his demise. When I rejoiced in beating Spiderman, he leapt up from the floor and threw that pillow back at me. I threw it back at him and he karate chopped it in mid-air. He climbed all over the couch and chair evading my reach. After about 7 minutes of engaging in these antics, I started to tire. I was ready to hit Stauf’s for a midnight muffin. However, I kept reminding myself that this was our time together, and although I wanted to be at Stauf’s or drawing a picture or playing Memory – anything different than play-fighting – that was what my superhero son wanted to play. I kept an eye on the clock, nonetheless, to see how long it would be before he started to tire. Throwing the pillow and running across the couch had to tire him out eventually.

22 minutes later, it hit him. “Mom, let’s go to Stauf’s. I want a muffin and cream cheese.” Ahh, my gift for hanging in there with him. And for him, 22 minutes is pretty good! I thought I may be going at it for at least an hour. It must be the three-year-old attention span. Whatever it is, I will take it. We headed to Stauf’s in his Spiderman nightie, his red socks, his red hat and his Spiderman gloves and got our muffin and cream cheese packet. Yum!

Summer Teenage Control Program

November 17, 2010November 17, 20102 Comments

Mario copping his attitude while at Five Guys eating his fries!

Tonight, I turned into my father (AHHHHHH!). I instituted the Toddler and Kindergartner Dinner Control Program. Jon and I have done a horrid job at sitting down to dinner with the kids. Both of us grew up having dinner with our parents, and want to carry that tradition down to Maria and Mario. However, for numerous reasons (some lame and some legitimate), we have failed. We both work and have used that as an excuse to order in food most of the days of the week or simply skip dinner and eat some random foods through the night. Now, before we have Child Welfare knocking at our door, we do feed the children decent meals. They just usually eat them at their little Dora table as Jon or I (sometimes both) watch them gobble up their food and begin play again. If they are not eating at their little table, they are out with me at one of the parks eating a picnic dinner or at Panera or Cowtown Pizza. During the Spring, Summer, and Fall, we live outside. Therefore, we carry our dinner with us. So, here comes Winter and darkness at 5 pm. We need to make the change.

Maria wanted a “feast” for this dinner so she decided on turkey dogs, peas, leftover pasta and meatballs, grapes, and bread. We cooked the meal while Mario and Jon played in the dining room.

Maria doing her model pose (as always) while eating her fry!

After fifteen whole minutes, we had our meal. Maria and Jon cleared the dining room table, Maria placed a vase of flowers on it, and we served the dinner plates. We all sat down. Maria and Mario fought for five minutes about who got to say a meal prayer (Grandma Ionno instituted this ritual in them!). Finally, Maria caved and Mario went first and Maria second. We then began our next soon-to-be ritual: telling each other our favorite part of our day. Mario again got to go first (yes, Maria is a saint and so patient). Mario’s favorite part of the day was learning about manners at school (always say “please” and put a napkin in your shirt when you eat sloppy foods). Maria’s favorite part was sitting next to her friends, Zach and Trent, at lunch and laughing about “silly things.” Unfortunately, Jon was stopped cold in his story because at this point, Mario was standing up in his chair and dancing. We scolded him to sit down and eat warning him that Spiderman only gets bigger if he eats his food (the only thing, if anything, that works on him to get him to eat). Maria, by that time, was begging for some of my spaghetti since she had eaten her food. Maria skirted all around her chair and managed to get cottage cheese and spaghetti sauce in her hair, on her forehead and on her shirt. We were asking her to scoot around to the table when Mario stated he was finished (although he had only ate half of his hot dog and nothing else). He lifted those tiny arms up with his palms facing upward pleading “But, mom, I am not hungry. My tummy will hurt.”

He knows exactly what to say. Maria, meanwhile, was set on finishing the rest of my spaghetti. She is a girl who knows how to eat well. Unfortunately, I do not think Mario will rise to her level anytime soon. Right in the midst of all of this, guess who calls? My Father! The Architect of the Teenage Summer Control Program that I morphed into the Toddler and Kindergartner Dinner Control Program! Little did he know what influence he had on his daughter.

