Category: Family

A much needed get-away

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Looking out to the waves.

Jon and I took off for Cancun on Wednesday a couple of weeks ago.  It was a nail-biter prior to Wednesday morning at 5:30 am when we took off for the airport.  I got a leg infection on Sunday afternoon – thought it may be a hernia since my left thigh and groin were swollen and red.  I went to the ER on Sunday morning to ensure it was not a hernia and discovered it was an infection.  Luckily, antibiotics kicked in quickly and I felt better by Tuesday morning.  Then it was Jon’s turn to give us a scare.  He came home on Tuesday night feeling nasty with a headache, stomach ache and slight fever.  He never got his flu shot this year, and he felt like it was the flu coming on strong.  We packed our bags up on Tuesday night but in the back of both of our heads we were thinking that the trip would likely be cancelled. 

Jon and I braving the zip-line - we were pros!

Wednesday morning came and Jon got up from the bed to get his alarm at 4:45 am.  He still felt achey and his stomach hurt but no fever.  It was quite the dilemma at that time of the morning – my body had no desire to get out of bed and the fatigue overwhelmed the senses, which were screaming to get out of the 9 degree weather to sunny Cancun!  Jon and I waited until the last-minute to decide to go; called Maggie to come over and get Maria to school, and headed out to the airport.  Seven hours later we were in 79 degree weather staring out at the ocean. 

We had a marvelous time between playing in the ocean, zip-lining through the “jungle” , driving ATVs through dirt paths and ankle-high puddles (got my brand new gym-shoes dirty though – ugh!), and swimming in a cavernous pool of fresh water.  The ocean was our favorite – we both love diving into the waves and getting thrown around.  We agreed that Spring Break should be at the beach if it is warm enough.  Meanwhile, the kiddies were with our beloved parents. 

Maria enjoying a tractor ride (altough her face says differently!)

Maria stayed with her Pee-paw and Mama Meg.  She got treated to her Uncle Jack’s concert on Friday night and the farm on Saturday and Sunday.  She went on two hikes with her Pee-paw, both lasting over two hours.  That kills me!  I ask her to walk to school a half mile away and she whines the entire way.  Something about that gorgeous farm….  It helped that there was ice coating the creek – Maria loves cracking it.  Mama Meg played barbies with her (what a saint!) and cooked up some yummy food.  Meg is the only relative I know that actually vetoes certain barbies going out to the farm!  It seems that she refuses all the sluts and bimbos so I gotta give her a shout out – way to keep Ri real!  Mario stayed with Grandma Ionno and Papa Ionno.   They spoiled him like mad (as they always do) and he was in heaven.  It is his second home up there.  He sat on Papa Ionno’s lap one night and ate mini Nutter Butters while they watched basketball.  Mama Ionno cooks him whatever he wants, scratches his back softly (Mario scolds me everytime he comes home from Mama

Mario and his Grandma Ionno

Ionno’s house that I don’t scratch his back as good as Mama Ionno!), rocks him to sleep, and lets him wrestle her.  He is the king of the roost in that house, for sure. 

I treated Maria and Mario to COSI when we returned from Cancun.  We spent 6 hours at that place!  They saw geckos, entered a submarine, played in the kids area, changed the weather, and got shocked by electricity (supervised by a real scientist – not a torture device for being bad!).  I was pooped, as always, when I got home with them but the kind of pooped that intertwines accomplishment with exhaustion, gulping down life with drop-dead fatigue.

Family Ritual

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The Adventure Team with the addition of M&M!

Last night, I read a book that included a section about the importance of family rites and rituals.  The author asked the question “why do we need rites and rituals?” and answered it with the following: “Because we fall into forgetfulness.  The speed Demon captures our souls. We are too busy…. The demands of modern life are so many that we easily become distracted and neglect to pause and consider what is really important.” 

When I read this passage last night, I immediately thought about some of the past rituals that I share with my family.  My dad, stepmom, brother and sister and I used to take summer vacations to areas where we could hike, find rocks, swim and camp.  It was an outdoor adventure and not surprisingly, we dubbed ourselves “The Adventure Team.”  I look back on those trips with such fond memories (even though for a few of my teenage years, I remember dreading the thought of leaving my friends and the city to go to the lonesome woods!) and an appreciation for Dad and Meg’s persistence in making such vacations happen.  A high appreciation now that I have kids and know the effort and time necessary to prepare for such events and the lack of “leisure” that can often occur on such vacations!  

Mario enjoying his donuts!

Today, Maria, Mario, Jon, and I woke up to a balmy 32 degrees outside and the sight of a cardinal and robin perched in a bare magnolia tree in the back yard.  We looked out the back door at the two birds debating which one was a male and female; the babies they may have in the Spring; and the magnificent color of red the cardinal wore against the ashen tree.  After the birds flew away, we headed back into the living room, and decided that it was warm enough to take a stroller ride to the donut shop.  It has been a while since we did this on a Sunday morning.  The kids bundled up with their nighties under their clothes, and we jumped in the stroller for a wintry, snowy ride to Tim Horton’s.  

During the ride, Maria noticed how beautiful the morning was with the sun shining (the first time in days!) and the snow glistening.  Mario noticed the huge nests that were still present in the bare trees. Ahh, it is these mornings that I breathe in my children and my life and everything beams around me….

Maria and her sultry pose at the donut shoppe.

Once at Tim Horton’s, we claimed our regular seats near the window and ate our donuts and bagel.  We talked about Mama Ionno’s house and what they would play there when they went for dinner.  We talked about Daisies and how many cookies Maria has sold to family.  We talked about summer and how great it will be to stroll to the donut shop in a t-shirt and shorts!  After the donuts, Maria begged to go to the river to find rocks.  I was not sure Mario would agree because he gets so cold even wrapped up in three layers but he ended up being game.  It was an adventure getting there since the bike path was still covered in snow.  I got my arm workout in for the week!   

Maria found her stash of cool rocks, as always.  The girl has an eye for unique rocks.  She found one with fossils and another shiny onyx one.  Mario threw small, medium and large rocks into the water listening for the different sounds they produced upon impact.  We found an “iceberg” jutting off the edge of the bank and took turns throwing rocks on it and watching the ice break off and float down the river.  I told them that if anyone ever told them that they were not strong, they could tell them that they destroyed an iceberg!  They liked that. 

