I came across this cartoon today and had to laugh at its relevancy to my world with M&M.
I find myself way too often giving into the little people in order to avoid adversity or downright tantrums. I know, I know, I can hear my dad, Laura, Maggie and many others scolding me for not standing my ground and giving into the kids, but my god, after a long week at work, I just want some peace. And really, is it gonna kill them to eat one more Oreo or play one more game on Wii?!
I had to post this clip for all my fellow mama and papa bloggers! Who would not agree that blogging about raising kids is much more important than actually raising the kids?! Ha.
Actually, a main reason for my blogging is to help Jon and I remember what we did with the kids all these years. Maria loves to ask about what things she did when she was little and I can barely remember anything but the big events even though I know we did a ton (I will continue to blame my forgetfulness on too many things in my head between work and kids and house and family but I secretly get nervous about early dementia – I need to do more crossword puzzles).
So, here’s to mama’s and papa’s blogging about their kids’ adventures but also taking the time to actually experience those adventures with them. Happy Saturday!
We just arrived home from our 6 day, 5 night trip to Traverse City, Michigan. All of us packed in the truck with lots of snacks, water, movies, and “when will we be there” questions. We stayed at the Grand Traverse Resort and Spa, which I found on-line after researching furiously two weeks ago when we decided we’d go on a vacation last week. Nothing like waiting until the last-minute. The website for the Resort promised to be loads of fun for the family with two indoor pools and two outdoor pools, a private beach, and two queen size beds (a must after trying to fit the four of us in two full-size beds in Florida – we have become too accustomed to a king size bed and we have to deal with two sleep thrashers). Jon and I debated staying in a cabin on the lake like I used to when I was a kid but we worried about Mario complaining that he was cold in the lake and us being plain out of luck for the week.
We figured we’d have the best of both worlds like we did in Florida – we could go to the beach and the pool. And we were hoping that Mario might like the lake more than the ocean since he hated the salt water in the ocean. When we got to the Resort, the kids were ready to explode. Seven hours in the car (with a pit stop at Cabella’s to check out the stuffed animals – Maria and Mario reacted appropriately to the stuffed skunk) and they were ready to let out some energy. We immediately headed to the indoor pool, which did not disappoint the kids. It had an enclosed slide and a rope climb where the kids could step on four plastic animals floating in the water and hold on to the rope above to try to cross to the other side. Maria loved them both. She slid down the slide with no fear while I had a mini-heart attack on my first slide down because it was so narrow and dark. On the rope climb, she used her brute strength to grip onto the ropes above her and move her legs from animal to animal. When she fell, she laughed and tried again until she made it. Mario was too scared to try the slide so he stayed with the rope. But he was too short to reach the rope so he just jumped from animal to animal sometimes with his chest hitting the side of the animal when he jumped. It didn’t bother him because he was too determined to reach the other side.
After the pool, we hit the Traverse City strip to find some dinner. I got my wish come true when we spotted a Ponderosa along the road. Jon must truly love me because he stopped. We have not eaten at a Ponderosa for years – and for good reason. Jon got deathly ill when we went to a buffet during law school and he has refused them ever since that time. But he saw the stars in my eyes when I saw the sign, and agreed to it. His face was hilarious while we ate. He looked like he was in true pain. But he took a few bites and hung in there with me while I danced around the buffet bar with Ri oohhing and ahhing over all of the selections (of course my girl loved it!).
The next four days were a welcome departure from “reality.” The reality of work and deadlines and library book returns. Our first destination was the Pierce Stocking Scenic Drive. It took me back to my trips as a kid – absolutely gorgeous. The kids loved the last stop – a view of Lake Michigan and a steep sand dune. They immediately began running down the dune, which drops suddenly straight down to Lake Michigan. I told them to go about an eighth of the way down and if they could easily get back up, they could go all the way down. It took us 20 minutes to climb back up. They were spent and had no desire to head all the way down after that climb up. We hit another dune on our way to Platte River – the dune I remember climbing as a kid. Maria got about 20 feet up the dune and said “forget it.” Her feet hurt from the hot sand and she was tired from the preceding climb. Mario saw me head up the hill and did not want to give up. But when I wouldn’t hold him any longer, he asked if we could just climb a little further and then run down together. I agreed (as much as I wanted to climb the whole thing!) and we ran down together holding hands and laughing.
