Heading out on the town

Mario has been dreaming to go out on his own the past few nights.  This has been an ongoing desire over the last few months that has manifested itself with admonishments from him to me whenever I get too close to him.  At the library, he went up to the second floor by himself to look at Wii games.  I followed him stealthily so that he would not see me.  I watched him look at the Wii games and then head over to the counter to ask the librarian whether they had the Rise of the Guardians Wii game.  She was having trouble understanding him so I butted in to clarify.  Mistake.  Mario became irate and embarrassed.  “Mom, I told you I would do it myself.  You are so embarrassing! Go away!”

pixLast night, we were drawing pictures, and Mario asked Maria how to spell “I’m Going Somewhere.” He then walked over to me and gave me the picture.  I couldn’t read it at first and then I got it.  I asked “you are going somewhere? Where?”  Mario’s response: “Don’t know yet but I will figure it out. I will wait until tomorrow.”

mariojeanstattooTonight, he asked Maria to go upstairs with him.  Ri ran back downstairs and breezed past me. I asked her what she was doing and she quickly replied “Getting some cool shoes for Mario.” They both came back down ten minutes later and Mario looked too cool for school with his double layered oxford shirts, new jeans and sweet man-watch on his wrist.  Maria grabbed the body crayons and drew tattoos on his arms.

“I’m heading out tonight, mom.”

“Where you going?”

“I may got to the bank and then I may just take a walk.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I am not going to any girls’ houses but I may not be home until tomorrow.”

doorJon told him that he was free to go (the mom in me could not let him leave even though I knew Jon would sneak out and watch over him).  Mario put on his coat and hat and gloves and he said goodbye to Ri.  Ri bawled and begged him not to go because he could be stolen by someone in the night.  He told her he’d be fine.

He walked out the door and stood on the porch in the 15 degree cold.  He looked back at me.  He walked back to the door.

“Mom, will the police stop me if they see me?”

“Yeah, they won’t let you walk by yourself until you are fifteen.”

He walked back out on the porch. He stood on the step for a minute.  I stepped back so he would not see me.

He walked back to the door and peeked inside.

“Mom?”

“Did you decide to come back to your mama and sis?!”

“Yes, I will come back just because the police are out. I will go out later when the police get off work.”

I agreed knowing that Jon would explain to him that the police never get off of work.  I am sure he will think of some other way to get out of the house in the next few days.  Probably use a disguise or something.  He is jonesin’ to get out on his own at age 5.  Ri, on the other hand, is perfectly content with me following her everywhere and has no desire to leave the roost.  I imagine that will change when she hits her pre-teen years especially with her brother’s influence.

2012 Wrap-up

2012 Highlights:

1. Playing in the ocean and collecting seashells.

20130101-101526.jpg

20130101-101619.jpg

2. Petting an alligator (and Ri kissing it!).

20130101-101741.jpg

20130101-101804.jpg

3. Hiked the sand dunes in Michigan.

20130101-102155.jpg

4. Playing lots of putt-putt.

20130101-102516.jpg

5. Ri and Mario flew on an airplane for the first time!

20130101-102633.jpg

6. Took a boat ride on Traverse Bay.

20130101-102854.jpg

7. Visited Louisville, Kentucky for Miles and Taylor’s wedding, and spent the night at a hotel with Grandma Meg and Peepaw.