Maria and Mario at the river

We headed back to the house about a half hour later.  I trudged back through the snow along the path and took a deep sigh upon seeing the road.  We headed up Grandview Avenue taking in the immense sunlight and “warm” temperatures.  While I pushed the kids up the hill, I thought about family rituals and it dawned on me that going to the river is our family ritual.  Spending the morning at the river engaging in the simple acts of gathering rocks and making huge splashes in the water.  It is strange to think about creating new rituals for my children; my focus in the past has always been on retaining the rituals from my childhood – Christmas dinners at Grandmas’ houses; Easter egg hunts at Grandma’s house; birthday parties with big sheet cakes.  

But now I found myself creating a new ritual with Maria and Mario that, although right in line with the activites of my childhood summer vacations. was different and special to us.  And best of all, the trips allowed all of us to “pause and consider what is really important.”

Clingin’ Twins

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The Cling-ons

Maria’s and Mario’s new nicknames have to be the Clingin’ Twins. 

I always wanted my kids to want to be near me and feel close to me but lately I have been wishing that they were teenagers and hating the thought of me coming around them.  They are like those little finger puppets with magnetic paws that cling onto your finger or belt clip. 

The neighbors down the street invited us to a birthday party for their twin 2 year olds at a trendy cafe/kids play area last week.  Coffee and chit-chat for adults and play land for kids.  The space had high ceilings, kid-friendly play areas, bouncy house, scooters, and some comfy furniture for adults to sit and talk.  When we walked in, there were at least eight kids running around on all of the toys and play areas.  I nudged M & M over towards the play areas, and they both clung to my hands.  I had to walk Maria over to her friend and initiate conversation between them before she let go of my hand.  Mario, being the clingiest of clingy, really never let go until we were fifteen minutes away from departing the place.   

Maria braving the slide

I know in hindsight that I tended (and still tend) to do too much for my kids.  For example, if Maria wants a pen, I will get up and get it for her when she could just as easily retrieve it.  Or when Mario wants a drink, I grab him the cup and pour the water.  Now, when they were 1, probably appropriate.  At ages 3 and 5, not so appropriate – or smart.  And it is a heck of a lot harder to break them of this mommy reliance now versus at age 1.  I also drop everything when they begin to talk to me or ask me a question.  If I am talking to another adult, I interrupt that conversation to answer Maria or Mario rather than asking M or M to wait.  Again, not the best route to go I have learned. 

But, we live and learn, right?  I need to consider the ten other attributes M&M possess that are wonderful and stop dogging myself about this one thing (something I tend to do a lot in motherhood as well as work, relationships, etc.).  Nonetheless, I will have some different advice to give Maria and Mario as they raise their children (although I am sure I will spoil their children and do everything for them!).   

Mario and mom reading Mario's favorite Cat in the Hat

Anyway, the mom who hosted this party is one of those moms who should wear a cape and the song “Supermom” be played whenever she enters a room.  She feeds her kids all organic foods, she stays home with them all day and reads them books, plays games, does crafts.  They know how to read and play music and count.  I will never forget the day that Maria and I were over for a visit and Maria and Blake were drawing at the table.  Maria spelled her name and I  praised her for such an accomplishment.  Blake, two weeks younger, wrote his name and an entire two sentences.  I tried not to care but it produced a wave of guilt I had not prepared for that day.  Should I be home with Maria?  Should I feed them better? Should I read to them more and make them write more often?  

These feelings descended on me again while we were at the party and Maria and Mario kept dragging me over to where they were playing so I could watch them.  “Maybe if I would have stayed home with them, they would not be so clingy.”  “They feel abandoned during the day so they cling with me any time they can.”  And the thoughts kept going and going… And then a fellow mother approached me. 

“How do you juggle it all between working and getting these guys out and home life?”

I turned to the mother, a “stay-at-home” mom, and replied “what I do pales in comparison to what you are doing.” 

She replied “Oh, no, I could not see getting up and rushing to work and working all day and picking up the kids and making dinner and playing with them and getting them to bed – I would go nuts.” 

Enjoying the Cat in the Hat theme

I told her that I could not see getting up every morning and have a full day ahead with the kids (and no adults), kid activities to plan, refereeing fights, and staying at the house through the day. 

We laughed.  And agreed on a fundamental tenet.  Our kids will be fine because we love them and care for them and hold them and kiss them.  She is not the person that could juggle an outside job, kids, home-life.  I am not the person who can “stay home” all day.  So we both concluded we made the best decision for us, which in turn has to be the best decision for our kids.  Yet, I inevitably second guess my decision when I see the mom swinging her kids on the playground at 1 in the afternoon – just as I am sure there are stay at home moms who watch me jumping in my car to head to work and second guess their decision as their toddler tips over the grape juice glass and throws a solid temper tantrum.

One extreme to the other

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Snow party!

This Winter has been way too cold.  December usually brings a few days of below freezing weather but last month I don’t remember a day where I couldn’t have seen penguins sliding around on the ice outside of our door.  I thought maybe we could look forward to a surprisingly warm January but this month is more of the same.  However, one of my New Year’s Resolutions is to be less negative and see that glass as half full versus half empty.  So, here I go.  Although it was freezing outside, we at least got some snow.  Of course, not enough that we could build a snowman (stop the negative!) but enough that we could make a go at sledding down our local hill. 

 In doing so, wegot the chance to use the plastic sleds we received from cousin Laura for Christmas.  They are the cutest little sleds with a curvy hourglass seat and a handle in the front to steer.  Of course, the seat is made for a three-year old’s butt – when I sat on it at the house, more than half of each cheek laid on the cold snow – not a plastic sled.  We bundled up in two pairs of pants, two shirts, two pairs of socks, jumpsuits, gloves, hats, coats, and snowshoes and booked down to the hill in hopes of beating everyone else.  We only found four others sledding on it – yeah! 

 

Getting ready for the hill!

