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Clingin’ Twins

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The Cling-ons

Maria’s and Mario’s new nicknames have to be the Clingin’ Twins. 

I always wanted my kids to want to be near me and feel close to me but lately I have been wishing that they were teenagers and hating the thought of me coming around them.  They are like those little finger puppets with magnetic paws that cling onto your finger or belt clip. 

The neighbors down the street invited us to a birthday party for their twin 2 year olds at a trendy cafe/kids play area last week.  Coffee and chit-chat for adults and play land for kids.  The space had high ceilings, kid-friendly play areas, bouncy house, scooters, and some comfy furniture for adults to sit and talk.  When we walked in, there were at least eight kids running around on all of the toys and play areas.  I nudged M & M over towards the play areas, and they both clung to my hands.  I had to walk Maria over to her friend and initiate conversation between them before she let go of my hand.  Mario, being the clingiest of clingy, really never let go until we were fifteen minutes away from departing the place.   

Maria braving the slide

I know in hindsight that I tended (and still tend) to do too much for my kids.  For example, if Maria wants a pen, I will get up and get it for her when she could just as easily retrieve it.  Or when Mario wants a drink, I grab him the cup and pour the water.  Now, when they were 1, probably appropriate.  At ages 3 and 5, not so appropriate – or smart.  And it is a heck of a lot harder to break them of this mommy reliance now versus at age 1.  I also drop everything when they begin to talk to me or ask me a question.  If I am talking to another adult, I interrupt that conversation to answer Maria or Mario rather than asking M or M to wait.  Again, not the best route to go I have learned. 

But, we live and learn, right?  I need to consider the ten other attributes M&M possess that are wonderful and stop dogging myself about this one thing (something I tend to do a lot in motherhood as well as work, relationships, etc.).  Nonetheless, I will have some different advice to give Maria and Mario as they raise their children (although I am sure I will spoil their children and do everything for them!).   

Mario and mom reading Mario's favorite Cat in the Hat

Anyway, the mom who hosted this party is one of those moms who should wear a cape and the song “Supermom” be played whenever she enters a room.  She feeds her kids all organic foods, she stays home with them all day and reads them books, plays games, does crafts.  They know how to read and play music and count.  I will never forget the day that Maria and I were over for a visit and Maria and Blake were drawing at the table.  Maria spelled her name and I  praised her for such an accomplishment.  Blake, two weeks younger, wrote his name and an entire two sentences.  I tried not to care but it produced a wave of guilt I had not prepared for that day.  Should I be home with Maria?  Should I feed them better? Should I read to them more and make them write more often?  

These feelings descended on me again while we were at the party and Maria and Mario kept dragging me over to where they were playing so I could watch them.  “Maybe if I would have stayed home with them, they would not be so clingy.”  “They feel abandoned during the day so they cling with me any time they can.”  And the thoughts kept going and going… And then a fellow mother approached me. 

“How do you juggle it all between working and getting these guys out and home life?”

I turned to the mother, a “stay-at-home” mom, and replied “what I do pales in comparison to what you are doing.” 

She replied “Oh, no, I could not see getting up and rushing to work and working all day and picking up the kids and making dinner and playing with them and getting them to bed – I would go nuts.” 

Enjoying the Cat in the Hat theme

I told her that I could not see getting up every morning and have a full day ahead with the kids (and no adults), kid activities to plan, refereeing fights, and staying at the house through the day. 

We laughed.  And agreed on a fundamental tenet.  Our kids will be fine because we love them and care for them and hold them and kiss them.  She is not the person that could juggle an outside job, kids, home-life.  I am not the person who can “stay home” all day.  So we both concluded we made the best decision for us, which in turn has to be the best decision for our kids.  Yet, I inevitably second guess my decision when I see the mom swinging her kids on the playground at 1 in the afternoon – just as I am sure there are stay at home moms who watch me jumping in my car to head to work and second guess their decision as their toddler tips over the grape juice glass and throws a solid temper tantrum.

“It Wasn’t as Fun as I Thought It Would Be!”

