Dis expectations and embrace appreciation

November 24, 2017November 24, 2017Leave a comment

I listened to just the right podcast this weekend. I was sitting at the skate park watching Mario and his friend do tricks on their scooters. Meanwhile, there were some serious skate dudes performing incredible flips and tricks. Mario and his friend looked precious as they scootered down a small ramp and looked over at me excited about their feat.

After watching them scores of times, my mind started to drift to Thanksgiving day. We are hosting Jon‘s family this year, which takes the burden off a bit because there are not as many people for dinner. In addition, they tend to be a rather quiet crew so I do not need to worry about anything getting broken, fights ensuing, or hurt feelings at the end of the night. But I do want to have a lively, entertaining day with them; so, I started thinking of ways that we could create such an atmosphere.

I heard about an app that allows you to record people‘s stories, and thought that we could use it to record stories of Jon’s mom and his brothers. Maria could craft five questions for each of them and post them during Thanksgiving meal. I then played my sweet husband’s reaction when I told him that that was our plan.

“Mar, you have got to be kidding. People Just want to eat dinner and relax with one another. You don’t always have to have activities happening all the time.”

So my mind moved on to something that was not so intrusive. Maybe we would have paper and pencil laid out so people could write gratitude notes to one another. We did something similar with my side of the family a few years back, and it was a lot of fun. At least for me. On further thought, I realized that only one of Jon’s family members – his mom – would really enjoy writing such notes. Scratch that idea, also.

I tend to do this to myself. Exaggerate how awesome the day is going to be and all of the things that I hope to get out of it – be it gratitude notes, interviews with family where they detail a magnificent hidden secret that we would have never known about but for the interview, incessant laughter while playing an awesome board game. Then the day comes and goes, and I am disappointed. I am disappointed because people didn’t laugh as much as I thought they would, I didn’t get to interview anybody, no one expressed gratitude to one another…..

The perfectionist mind comes into play again. But not this year, baby.

I have set no expectations.

None.

Rather, I have focused on appreciation. I learned that from one of Oprah’s SuperSoul Podcasts. Yes, I never thought that I would be an Oprah podcast listener but she has some good ones on there. And you can’t help but love how she finds such joy in wanting to better understand humanity, meaning, and spirituality on a deeper level. Her guest talked about how a death knell is having expectations of anything. He said that expectations will automatically destroy you. Rather, he recommends fostering appreciation; appreciation takes it off you and puts it on others. You change your mindset from wanting to giving. I no longer want things to happen the way I expect; rather, I give appreciation to those around me and for all that I have in my life.

And guess what? It worked! I even caught myself at the dinner table starting down that path of expectations. I hoped someone would bring up a topic that would burst into a magnificent conversation. As soon as my mind started going down that path, I took a deep breath and shoved in a pile of potatoes. I looked around the table at my hubby, who had drank a few wines and was making me laugh all day long; my kids, who were on their phones making videos of one another; and my family, who are all very different from one another but who love each other and feel comfortable enough together to simply sit at the dining room table and eat.

Thanks giving

December 19, 2016December 19, 2016Leave a comment

I love celebrating Thanksgiving. The gratitude and appreciation expressed for one another makes me beam. Everyone lets down whatever guard they may have erected and opens their arms to hugs. I must admit I was a bit concerned this year that my idyllic view of Thanksgiving may be shot to hell due to the recent election of Trump. But alas, it was not. All were polite. It was definitely more quiet than usual for a Heile get together … but Jon appreciated that peace.

Maria slaved over the favors for the family with me. We thought about what would be best for days before the event and finally landed on mason jars filled with a holiday mix. We drove to Giant Eagle to try to find mason jars. I told Maria that I did not want to spend a bunch of money on the jars. She was determined to find a deal. We walked down an aisle and Ri exclaimed “here are 12 for $8.99!” I shook my head with approval and we grabbed two cases. As we turned towards the checkout, a woman approached us. She held two coupons for mason jars, and asked if we wanted them. I was taken aback, as was Maria. What are the chances that somebody with a coupon for mason jars would be walking by us right when we are heading to the checkout? Life is crazy strange and full of surprises. And heck, we saved six dollars because of that woman; Ri and I were charged! A reminder to pay forward.