The hill had already lost most of its snow but with a plastic sled, no problem (see that positive spirit shining through!).  We climbed up to the top and loaded Maria on her red sled.  I gave her a push and much to our dismay, she gently coasted down the hill having to push herself one or two times.  Ok, my reaction affects her reaction so when she looked up the hill at me, I yelled “that was awesome, Ri!”  You could tell that she had expected to go faster but hesitated in saying so because of my reaction.  All of a sudden, a smile formed on her face and she yelled “can I go again?”  Nothin’ like spreading that positive thinking!  

Mario got on his blue sled, and I would have sworn it was custom-built for him.  His butt sat in it perfectly, and with a slight push he whizzed down the hill.  After watching Mario, Maria gave it another try and had high hopes.  Unfortunately, half way down the hill we heard a snap.  When she got to the bottom, she stood up and realized that her sled had broken in two (she has her momma’s bottom).  There was an immediate breakdown – crying like she had been told that she would ever eat meatballs again.  I raced down the hill to calm her down.  “Hey, we still have Mario’s sled” I told her.  

She finally calmed down.  We approached Mario at the top of the hill and told him of Maria’s dilemma.  

 “This is MY sled – no one can use it besides me!”
 
Pretty much what I had expected from Mario who is not into sharing at all (he won’t even share a piece of food that he does not like) so I was ready with my response.  
  
“Mario, your sister lets you share everything with her.  You will share your sled with her or we are leaving and no one sleds.”  
  
“Ok, let’s go home.”

Broken sleds

 
Yeah, again, pretty much the response I expected from him.  Stubborn as heck.  He will give up any type of fun if it means he does not have to share.  I explained to him that he was going to sled with his sister or let his sister go by herself.  He chose the former.   I loaded him and Maria onto the sled and they slid slowly down the hill.  Surprisingly, they both looked up from the bottom of the hill and were smiling!  Alright, score!  When they got up the hill, they asked me to go with them.  In the excitement of it all, I hopped on and stacked them on me.  The sled broke within two seconds of push-off.  Next meltdown but Mario this time.  I explained that we would get some new sleds and come back to the hill.  Hs finally calmed down, cheeks frozen with tears. 

Maria ready for the pool!

  
The next day, knowing that the hill would have no more snow on it, I offered the next best activity to sledding – swimming!  We went to a new indoor pool in Dublin.  Swimming is quite the chore for me because Maria is not swimming on her own yet and Mario wants me to watch his every move.  As soon as I go near Mario, Maria wants me and vice versa.  Finally, I got Maria to put on her goggles and swim to me while I sat near Mario and watched him jump up in the water and land on his stomach.  There was a lazy river that provided much fun as we acted like superheroes while we swam around it.  Unfortunately, they have 15 minute breaks every hour.  Poor Mario cannot handle the cold once he has to get out of the pool.  His lips turn purple, he shakes, and he begs to go home.  Maria, on the other hand, doesn’t even use her towel when she gets out – our little polar bear girl.  I knew that a bag of Cheetos and a big hug from me would calm Mario down and I was right.  We lasted through the 15 minute break and hopped back in at the whistle’s call.  Maria got better at playing by herself and Mario got better at not demanding every second of my attention.  We swam another 45 minutes and then hopped into the showers.  Mario refused to get out.  He showered for 18 minutes with hot water before he finally asked me to get him (this is the same kid who adores hot tubs).  We got dressed, got some chips for Ri and played I Spy while we sat in the Dublin Rec Center lobby.  
  
We got home in time for dinner, and decided on pasta and meatballs and garlic bread.  Good post-swimming meal.  As they sat at their table, Maria spoke to Mario about the importance of saying thank you even if you don’t like a gift that you get (we had discussed this with the kids when we were making Christmas rounds).  Mario sat intently listening to her.  She moved onto discussing the idea of sharing and asked him for a chip.  He promptly responded with a “no.” She took one anyway.  He complained.  She gave it back and told him that if someone takes your food, you should tell them that you do not appreciate it but you should not yell at them.  This coming from the girl who nearly burst a vein screaming at Cy when he ate her garlic bread.  However, that was months ago – how she has grown since that time.  
 

Mario waiting with goggles on!

Girls’ Day Out

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Oh, yeah, we are too hot to handle!

Maria and I traveled to Cincinnati yesterday afternoon to head to my cousin Emily’s graduation party. Mario was up at Jon’s parents’ house enjoying the tv, cookies, and wearing his pajamas all day.  Before heading off to Cincy, we took a quick stroller ride up to Giant Eagle grocery store to get a card for Emily and a salad for Maria.  Yeah, impressive, right?   Salad! 

Hmmm, salad….  You may think of peppers or broccoli, or carrots, or tomatoes.  Heck, even mushrooms or sprouts.  But no.  When my girl wants a “salad” she wants lettuce (and typically iceberg lettuce even though I got her to agree to field greens this time (although she ate little to none); a couple of chunks of ham, cheese, and a truck-load of croutons.  For dressing, an avalanche of ranch.  After Giant Eagle, we were off to Cincy with the Berenstein Bears Christmas movie, popcorn, and diet pepsi.  When we were 20 minutes away, Maria decided that she wanted to talk to me rather than watch the movie.  We played the animal game and sang songs to one another.  We picked up Grandma Lolo, and answered Maria’s questions on the way to Aunt Jane’s house.  She asked our favorite memory, our worst memory, our favorite Christmas.  When we turned the questions on her, she refused to answer (just like her dad!). 

We were one of the first family members to arrive at Aunt Jane’s house.  Emily and Laura gave some big hugs to Ri, and then Ri was off to the cookie table.  I think she downed five before I put the smack-down on her.  Aunt Jane’s house is much more subdued than Grandma Heile’s house so Maria did not know how to act.  She is used to chaos and loudness and rough-housing.  Cy and Robert came around eventually, but they were in football mode so were not engaging her as they usually do.  Therefore, it meant that Maria glued onto me.  She dragged me downstairs, outside, in the kitchen.  Finally, Grace arrived and became a much appreciated distraction for me and Maria. 

Gracie showing her good nature with Maria "hugging" her!