20130101-103128.jpg

8. Celebrated Ri’s 7th birthday!

20130101-104215.jpg

9. Mario turned 5!

20130101-104514.jpg

10. Headed to Kings Island and rode the Beastie!

20130101-104711.jpg

11. Rode the COTA bus to downtown.

20130101-105030.jpg

12. Swam at Fort Rapids water park for Zach’s birthday party.

13. Ate at Perkins for my birthday!

14. Ri went to her first horseback riding camp!

20130101-105721.jpg

15. Mario played his first season of football and baseball.

20130101-110046.jpg

20130101-110105.jpg

16. Maria cheerleaded!

20130101-110303.jpg

17. Mario learned to ride a bike!

20130101-110522.jpg

18. Ri started the second grade.

20130101-111026.jpg

19. Mario and I raced at the track while Ri timed us.

20. Ri and Mario got to see Uncle Jack play in his band.

20130101-111359.jpg

21. Riding rides and playing games at the Ox Roast.

20130101-111544.jpg

22. Ri got to see Big Time Rush in concert.

20130101-111739.jpg

23. We made lotsa pancakes!

20130101-112147.jpg

24. Mario got to go hunting with dad!

20130101-112309.jpg

25. Ri got to make wine with dad.

20130101-112604.jpg

26. We ate lots of Orange Leaf yogurt!

20130101-112833.jpg

27. We had a decade party at Grandma Meg’s and Peepaw’s!

20130101-113048.jpg

20130101-113130.jpg

28. We went to President Obama’s rally at OSU.

20130101-113407.jpg

29. We went to the St. Patrick’s Day parade in Cincy.

20130101-113632.jpg

30. Mario went to the dentist for the first time.

20130101-142349.jpg

31. We visited the dog shelter to walk the dogs.

20130101-142713.jpg

20130101-142833.jpg

32. We walked Willie and Butters in Cincy.

20130101-143240.jpg

20130101-143332.jpg

33. We ate rocks at the river (ha, just wanted to see if you were awake!).

20130101-143535.jpg

34. We celebrated Easter with our cousins playing out at the farm!

20130101-143910.jpg

35. We found Easter eggs at the Heile Easter egg hunt; didn’t win the $5 egg but got lots of coins and candy.

20130101-144650.jpg

36. We played at French Park like I did as a kid.

20130101-145615.jpg

37. We swam at Grandma and Grandpa Ionno’s country club.

20130101-150850.jpg

38. We swam at Grandma Lolo’s pool.

20130101-151143.jpg

39. We rode Grandma Meg’s and Peepaw’s horses.

20130101-154429.jpg

40. We hosted Maggie’s graduation party!

20130101-154801.jpg

41. We caught fireflies.

20130101-154927.jpg

42. We saw Aunt Sarah and Jorge more because they live in Pittsburgh!

20130101-155300.jpg

20130101-155331.jpg

43. We watched fireworks at Wyman Woods for the 4th of July.

20130101-155811.jpg

44. We learned how to roll into a sleeping bag sandwich thanks to David!

20130101-160104.jpg

45. Robert began at OSU and Laura came to visit.

20130101-160714.jpg

46. We jumped in leaves!

20130101-161001.jpg

47. We participated in the Heile Olympics.

20130101-162406.jpg

48. We hosted Thanksgiving for the wild Heile clan and made our first Grateful Tree!

20130101-170641.jpg

49. We went sled riding all week of Christmas break!

20130101-170804.jpg

20130101-170831.jpg

50. We spent the last day of the year with our Ionno cousins and built a huge snowman!

20130101-170928.jpg

20130101-170944.jpg

51. We hosted Christmas for the Ionno’s and Menkedick’s and Grandma Ionno got to see all her grandbabies!

20130101-171212.jpg

20130101-171248.jpg

52. We loved playing Three Little Pigs card game.

20130101-171659.jpg

53. We still managed to ride in the stroller all year!

20130101-172458.jpg

54. Elfie came to live with us until Christmas day and wrecked havoc on our house.

20130101-181317.jpg

55. We went to the zoo with Alana and Gio.

20130101-181529.jpg

56. We visited with my best girlfriends from Cincy and their kids.

20130101-181712.jpg

20130101-181735.jpg

20130101-181754.jpg

57. We worked in our garden.

20130101-181900.jpg

58. Mario and I went to Darby Creek with Gio.

20130101-182315.jpg

59. Maria had more sleepovers and play dates than in 2011.

20130101-182444.jpg

60. Lou came into our life!

20130101-183056.jpg

And for 2013, our resolutions:

Maria – eat healthier (good job, Ri!)
Mario – to be able to shoot fire
Jon – to not make resolutions
Mary – to cook more (or I guess it’s more honest to say, “to cook”)!

Balancing act

I met up with one of my friends this morning. She is pregnant with her second child and feeling stressed about balancing work and family. As soon as we sat down, she lamented: “I feel like I should be able to know everything in my job and be able to do everything at home, and when I don’t or can’t, I get so mad at myself.”

We talked about her particular situation at work and brainstormed about how to manage it. Imagine this: tell people you need help on this particular project because it’s not in your area of expertise. Novel idea for us perfectionists.

We talked about home life. How do we not rip our partners’ heads off when they ask “what’s for dinner?” Another brainstorming session led us to this revolutionary idea: talk to these partners about our stress quotient and ask them to head up dinner for the week. It may be that we are eating Wendy’s and cheese and crackers but there are some weeks that has to happen. Better a little more fats in your diet than a mental breakdown.