Maria and Mario ready for our Fall picnic at the park!

As soon as I got on the phone with him, the kids were out of their chairs and wrestling on the floor. It had been 16 minutes since we began eating our dinner – not bad for the Programs’s first night. Tomorrow we will explain the Program in more detail to the kids and try for 18 minutes. I may also have to give them a carrot like my dad did for me and tell them if they sit in their seats for 18 minutes, they will get a yummy treat for dessert. I better stack up on vanilla ice cream, whipped cream and skittles!

Another save by Anne Lamott

October 5, 2010October 5, 20101 Comment

Maria and Mario enjoying the slide on one of our routine park trips!

Anne Lamott deserves eternal grace and love. She continues to pull me through rough times and ground me on this Earth, feet flat, eyes ahead, mouth situated upwards. Not even my hubby or my kids can take me to the place she leads me where I feel a deep comfort and appreciation for all I have and who I am. No matter if I just had a wreck of work day, a blowout with my kids, a frantic eating frenzy of chocolate and pizza – her stories penetrate.

I read her story about her friend David Roche tonight ( http://www.davidroche.com/anne-lamott/). I have read it at least ten times before but I specifically hunted it down on the internet tonight because I knew it would lift me up. David is a humorist. He happens to have a facial deformity, too. He uses it to lift people out of their house of fear and to open up their mind to the beauty in their world. He talks about the fleeting moments of true happiness and bliss.

…[E]veryone has come to understand that unconditional love is a reality, but with a shelf life of about eight to ten seconds. Instead of beating yourself up because you feel it only fleetingly, you should savor those moments when it appears. As David puts it, “We might say to our beloved, ‘Honey, I’ve been having these feelings of unconditional love for you for the last eight to ten seconds.’ Or, ‘Darling, I’ll love you till the very end of dinner.'”

Mario's tenth silly face

Oh, how true. I have been beating myself up lately because of my irritation with not feeling more of these incredible, awe-inspiring moments on a routine basis but this brings me back to reality. Stop wishing for more of these moments and instead relish in the moments that do come my way. I am quite sure that Maria’s raucous laugh or Mario’s silly faces or Jon’s adoring comments could produce an unconditional love-filled moment or two but I often brush it aside as I try to plan for the next day or the upcoming meal or bath time. I will try to let it wash over me from now on and live in that moment of bliss.

Maria laughing it up after diving in the pool with her clothes on!

I took Maria and Mario to the park tonight to play in the sand volley ball court and run around the jungle gym. A group of parents were in the park with their kids watching them play soccer. I stood talking with another mom who was holding one of her newborn twins. As I stood with her, I occasionally glanced over at M&M who were skipping through the sand and dragging sticks behind them. I watched them as they ran together to the jungle gym and Maria teased Mario all the way up the stairs to the slide and then helped him situate himself to go down feet first. They giggled together and yelled for each other. I look back on those moments this evening as I sit at this computer and I smile. What more to wish for at this time in life than a pair of kids who find humor in each other and enjoy the outdoors and nature and fresh air and fall nights. We are blessed by someone or something to be able to take in all of the smells of Fall, all of the energy of young kids, all of the beauty of a falling sun.

M&M hanging tight on the ride home

Thanks, Anne, for letting me mediate on this tonight.

From Rocks to Waltzes

September 4, 2010Leave a comment

One aspect of my upbringing that I most cherish is the fact that my parents gave me such a breadth of experiences and viewpoints. My dad took inner city kids out on hikes in the Ohio forests, my mom appreciated beautiful artwork and running; my step mom harbored a passion for writing and funky music. I am committed to providing that same breadth of experience to my kids.

Maria and Mario debating which rocks can be thrown in the river versus taken home

Our Sunday morning began with a trip to the river to throw rocks and a jaunt to the woods to play amongst the trees and our Monday night ended with a bike ride to the dance studio to watch professional dancers waltz across the newly polished hardwood floor.