Maria adores Gracie-poo.  In fact, Maria adores all babies and kids under the age of three, especially girls.  She especially loves Grace because Grace is her cousin and because Grace pretty much lets Maria kiss and hug all over her without throwing a fit.  She also lets Maria direct where she goes (to a limit!) around a room and Maria loves playing the mother hen role.  Maria has been telling Jon and I for months that she wants to have ten or fifteen kids and I can now see that she very well could and handle it with perfection!  In fact, she shows a lot more disciplinarian skills than me – the ways she raises her voice, her sternness, the way she looks at you with shame when you do something she does not approve of, the discipline she metes out….  (my cousins would say that it doesn’t take much to beat me on the disciplinarian front since I am such a softie!).  But Ri also has my soft touch in her – Maria handed her camera to Grace and when Grace put it up to her face, Maria shook her head up and down and in an excited tone stated “Yes, Gracie, that is how you use a camera; you are so smart.” 

Maria proud of her picture "set-up"

After dinner (and loads of stories about drunkenness from the night before), Ri and I took a walk down the street.  We took silly pictures and tried to solve mysteries.  When we went back inside, Maria got to line up her aunts for a picture.  She directed who stood next to who, how their hands were placed, how there heads were tilted.  She has got her late Grandpa Bill embedded in her soul.  After some obligatory rough-housing with the boy cousins, we packed up our cake and cookies and hit the road back to Columbus. 

Sleeping beauty

Once home, Ri and dad got into Wii.  We learned that Ri has quite the bowler’s arm scoring quite a few spares during their game.  She also loves throwing the frisbee to her cute computer pup.  We finally shut her down at 10:30 and read Poison Ivy Fancy Nancy (her new favorite).  After the book, she begged dad or me to put her to bed.  I knew what would happen if I took her up to bed and rubbed her back.  Setting my tush on that bed would send me straight to sleep and I had been wanting to get on my computer for a few nights straight with no luck.  But it had been too wonderful of a Maria/mom day to say “no.”  We trekked up the stairs to her room.  PJs on, teeth brushed, face washed.  We laid down under the covers and I kissed her goodnight.

“It Wasn’t as Fun as I Thought It Would Be!”

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“It wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be…” 

The words out of Maria’s mouth when I picked her up from her old daycare last Monday.  She had been so excited to go back to her old stomping grounds and hang out with her favorite teachers, Amanda and Chris and Nate, and her old friends, Sydney, Logan, Brianna.  She even gave up a birthday party to go to school all day.  When I dropped her off, she quickly shooed me away and hung on Ms. Chris as I walked out the door.   When I returned at 5:15 that night, she ran to me like she used to when I picked her up from that school – arms out, smile wide.  I thought she would be excited when I told her that she may be going back daycare one more day, tomorrow.  Rather, she fell limp. 

“No way, mom.  I don’t want to come back here again.”

“Why, Ri, you were so excited about coming to school today.”

“I don’t know, mom. It just wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be.”

Oh, darling one.  All I could think when she said those words was how often in my life I have built up an event to only exit it hours later thinking “Well, that wasn’t quite what I expected.” Or, to be more accurate in my thinking “Well, that sucked.”

M&M - post unwrapping gifts

I thought about Maria’s sincere and truthful statement after the holiday festivities this weekend. 

First, the festivities.  It started with Christmas Eve at my mom’s house and my cousin’s house (formerly my grandmother’s house).  Soon after we stepped into my mom’s house, both kids were begging to open presents, especially Mario.  We told Maria to wait a few minutes, and although you could tell she was not too happy about it, she adhered to our wishes and shuffled around the presents looking to find the words “Maria.”  Mario, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with waiting. 

“Mom, I want to open presents now.”

“Mario, you have to wait a few minutes. This celebration is not just about gifts, it is about being with family.”

M&M at mom's house loving Barbies and transformers!

It was as if I told him that Santa did not exist (and I had been tempted to do it many times in the last few weeks when he had pushed me to the limit).  He scrunched his face, looked perplexed, and stomped away.  “How could this day be for anything other than presents”, he thought?  Dad and I had only been telling him for weeks that he better get to sleep or he won’t get any presents from Santa.  After he stomped away for 30 seconds, he returned with a vengeance and a loud scream: “I want to open my presents.”  Mom gave in as grandmas tend to do, and the kids ripped open their presents.  Mario opened one after the other within 4 minutes and then looked up and said “I want more.”  Lovely.

Maria, on the other hand, expressed her appreciation for her camera and books and proceeded to give the warm hugs and kisses for her thoughtful presents.  Thank goodness for that little girl right now.  She knows just when she needs to step in so that I don’t rip my head off or more likely, my sweet, adorable hellboy’s head. 

Maria enjoying time with her cousins (Mario refused to join in)!

Jon and I and my mom and Rod were able to rip open our present in lightening speed before Maria and Mario wore us down with their incessant demands.  I found out later that I totally missed some jewelry my mom bought me because I was too busy just trying to get the gifts open so we could move on to the cousin’s house.  We rushed out of mom’s to get to cousin Laura’s house for the Heile get-together.  Mario and I walked up the three stairs to the kitchen and everyone stood there and screamed “Welcome! Merry Christmas!”  It sounded like they all had superpower megaphones but that was just their normal voices.  I am inflicted with that loud voice, also.  Therefore, my natural reaction was to join in the screaming and laughing and hugging.  Mario was not amused.  He immediately withdrew and would not look at anyone (Maria, on the other hand, ran over to her cousins and hugged and teased them – a true Heile). 

Mario a bit excited about his ball from Aunt Jane.

For most of the night, Mario was on my hip (except when I turned on SpongeBob downstairs for him to watch – the only thing that will pry him away from me).  He was sullen and pissy until nearly everyone left and then he livened up and had a good time for the remaining 20 minutes of our stay.   Not exactly what I had hoped for when thinking about the night.

