the days are long but the years are short

February 14, 2014Leave a comment

My babies are gone. Far away in a distant land where they will skip around with fairies and hold hands with superheroes.

Mama Meg and Peepaw took them to Disneyworld for a long weekend.

Here they are prior to their 6:50 pm flight:

When they gave them the trip as a Christmas present, Maria jumped up with joy and gave them huge hugs. Mario looked at me and pleaded for me and Jon to go with him. For weeks afterward, he told us that he wanted to go but he really wanted us to go, too. We kept explaining to him that Peepaw and Mama Meg would take good care of him and they would have so much fun riding rides and swimming in the pool. He remained skeptical.

Until about three weeks ago. Ri was talking to Alana and Gio about going and they were telling her she was lucky. Mario was listening to the conversation but refraining from joining in the mix. They all proceeded to play a game together and the conversation moved onto other topics like who had the biggest sword and who made the best Minecraft home. But that evening, Mario asked me how many days until Disneyworld. I told him 14 or 15 and he laid his head on his hands and stared up at me in his bed.

“Are you excited?” I asked him.

“Yea. Will you miss me?”

“Of course I will miss you but I will be so happy thinking about you having a great time. I have never been to Disney and you get to go at age 6!”

He smiled and reached out to hold my hand.

Since that evening, he has asked nearly every day “how many more days?” And in the evening before bed, he has taken his black pen and marked an “X” on the day in order to count how many more days until February 14 – the day they would leave for Disney. Ri did not any of that to get her going. She knew how many days by just thinking about it in her head. She had the flight all planned out. No iPad was needed for her. She would read her book in order to complete her 100 minutes of reading that she would be required to complete by the time she returned to school on Wednesday the 19th.

This week, they woke up every day counting down the number of days remaining until they left. Whenever they started to fight or get mad about something, I would say “come on, this is Disney week, cheer up!” And nearly every time, they would. On Thursday night, Jon and I gave them each a Valentine’s Day card, a little beanie baby to clip on their suitcases, candy for the flight, and a $25 gift card to Disney. Mario looked at the Disney card and got really excited. “Is this a credit card? Can I buy anything I want?” His eyes enlarged as he held the card tight against his chest. We explained it only had $25 on it and that he could buy a lot of little things or one big thing (actually, one little thing at Disney is probably $25). He looked dejected but still thanked us.

We packed clothes after the present opening. Actually, I packed while they played in Mario’s bed. They were way too excited to concentrate on one activity. I bought them each some new shorts and t-shirts since they both have grown since last Summer (last Summer they fit in a lot of things from the Summer before, so nice…). Then we read a book while laying in Ri’s room. Jon came in for the second book and we all laid in Ri’s bed. I love those moments.

When Mario got up this morning, he walked into the bedroom and announced “It’s Disney World Day!” They both got dressed and ate some breakfast and gathered up their Valentines to take to classmates. I kissed them both goodbye and told them they were the best babies I could ever ask for in my life. They told me they loved me and they closed the door to Jon’s Yukon. I got a bit melancholy about them leaving. I did my normal worrying: “will they get in an accident, will they get sick, will they get lost….” It is really ridiculous how the mind churns out these non-productive thoughts without any provoking. But I also felt like time was slipping through my fingers. Maria walked out the door with her backpack on her back, her hood up, her boots zipped up to her knees all trendy looking. Mario followed her chatting about something that happened at lunch the day before. They were both talking in complete sentences. When did that happen? Remember when Ri first said “mama” and Mario first said “dad?” They were both fully upright and walking. And that happened when? Remember when I hoisted Mario on my hip everywhere I went or when I carried Ri in the backpack until age 4? My doctor told me “the days are long but the years are short” and she hit it on the mark.