We drove to the Platte River and played all day long in its warm waters while occasionally dipping our toes in the cold waters of Lake Michigan. Platte River was everything I remembered. Clear and calm and warm. And it contained the most gorgeous rocks. I could have planted myself in the shallow water all day long and looked at rocks. Maria practically did that. She knows how much I love them and every chance she gets to find good ones for me, she takes it. This time was no different. She dove under water incessantly until she found just the right rocks for me. Then she’d walk them over to me and describe why each one was special. She is a dear. Mario fought off the current in the river for a long time but then he finally decided to join Maria in finding rocks for me. He would approach me with one or two and make it a production: “Mom, I found this rock for you and I think you will love it. Close your eyes.” And then I would look at him and express my love for it and he would smile in pride and say “wasn’t that a cool rock, mom?!”
Another day, we took a boat ride on the Bay. The water was choppy but Jon did an excellent job not capsizing us. Our daredevil girl begged Jon to go faster. She loved the thrill of bouncing up and down in the water and the sprays of water in her face. She did not want me to hold on to her when she sat up front. Mario and I meanwhile, were ready for the boat to go back to the dock after a half of an hour. He did fine at first but the poor guy started to turn green towards the end. Nevertheless, he continued to sport a smile through it and have a good time. He did not want to ruin everyone’s fun. We rented a water trampoline and slide afterwards, and that was a lot of fun. Our daredevil Maria loved sliding down the slide head first. She would beg Jon and I to get the slide more wet so it would go faster. If you swam under the trampoline, you could stand above the water and breathe. The kids loved swimming under it and waiting for Jon to scare them when he quickly swam under and grabbed at their legs. We joked that we paid $60 for the kids to play under the trampoline.
In the evening, we were able to watch the sun set from our hotel room. One evening, the sun was brilliantly red and I told Maria and Mario that if we held hands and made a wish before the sun set, it would come true. We all stood together holding hands and making our wishes. When we finished, the sun was almost set. All of a sudden, the kids realized dad was not in on our wish-fest and they yelled “DAD, you have to make a wish, too. HURRY!” Jon, who had been in the bathroom, ran out, grabbed our hands, and we all made a wish again. Then we continued to hold hands and stand in awe as the sun disappeared from the horizon. What a great way to end the evening.
The last day of the trip was overcast so we drove to some fishing towns and watched mama river otters feeding raw fish to their babies on the shore. The kids scored a couple more stuffed animals from a fishing trinket store and got to slide down an old metal slide liked I used to slide down as a kid. We ended our driving adventure in Glen Arbor for some yummy cherry pie. I could eat that pie every day and night. On our way back to the hotel, we stopped at putt-putt golf for one last putt-putt game – we had already played three games earlier in the trip. I had won two of them, Jon had slammed me on one of them and we had this one to determine the champion. And we ended up in a tie. Maria, our anti-competitive girl, was very happy.
We played some ping-pong, too in the indoor pool area. It took Jon and I back to our honeymoon in Alaska where we played ping-pong along the Kenai River. We had some good volleys back and forth and again, tied winning one game each. Maria and Mario weren’t too bad at volleying. Mario liked to hit the ball high up in the air for everyone to admire and Maria liked to avoid any hit that would attract attention – complete opposites they are. This vacation definitely reinforced their different demeanors.
Mario:
When we were at the market, Mario asked a woman at the checkout line if she could grab a 5 hour energy drink for him to give to his mom. She looked at him suspiciously. I walked by when he asked her a second time and she looked over at me. I whispered to her that he was just trying to get the 5 hour drink for me. He heard me and went ballistic. “Mom! I wanted to surprise you with one of those! Now you ruined it!” He cried and pulled his body away from me when I tried to hold him. I had to kneel next to him and tell him how awesome he was for thinking of me before he talked to me again.