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“It wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be…” 

The words out of Maria’s mouth when I picked her up from her old daycare last Monday.  She had been so excited to go back to her old stomping grounds and hang out with her favorite teachers, Amanda and Chris and Nate, and her old friends, Sydney, Logan, Brianna.  She even gave up a birthday party to go to school all day.  When I dropped her off, she quickly shooed me away and hung on Ms. Chris as I walked out the door.   When I returned at 5:15 that night, she ran to me like she used to when I picked her up from that school – arms out, smile wide.  I thought she would be excited when I told her that she may be going back daycare one more day, tomorrow.  Rather, she fell limp. 

“No way, mom.  I don’t want to come back here again.”

“Why, Ri, you were so excited about coming to school today.”

“I don’t know, mom. It just wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be.”

Oh, darling one.  All I could think when she said those words was how often in my life I have built up an event to only exit it hours later thinking “Well, that wasn’t quite what I expected.” Or, to be more accurate in my thinking “Well, that sucked.”

M&M - post unwrapping gifts

I thought about Maria’s sincere and truthful statement after the holiday festivities this weekend. 

First, the festivities.  It started with Christmas Eve at my mom’s house and my cousin’s house (formerly my grandmother’s house).  Soon after we stepped into my mom’s house, both kids were begging to open presents, especially Mario.  We told Maria to wait a few minutes, and although you could tell she was not too happy about it, she adhered to our wishes and shuffled around the presents looking to find the words “Maria.”  Mario, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with waiting. 

“Mom, I want to open presents now.”

“Mario, you have to wait a few minutes. This celebration is not just about gifts, it is about being with family.”

M&M at mom's house loving Barbies and transformers!

It was as if I told him that Santa did not exist (and I had been tempted to do it many times in the last few weeks when he had pushed me to the limit).  He scrunched his face, looked perplexed, and stomped away.  “How could this day be for anything other than presents”, he thought?  Dad and I had only been telling him for weeks that he better get to sleep or he won’t get any presents from Santa.  After he stomped away for 30 seconds, he returned with a vengeance and a loud scream: “I want to open my presents.”  Mom gave in as grandmas tend to do, and the kids ripped open their presents.  Mario opened one after the other within 4 minutes and then looked up and said “I want more.”  Lovely.

Maria, on the other hand, expressed her appreciation for her camera and books and proceeded to give the warm hugs and kisses for her thoughtful presents.  Thank goodness for that little girl right now.  She knows just when she needs to step in so that I don’t rip my head off or more likely, my sweet, adorable hellboy’s head. 

Maria enjoying time with her cousins (Mario refused to join in)!

Jon and I and my mom and Rod were able to rip open our present in lightening speed before Maria and Mario wore us down with their incessant demands.  I found out later that I totally missed some jewelry my mom bought me because I was too busy just trying to get the gifts open so we could move on to the cousin’s house.  We rushed out of mom’s to get to cousin Laura’s house for the Heile get-together.  Mario and I walked up the three stairs to the kitchen and everyone stood there and screamed “Welcome! Merry Christmas!”  It sounded like they all had superpower megaphones but that was just their normal voices.  I am inflicted with that loud voice, also.  Therefore, my natural reaction was to join in the screaming and laughing and hugging.  Mario was not amused.  He immediately withdrew and would not look at anyone (Maria, on the other hand, ran over to her cousins and hugged and teased them – a true Heile). 

Mario a bit excited about his ball from Aunt Jane.

For most of the night, Mario was on my hip (except when I turned on SpongeBob downstairs for him to watch – the only thing that will pry him away from me).  He was sullen and pissy until nearly everyone left and then he livened up and had a good time for the remaining 20 minutes of our stay.   Not exactly what I had hoped for when thinking about the night.