We drove home, both kids still awake at 9:30 when we arrived at the front door.  It took a while for bed to actually occur and I spent the next hour preparing for Santa to come.  Finally, I hit the sack around 11 pm.  Poor Jon was fighting a sinus infection so he got about 3 hours of sleep.  The kids awoke at 7:30 (not bad for Christmas morning) and flew down the steps to the presents.  Mario ripped through all of his presents with his last one being a Spiderman web shooter.  That present was the only one that caught his eye and that he actually stopped to take a breath and admire.  We could have gotten him lumps of coal wrapped in tissue with the Spiderman web shooter and he would have never known.  In fact, that is what Santa should have brought based on Mario’s behavior the last two months.  Maria ripped through her presents, also, and seemed pleased with what she received – her favorite being her barbie dolls and Leapster.  However, when she went to play the one game I got her, Globe Expedition, she returned to the room almost immediately crying about how the game was horrible. 

Maria showing off her presents

“I just want to play a game, mom.  This game just wants you to learn things.”

Oh, heaven forbid.  She proceeded to complain about how this Christmas had been horrible and boring.  Meanwhile, Mario burst out in tears because he shot all of his web string within ten minutes and he no longer had any to play with through the day.  Ahh, such peace and joy for the holidays.  Not the picture I had in mind for the holidays.   

Jon’s family came over at 2 pm for Christmas dinner.  The kids played fairly well together although Mario still clung to me or Patty the entire time.  They left around 8 pm that night and we were all exhausted except Mario who always gets his second wind around that time.  He wanted to wrestle and jump and punch and kick.  The boy is like the energizer bunny.  We played for a while in Maria’s room – Mario put on his imaginary diving suit and jumped in the ocean off of Maria’s bed and Maria helped him look for fish to catch.  Maria and I fried the fish and ate them.  After 15 minutes of that game, Ri and I read some Fancy Nancy books. and Mario chose Dr. Seuss.  Mario got out of bed, as always, within 10 minutes of putting him down.  We fed him cheese and crackers and he begged me to go upstairs with him.  I hesitated because I wanted to veg out with my computer and cookies, but I gave in and was fast asleep by 10 pm.  Ugh, so much for some down time and again, not the night I had thought it would be.

The crew preparing to open presents

On Sunday, I got up at 7 am and ran up to Panera to get some yummy bakery treats.  I literally ran up the street just to wake me up because I was exhausted from the past two days – 15 degrees will open your eyes and get your blood pumpin’ anyday.  My dad and Meg, Sarah and Jorge, and Jack came over at 9 am.  Let the third round of chaos begin!  Sarah and Jorge madly wrapped gifts, Mario begged to open presents, Cy barked madly, and Maria stole bites of all of the bakery treats. 

We tossed around gifts to their rightful owners and tried to prepare ourselves for the traditional opening of the presents.  I think back to life just eight years ago when Jon and I were sans children, Sarah was home from college, and Jack was in high school.  We would head over to Meg and dad’s house at a reasonable, adult-like hour, spend at least an hour and a half opening presents, and then get treated to a down-home breakfast of eggs and toast and pancakes.  My family needs that time to open presents.  We like to open a gift and talk about its origins, its necessity to our lives, its cool texture or how we’ll use it.  Jon’s family is exact opposite.  Everyone opens their gifts at the same time, a thank you follows the opening of the present, and it’s done.  I am quite sure I take the nutty in-law award at Christmas with them as I explain for ten minutes when and where I am going to use the gift and how I had been wanting it for years and years.   

Mario enjoying a present

On this Christmas, however, we have two little munchkins that cannot hold back their excitement for opening more presents.  We also have a drop-dead time that we have to leave to Cincy to visit family.  Therefore, in the end, we  only have about an hour to open gifts, which in any other family may be more than enough time, but it is like a nanosecond for us.  Maria and Mario opened first because Mario was going to go into coronary arrest if he did not open his big box.  And, what joy when he saw his bean bag!  Joy that lasted nearly 5 seconds at which time he pushed it to the side and asked, while salivating and looking a bit crazed, “where is my next one?”  Maria, my gracious five-year old girl, expressed much appreciation for her bean bag.  She has heard stories of how I laid on my bean bag watching tv, eating doritos, and sipping coke on the weekends.  She dreamed of aping me.  By the time M&M finished opening, we had about 40 minutes.  I think we got through a round or two of gifts before we realized we only had 10 minutes left.  We threw out tradition and began opening our presents quickly, and only speaking about them for a few seconds.  Very strange and wonderful to my dear hubby, but again, not what I thought it would be like that morning.  

Mario taking a break from being mad to laugh at silly grandpa and aunt sarah!

We then headed back to Cincy to see my grandma, uncle, and cousin and her family.  Mario remained in his complete mama state refusing to say hello to his great-grandma and refusing to even let Pee-paw hold him while I went to the car (Maria gave double the hugs and kisses to great-grandma – thanks Ri).  I cannot wait to tell these “clingy mama” stories to Mario when he is 13 years old and begging me with all of his heart not to kiss him when I drop him off at school or come around him and his friends.  Finally, Pee-paw whisked him away crying and all to show him the pool table; he quickly became immersed in pushing the balls into the different side pockets.  Maria and Annaliese played dress-up and I got to breathe for a few minutes and get in a talk with Meg and grandma about raising boys.  I also got to take a little stroll with my siblings as we took the dogs out to get some air.  Sarah has two pups named Stella and Mona.  Dad has one pup named Rosie.  Rosie is insane.  Stella is wild.  Mona is chill.  I walked Mona. 

Maria and her great-grandma

We had another delicious meal and opened yet another round of presents.  Mario received his 20th spiderman toy.  He could own a spiderman factory.  He gave his traditional pout after he opened his last gift and complained that everyone else had more presents than him.  I tried to explain to him that others had the same amount but that he opened his like a hurricane leaving others in the dust.  He liked the analogy of beating others so his mood became upbeat again.  Boys.  Maria swaddled her new baby, which surprisingly held her attention for a good amount of time.

We left my uncle’s house around 5 pm and headed up north to our distant home.  We forgot my sweater and Maria’s doll so we circled back to the house with much exhaustion. 

Ms. Maria

As I looked back at the holiday events – my mom’s and cousin’s house, our house with Jon’s family, and my dad and Meg and family, I think about the myriad of times during the three-day period when I thought “This is not what I expected” and I felt irritated or tired or frustrated.  But nearly every time I had such feelings, I quickly pushed my mood up a few notches by thinking about how grateful I am for my family.  Grateful that I could share the holiday with my closest relatives – my hubby, my kids, my mom, dad, stepmom, sister, brother, grandmother, in-laws, cousins, aunts….  Grateful that I could laugh with them about Mario’s terrible threes and Maria’s infatuation with boys and Justin Bieber.  Grateful that I could see my 90-year-old grandma enjoying her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  Grateful to have such a wide spectrum of personalities and interests amongst my family members. 