He gets so upset when things do not go his way, and holds a serious grudge. He seems to get angry in two instances: 1. he doesn’t get something he wants, be it the computer or a toy or 2. he wants to do something for you and you “ruin it” by finding out about it early or not reacting happily enough. I was telling Patty that he has two modes lately: super-duper sweet and endearing or angry and pouty. Lucky for us, his super-duper sweet and endearing side trumps the angry and pouty. At the hotel in Michigan, he bought two chocolate hearts to eat for a late-night snack. As he opened one up, he walked over to me and said “mom, this reminds me of you.” He pointed down to the red aluminum foil to an indentation of a heart. Yeah, those little moments make up for the other ones. And the other ones are fierce but short. If you tickle him or tease him, he typically turns off his grudge and laughs and gives you a hug. It’s pretty simple with him – he craves attention and recognition. We constantly get questions from him about who we love more – him or Ria. Or who we think is cuter – him or Ria. When Maria does something and we laugh, he tries to do something funnier. I think it’s his age but I also think it is who he is. He loves to entertain people and make them laugh. He also has no qualms about approaching people. When we were at the outdoor pool, he walked up to a couple in the hot tub and asked how the water felt. He told them his name and where he was from and how old he would be in September. All this without them even asking! When we went to the lake, he walked up to a boy who looked about his age and said “do you want to play with me?” He is not scared to take a chance on getting a “no” response. Complete opposite of our girl.
Maria: And then there is Ri. She would never approach someone and ask them to play with her, and during this trip, she 
actually steered far clear from anyone that approached her to play with her. Two little girls jumped in the pool and tried to talk to her and Maria swam over to me and told me that she did not want to play with them. Then she told the girls the same. My girl likes her space. But if she sees girls that look like they may be fun to play with, she will stand to the side and wait to see if they ask her to play. She did that with girls on the rope climb, and they eventually asked her to play and she really enjoyed her time with them.
Maria is a total daredevil and a lover of life. She is self-deprecating and real. And she cares about how people feel. When we went to putt-putt, Mario would shoot a hole in one and Maria, who is not the best at putt-putt, would say “I’m certainly not going to get a hole-in-one; I might get a hole-in-six!” When we rented the water trampoline, Maria walked up the ladder, jumped high on the trampoline, and slid down head first without hesitation. When we went out to eat, she ordered BIG and loved to head back to the hotel candy shop for late night sundaes. She took care of her little brother during the trip. When Mario got upset because he wanted to play on my phone, Maria pled his case for him arguing that he had not played with it for the entire trip and he had been a good boy all day long. She treated Mario like her baby – ordering his food (when he let her), letting him go first in line, letting him push the buttons in the elevator, and giving him more superballs then she got.
Vacations are a necessary component to our lives. It gave Jon and I a chance to breathe and let go of all of the deadlines and worries we have with our jobs. We were able to concentrate fully and completely on ourselves and the kids for 7 days. We know Maria and Mario up and down and side to side but this vacation reinforced in us how wonderfully diverse they both are and how many incredible qualities they both exhibit. And I believe the trip reinforced for M&M how much Jon and I love them and want them to experience great things. On the ride home, we stopped at a rest stop to go to the bathroom. We all hopped back in the car to continue our trip and I looked back at the kids to make sure they had their seat belts on. Then I looked over at Jon as he pulled out onto the highway. I closed my eyes and gave thanks for the time alone with them. When I opened my eyes, Jon verbalized my thoughts saying “I had a great time with you guys on this trip. I love you.” The kids responded “Love you, too” as they watched the final episode of Scooby Doo.
Collecting superballs.
If I have passed one worthy, admirable, cherished tradition to my children, this is it.
It’s taken 7 and four and a half years for Maria and Mario, respectively to start this noble hobby but our trip to Michigan ignited the flame. We found a putt-putt in Traverse City that sold old dishes and knicks-knacks and SUPERBALLS! Just the way I used to buy them, too – right out of a gum ball machine. The only difference was that they were 25 cents versus 10 cents when I was little.
And M&M even engaged in the same action that I did after I got a superball – analyze it and name it. I was always very creative naming my dark blue balls “Midnight” and my orange balls “Sunny.” Mario has that same creativity. He got one with square colors painted on it and called it “Squarey” and a multi-colored ball that he named “Colorey.” Maria provided a little more artistic touch naming one “River” and another “Earth.”