We arrived home to find Mario listening to music on the computer. We made him turn it off and help us decorate the mason jars, much to his dismay. But once he got started, he realized it wasn’t horrible. Maria enjoyed gathering all of the different foods we bought and mixing them together (while she taste-tested each one separately). She also decorated the mason jars and took her time trying to determine what decoration would look best for each person. I love how she put thought into each jar that she decorated; Mario, on the other hand, placed random stars and hearts on all his jars.

On thanksgiving morning, we drove down to the YMCA to serve the homeless man at the shelter. We have been doing this for about three years, and the kids thoroughly enjoy it. It helps that one of my long-time buddies runs the program and is really great with the kids. The men are also great with the kids – talking to them, thanking them for their service, and teasing them. The kids actively engage with them, especially Maria who sits down with them at their table and asks about their lives. One man approached me and told me how impressed he was with Maria in the way that she could talk to him and make eye contact. It made him feel special.

We got back home in time to shower and greet our guests from Cincinnati. They arrived with much good food and wine and treats. It was an easy year for us on the turkey front. Jon bought two of them from Ray Ray’s hog pit so we had nothing to cook. There is something to be said for going the easy route some years… (especially when Patrick isn’t around to help!).

Everyone mingled and got caught up on the latest news … and cooed over Elena before dinner. The potatoes actually took the longest this year because my mom had so many in the pot. It was starting to be a stressful situation but they finally came to a boil and we were able to mash them and get them on the table to be served. We chowed on our carbs and went into our annual daze. Folks on the couch watching football and folks in the kitchen cleaning up.

We went for our annual walk around the block after the dishes, which pleased Rocco greatly. Shortly thereafter, most of the crew left. But the diehard liberals stuck around to talk about their displeasure with the election … and Aunt Ann’s new beau.

We capped the evening off by meeting up with Sarah, Elena, and Jorge at their hotel. We brought some snacks with us and enjoyed jumping on the bed and playing farm with Elena before she went to bed – definitely the highlight of the day for Maria.

There was no getting up at 4 AM to shop on Friday morning – we slept in letting the carbs run through our bodies.

Wait a minute

December 3, 2015Leave a comment

Thanksgiving arrived abruptly this year. In years’ past, I spent a week pre-festivities getting things together and prepping the house for thanks and gratitude. After all,Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I am a big believer in gratitude and its positive effects on your life. NPR had a clip about gratitude the day before Thanksgiving. I gratefully got to take a walk with the pup before work and listened to the entire interview. Researchers conducted a study of a group of patients who recently suffered heart attacks. One group wrote in a gratitude journal for weeks after the heartatrack and the other group did not. The group who kept a journal got better more quickly. Other studies have shown that people who practice gratitude tend to be more hopeful, joyful and content.

The last couple of years, I’ve created a gratitude tree for Thanksgiving. The kids have helped to cut leaves out of construction paper and I’ve had family write down what they are thankful for and hang their leaf on a twig. I tried to even have family members go around at the dinner table and pronounce something or someone that they are grateful for but Jon always gives me the look (deep down, I know he’s grateful for me and my antics nonetheless).

However, this year,Thanksgiving snuck up on me like a burglar. I barely had time to set the table much less create a tree. We had Jon’s family over this year. All of his brothers were in town for the holiday, which is a rare treat. Maria was in seventh heaven because she got to stay with Patty for three days straight and sleep over with her girl cousins, Alana and Dagmawit. Mario loved hanging with his boy cousins, too.

The traditional Thanksgiving meal was served, and it was carb heaven. Patty’s corn casserole, potatoes, Patrick’s stuffing and rolls. We were able to get the adults around the dining room table, too, which was nice. The kids acted goofy and rambunctious in the other room.