I took off for a couple hours in the afternoon to hit the Valentine’s Day parties. I got to Mario’s room at 1:50 thinking the party started at 1:30. It started at 2. So I hung out with the other moms and waited for Mario to come in from the playground. Kids began shuffling into the classroom at 2, looking up at their moms and waving hi. Mario came in eventually and glanced up to take an inventory of the moms. He caught me in the corner and his face exploded with joy. He smiled wide and ran over to me with his arms extended. He held my hand and led me to his table and I was his for the rest of the day. They did all sorts of activities and ate lots of sugar. And then he made me a Valentine’s card with invisible crayon. When I wrote over it, it revealed the words “I love you.” Precious. He allowed me to run down to Ri’s classroom and see her for a few minutes. That third grade classroom was much more low key. Everyone was at their tables over their heads and they pushed them away giggling and blushing. and making their Valentine bags. They had fruit kebabs and heart-shaped jelly sandwiches. But then I asked if I could get a picture of the girls in the classroom and that started chaos. The boys tried to photobomb and the girls pushed them away. Boys put bunny ears

After school, the kids went down Kindergarten Hill to find Mama Meg and Peepaw. Hugs and kisses ensued and then a race to the car. I went back to work for an hour and when I came home, Ri and Mario stopped me at the door.

“Don’t come in the kitchen, mom! Dad has a surprise for you!”

They held me in the hall for a minute and then led me in the kitchen. There was our new kitchen table I bought from Amazon for $190 plus $110 shipping. Jon had asked his friend Jason to come put it together while we were at work (what would he do without Jason?!”). I screamed with excitement and the kids both smiled. They love seeing Jon and I happy. We gathered a few more last minute items to throw in their bags and the kids gave Rocco a ton of kisses. They wrapped their arms around me and then Jon and told us they loved us. I told them I loved them so so much and that I couldn’t wait to hear about their days. We stood on the porch as they drove off to the airport waving and blowing kisses their way.

Then we walked in the house and sighed. Where was the chaos? The coats on the floor? The laughing?

I took Rocco for a walk in the light snow. I thought about how lucky I was to have all of these grandparents who give Ri and Mario such an array of experiences. I thought about Ri and Mario and how daggone big they are getting and how much they are learning and absorbing about this world. And then a worry popped in my head.

“What if my parents need a notarized permission slip to take the kids on the flight? They don’t have the same last name so security may not let them get on board. Then they would have to miss a day at Disney if they could even make another flight tomorrow….”

And then I stopped. I stood on the sidewalk while Rocco ate some snow. Stop it, I told myself. Let it be. It is going to be a lot harder when they are in high school and heading out on a Saturday night with friends. They will be fine. They will have fun. They will grow up. Just make those years spread out as much as possible.

G for Grumpy

February 12, 2014February 12, 2014Leave a comment

I walked in the door this morning after hitting the gym and found this precious sight. Mario was reading his baggie book out loud while Ri listened. He struggled with the word “grumpy”. He saw the expression on the boy’s face in the book and took a stab at the word.
“He is ‘angry.”
Maria gently corrected him.
“Good try little buddy. It’s not ‘angry.’ It starts with a ‘g.’ Try it again.”
“Oh, grumpy!” Mario exclaimed. He must have recalled reading that word with his teacher earlier.
Maria praised him.
He completed the book and asked me to sign his paper. Maria spoke up.
“I already completed it, Mom. You just need to sign your name.”
I looked at the paper. It had the book’s title on it, the date, and then the words “Mario did amazing!” in the Comments section. I felt a burst of happiness at the entire sight, and knew my Wednesday would be wonderful.

To pay attention…

January 27, 2014January 27, 2014Leave a comment

To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work.

-Mary Oliver

A hawk schooled me today. There I was with my nose in a book walking across campus when not twenty feet to my right, a hawk blew past me with a large squirrel hanging from its talons. What an incredible sight. I looked around me and there was just one other person walking in front of me on his headphones. He was not phased by the creature. I stood motionless. My eyes moving with the hawk’s flight. It perched itself up in the barren tree content to hold its kill as it watched the kids pass by bundled up against the frigid winds. I braved pulling off my glove to get a picture; it was way too cold to zoom in or adjust. Just snap.