They brought the balls up to our room and gave them baths; placed them in “beds”; and put them to sleep. It was very sweet. Of course, an hour later they had thrown the balls around the room and didn’t know where they were located. I am going to have to teach them how to be better Superball Caregivers, for sure. I do have a legacy to uphold.
And we are off! Let the trip begin. When I told my friend we were going on vacation with the kids she said that’s not a vacation, it’s a trip. I agree with that discrepancy. So much for the days when Jon and I would relax on the shore and have all day to do as we pleased. But we also didn’t have the joy of little people cracking us up and discovering things we would never notice.
We’ve only been driving for two and a half hours and we’re already getting on each others’ nerves. How did my folks do it?! Maria screams when we roll down the window; Mario kicks Jon’s seat; I make the kids stop watching tv in order to write the alphabet. Jon “just wants to drive!”
These are the sweet memories we will have twenty years from now. Of course, twenty years from now we will look back and remember laughing and having a grand time just like I remember the times with my folks and siblings.
And for the next highway stop…Cabella’s!
“My Nuts”
These two words are all Mario wants to scream anymore. He, of course, performs antics with his scream, which involve cupping his hands against his privates and making a crazed face.
He thinks it’s hysterical. He tells me he learned it from the movie Ice Age. Lovely. He also loves to talk about farting and creates all sorts of antics around that. Again, lovely. My friends who have boys shake their heads when I describe this recent activity and then laugh hysterically. They’ve been through it with their boys and the only consoling advice is “this too shall pass.”
Here’s to hoping it passes real soon.
I have spoiled the kids way too much. I tend to throw Jon under the bus with me and tell him that he is a culprit, too, but he is not half as bad as me.
This realization has been out there for a while but continues to get pounded in me at times like this afternoon when Maria called me. She sweetly said “hi mommy, how are you?” when I answered the phone. Then she plunged right into her question.
“Mom, can I skip reading today?”
“No, Maria, you have not read all week. You only have to read for 30 minutes and then you are done.”
“But mom, I will do it tonight. I promise.”
“No, Ri. We say that and then something comes up. Just do it now.”
“Mom, please, later.”
“No, Ri. Now. Love you. Bye.”
One minute later – text from David: “Maria is throwing a fit because she doesn’t want to read.”
I call her back. I tell her she cannot act this way. She bawls.
Seriously, over a book? Over 30 minutes where she has to do something we are imposing on her? Give me a break. She engaged in this same behavior over my demand that she clean her room and the basement after her friend and her destroyed them both.
To her credit, she has succeeded in getting her way in the past via this behavior. But it’s a new day for mama. I need to follow through and make her appreciate the sense of accomplishment in following through on a task and having a clean room.
The New Yorker article earlier this month was awakening for me. I was embarrassed as I read it because I fit the mold of a few of the LA parents referenced in it. I do not want spoiled kids. I do not want lazy kids. I do want appreciative kids. I do want driven kids.
I have resolved to wake up every morning to hand-written notes on my mirror that say things like “Let them learn by making them do things – you stay back!” and “Once you say no, stick with it!” and “Set a chore for the day that they have to do.”
I could probably make the notes up real pretty and sell them to a lot of LA moms and dads.
They don’t look spoiled, do they?!
Damn, I miss my boy. I miss his “MOM” squeal when I walk through the door. I miss him barreling at me with full speed only to place a most gentle kiss on my cheek. I miss him performing his way too sexy for a four year old dance moves all over the family room. I miss him asking me how my day was at work. I miss his magnificent smile when he draws a “F” for me. I miss carrying him upstairs with his arms wrapped tightly around my neck and his cheek against mine. I miss him begging for me to read just one more book to him. I miss evening kisses.
And all of this missing after just one night away from him. And after that same night wherein I told Jon it will be nice to have just one kid to deal with for a couple of days.
And then, within 24 hours. I can feel this longing to have him back home with me. Now, that is not to say that I want to give up my night of relaxation and freedom to not have to wrestle every 15 minutes. I just can’t get over how I miss him so quickly. It must be love….