We drove home, both kids still awake at 9:30 when we arrived at the front door.  It took a while for bed to actually occur and I spent the next hour preparing for Santa to come.  Finally, I hit the sack around 11 pm.  Poor Jon was fighting a sinus infection so he got about 3 hours of sleep.  The kids awoke at 7:30 (not bad for Christmas morning) and flew down the steps to the presents.  Mario ripped through all of his presents with his last one being a Spiderman web shooter.  That present was the only one that caught his eye and that he actually stopped to take a breath and admire.  We could have gotten him lumps of coal wrapped in tissue with the Spiderman web shooter and he would have never known.  In fact, that is what Santa should have brought based on Mario’s behavior the last two months.  Maria ripped through her presents, also, and seemed pleased with what she received – her favorite being her barbie dolls and Leapster.  However, when she went to play the one game I got her, Globe Expedition, she returned to the room almost immediately crying about how the game was horrible. 

Maria showing off her presents

“I just want to play a game, mom.  This game just wants you to learn things.”

Oh, heaven forbid.  She proceeded to complain about how this Christmas had been horrible and boring.  Meanwhile, Mario burst out in tears because he shot all of his web string within ten minutes and he no longer had any to play with through the day.  Ahh, such peace and joy for the holidays.  Not the picture I had in mind for the holidays.   

Jon’s family came over at 2 pm for Christmas dinner.  The kids played fairly well together although Mario still clung to me or Patty the entire time.  They left around 8 pm that night and we were all exhausted except Mario who always gets his second wind around that time.  He wanted to wrestle and jump and punch and kick.  The boy is like the energizer bunny.  We played for a while in Maria’s room – Mario put on his imaginary diving suit and jumped in the ocean off of Maria’s bed and Maria helped him look for fish to catch.  Maria and I fried the fish and ate them.  After 15 minutes of that game, Ri and I read some Fancy Nancy books. and Mario chose Dr. Seuss.  Mario got out of bed, as always, within 10 minutes of putting him down.  We fed him cheese and crackers and he begged me to go upstairs with him.  I hesitated because I wanted to veg out with my computer and cookies, but I gave in and was fast asleep by 10 pm.  Ugh, so much for some down time and again, not the night I had thought it would be.

The crew preparing to open presents

On Sunday, I got up at 7 am and ran up to Panera to get some yummy bakery treats.  I literally ran up the street just to wake me up because I was exhausted from the past two days – 15 degrees will open your eyes and get your blood pumpin’ anyday.  My dad and Meg, Sarah and Jorge, and Jack came over at 9 am.  Let the third round of chaos begin!  Sarah and Jorge madly wrapped gifts, Mario begged to open presents, Cy barked madly, and Maria stole bites of all of the bakery treats. 

We tossed around gifts to their rightful owners and tried to prepare ourselves for the traditional opening of the presents.  I think back to life just eight years ago when Jon and I were sans children, Sarah was home from college, and Jack was in high school.  We would head over to Meg and dad’s house at a reasonable, adult-like hour, spend at least an hour and a half opening presents, and then get treated to a down-home breakfast of eggs and toast and pancakes.  My family needs that time to open presents.  We like to open a gift and talk about its origins, its necessity to our lives, its cool texture or how we’ll use it.  Jon’s family is exact opposite.  Everyone opens their gifts at the same time, a thank you follows the opening of the present, and it’s done.  I am quite sure I take the nutty in-law award at Christmas with them as I explain for ten minutes when and where I am going to use the gift and how I had been wanting it for years and years.   

Mario enjoying a present

On this Christmas, however, we have two little munchkins that cannot hold back their excitement for opening more presents.  We also have a drop-dead time that we have to leave to Cincy to visit family.  Therefore, in the end, we  only have about an hour to open gifts, which in any other family may be more than enough time, but it is like a nanosecond for us.  Maria and Mario opened first because Mario was going to go into coronary arrest if he did not open his big box.  And, what joy when he saw his bean bag!  Joy that lasted nearly 5 seconds at which time he pushed it to the side and asked, while salivating and looking a bit crazed, “where is my next one?”  Maria, my gracious five-year old girl, expressed much appreciation for her bean bag.  She has heard stories of how I laid on my bean bag watching tv, eating doritos, and sipping coke on the weekends.  She dreamed of aping me.  By the time M&M finished opening, we had about 40 minutes.  I think we got through a round or two of gifts before we realized we only had 10 minutes left.  We threw out tradition and began opening our presents quickly, and only speaking about them for a few seconds.  Very strange and wonderful to my dear hubby, but again, not what I thought it would be like that morning.  