I walked back to my office with my book closed and lodged between papers in my backpack. I looked at the Cuzzins yogurt shop with the chairs flipped over on the tables. When did that place start closing at 2 pm? Maybe some day I will open an ice cream store like Ri and I used to talk about doing on Grandview Ave. when she was 4 years old. I watched as a young kid motioned his arms up and down to the beat of what must have been some good rappin’ on his iPod. I wondered if Mario would be engaging in these same moves when he’s a teenager or whether he’d be jamming out to his uncle Jack’s funk or maybe his own jams; will he learn piano or the drums or the sax, like Jackson? I stared too long at a guy who wore shorts and a t-shirt and casually strolled down High Street in the -4 degree weather as if it was mid-Summer. And I thought of Ri and her ability to go outside during these past couple of weeks with no hat or gloves and survive. She has Jon’s and my warm blood in her. After all, she stayed at the sledding hill a half hour after Mario left freezing and after I begged her to go (noticing it was 1 degree on my phone).

Oh, so this is what it is like to walk without a book in hand or a phone or a magazine or a law article. Oh… what a treat to observe things and people and moments, to imagine what life may have in store, to smile at a past memory with my kids.

Pumpkin patches

October 25, 2013Leave a comment

I am in disbelief over my babies at age three and now at ages 8 and 6 at the pumpkin patch. What will it feel like when they are 15 and 13? The thought of it makes my heart drop like a boulder into my stomach. There are certainly those days when I ask myself “when will they be 18 and able to take care of themselves?” But those days seem to happen a lot less than they did when they were 5 months old and I was up for the tenth time in the wee hours of the night. Now they can make cereal on their own, sleep through the night, play games together. It’s the perfect time where they are somewhat self-sufficient but also completely in love with me. I get hugs with no provocation. I get pleas for good-night kisses. I get random “I love yous” through the day.
Fellow moms tell me that it gets even better as they continue to grow up and develop their sense of selves, their independence. And I can see that as I watch those moms beam as their child scores a soccer goal or makes the Dean’s List.

But I will miss that constant affection and connection that I have with my babes right now. The thrill that runs through me when I step in the door and get knocked over on the ground with hugs. The warmth of two kids’ bodies curled against me as I read them a book. And the immense joy they exhibit by simply being dropped off from a hayride into a patch of pumpkins.

Summer love

July 3, 2013July 3, 2013Leave a comment

I typically sigh when someone talks about how much they love summertime.

My stock response is always: “it’s too hot!” I have always preferred Fall and Spring with their reasonable temperatures. I don’t like stepping outside and feeling like I stepped into a sauna.

But this year it’s been different for me. I have rather enjoyed this Summer and not been so exhausted with the high temperatures (it’s only the beginning if July, I know). Maybe it’s that I don’t care if I sweat like a piglet anymore – the world can gasp and point at my soaked armpits or sweat-stained shorts – doesn’t bother me a bit. Or maybe it’s that the kids are able to jump on their bikes or scooters and ride up to the park or Stauf’s without me having to haul 100 pounds in a stroller (however, I still have my days that I love to do that). Or maybe it’s that I am more observant and I find such delight in an exquisite, orange flower amongst bright green grasses or a yellow finch darting across my path to a resting spot. Or maybe, and likely the most probable, it’s that I get to enjoy gelato on the wooden bench on Grandview Avenue with two of my favorite people ever.

Living it up

June 29, 2013June 29, 2013Leave a comment

I have been blasted at work over the past few weeks. Mario and Ri have been killing me with their pleas to stay home with them one day (which tears me up on one level but on another I know they get over it minutes after I’m gone and they have their friends over). I noticed on Tuesday that I only had one meeting on Thursday afternoon so I canceled it and decided to take the afternoon off with the kids. It looked like possible thunderstorms so I found a discount coupon for Fort Rapids, called Patrick to make sure Alana and Gio could go, packed up swimsuits, told David to feed them and keep it a surprise, and cranked out some serious work Thursday morning.