When I spoke with Maria after Christmas was officially over at my uncle’s house, I talked with her about this principle of gratitude.  I explained to her that people who practiced gratitude typically lived more joyful, content, meaningful lives.  I used an example: Sometimes mom gets very irritated and angry with you or Mario when you are acting up but after a while I close my eyes and think about how grateful I am to be your mother, to watch you grow and learn, to give you love and comfort.  Once I practice that gratitude, I feel better.  Maria sat looking at the wall for a few seconds and then replied “Yeah, Mario irritates me sometimes, too.”  I chuckled and asked her although she got irriated with Mario, was she still thankful to have him as her brother.  She glanced over at Mario who was intently playing with his spiderman figurine and eating a cookie, looked at me, and quietly responded “yes.”

Summer Teenage Control Program

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Mario copping his attitude while at Five Guys eating his fries!

Tonight, I turned into my father (AHHHHHH!).  I instituted the Toddler and Kindergartner Dinner Control Program.  Jon and I have done a horrid job at sitting down to dinner with the kids.  Both of us grew up having dinner with our parents, and want to carry that tradition down to Maria and Mario.  However, for numerous reasons (some lame and some legitimate), we have failed.  We both work and have used that as an excuse to order in food most of the days of the week or simply skip dinner and eat some random foods through the night.  Now, before we have Child Welfare knocking at our door, we do feed the children decent meals.  They just usually eat them at their little Dora table as Jon or I (sometimes both) watch them gobble up their food and begin play again.  If they are not eating at their little table, they are out with me at one of the parks eating a picnic dinner or at Panera or Cowtown Pizza.  During the Spring, Summer, and Fall, we live outside.  Therefore, we carry our dinner with us.  So, here comes Winter and darkness at 5 pm.  We need to make the change. 

Maria wanted a “feast” for this dinner so she decided on turkey dogs, peas, leftover pasta and meatballs, grapes, and bread.  We cooked the meal while Mario and Jon played in the dining room. 

Maria doing her model pose (as always) while eating her fry!

After fifteen whole minutes, we had our meal.  Maria and Jon cleared the dining room table, Maria placed a vase of flowers on it, and we served the dinner plates.  We all sat down.  Maria and Mario fought for five minutes about who got to say a meal prayer (Grandma Ionno instituted this ritual in them!).  Finally, Maria caved and Mario went first and Maria second.  We then began our next soon-to-be ritual: telling each other our favorite part of our day.  Mario again got to go first (yes, Maria is a saint and so patient).  Mario’s favorite part of the day was learning about manners at school (always say “please” and put a napkin in your shirt when you eat sloppy foods).  Maria’s favorite part was sitting next to her friends, Zach and Trent, at lunch and laughing about “silly things.”  Unfortunately, Jon was stopped cold in his story because at this point, Mario was standing up in his chair and dancing.  We scolded him to sit down and eat warning him that Spiderman only gets bigger if he eats his food (the only thing, if anything, that works on him to get him to eat).  Maria, by that time, was begging for some of my spaghetti since she had eaten her food.  Maria skirted all around her chair and managed to get cottage cheese and spaghetti sauce in her hair, on her forehead and on her shirt.  We were asking her to scoot around to the table when Mario stated he was finished (although he had only ate half of his hot dog and nothing else).  He lifted those tiny arms up with his palms facing upward pleading “But, mom, I am not hungry. My tummy will hurt.”

He knows exactly what to say.  Maria, meanwhile, was set on finishing the rest of my spaghetti.  She is a girl who knows how to eat well.  Unfortunately, I do not think Mario will rise to her level anytime soon.  Right in the midst of all of this, guess  who calls?  My Father!  The Architect of the Teenage Summer Control Program that I morphed into the Toddler and Kindergartner Dinner Control Program!  Little did he know what influence he had on his daughter. 

Maria and Mario ready for our Fall picnic at the park!

As soon as I got on the phone with him, the kids were out of their chairs and wrestling on the floor.  It had been 16 minutes since we began eating our dinner – not bad for the Programs’s first night.  Tomorrow we will explain the Program in more detail to the kids and try for 18 minutes.  I may also have to give them a carrot like my dad did for me and tell them if they sit in their seats for 18 minutes, they will get a yummy treat for dessert.  I better stack up on vanilla ice cream, whipped cream and skittles!

New “Moan” ugh!

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I hate staying indoors, especially when it is sunny and 68 degrees outside in November.  I love taking a morning rum, especially when it is barely light and a chilly 40 degrees outside.  I hate coming home after a day at work and sitting in the house the rest of the evening.  I love taking a walk in the dusk of the evening when it is crisp and the air is invigorating.  That is why I was so bummed out after my hospital trip last week. 

Last Sunday night, the pain stabbed through my left chest and up through my left shoulder like it has in the past.  I took two Aleeve and went to bed.  I tossed and turned but slept decently through the night. On Monday, I ran and worked out in the morning and had a little bit of pain in my left shoulder through the day.  Slept fine on Monday night.  On Tuesday, I started to get the pain back so I took it easy and decided against a morning run.  Tuesday night I tossed and turned and felt a lot of pain in my left chest again.  I stayed up a good portion of the night.  Wednesday rolled around and I went to work with the continuous pain shooting through my left chest.  By the time I got home in the evening, I was not feeling well.  I started to have a shortness of breath and a headache.  Jon forced me to head to the Urgent Care, which was closed.  I travelled on to the ER. 

There I was amongst a lot of people complaining about how long they had been waiting for a doctor.  A woman in a wheelchair rolled up to me and gave me some advice “You are gonna be waiting here for hours – I have been out here for four.”  She rolled back to her group and began cursing about the length of time in the waiting room.  Turns out she was only 28 (looked 50) and she was a heavy drug user and smoker (at least that was what she was divulging to her group).  Luckily, I got in to see a doctor within an hour.  They hooked me up to an EKG immediately, which was normal.  They did chest x-rays and blood work, which were normal.  They were perplexed at how a non-smoker, runner, healthy woman could have such severe chest pain.  The doctor decided to keep me overnight in order to have me do a stress test in the morning. 