Mario taking a break from being mad to laugh at silly grandpa and aunt sarah!

We then headed back to Cincy to see my grandma, uncle, and cousin and her family.  Mario remained in his complete mama state refusing to say hello to his great-grandma and refusing to even let Pee-paw hold him while I went to the car (Maria gave double the hugs and kisses to great-grandma – thanks Ri).  I cannot wait to tell these “clingy mama” stories to Mario when he is 13 years old and begging me with all of his heart not to kiss him when I drop him off at school or come around him and his friends.  Finally, Pee-paw whisked him away crying and all to show him the pool table; he quickly became immersed in pushing the balls into the different side pockets.  Maria and Annaliese played dress-up and I got to breathe for a few minutes and get in a talk with Meg and grandma about raising boys.  I also got to take a little stroll with my siblings as we took the dogs out to get some air.  Sarah has two pups named Stella and Mona.  Dad has one pup named Rosie.  Rosie is insane.  Stella is wild.  Mona is chill.  I walked Mona. 

Maria and her great-grandma

We had another delicious meal and opened yet another round of presents.  Mario received his 20th spiderman toy.  He could own a spiderman factory.  He gave his traditional pout after he opened his last gift and complained that everyone else had more presents than him.  I tried to explain to him that others had the same amount but that he opened his like a hurricane leaving others in the dust.  He liked the analogy of beating others so his mood became upbeat again.  Boys.  Maria swaddled her new baby, which surprisingly held her attention for a good amount of time.

We left my uncle’s house around 5 pm and headed up north to our distant home.  We forgot my sweater and Maria’s doll so we circled back to the house with much exhaustion. 

Ms. Maria

As I looked back at the holiday events – my mom’s and cousin’s house, our house with Jon’s family, and my dad and Meg and family, I think about the myriad of times during the three-day period when I thought “This is not what I expected” and I felt irritated or tired or frustrated.  But nearly every time I had such feelings, I quickly pushed my mood up a few notches by thinking about how grateful I am for my family.  Grateful that I could share the holiday with my closest relatives – my hubby, my kids, my mom, dad, stepmom, sister, brother, grandmother, in-laws, cousins, aunts….  Grateful that I could laugh with them about Mario’s terrible threes and Maria’s infatuation with boys and Justin Bieber.  Grateful that I could see my 90-year-old grandma enjoying her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  Grateful to have such a wide spectrum of personalities and interests amongst my family members. 

When I spoke with Maria after Christmas was officially over at my uncle’s house, I talked with her about this principle of gratitude.  I explained to her that people who practiced gratitude typically lived more joyful, content, meaningful lives.  I used an example: Sometimes mom gets very irritated and angry with you or Mario when you are acting up but after a while I close my eyes and think about how grateful I am to be your mother, to watch you grow and learn, to give you love and comfort.  Once I practice that gratitude, I feel better.  Maria sat looking at the wall for a few seconds and then replied “Yeah, Mario irritates me sometimes, too.”  I chuckled and asked her although she got irriated with Mario, was she still thankful to have him as her brother.  She glanced over at Mario who was intently playing with his spiderman figurine and eating a cookie, looked at me, and quietly responded “yes.”

22 minutes

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Mario and I showing our dukes before heading out for a muffin

Mario and I enjoyed a mother/son night tonight while Jon and Maria went hunting (Jon had resolved that he was 99% sure he would not shoot a turkey if he saw one with Maria – luckily, he did not see one).  