I stepped in the door to the house at 12:30 and received a star’s welcome.

“Mom!”

I hugged them both and told them the plans. Maria was ecstatic and kept saying “you are the best mom ever!” Mario retreated and said he didn’t want to go. He has been wanting alone time with me lately. But Maria quickly pepped him up talking about the slides and fountains at Fort Rapids.
We gathered our stuff and took off for Patrick’s house. I traded cars with Carrie and we were off down I-70. We walked into the hotel and the kids were in awe of the antlers on the walls and the high-heeled leopard shoe seats.

While I got tickets, Mario and Gio filled up on Jelly Bellies from the dispenser not understanding that they had to actually pay for them. Luckily, the cashier was a young high schooler who could care less. We got our passes and headed to the locker rooms to change. Mario hated the swim trunks I brought him so luckily I had a second pair. He adjusted those for five minutes but finally felt comfortable enough to head to the slides.

And the fun began! Mario and Gio played in the main area and Ri and Alana went to the lazy river and the big slides.

Mario is anti-picture taking lately so I couldn’t get a good one of him until he went on the big yellow slide. I raced him; he won.

Gio joined us after a while but he found a friend in the main area that he ran around with for a majority of the time. Mario became addicted to the yellow slide and then witnessed the long line for the black slide and became intrigued. The black slide is the favorite slide among most Fort Rapids’ guests. It takes you into a black bowl where you go around and around until you shoot down a hole into a pool of water. Ri went down with me last year when we went to Fort Rapids for Zach’s party and she loved it. We were worried Alana wouldn’t be tall enough but she barely made it. Those two rode down at least twenty times.

Mario was not nearly tall enough for it but we were able to sneak him on with me a few times and he loved it! We both laughed so hard when we shot out into the pool. Then a young, militant girl put the smack down on him and refused, even after the most pitiful of pleas, to allow him to go down. He pouted and called her a jerk to me (which I promptly scolded him about but did express my appreciation that he didn’t call her that name in front of her- baby steps). But he soon found good times in the main area with me and Gio.

I got called by folks at work a few times and spent 45 minutes working out an “emergency.” I wavered on the edge of frustration and anger but did not tip over into the black hole. I kept my thinking positive – happy to be able to take the day away from the office and give my kids this treat. I knew I may be called away and I knew the kids would be just fine playing with their cousins amongst the slides and fountains. I find that so many of my days turn on that shift in thinking. I could easily have gotten angry and walked back in the park in a foul mood. Sulked at the table and not played with the kids. Thought about another job where they wouldn’t have bothered me. But what would have been the result? A day lost laughing with my kids. The experience of riding 15 miles an hour through a tube with my giggling son. The expression on Ri’s face when I told her I’d ride down the black slide with her?

Granted, there were times while we were there when I thought “I should just grab a coke and read something on the Internet.” But I kept running up and down those steps and sliding down those slides. First, to be in the moment with the kids. Second, to experience the joy and carefreeness they were experiencing. Third, to get some killer exercise (my calves are still killing me today!). I always have this unrealistic mindset that I will arrive at the water park or Kings Island or zoo, and I will spend the entire day enmeshed with the kids and the fun of the place. But the reality is that I do think about reading a book or checking my email when I’ve gone down a slide eight times in a row. And that’s ok. I am 41 years old. Even though I think “when can I do something else” sporadically during our adventures, I keep hanging on and sliding and splashing and in the end when the kids have finally tired out, I have the awesome recognition, if only self-recognition, that I participated fully in the day. I experienced the thrill of the slides, the exhilaration of the bucket of water on our heads; the nonsense of standing on a fountain spout and spraying the kids.

When we were leaving, a worker said “good-bye ma’am.” Maria looked up at me and laughed.

“You may be 41 mom but you act like a kid.” What a compliment. And with that, I joined them in the video arcade.