I was in such pain through the night.  Morphine did nothing.  It was one of the scariest times in my life because I could not breathe in without excruciating pain.  My breathing was so shallow because if I breathed any heavier, I felt like a knife was stabbing me in my left chest.  Because I could only breathe in a little bit, I got anxious that I would not be able to breathe at all if I laid down and fell asleep.  Therefore, I did not sleep all night.  I stared at the tv, the door, the machines and wondered if I would make it.  Yeah, your mind works in crazy ways at 3 am in a hospital bed.  Morning arrived and the new doctor was skeptical of a stress test.  First, I probably could not perform it because I could not breathe in enough to stress my heart.  Second, he saw nothing abnormal in all of the x-rays and tests so he did not think it was a heart problem.  He ordered a CAT Scan for me.  I had never had one of those before.  Not pleasant.  When the nurse shot die through my veins, I immediately thought I would throw up metal and swore I had gone to the bathroom on the machine.  What a horrid feeling!  Luckily, they were all just sensations from the dye.  An hour later, the doctor walked in and informed me that I had pneumonia.  It had showed up on the CAT Scan test. 

Maria showing me the words she learned from her "word ring"

Jon picked me up with Maria in the back seat holding a picture of me when I was ten.  She loves this picture of me with my super balls (little round rubber balls that they used to sell at the grocery store for 10 cents).  She wanted to know how I was feeling and if I would be ok.  She led me upstairs when we got home and put me in bed.  She proceeded to bring me two flowers from the yard in a small vase and a bag with her and I drawn on it.  She showed me the words that she had learned while I was gone.  She is so good to me – a natural caretaker. 

For the first two nights, I was miserable.  The pain killers could not relieve the pain in my chest, and I sat up most of the night looking out the window thinking of my grandma.  I just visited my grandma a few weeks ago when she had pneumonia (could I have gotten it from her?) and she told me that she had such trouble breathing because of all the phlegm in her nose and lungs that she just stayed up all night worried that she would lose her breath.  I remember thinking that she had to be scared.  Now, I experienced first-hand what she felt.  And, I can attest to the fact that I have known all along – you can never truly know what another individual feels in a situation until you are in it yourself. 

Maria and Mario enjoying some sofa time

Jon was a doll trying to calm me down but nothing helped.  The kids loved life because Jon and I were too tired to do much but let them watch tv!

Finally, on Saturday night, I slept for a few hours soundly.   I woke up Sunday feeling a little better.  Jon took the kiddies all day so I could rest.  He picked them up from Grandma Meg’s and Peepaw’s house where they had played on Saturday and spent the night on Saturday night.  Maria got in a three-hour hike with Peepaw and Mario (Mario, being the youngest, gets Peepaw’s shoulders).  She walked the entire way.  There is something about the farm that brings out the hiker in her because when she is in Columbus or Cincy it is all stroller for her!  Mario wore his Spiderman costume the entire time, which gave the grandparents a chuckle.  Jon picked them up and carted them to Uncle Mario’s and Aunt Vicki’s house for a day of four-wheelin’ and spaghetti and meatballs.  Maria’s dream come true. 

Maria getting ready to four-wheel with her dad

They spotted bucks and cows.  They petted kittens and saw the dogs.  Maria got her toenails painted in Buckeye colors by Bianca.  Mario got to wrestle Big Mario.  Jon got to ride his four-wheeler around the farm.  A good day. 

Mario refusing to pose for a picture at Big Mario's

I sat in bed, laid on the couch, watched Sex and the City 2 and the Turning Point.  Thought about cooking dinners and reading more books.  Came up with new games and activities for the kids.  Went stir-crazy eventually.

I rejoiced in seeing the kids and Jon at 8:30 pm.  I made the mistake of walking out to say hi and the chest began pounding again.  Mario sat on the couch and told me about the bucks.  Maria sat at her desk and did her homework.  She is getting so good at spelling her words and figuring out what words begin with a certain letter.  She had the letter “f” tonight and was able to spell out “friends” and “fish” and “frame” with my help.  The smartest kid ever!

The two munchballs doing their love pose for mom!

I helped Jon put them to bed, and promised I would read Maria 20 books tomorrow night since we did not read any tonight.  I love that she wants to read with me!  And I promised Mario that he would wake up with Superhero powers if he slept under his Spiderman cover all night.  Within 10 minutes of coming downstairs, Jon and I heard the pitter patter of toddler feet running through the hall – he must be confident that he has all the powers he needs.

Come on 40 – bring it on!

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Ri singing me happy birthday!

Really, did November 5 come again this year?  Maybe we skipped over the 5th straight to the 6th?  No, I feel one year away from 40 – November 5 hit for sure.  The legs are tight when I wake up, the knees creak a bit when I stand, I have to adjust my eyes for a few minutes to focus, and by the time the sun rises, I would have gone to the bathroom at least twice.  Ugh.

Riding in the Pelotonia

But I also have an incredible cadre of friends, two crazy spastic kids, one hilarious hubby, a heckuva cool family and good health.  Speaking of health, my birthday day started off with a long run and morning at the gym to lift weights (yeah, my hubby can think of about 1000 different activities that he would rather engage in on his birthday morning!).  I came home to a kiss from my girl even though I was sweaty (typically she makes me shower before coming near me) and a “hello” from my boy who did not change his position of refusing to touch me before I showered. 

I walked Maria to school (riding her almost the entire way on my shoulders since we were running late – a daily occurence).  After dropping Ri off, I headed into work to be greeted by brownies from my assistant and happy birthday greetings from my Facebook friends.  Man, you can start to get a big head when you see all of the FB birthday wishes on your birthday.  I started bragging to my young cousin about all my birthday greetings, and she quickly informed me that all people have to do is hit a button in order to get an automatic happy birthday wish to “friends” of theirs.  Ahh, well, keep me humble.   

Maria presenting me the gifts she wrapped.