Sunday morning is our donut morning. I pack up the kids in their pj’s and we stroll down to Tim Horton’s. You know you eat at a place too much when all of the staff members know your name and what you want to eat. Maria inevitably gets her rainbow sprinkled vanilla donut and Mario chows down on five chocolate timbits. This Sunday we got a special treat. There was a half marathon course running right past the Tim Horton’s. We got to watch men and women run by us as we stuffed our faces with dough and sugar. Nice.

I told the kids about how much I relied on cheering by-standers when I ran my races. That struck a chord in Maria and she started yelling “girls beat the boys” as the runners raced by. Unfortunately, all of the runners passing by were men. Mario, of course, had to point this fact out to her with the quip “he was not a girl, Maria, he was a boy.” However, within two minutes of Mario’s statement, we saw a woman pass by and Maria chimed in again “Girls beat the boys!” Mario got her back by shoving her and Maria got him back by kicking him. Lovely. Luckily, their attentions got diverted by a stray cat walking outside in the parking lot.

After the donut shop, we drug our tired selves out to the stroller (watching those runners whooped us up (or maybe it was the massive sugar infiltration!)) and headed down the street to a bike path that led to the river.

Maria being the good sport and watching Mario's 25th toss in the river

The little bank we stopped at is perfect for the kids. Maria can pick up rocks to take home to our garden and Mario can throw a zillion rocks in the river. I had yet another moment at the river where I thanked the stars above for giving me Maria first. She is so good with her brother. Mario must have said twenty times “Maria, look at this throw.” Now most people would ignore Mario after two or three throws but Maria stops what she is doing, watches him, and exclaims “Cool Mario!” And even when she has no desire to watch him after the twentieth time, she will still throw a glance at him right when she needs to so Mario thinks that she is watching. What a trooper.

Maria deep in her massage (notice eyes closed and all!)

After collecting a handful of rocks, we left to head home. On the way back, the kids decided they wanted to visit the trolls in the forest. There is a little woods about a mile from our house (close to a home we thought of purchasing a few months ago and didn’t – slight regret) that is perfect for the kids. They can run around in it and not get lost. We can make up stories of trolls and fairies. We can play hide and seek. We can balance across fallen logs. We can look for worms. Mario collected acorns for the trip home and Maria asked about the trolls and where they sleep at night.

After all of that rock throwing and hiking, we needed a good massage. Luckily, there was a masseuse on the streets of Grandview giving a “mini massage” to try to get business that day so Maria convinced me to take a load off and hit the masseuse up for a shoulder massage. After I finished, Maria stood up out of the stroller and quipped “I am next!” Of course, Mario could not resist if his sis got one. So, there we are, the family massage on Grandview Avenue.

When we got home, Jon had a surprise for me. He was taking the kids to his cousin’s house for a fishing escapade so I could work and relax. Ahh, the most wonderful gift I could ever receive on a Sunday afternoon.

Smiling Mario on his bike

On Monday night, the kids jumped on their bikes to ride up the street. Mario is intrepid but when it comes to crossing the street, he becomes hesitant and cautious. He stops ten feet back from the street, looks both ways, and then looks at me and says “I’m worried about cars, mommy.” There could be a car five blocks down the street, and he will wait for it to pass before riding. Maria gets exasperated with him.

Hot times on Grandview Avenue

We finally made it to the top of the street and decided to go in the dance studio. They sat on the couch and became mesmerized with an instructor and his student. The two of them were doing a waltz around the studio. The kids were in awe. They got up every few minutes to try out a move they witnessed and then sat back down and continued watching. We probably could have stayed until midnight – they just loved it. When we left, I was fumbling around looking for my money, and when I looked up, the pose to the left is what I saw. Maria reminds me of a female James Dean with her suave leaning pose. Oh, how they make me smile!

Weekend days

August 2, 2010Leave a comment

Mario in his nightie on the slide

Mario has learned to write a “M” and an “A”. He is so excited about his achievement. He ran in the house from the porch where he had been drawing with his chalk and screamed “Mommy, come!”

“What, Mario?”