Before I picked Mario up from daycare, I grabbed two Spiderman movies at the library.  Mario eats, sleeps, and dreams Spiderman.  If he see anything Spiderman anywhere – store, magazine, newspaper, tv, he goes hyper.  If Spiderman walked into our house tomorrow, I think he would faint at the sight of him.  he worships him.  He also is in love with MJ, Spiderman’s girlfriend.  Last night, he acted like we was on the phone with MJ, calling her up by dialing “1,2,3,4,5” and coyly introducing himself.

“Hi, MJ, this is Spiderman.”

“Yes.  Uh-huh.  Ok.  Sure.”

“Ok, bye.”

And he hung up.  He looked over at Jon and I and smiled.  

While we were watching Spiderman tonight, MJ came on the screen.  Mario jumped up off the couch and yelled “MaryJane!”  Then he looked me in the eyes and said matter of fact “I want to go into the tv to see her.”  That is one romantic fella.  

My Superhero

After watching two Spiderman episodes, Mario was up for some action.  He asked me to be the “bad guy” and he would be Spiderman.  He made me sit on the floor.  He grabbed a couch pillow and swung it my way grunting the entire way.  I picked it up and swung it lightly back at him and he flew to the floor faking his demise.  When I rejoiced in beating Spiderman, he leapt up from the floor and threw that pillow back at me.  I threw it back at him and he karate chopped it in mid-air.  He climbed all over the couch and chair evading my reach.  After about 7 minutes of engaging in these antics, I started to tire.  I was ready to hit Stauf’s for a midnight muffin.  However, I kept reminding myself that this was our time together, and although I wanted to be at Stauf’s or drawing a picture or playing Memory – anything different than play-fighting – that was what my superhero son wanted to play.  I kept an eye on the clock, nonetheless, to see how long it would be before he started to tire.  Throwing the pillow and running across the couch had to tire him out eventually. 

22 minutes later, it hit him.  “Mom, let’s go to Stauf’s.  I want a muffin and cream cheese.”  Ahh, my gift for hanging in there with him.  And for him, 22 minutes is pretty good!  I thought I may be going at it for at least an hour.  It must be the three-year-old attention span.  Whatever it is, I will take it.  We headed to Stauf’s in his Spiderman nightie, his red socks, his red hat and his Spiderman gloves and got our muffin and cream cheese packet. Yum!

We give up.

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Mario in his new bed

We just spent a nice chunk fo change on a cool loft bed for Mario with the hopes that he would stop sleeping in Maria’s bed and stop being so scared to go to sleep at night.  Spiderman sheet and pillow and comforter.  Steps to climb up into the bed.  Play area under the bed to hide, play with toys, read books.   Mario came home from school and we led him upstairs with eyes closed to see it.  He loved it.  He climbed up the steps and sat up in his bed beaming.  Maria tried to climb up and he screamed “No, Maria. My bed!” 

Maria enjoying her book in bed

We talked it up all night.  Maria even helped us out (“Mario, that is the coolest bed in the world – you are so lucky!).  Maria’s assistance was all the more impressive because she was so jealous of Mario’s new bed.  She laid in it while he played in her room with Jon.  When we made her come into her room, she walked in with a pout.  “My bed is so boring – Mario gets everything.”  We had to have a talk with her about how much she has compared to others on this earth, and how we drooled and gushed over her bed when we got it when she was four years old.  I told her that I used to lay in my bed and read books, draw, and talk on the phone with girlfriends!  She cooled off, and we hopped into her bed and read a book. 

Eventually, the moment of truth came.  It was time to go to bed.  Maria laid down in her bed like she always does – exhausted from her day in Kindergarten.  Mario reluctantly got into his bed.  I affirmed how lucky he was to have this new bed and how Spiderman sleeps in a bed like his and gets all of his strength by sleeping through the night.  I gave him a kiss, Jon gave him a kiss, and we walked out.  I went back into Maria’s room to read her one last book, and within 5 minutes, there was Mario peeking through her door. 

“Ok, Mario, you can read one book with Ri and I and then you have to go to bed.”

“Ok, Mom.”