After the meal, I took the pup for a walk with Chris and Connie and Michael and Debbie. It felt good to move a bit. None of us were ready for all the desserts even at the end of the night. The carb overload was too much. We were ready for some music serenades though. Maria and Alana gave us a short concert.

Amy and Zach stopped by for a bit after dinner and chatted it up with us. We commiserated over plantar fasciitis and leg aches. Rocco flipped out when he saw Zach; he recognized him immediately. Zach was our life-saver when Rocco was a pup; he let him out two times a day and tossed the stick with him all the time.

Margie and I talked about raising these girls of ours and all the joy and heartache in that task. Michael and Debbie talked about their biking adventures. I had Connie watch the you tube clip on awareness that Meg posted on FB. I figured she’d appreciate it in her social work role.

The girls couldn’t get out of the house quick enough to head home with Patty. They were so excited to do blind makeovers on each other. And Mario was stoked about sleeping over at Gio’s because they were gonna play video games all night.

Jon and I got a breather on Friday morning. I got in a good workout and he got in a farm auction. Then the entire crew and more joined us on Friday evening to celebrate the matriarch’s birthday.

How is Patty 76?! The woman looks and acts half that age. She’s unbelievable.

I loved seeing all the cousins get together and play. It reminds me of hanging out with my cousin Kerry on special occasions. And sweet Baby Harper joined us in the celebration! She is such a doll; she goes to anyone and smiles non-stop. Maria plopped her right on her hip and carried her from room to room. Mario glued on to Isaiah as soon as he walked in the house. He loves Isaiah because he is an amazing athlete. He wanted to play b-ball with him but it was raining.

The boys went with me to pick up the pizzas for dinner. I put on some electronica jams for them and turned around to this vision.

Heaven help me.

We sat at the dining room table and debated whether Kevin dangling a friend from his feet out a three story window was funny or not (Kevin was a young lad at the time). Then we moved onto other childhood antics (no matter what occasion the story of Chris and Jon taking all the milk and making Patrick use water for his cereal comes up!). After the pizza was demolished and we had a break on conversation, the kids and I found candles and decided on one single one to light in the pie. We gathered around and sang happy birthday to Patty. She was overcome with emotion. “This is only the third birthday party I’ve had in my lifetime.” I’ve got my eyes on a huge one for 80.

Margie and I took the girls for a walk after dessert. Ri had no desire to go but Alana and Dag wanted to go so she succumbed. Margie and I got to talk about motherhood again, and the challenges that come along with it. Both our gals are rather strong-willed, which we love but also can lead to trying times. If we can make it through those teen years though, they will be leaders with their personalities! When we got home, the girls waltzed downstairs and sang us a song in their get-ups….

And, of course, I had to irritate Jon at least once during the holidays by asking everyone to gather around for a family picture. Carrie moved us towards the steps for a different pose this year and it only took fifteen minutes for all of to situate who should be where. But we did it!

Ionno Thanksgiving 2015!

Thanksgiving 2014

November 29, 2014November 29, 2014Leave a comment

And so another Thanksgiving holiday has passed. We hosted the Heile clan this year so it was a raucous good time with Aunt Julie and I taking turns lifting each other off the ground in wild embraces and the cousins ribbin’ each other over any sort of thing.
Ri was wonderful helping me with the centerpiece and place holders. We spent two days making turkeys for each guest. Maria designed them after the one I tried to design looked like a buckeye nut glued on a circle. I cut out the body and head and beak and gizzard and feathers, and Ri wrote on each body: “We are grateful for NAME because…”. She wrote each family member’s name creatively and then wrote two adjectives on each of the feathers of the turkey to describe the person. She even got her thesaurus out to come up with unique words. Precious girl.