“Just come mom.”

We ran outside and I saw the magical letters scratched into the cement. “Good job, buddy!”

“Are you proud of me, mom?”

“I am so proud of you baby!”

His face opens up into a giant beaming smile and he struts inside to grab his dad’s hand. This is too good for anyone to miss.

Maria’s over her alphabet and has moved onto things such as fake press-on nails. Yes, I gave in at Target and let her buy a pair. Don’t know where my head was at the moment.

Maria "posing" as usual these dyas, on the swing (sans fake fingernails!)

(Actually, I do know where it was – it was spinning like the Exorcist from trying to shop for things I needed while trying to watch the two rascals well enough that they did not get snatched by some awful monster lurking in the store. When will the day come when I can let them go ont heir own and meet back up with me? Never.).

We did get some quality family time in yesterday at Mario’s farm. We took a walk/four wheeler ride through the woods and climbed on some gigantic rocks while “Mooing” at the cows below to try to get their attention. The walk pleased me so much – I loved looking over and seeing Jon smiling at me and the kids running through the trees laughing and being goofy. And the best was the dinner waiting for us when we returned – Vicki is an amazing cook and she did up some pasta and meatballs and homemade bread and elephant ears. I sware that is why I always weigh five pounds more on Monday morning!

Today we went to the donut store and then to the park for a little slide and monkey bar action. Maria went off to Mama Ionno’s house to spend a few days with her cousin Alana. Both are counting down the days before Kindergarten and their “loss of freedom.” Mario and Jon and I stayed around the house – Mario took a three and a half hour nap in our room. Fans blowing on us, sun beaming in the window, Mario’s sweet face right next to mine on the pillow. A piece of heaven on a Sunday afternoon.

Brother and sister laughing and playing - rare moments to remember, indeed!

From Perfection to Grief to Perfection Again

May 17, 20101 Comment

Maria starting the day with her yoga moves

We woke up this morning to a hazy, slightly chilly morning with no rain in sight and a double stroller screaming for a tour through the city. Jon had gone East for one more try at turkey hunting, which left me for a second day of bliss with my darling children (Saturday had been filled with a three-hour b-day party at an indoor pool – fun for the kids, but afterwards every parent looked like they had gone through that negative gravity machine that Chevy Chase and Dan Akroyd were in for the movie Spies Like Us).

I was not upset at Jon taking off for the day because it was going to be a gorgeous day, which inevitably lead to lots of bike rides, stroller rides, and walks. Within an hour of waking, we were on the road in the double stroller with our stuffed monkey and dog, two blankets and obligatory binky ar we are going to get him off that thing by age 3 (it took Maria to 4 ½). We headed down the road to Tim Horton’s for a breakfast of sugar and dough. It was heaven.

Mario enjoying his timbits!

After breakfast, we headed across the road to a bike trail that we had not experienced because we typically headed down the opposite stretch of road. The trail was gorgeous. You felt like you were in a national forest at times with the tree cover and the rivers on both sides of you and the birds flying closely overhead singing their morning lullabies to you. We stopped at a bank on the river to throw stones into the water (Mario could stay in that place for three hours and enjoy every second of it). We also snagged some killer stones for our rock garden (Maria knows how much I love rocks and she presented me with a gorgeous red one wishing me a happy mother’s day (yes, she is still celebrating!)).

We stopped on the way back to pick wild flowers and make a bouquet for grandma. It was perfect. We visited our friend Kim at the fire station and presented her with a few flowers, and then went home to get dressed (yes, the kiddies begged to stay in their nighties and I could not resist – they looked too precious on a Sunday morning).

After a quick change, we hopped back outdoors and the kids jumped on their bikes to head to the little woods down the street (we went at Maria’s request – lately she has been wanting to take walks and hikes, which I immediately agree to in order to get her away from the tv and leapster). Maria guided us through the woods to the fire station and back down to the park and back up to our bikes all the while finding us walking sticks and cool rocks.