Horse Camp

June 23, 2013Leave a comment

There is our girl riding Phoenix on her last day of horse camp. She was poised and serious as she sat on her horse and moved from the stables to the riding ground. It was 90 degrees out and she was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. If she was doing anything else in those clothes and that weather, she’d have packed it up in a heart beat. But not horseback riding. She is a riding machine.

Grandma Meg came in to town just to see her granddaughter’s show. They are kindred spirits when it comes to these horses. I had to ask her and Jon how Ri was doing when she performed her ride because I didn’t know what she or the horse should be doing. They confirmed that she was doing great. Her horse was a bit stubborn though. When she finished, she ran over to us and we dolled over her. She loved it.

The night before the show, she was laying in her bed looking sad. I asked her what was wrong and she started crying. “I didn’t get a First Place trophy for any event at horse camp. Malena and Sasha both got one and I got third place.”

I explained to her that Malena and Sasha rode a lot more than Ri and that if she rode more, she’d get a trophy eventually. Of course, she responded with what is a frequent response from her lately “well, if you would get me lessons then maybe I could get better!” Sassy she is. But she’s right. I have been hesitant to get her weekly lessons because of the drive out to the farm and the crazy cost for lessons. But seeing her in her element made me change my mind (and the fact that she wore jeans and a long-sleeved shirt the entire day without complaint – she has to love it)!

Family farm day

June 17, 20132 Comments

We made the trek to the farm Sunday morning to celebrate Father’s Day with my pops. Sarah and Jack also made it out – the first dad’s day we’ve all been together in a long while.

Mario watched Goosebumps the entire way out; these are his new favorite movies. He holds his pillow tight across his chest and reports out to us what is happening in the scary scenes. Ri is not a fan of the movies. She played Minecraft on the iPad and wrote poems about Stella and Mona.

When we arrived at 10:30 am, everyone was still bleary-eyed and making coffee. Emily was in town from DC. Ri loved listening to her stories as we stood in the chicken coop listening to Mario rustle around trying to catch a chicken. Ri eventually left our conversation and caught “Peepaw’s girlfriend” for Mario. Mario gave no appreciation to Ri; instead he got mad that he wasn’t the first one to catch a chicken and proceeded to work twice as hard to pin one down (but in the most gentle fashion possible). He eventually got one and we were impressed with how delicate he held her. Ri boosted his ego as she always does and shouted “Good Job Buddy!”

Ri soon found delight in throwing the frisbee with Sarah, Jorge and Jack. The trick was to keep it away from Stella. Not an easy task. Ri was not scared to catch that disc with 80 pound Stella running at her. Mario not so much. He darted to the side and let Stella bite that frisbee and carry it off. We took a walk in the woods and found the swing vine. Sarah tried it out for us first. She looked like a ten year old swinging back and forth. She used to get so mad when she’d go to restaurants at age 17 and they’d ask if she need a kids menu. Now she can eat it up being age 30 and looking 18.

Uncle Jack and I gave the vine a try, too. Nothing like the kid coming out in you for the few seconds you’re hanging on for dear life. We all screamed wildly. The kids love love love being around me and my siblings. They can’t get enough of them. Everything is “look Uncle Jack” or “watch Aunt Sarah” or “come on Jorge!” Precious.

We returned to yummy barbecue chicken and cole slaw and beans. Mario threw a fit because he wanted to sit next to Jon at the “big person” table. He pushed his chair back and angrily crossed his arms and pouted. Jon gave in and pushed his chair over and let Mario sit by him. Mario beamed. It’s the little things. Maria sat next to me because we were right next to the food.

After we ate, Jon and I threw to Ri. She could not hit a ball to save her life. She progressed from sighing to heaving to throwing her bat and yelling “I hate softball!” I felt so bad for her. She wants to be perfect at whatever she does but she doesn’t like to practice. I tried to talk to her. Then Jon. Nothing worked. Meg came out and told us she was heading to the stable. Ri followed. I went inside to get a cookie and then made my way down to see them.