Poor Mario sat in the family room watching tv the entire time because he was sick as a dog. He sported a nasty virus that reared it’s ugly head through a non-stop cough for nearly seven days. He was up all night coughing and I swore in my sleep-deprived state that he had to have pneumonia. But two Urgent Care trips later, it was confirmed to simply be a virus. I was so glad to see some life in him on Wednesday morning. He was able to crank out five games of Crazy Eights with me and win everyone.
We woke early on Thanksgiving Day – Jon to prep the turkey and me to take Rocco on a long run to tire him out. When I got home, the kids and I played some more Crazy Eights and they drew cards for the Markles telling them how grateful they were for them in their lives. But the thought of getting out of their pjs to deliver their cards was too much for them so we saved the cards for a post-Thanksgiving present. Mario played on his iPad while Ri waited anxiously for the guests to arrive. Finally, Grandma Lolo arrived. She and I tried to figure out how to make the stuffing and gravy (I get more rudimentary cooking skills honestly; but she gave me so many other talents). Ri quizzed Papa Rod on geography. Then others began to arrive. Ri became the official greeter and coat taker thanks to Laura designating her. These cousins of mine have quite the influence on Maria Grace. She listens to their every word and watches their every move. She grew up with these gals and surely gets all of her sassiness from them.
I loved the hustle and bustle in the house; the laughter; the poking; the frivolity. I grew up with this craziness and I’m glad to see that none of us have settled down. Heck, look at us former Perkins’ waitresses posing for the camera – we still got it.
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While Jon was outside grilling a mean turkey, Julie, my mom and I were trying to brew up some equally mean gravy. You would think mixing broth, flour and water would not be so scary, but again, you are talking to three women that have never made it. But ta-da! We killed it!
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Everyone brought lots of sides – broccoli casserole, sweet potatoes, cranberries, green bean casserole, rolls, fruit salad, and mashed potatoes. The cousins got caught up on the latest in their lives while Ri and Mario sabotaged the boy cousins. Sweet Konnor and Stewart let the kids wrestle them and show them every room in the house. Cy played football with Mario in the freezing cold. Mag and Liz and Tiff and Laura grilled Ri about school. The uncles watched some football and the aunts chatted around the kitchen. Kinda traditional setting for T-Day but I’d have it no other way. This crazy bunch has been with me since I was a little pea pod and being able to give them thanks and break bread with them on this day made me giddy happy.
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Laura gave a lovely prayer before our meal and we were off to the races. Jon’s turkey was to die for – moist and honey-basted. The sides were yummy. The wine was rich. The company superb. And dinner was over in 25 minutes!
All the aunts got to washing the dishes within seconds of the end of the first person finishing their plate – true Grandma Heile style! We broke open the Frisch’s pecan and pumpkin pies and Rice Krispy treats and dove in without hesitation. In sticking with Columbus Thanksgiving tradition, I announced a walk after we gorged ourselves. A few brave souls decided to come with me, including Ms. Grace and Ri. Grace got the delight of climbing a tree!
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When we arrived home, I got a few more minutes with my Heile clan before they started to hit the road. But Susie and I did manage to wrangle the clan for a family photo before departures began. We started with the normal sweet photo…
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But then I got my goofy pose one.
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And then they were gone leaving behind two dozen deviled eggs (we forgot to put them out at dinner much to Jon’s glee), a pecan pie and another year of wonderful memories.
But before we knew it, we had more visitors. Grandma Meg and Peepaw arrived from their Thanksgiving in Cincy. Grandma Meg dropped off Peepaw for a sleepover since he left for Oaxaca on Friday morning to take an intense Spanish course and see Elena. Lucky dog.
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We ended the night with a long game of Quirkle (Ri beat us all as usual) and a few leftovers (including two pieces of sheetcake, yes sheetcake, a new Thanksgiving tradition started by Aunt Julie in honor of my sweet tooth).
I went to bed completely whooped but so grateful for having such an amazing clan to call family.
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Gobble Gobble