Maria and Mario enjoying their tree climbing

Mario loved climbing over the giant fallen tree trunks. They both mentioned a few times while in the woods how they were “getting exercise” to keep them healthy (yes, my influence finally shines through!). When we got back to our bikes, we were all drained and it was quite the chore to get home. Maria ended up getting on Mario’s tiny toddler big wheel and Mario on Maria’s bike in order to keep them amused and doing something new. We get home and all three of us plopped down on the front steps.

“What now?” I said to them. “I am hungry.”

Maria seconded her hunger while Mario just stared at the ants crawling on the step below. I suggested macaroni and cheese and Maria agreed at first. Then, a few seconds later, she piped in with a question:

Mom, how about we get Jeni’s ice cream for lunch?”

Normally, I would have been rationale and explained that lunch was a necessity before ice cream but it was Sunday, we were exhausted, and Jeni’s Dark Chocolate and Buckeye State ice creams sounded too tempting to nix. So, off we were in the stroller to Jeni’s for our ice cream lunch. While eating lunch, we decided the library was the next stop because we had run out of new books.

The library slurped us up as always and we did not leave there until an hour and half later with new books in tow and a craft that Maria made me for Mom’s Day (yes, again!). From the library, we walked to Giant Eagle for cheese, bananas, and squeeze yogurt (Mario’s new love – he chose the “I Carly” yogurt because “she is my girlfriend” – nice influence Maria!).

We traveled back to the house after the grocery, and crashed on the couch with popcorn and a My Little Pony video (which was luckily only a half-hour ong). I sat on the couch with Maria on one side and Mario on the other and felt that calm elation I get every once in a while when I have been through something great or I have heard a wonderful speech or I have finished an amazing book. I was so pleased with life.

Jon got home shortly thereafter, and I got packed up to head to Stauf’s for a bagel and coke and a little “me” time. As I got my stuff together, Maria asked me to play barbies with her. I told her I was going to meet a friend for coffee.

She flipped out.

She bawled.

She went boneless.

She sobbed.

She screamed at me. “I don’t like your friend, mom!”

What a grand send-off after a remarkable day.

I tried to calm her down. I hugged her. I told her we’d go for a walk when I got home. I told her I loved her to the moon. Nothing worked. She cried and begged to come with me.

Ok, so do I take her? I started to feel like I should or else she may feel like she has been abandoned or not loved? But if I took her, she may never understand that her mother needs time with friends. But she does see me go to work every day so she knows I have friends and activities outside of her. But since I work every day, I should take her with me on the weekends. And the voices continue and continue…

I chose to leave and walk to Stauf’s. It felt necessary to get away for a few minutes but the entire time I felt the pang of motherhood. Did I scar Maria by leaving this afternoon? Will she feel abandoned? Will she be stronger because she knows mom can’t be there with her every second? Will she be more independent now?

An hour later, I walked up to the house and saw Maria in the side of the yard.

“Mom! Can we go on a walk now?”

M&M watching the circus horses coming down the street

Maria posing with the elephants

No grudge for leaving; no apparent scars; all smiles. Ok, so maybe I do worry too much. In any case, we are back to continuing our wonderful day. Off to see the elephants and horses walking to the railroad from the circus!

Maria’s 5th B-day

May 11, 2010Leave a comment

Maria opening her Leapster b-day present

Maria turned 5 on May 2. It was official at 2:41 pm – I still remember laying on that hospital bed five years ago,seeing her head crown in the mirror, and getting that last burst of energy to push her out. And then … swoosh! There she was…my daughter with her black hair and pug nose and tiny, sweet, doll-baby body. And now here I was looking at that little munchball turning five. My heart skipped beats throughout the day thinking about her getting a year closer to teenage-hood. Or, in looking back at that day, it could have been skipping due to the 21 kids we had running through our tiny house that afternoon.

I had been planning Maria’s soiree since she had decided to have her party at our house. She wanted to invite all of her school friends, prior school friends, cousins, and neighborhood friends. I had hoped that she would want it at a gym (like last year) or a pool – anywhere other than our tiny house! But she is a home body, and she wanted it nowhere other than her own home. And, she wanted a “girl” party with make-overs and nail polish and hair-dos. But she also wanted to invite boys.