We are lucky to have Jon’s parents so close and so willing and able to take Mario (and Maria) for a few days. As much as I miss him (and Ri when she’s gone) I know it’s a much-needed break on my end to be able to recharge and get my mind and body rested. Mothers and fathers need that respite. I have always felt that the best gift to a mom or dad is time away from their children…it is only through that distance that your appreciation and fondness for your kids grows deeper. And after three days away from Mario, I appreciate his insanity and rough housing and welcome it back into our way-too-quiet home.
Reminder to self: avoid zoo when it’s 90 degrees, humid and packed.
I had originally planned on the Katy Perry movie with Maria and her friend but that was yesterday when it looked like rain all day. There is something in me that just will not allow me to go to a movie theatre unless it’s pouring rain or unbearably hot. It didn’t seem unbearably hot when we biked over to pick up Janira so I asked if they’d rather hit the zoo. When they said yes, I ran with it. But after two hours of zoo walking and hardly any animal sights, I was kicking myself. Air conditioning, popcorn, Goober’s, and a movie sounded much better.
The train was a nice break and we spotted a mama moose and her baby. Nothing like the thrill that Sarah and Jorge felt when they looked outside of their tent in Yellowstone and spotted moose in their natural habitat a couple of days ago but hey, we will take what we can get in Columbus. The girls
mostly loved all of the stone statutes throughout the zoo. Janira begged me to take their picture each time they climbed on one.
We searched and searched after seeing the elephants in Asia Quest for the Dippin’ Dots stand – we were all craving that “ice cream”. It is a strange little food but the chunks of Oreos perked me up enough to walk back to the exit and out of the zoo. The girls found a photo booth on the way out and begged to get their photos. God, technology bums me out sometimes. I remember sitting in a photo booth with a girlfriend, inserting 50 cents, and having to create two or three poses immediately without knowing if both of your heads were in the picture or you looked ridiculous. When I swiped my Visa, it charged me $5 and then you got to adjust your faces perfectly and get your pose ready before the camera clicked. The girls knew no better and thought it was awesome but I waxed nostalgic about it as they waited for the pictures.
By the time three hours had passed, we were ready to hit the road. Unfortunately, so we’re the rest of the visitors who had been at the water park (thunder had closed the park). Perfect timing. Nothing like jamming your body next to other sweaty, unknown bodies. Between that and the heat, I’m lucky I didn’t go off once. The girls were really good, though, which helped keep my nerves calm!
Jon, meanwhile, took Mario to Grandma Ionno’s house for a few nights of sleepover. He’s only been asking about going for six days now. When he woke this morning, he beamed when he realized this was the day! He loves him some grandma and grandpa time!
Maria loved horse camp last week. Actually, I need a stronger word than love – she adored horse camp. My little anti-competitive girl finally showed some competitive spirit when she came in second in Showmanship rather than first. She told Jon “she should have come in first and gotten the trophy.” It took riding to bring out that spirit.
We went to watch her ride on Friday afternoon. The farm seems really nice and clean and they have a lot of riders from OSU there. Maria strutted out of the barn on a huge horse named Wes. He was taller than me. My first experience with a horse was when I was older than Ri, probably 10, and I was scared too death. My dad had to sit with me on it because I cried and shook when I got on it by myself. Contrast that with Maria, age 7. Here she was riding past me poised and smiling and completely comfortable. What a woman!
She rode around the ring with three other students. She trotted. She performed obstacles. It was pretty amazing to watch. Jon has been around horses and has a love for them. He knows the names of different riding styles and different breeds. Me, I know little to nothing besides what Meg has imparted. It is going to take some time for me to appreciate the sport like I do baseball or soccer but I will get there if Maria loves it. When we went into the stables and saw all of the horses, you couldn’t help but fall in love with them. Beautiful, elegant, smart creatures and Maria knew everyone of their names. You could sense she felt right at home.
When Mario walked up to one and made crazy sounds around it, she snapped at him explaining to him that he could spook the horse. She’s got it going on. She wants to take private lessons now that camp is over. She told Jon she wishes she were at the camp today. Yep, she’s got horse riding in her blood.
"MOM!" 