November 27, 2011November 27, 20111 Comment

Showing off Sarah's mac-n-cheese

We successfully hosted the first Thanksgiving in our new abode. No injuries, no serious screaming and only one dish of slightly burnt food. Even the diverse family members homogenized and got along great. Most of the family consisted of Jon’s side: his mom, dad, three brothers, their wives and kids. My mom and sis showed up to represent the Heile/Menkedick side. Jon woke up at 6:45 am to start the turkeys with his brother who drove over from Hilliard at 7 am (we can’t have any meal without Patrick’s input – he is a master chef). They grilled one turkey and smoked the other. Maria woke up exclaiming “I can’t believe Thanksgiving is finally here!” The day may have been better than Christmas for her – she loves having the family over and entertaining. She proudly showed off her place mats that she slaved over for the three weeks prior to Thanksgiving day (Megan, her sitter, and I prodded her more than a few times but she did a first-rate job on them and everyone enjoyed having a handmade mat in front of them).

My sis, Sarah, came over at 8 am in order for us to get in our Turkey Day run. We had contemplated running in the UA Turkey Race but decided that we may be pushing our luck trying to cook and run a race that started so late (9:15 am). Besides, 5 miles is wimpy – we went for about 8. We tore through the hills of Grandview and ran through donwtown back to our home. Sarah’s dogs kept us at a clip of a pace – they are like Iditarod dogs running through the tundra – they never stop! Little Sarah, all 95 pounds of her – held onto “the reins” the entire run. When the pups spotted a squirrel, they darted and pulled so hard on Sarah that she had to buckle down into a squat position and yank them back with all of her might. It is quite a sight to see this petite sister of mine take complete control of two dogs. She may be under 100 pounds but she is mighty.

A walk to the railroad tracks

When I arrived home, Maria and Mario were ready for everyone to arrive anxiously pacing around the house asking “how much longer?” Finally, Alana and Giovanni arrived and the screaming and insanity began (relegated to the basement, which continues to be such a godsend!). The kids had the basement destroyed in less than 15 minutes. A good reason for me to take a break and walk them down to the woods. I was getting antsy anyway because it was so gorgeous outside and I had been indoors preparing for the feast. “Anyone want to take a walk?” All of the kids jumped up and grabbed their shoes and coats. We walked down the road to the railroad tracks that are hidden behind a row of trees and bushes off the road. Is there any more fun than playing on the railroad tracks on a beautiful November day? The boys threw rocks into the trees and the girls danced around on the wood slats (on the outside of the track!). We thought we heard a train whistle at one point but it was merely wishful dreaming. The kids’ eyes popped out at the thought of seeing a train whiz by. Gio made me promise I would run back down with him if we heard the whistle at the house, and sure enough we heard it right when dinner was starting. Next time, Gio. Maria and Alana sang songs on the way back and Mario and Gio acted like “old men” by leaning on their sticks and hobbling up the hill.

When we got home, Maria and Alana begged for me to keep the boys out of Maria’s room so they could play barbies in peace. Mario refused to budge until I told him that the girls would beg to come to his room because of all of the cool toys he had so he better run in to it with Gio and keep those girls out. Maria and Alana caught on to my plan quickly and started to beg to come in Mario’s room. Mario and Gio slammed the door and refused to allow them in the room. The plan worked.

Meanwhile, the adults got to chat downstairs without children nagging at their ankles. Actually, I should clarify: Jon and I got to chat with out kids at our ankles. Patrick and Carrie have Alana and Gio pretty well-trained and Jon’s other brothers’ kids are grown. I was so bummed when I took the tablecloths out of the plastic and they were really wrinkled. If you buy new tablecloths they should be wrinkle-free – that is what you are buying, too, isn’t it? And what is the trick to getting those wrinkles out? I spent 20 minutes with the iron on them and still didn’t make much of a dent. But with the place mats and plates and silver on the table, you could barely tell. I had bought orange gerber daisies and purple flowers at the market the day before and they bursted out in the dining room against the brown walls.