Maria taking charge at her b-day party

I spent hours perusing the internet for games and ideas for an at-home party. It did not hit me until that day at how insane it was for me to research “how to have a party” for a five-year old. Some of the sites were so intense that they had the party routine down to 15 minute increments (play hot potato from 1 to 1:15 and then move onto crafts from 1:15 to 1:30 but don’t go to far over 1:30 because you will want to have room for the princess dance from 1:30 to 1:50…). My psyche knew when to slow me down and I ended up picking only one game from my review of different sites and kept myself from going crazy by not trying to plan out every second of the day.

The kiddies and their parents began to arrive right at 2 pm. Our humble 1200 square foot home remained in good spirits as people continued to step inside. The girls bolted up to the bedroom for make-up and nails and hair. I felt a little awkward at first because some kids did not know the others and some mothers the same, Also, Maria immediately glued herself to certain girls and not others.

“Come on, Ri, pay attention to all your guests.”

“I am mom!”

Eventually, I had that talk with my neurotic inner self and let go of my anxiety around everyone talking and knowing one another. I just let it all be, and god, was it refreshing. I found that as soon as I let it all go, I saw all the girls chatting and laughing; I saw parents engaging in lively conversation. It really can come down to what colored glasses you choose to wear.

Mario trying to break open the pinata

The boys of the group enjoyed the bouncy house that we had rented at the last-minute (a godsend!). The weather held out for the first hour so the kids got to enjoy bouncin’ and running around the yard and the parents were able to head outside rather than squeeze in our kitchen and living room. We even got to use the pinata I got from my Aunt Christina! Of course, my dad and Jon had to get out their pocket knives and rip into the poor pinata in order to get it to open but we did make the kids close their eyes during that part!

Mario was the ultimate clingy son (he had stayed a couple of days with grandma and grandpa i. so he was wanting his mommy non-stop when he came home). But once he saw the princess make-up, nails, and hair-dos happening upstairs, he became intrigued and went all out in goth black nail and toe polish and red lipstick smeared all over his lips, chin, and sides of his face). We had princess tattoos for the girls and batman ones for the fellows – that was a hit that I did not expect (Mario still has his on his right arm after eight days).

Maria became a tad overwhelmed toward the end of the party while opening her presents. There were way too many gifts to open due to the amount of kids who came. Next year, I have resolved to find a way to limit the gifts – maybe have families donate to their favorite cause or Maria’s favorite cause? Who knows – I just don’t want to see 25 gifts in the living room for one little girl!

Proud owner of a Barbie!

Nonetheless, Maria was her sweet self and opened all of the presents and gave hugs and kisses to all of her friends (and very much enjoyed all of the presents that she got since the majority centered around barbies or make-up or princesses). Of course, that was tempered after the party when I told her that she could not open a particular present until later. She glared at me and said “I didn’t like my party, mom, and I don’t like you!” Yeah, she is only 5. I am in for it.

But within 15 minutes she was back in my arms showing me her new musical jewelry box with the tiny fairy dancer – very similar to the one I used to have as a young girl – and I took full advantage of that moment with her knowing that it was too precious to take for granted.

Maria blowing out those five magical candles and wishing for???

From Ecstatic to Miserable in less than 5 seconds

March 20, 20102 Comments

I decided to take Maria out to lunch this afternoon. She has been begging me to pick her up from school and take her out to lunch since allegedly all of her other friends at school have parents that pick them up for lunch all the time (yes, I found out when I picked her up tonight that rarely anyone gets picked up just for lunch – she is already working me!). I walked into her room, and unfortunately, she had just finished lunch. I had not promised her I would be able to get her and I had not told her teachers I Iwas coming because they usually eat at 12:30 and I had picked her up at noon.

Of course, this was the only day that they decided to eat early. Maria did not share in my distress about her already eating – when I asked her if we should do it another day, she looked at me strangely and stated “Mom, I can eat again, silly!”