Maria stood by Taz brushing out her hair. She looked completely at peace. Meg stood on the other side adjusting the saddle. I could hear Ri talking with her about her horse camp. Meg listened and quietly commented back to her. I could have watched the two of them all day. Ri was so in her element next to that horse and talking with her grandma. Meg let her ride Taz on her own and gave her tips as she circled the grounds. Dang, I wish they lived closer so Ri could get lessons from the Meg-pie.

We played some Quirkle (the new favorite Menkedick game) while Mario and Jorge played some mean badminton. Sarah won, again. After Quirkle, we broke out Mario’s beebee gun. Jorge drew a bear and some type of elk/goat mix (ha! poor Jorge agrees to draw and then we make fun of him!) as the targets to shoot. At first the boys shot alone but then they asked us to bring down cans and paper and we became intrigued and joined them. I think we have a new Menkedick past time – target shooting at fake bears and pop cans. We all got into it.

With each hit, the kids and Jon and Peepaw would check out the paper to see where the beebee hit.

The pressure was on to be the first person to hit the pop can. We all tried but Peepaw hit it. He’s still got it.

And what did we do after target shooting? What else but recited poetry on the back porch.

Is there any talent this family doesn’t have?!

Stop! And Laugh

March 22, 2013March 22, 2013Leave a comment

I snapped this picture of Ri with her girlfriends at Jeni’s ice cream this week. I don’t think there was more than a three minute lapse in time when she wasn’t laughing or smiling.

I have always said that these kiddos teach me as much as I teach them, and Ri reminded me that night to laugh until my jaws hurt. Surround myself with people who can make me do this. Give myself a break from work, make that call, visit that person who will leave me madly chuckling. Life should mandate these moments on a daily basis to keep perspective and sanity.

I just can’t get enough of that wide smile and deep, genuine laugh.

Create your mission

March 21, 2013March 21, 2013Leave a comment

Maria came home from Brownies a few months ago and asked us to consider our family values. She had been tasked with creating a family tree full of branches outlining our family values – what we believe is most important to our family.

We discussed it over dinner blurting out different thoughts: “we take care of each other” (dad); “we respect each other” (me); “we love each other” (Mario); “we listen to each other’s words” (Ri). Ri decided that “we listen to each other’s words” was our most important value because it encompassed all of the other values: when you listen, you take care of each other, respect each other, and love each other. Wise beyond her years.

I thought of this time together as I read the New York TImes article about creating your family mission. The article outlined a study which found that the more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned. Children’s emotional health and happiness increased when they knew more of their family history.

A-ha! Jon and I had finally found a study that confirmed we did something right (I remember going back to work after RI’s birth and reading studies about moms who worked outside of the home being prone to hyperactive and obnoxious kids and bawling my eyes out). There isn’t a day that goes by that Maria and Mario aren’t begging us to tell them a story about their childhood, our childhood, our parents’ childhood. They love the story of Jon taking forever to walk home because he had to stare at all the trees or me crying my eyes out because I missed the Brady Bunch. They love hearing how Peepaw used to make furniture and Grandpa Ionno used to write stories and Grandma Lolo used to pump Ri’s legs to get her to poop and Grandma Ionno used to rock Mario to sleep and Grandma Meg used to read wise books to Ri.

The study also recommended that parents convey a sense of history by passing down traditions – the hokier the family’s tradition, the more likely it will be passed down. Oh, we got that covered, too. We have hokey, we have normal, we have in-between. We check our stockings on St. Nick’s Day, we draw pictures of what we are grateful for at the end of the day, we look for candy and toys in the back yard on Easter, we head to Kings Island every year, we have a family bash on New Year’s Eve, we buy chips and pop for the ride home from Cincy.

So, I may have hyperactive and attention-deficit prone children from my 9-5 job but at least they will have self-esteem and be able to stand up for themselves.

"MOM!"

Adventures in the Life of a Working Mama

Tag: Life