Then we talked about kids and our guilty feelings around not spending enough time with them. Revolutionary idea no.2: spend more time with them. Drop the laundry basket and leave the dishes and go sit on the living room floor with a deck of cards. Who cares if the kitchen looks like a madman pummeled through it; do we want our memories ten years from now to be that we had a spotless kitchen or that we had some mean ol’ UNO games together? I’d prefer the latter.

These are topics that I see all over magazines (“Juggle it all in five easy steps!”) and books (“Be a better mom today!”) and websites but they never seem to be put to rest. At times I get irritated with the dialogue – yes, it’s hard to juggle all of these things as a woman but how many conversations do we need to have? But today, while watching my mentee struggle with real dilemmas surrounding work and home, my attitude changed. This dialogue was essential to moving her forward in her job. It was essential for reassuring her that we all struggle with balance. It was essential to remind her what was most important to her at this time of her life. It was essential to reinforce in me how grounding female relationships are and how necessary it is to help one another along. God knows I have had my days and I am positive there will be more to come.

At the end of the conversation, she apologized for complaining the entire time. I made her apologize for apologizing – that’s the last thing she should be doing. I gave her a hug and we both promised to keep talking. And then we whipped out our iPhones to show the latest pictures of our babies.

Holding on tight

Maria spent the night at a friend’s house last Friday night after the Newtown school shootings had occurred.  As Jon updated me about the victims, I wanted to run over to the friend’s house and bring Ri home.  I didn’t want her out of my sight.  I held onto Mario the entire night. I squeezed his flesh and kissed his forehead and told him I loved him a hundred times over. I received a text from the mother of Ri’s friend. She reported “the girls are watching a movie and eating popcorn; all is good.”  I breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly, and felt a bit lighter than I had five minutes earlier.

Tragedies like the Newtown tragedy force everyone to stop. Freeze. Be silent. Reflect. Pray  in whatever manner works for you. Cry. Feel.

I know if I was one of those parents in Newtown whose child had been so senselessly murdered, I would be blind with anger and grief.  Screaming at the top of my lungs.  I never fully understood the intensity of the bond between parent/child until giving birth to my two, and now I can’t imagine the immense sadness in the loss of your little child. My heart aches for all involved, and I hope that they are able to eventually come to a place of peace and hope. Those darling children and teachers will come back to their parents and their siblings and their families while they sit at dinner. They will bring a smile to their faces. They will be felt when their parents least expect it, and their parents will wrap themselves around their innocence when they most need comfort.  I have to believe that to be the case.

When I picked up Maria from her friend’s house, I found her holding her friend’s baby sister, age 2, around the house.  “This is my precious baby, mom. I just could eat her up, couldn’t you?” I stared at Ri for a good twenty seconds as she held that baby girl, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.

“Mom,” Ri shouted as she waved her hand across my face a few times.  “Stop dazing out!”  

“Sorry, pumpkin. I was just watching you.”

Ri smiled and placed the baby girl back in her mom’s arms.  She gathered up her bags, grabbed my hand, and led me to the front door to head for home. I squeezed her hand in mine and when we got to the car, I picked her up like she was a baby again hugging and kissing all over her head.  She laughed and begged “keep holding me, mom!

Gladly, sweet darlin’.

Missin’ you

Damn, I miss my boy. I miss his “MOM” squeal when I walk through the door. I miss him barreling at me with full speed only to place a most gentle kiss on my cheek. I miss him performing his way too sexy for a four year old dance moves all over the family room. I miss him asking me how my day was at work. I miss his magnificent smile when he draws a “F” for me. I miss carrying him upstairs with his arms wrapped tightly around my neck and his cheek against mine. I miss him begging for me to read just one more book to him. I miss evening kisses.

And all of this missing after just one night away from him. And after that same night wherein I told Jon it will be nice to have just one kid to deal with for a couple of days.

And then, within 24 hours. I can feel this longing to have him back home with me. Now, that is not to say that I want to give up my night of relaxation and freedom to not have to wrestle every 15 minutes. I just can’t get over how I miss him so quickly. It must be love….

We are lucky to have Jon’s parents so close and so willing and able to take Mario (and Maria) for a few days. As much as I miss him (and Ri when she’s gone) I know it’s a much-needed break on my end to be able to recharge and get my mind and body rested. Mothers and fathers need that respite. I have always felt that the best gift to a mom or dad is time away from their children…it is only through that distance that your appreciation and fondness for your kids grows deeper. And after three days away from Mario, I appreciate his insanity and rough housing and welcome it back into our way-too-quiet home.

20120716-190838.jpg