Jon joined us on our way out the school door, and we went to Bob Evans. We sat at the counter where Maria and Jon sit when they have their father-daughter dinners. Maria beamed. We decided to split pancakes. When the waitress asked Maria is she wanted bacon or sausage with her pancakes, she responded “Both.” God love her. Then we asked her if she was happy to come out with Jon and I and she exclaimed “Yes, I get another lunch!”

After lunch, I took her in the stroller to the pet store and Target. She sported a smile the entire way over to the stores letting me know what a great day it was for her. We said hello to all of the turtles, snakes, rats, ferrets, cats, and dogs and then made our way to Target.

“Mom, can I get a toy since I have been good this week?” (Earlier in the week I had got her a toy because she had to endure four shots in one outing as part of her physical for kindergarten). I explained to her, as I always have to do, that we do not automatically get toys every time we go to Target. She blew me off and headed to the toy section. She looked at barbies and baby dolls, sporadically calling out “I want this one, mom” but then moving on to a new thing within two seconds. I told her I would get her something small (Yes, I have to learn to say “no” to anything – I am a work in progress). I knew there was nothing she truly “wanted” or “needed” so I tried to reason with her to hold off on a toy until next time so we could get something bigger and better. Yeah, right.

We turned the corner to look in the doll section and there it was…. The Leapster. The beautiful, glowing Leapter that she has been wanting for a few weeks now, especially because her cousin has one and she got a taste of it last weekend when her cousin brought it over with her. She looked at me with those pleading, droopy eyes and puckered lips and begged “Please mommy, please.” I responded with an understanding look and gave her hope by telling her that dad and I were thinking about getting her a Leapster for her birthday.

“I want one now, mom.”

“Maria, that is a lot of money. You may get one for your birthday.”

“No, mom, it will be gone by then. I need it now.”

“No Maria.”

WIth that second affirmation of “no”, she stomped down the aisle huffing “ugh!” the entire way. I tried to console her but she would have nothing of it.

“Get away from me mom.”

I knew I should have let it go, after all she is four and a half years old – what behavior do I expect? Nonetheless, I couldn’t help but feel sad and disappointed by her behavior. Here she had been treated to an afternoon out of school, a yummy lunch, a trip to the pet store and now she was acting like I was an evil witch. How is that fair? And now what do we do? Leave to head back to school mad and grumpy? I was so irritated me that I had taken off two hours from work and she was going to end our time being angry and grumpy.

I immediately fast forwarded time to her teenage years knowing that this was a harbinger of what was to come. Indeed, I remember how I was with my folks at that age. So, I am going to have to learn that this is part of having a kid – you do all you can for them, you give them your entire being at times, and they still treat you as if you have failed to do anything for them since the day they were born. Shake it off and don’t take it personally. Impossible but necessary.

We ended up finding an ice cream game that I thought would be fun for her and Mario to play. She calmed down and we had an enjoyable walk back to school even spotting a hedgehog at the bank of the river. We gave our good-bye kisses after reading a book and I was off back to work. I convinced myself on the way to work that I needed to be strong and not try to be Maria’s best friend. I needed to teach her that she did not “need” toys all the time, that she had to learn that everything was not at her fingertips, and that she needed to have an appreciation for all she had in life. In doing so, it was inevitable that she snipped at me, got mad at me, told me things I did not want to hear. I will just call my mom and stepmom during those times and have them remind me how horrible I was back in the day!

When I came back to the daycare later that afternoon, Maria was happy and running around with her friends. Mario was also in a pleasant mood (Fridays are great). His teacher grabbed me as soon as I went outside to get him. “You have to see this!” She asked Mario to come over and she engaged in the following dialogue with him:

“Hey Mario”

“What?” he responds.

“Hey Mario”

“What?” he repeats.

“Shake you booty.”

“No way!” He shouts.

“Shake your botty!”

“Ok!” he shouts and jumps up shaking his booty and dancing around.