Ready for seconds

We made enough food for a small army, as always. Thirty pounds of turkey, regular and oyster stuffing, mashed potatoes, chipotle mac-n-cheese, rolls, creamed corn casserole, gravy, and fruit salad. Sarah’s mac-n-cheese dishes were a nice touch and Patty’s creamed corn casserole is always to die for. I had dreamed of all of the food being laid out on the tables, everyone sitting down, and a beautiful grace being said by me. Maybe the dream will happen next year. THere were too many dishes to put them out on the tables, and it would have been a form of torture to make the first people in line wait for the last since it took about 15 minutes for everyone to get through (you know how that is “Oh, what are these? How did you make them? They look great!” all the while holding up the line!). Patty did give an impromptu grace while we stood in line giving thanks for family – those with us and those who have passed – and appreciating the day we had together. It was short but beautiful. Patty and I are a lot alike in our love for family connection and every hour or so that day we would knock elbows and smile happy with the way the day was going.

Maria and Alana with their drawing "If It's Too Loud, You Are Too Old!"

Within twenty minutes of putting my plate down to eat, I had to unbutton my jeans and stretch my arms. Always a true sign of a good meal. Maria loved the creamed corn casserole and the turkey. Mario liked nothing and opted for an oreo yogurt. Jon loved the creamed corn casserole, too. I loved everything – seriously, I can’t pick a favorite. I love all of the side dishes mixed together with the turkey. Heaven. When Mario was finished, he asked to be excused instead of stating “I am done.” The family was quite impressed, as was I! He informed me later that the school teachers make him ask to be excused because it is a more polite way of saying “I am done.” Thank god the school teaches him some manners!

After dinner, Maria and Alana acted like vampires pulling naive aunts and cousins upstairs to the attic to “take a bite” out of them. Josh and I were one of the firsts who got a “bite” in the hand from the vampire girls. They had a hoot with that game for a while. Then they chased after Peter for quite some time – poor Peter, our 17 year-old cousin who was “one of the kids” for so long that now even though he is grown, he is the honorary playmate. We really need to slip him some cash next holiday.

Getting ready for dessert and celebrating Patty's and Alana's b-days!

The desserts enticed even the most full of us. Pumpkin, pecan, cherry and peanut butter/chocolate pies with whipped cream and vanilla ice cream. With all of that, the kids played a game of who could spray the most whipped cream down their throats. It took us nearly an hour and a half to wash dishes – definitely the most obnoxious activity that you have to perform after a big meal like Thanksgiving but at least it gets you on your feet. Sarah ran over to get her pups when it got dark out and brought them back over for an early evening walk. We had hoped for a relaxing, serene walk around the block but a mad dash of kids flew out the door and we spent the entire walk trying to ensure that they remained together and didn’t cross the street and held their voices down (yeah, right). As rowdy as they are, I love seeing all of the cousins together having a good time. The older ones take care of the younger ones and the younger ones love the attention.

When we arrived home, we began the pack-up,stuffing leftovers into plastic bins and sliding pie slices onto paper plates. I tried to get rid of all of it but somehow ended up with my favorites – pecan and cherry – sitting in the fridge. How is it that one minute I can be stuffed silly and within an hour, I am ready for another slice of pie? Life is cruel that way. When the last of the family members walked out the door, Maria looked at me with the saddest little face. “I want Thanksgiving back. Why do good days have to end?” “I agree, Maria. But instead of being sad, we should be so grateful to have such a warm, loving, fun family.” She still looked sad so I took her to the second step of our stairs and sat her down next to me. She leaned her head on me looking out the door. I held the moment and told her that the second step was our resting place – a place that she could take me to talk about anything she wanted to talk to me about. I imagined her at age 16 with all of the teenage woes a girl faces. I told her that I want her to always feel she can tell me anything. She looked at me and said “I know I can, mom.” Please, Lord, let her continue to think that way.

We swept up the remaining scraps from the dining room and living room but left the food that had been dug into the floors by random feet stepping on them. Those would have to be wiped up on Black Friday; we were not heading out to the shopping mall so we had all day. Of course, we chose to ignore all that mess one more day and head down to Cincy on Black Friday to visit our aunts and cousins. A little procrastination never hurt anyone!

"MOM!"

Adventures in the Life of a Working Mama

Tag: Thanksgiving