I picked up Mario from school.  When I walked in his classroom, I got that gigantic Mario smile and that wonderful scream “Mama!”  When Mario and I stepped in the house, Maria was wrapping my gift with Jon.  Jon looked at me amazed.  “Do you know that your daughter is Martha Stewart? I wrapped your gift and reached down for tape and she had already tore a piece off and stuck it on her arm for me to use.” She LOVES to prepare gifts for people.  She loves cutting the wrapping paper, wrapping the gift, taping the paper, drawing designs on the paper, and presenting it.  She could not wait to give me my gifts.  She also asked Jon to buy my a card that she thought was hilarious.  It was a picture of a woman with gigantic boobs caught in metal traps on the ground.  Her husband is yelling “I told you to watch out for the booby traps!”  She sees that card with me when we are in Giant Eagle and she always takes a look at it.  I guess all along she has been secretly wanting to get it for my birthday.  Gotta love her humor.  She had Mario give me a card with a girl lifting weights since I love to workout.  She is precious.  

Sweet angel sleeping away.

We had Jon’s family over for cake and ice cream.  My favorite – sheet cake and chocolate chip ice cream.  Heaven on earth.  Everyone took off around 9 pm (including Mario who headed home with Grandma and Grandpa with no resevations – he LOVES heading north to be with them), and Maria and I played for a while.  She started to get tired around 10 and I took her up to lay with her in my bed.  I don’t think five minutes passed before we were both snoring away.  My dad came over at 10:30 after watching my brother play in his concert, but I had already passed out.  Pretty bad when your old man can party it up later than you.  But, hey, I gotta cut myself a break – my dad is a frickin’ machine. 

Ri came back into our bed at 5 am, and snuggled against me to get warm.  There are not many other things that I can think of that bring me as much comfort as my girl’s arms wrapped around me and feet warm under my side (except for Mario on my other side doing the same).  The sun rose a few hours later, and I opened my eyes to my first day at age 39.  Bring it on, baby – 40 is still a whole year away!

Halloween with the Superheroes

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Superheroes!

Maria and Mario love Halloween as much as their mama loved Halloween as a kid.  Our Halloween was held on Sunday, the 31st.  Most other neighborhoods held their Halloween on Thursday, the 28th.  When I realized this, I immediately came up with a plan to stroller to the adjacent neighborhood and hit a few homes on Thursday.  Jon stopped that nonsense.  “Mary, give me a break – they will get too much candy on Halloween night – you do not need to go out Thursday, too.”  In my heart, I knew that.  However, in my competitive head, I didn’t care.  It wasn’t that I thought we really needed the candy (that is the farthest thing from what this family needs) or that I would eat it all up (which I would if in front of me – another farthest thing from what mom needs!) – it was simply that we had the opportunity to go out and collect free things (candy in this instance, and an occasional set of fangs) and I wanted to take advantage of it!  I was the same way as a young girl dressed up in my crayola crayon costume or my ghost costume.  I would walk around the neighborhood until my legs felt like they were encased in cement – tired, heavy and slowwww.  But when I got home and flipped over my pillow case – heaven on earth.  Reese’s, Snickers, Heath, Milky Way, KitKat….

Ready for the Haunted Hayride and festivities...

Rather than head to the adjacent neighborhood, we went to our neighborhood park for a Haunted Hayride and Halloween goodies.  They had four large card tables full of chocolate candy, cookies, chips and cheetos, and hot dogs.  My children could not get enough.  Maria dived into the cookies like they were being discontinued, and Mario ripped into Kit Kat bars like he had never eaten in his life.  It was impossible to monitor the two of them, also, because each of them had me at different places at different times (part of their plan).  Of course, here I am spouting off about how much candy they are eating and telling them to stop as I rip open my third snickers and take a big bite.  Like mother like daughter and son.  Neither superhero won the costume contest.  My girlfriend’s daughter won as a pink flamingo and a boy we didn’t know won as a Mad

Returning from the hayride (Mario is still shaken by ax-wielding boys!)

Hatter.  Maria was upset – Mario could have cared less unless it meant he would be forbidden from the candy.  Maria could care less about winning in sports but when it comes to contests related to costumes, drawings, guessing games, she is serious.  We took a hayride around the park, which was not too scary (there were two little guys at the end holding fake axes that scared Mario a bit) but provided great entertainment for me because Maria sat next to her Kindergarten buddy, Jason, and bugged him the whole time by sitting close to him, getting in his face, and snuggling with him. 

Maria’s Halloween night left her with a basket full of treats and some good times with her friends and cousin.  In past years, I have held her hand and we have gone to a dozen houses before she looks at me and pleads “let’s go home and eat our candy, mom.” This year, a completely different girl emerged.  She walked over ten blocks, saw friends from school that she embraced and talked to, walked up to houses by herself and said “thank you” after getting a treat, and acted goofy with her cousin during the entire trick-or-treat event.  I even caught her looking at people differently than she has in the past.  She really studies them now.  Both girls and boys.  She will catch something on them or about them that fascinates her, and she will just stare.  She looks to be in deep thought processing why the person is acting a

Maria and her cousin

 certain way or looks a certain way.  It is much more penetrating and more sophisticated than her stares in the past.  I walked the last block home holding her hand and her cousin’s hand thinking about how lucky I am to be able to experience the excitement and raw pleasure that these two five-year-old girls have for this holiday. 

Mario just wanted to eat his candy.  We went to about ten houses before he looked at me and demanded to eat a piece of candy.  I told him he had to wait until we got home and without hesitation, he was ready for home.  It was as if he knew that after he ate his candy that night, he would likely never see his basket again (Jon wants it out of the house so I stash t in secret hiding places for me and to calm the kiddies when I need to do so).  He got just the amount

Spiderman playing it cool

 he could eat that night with a few extras for the grandparents (he knew his mom and dad would require him to give a few away to family).  Calculated little fella.

So, another Halloween over.  Maria brought home a craft from Daisies this afternoon.  It was a paper turkey for Thanksgiving.  Hard to believe that it is only three weeks away.  I catch myself saying that every year but every year it seems even harder to believe how the time flies.

M&M getting ready for bed after a night of Halloween fun!