It was hilarious, and I was so bummed that my video would not work on my phone. He is such a lively, crazy little thing. He comes up with the most hilarious sayings and engages in the silliest antics. Our little jokester. But, I am quite sure he will be pouting in Target someday soon, and I will feel that same sadness I felt with Maria today. But today built up some resistance, and I have a sneaking susupicion that I will have plenty of times to build up even more resistance in the near future.

The Muscle

March 18, 2010March 18, 20102 Comments

When Maria was at her old school, she had a girlfriend named Belle. Belle and Maria met when they were infants together in the Infant Room and they moved from room to room together as they got older. Belle was always, from infant through preschool years, as tiny as a sprite. Maria, on the other hand, was always, from infant through preschool years, as thick and strong as a professional bodyguard. She protected Belle as if it was her full-time profession. If any kid approached Belle, they better be ready to let Maria know what they needed. Maria would make the call of whether the kid got what they needed or had to move on. And Belle was absolutely fine with this arrangement. If a kid picked on Belle, she knew Maria had her back and would either have strong words with the kid or toss the kid on his backside.

Maria and Belle at Valentine's Day, 2007

When Belle had a birthday party at age 3, Maria happily came over to her house. As we were watching them play, and we noticed Maria strong arming one of the kids so Belle could get a toy of her choice, Belle’s dad stated “That is Maria. She is “The Muscle.” At first, I was offended. All of these other little, tiny, frail children in the room with my strong, thick, athletic darling, and she gets called “The Muscle.” But after no time at all, I took it as a compliment. She protects; she comforts; she is loyal.

Maria has since left Belle and moved onto a new daycare where there is no “Belle” to protect. However, she has moved on to a closer blood line. Her brother. You could describe him as a little sprite, also. Or an “imp” as his grandma calls him. No matter how you describe him, he could definitely use some “Muscle” and luckily, Maria is willing to provide it.

When the daycare had a family fun night, they got a bouncy tent and the kids jumped in it five at a time. Maria and Mario waited patiently for their turn, and when they got in, three other kids a little older than Maria got in with them. One of the kids, a bigger boy, accidentally jumped into Mario as he lost his balance. Maria immediately swung up her arm and stopped him from knocking Mario over and then shouted at him “This is my brother! Get away!” She pulled Mario over to the corner of the tent so they could jump in peace.

Maria watching over her brother early on

When I went to pick up Maria and Mario this evening, Maria was outside on the playground with her class. They had just taken out bikes and scooters to ride around the playground. Mario ran outside after seeing this and started crying because he did not have a bike to ride. I explained to him that it was Maria’s class’ turn to ride bikes and that we could ride one when we got home. He had nothing to do with me and continued to sulk and cross his tiny arms. Maria watched all of this and I could see her observing with great intent all of the kids on bicycles on the playground. After about three minutes, Mario went over to the jungle gym and began climbing. Just then, Katherine got off her bike. You would have thought Maria had a firecracker in her pants. She darted over to that bike and jumped on it yelling “Mario, I got you a bike!” Mario squealed with joy. He began to jump on it when another little girl from Maria’s class, Sydney, tried to grab it. The Muscle was ready for this development, and pushed Sydney’s hand away firmly stating “No, Sydney, this is a bike for my brother.” Mario stayed in place waiting to see if he could take off. Maria then called out “Go, Mario, ride that bike!” and so he did. I caught wind of this whole scenario and told Maria that Sydney should get the bike because it was her class’ turn. Maria looked at me and convincingly stated “I gave my turn to Mario so he should be able to ride it.” When I finally made him dismantle, she was still protesting that he should be able to continue to ride it because “he is my brother and he wants to ride.” Loyal to the end.

Best buddies

Mario is a lucky sucker to have his “Muscle” around nearly all the time, and the Muscle has had an influence on him. Although he does not pack it the way Maria does, he is tiny and mighty. When I or my husband firmly tell Maria to do something or raise our voice at her, he darts in from the adjoining room, jabs us in the leg, and commands “That is my sister!” Maria is not only the Muscle but also seems to be the Teacher.

"MOM!"

Adventures in the Life of a Working Mama

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