We read two more books.  I was hoping that he had overheard me reading to Ri and that is what brought him into her room.  I walked him back into his room, and tucked him under his comforter.  I gave him his binkies (yeah, that is a while other post!) and his blankie and told him he had to stay in bed and sleep.  I again affirmed how cool his bed was and how we all wished we had one.  I went downstairs.

Mario taking over Maria's bed

I responded to some emails, looked over volunteer opportunities, thought about activities for the weekend, and walked back upstairs to check on Mario about an hour later.  I had not heard anything while downstairs, which was a miracle since he or Maria typically come downstairs at least twice after being put to bed.  I went into Maria’s room first with the hope and belief that I would just see her sleeping body.  Shattered.  There lay our three-year old stubborn son, head right next to Maria’s, snoring away.  Maybe they are just meant to sleep together in the same room?  It would free up a much-needed room for Jon and I….

Another save by Anne Lamott

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Maria and Mario enjoying the slide on one of our routine park trips!

Anne Lamott deserves eternal grace and love.  She continues to pull me through rough times and ground me on this Earth, feet flat, eyes ahead, mouth situated upwards.  Not even my hubby or my kids can take me to the place she leads me where I feel a deep comfort and appreciation for all I have and who I am.  No matter if I just had a wreck of work day, a blowout with my kids, a frantic eating frenzy of chocolate and pizza – her stories penetrate. 

I read her story about her friend David Roche tonight ( http://www.davidroche.com/anne-lamott/).  I have read it at least ten times before but I specifically hunted it down on the internet tonight because I knew it would lift me up.  David is a humorist.  He happens to have a facial deformity, too.  He uses it to lift people out of their house of fear and to open up their mind to the beauty in their world.  He talks about the fleeting moments of true happiness and bliss. 

…[E]veryone has come to understand that unconditional love is a reality, but with a shelf life of about eight to ten seconds. Instead of beating yourself up because you feel it only fleetingly, you should savor those moments when it appears. As David puts it, “We might say to our beloved, ‘Honey, I’ve been having these feelings of unconditional love for you for the last eight to ten seconds.’ Or, ‘Darling, I’ll love you till the very end of dinner.'”

Mario's tenth silly face

Oh, how true.  I have been beating myself up lately because of my irritation with not feeling more of these incredible, awe-inspiring moments on a routine basis but this brings me back to reality.  Stop wishing for more of these moments and instead relish in the moments that do come my way.  I am quite sure that Maria’s raucous laugh or Mario’s silly faces or Jon’s adoring comments could produce an unconditional love-filled moment or two but I often brush it aside as I try to plan for the next day or the upcoming meal or bath time.  I will try to let it wash over me from now on and live in that moment of bliss. 

Maria laughing it up after diving in the pool with her clothes on!

I took Maria and Mario to the park tonight to play in the sand volley ball court and run around the jungle gym.  A group of parents were in the park with their kids watching them play soccer.  I stood talking with another mom who was holding one of her newborn twins.  As I stood with her, I occasionally glanced over at M&M who were skipping through the sand and dragging sticks behind them.  I watched them as they ran together to the jungle gym and Maria teased Mario all the way up the stairs to the slide and then helped him situate himself to go down feet first.  They giggled together and yelled for each other.  I look back on those moments this evening as I sit at this computer and I smile.  What more to wish for at this time in life than a pair of kids who find humor in each other and enjoy the outdoors and nature and fresh air and fall nights.  We are blessed by someone or something to be able to take in all of the smells of Fall, all of the energy of young kids, all of the beauty of a falling sun. 

M&M hanging tight on the ride home

Thanks, Anne, for letting me mediate on this tonight.

Growing Up

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My babies are growing up.  I remember when Maria was just a tiny 8 pound baby serious and somber. I remember when Mario was an 8 pound baby smiling and squirming everywhere.  And now here they are ages 5 and almost three.  Maria heading to kindergarten and Mario heading to preschool. 

Mario's picture on his door

Mario’s last “full” day in the toddler room was today; his teachers (who I adore) blew up a picture of him in his helmet to hang up on the door.  It included well wishes from them and the other toddlers.  Maria took one look at it and cooed at him “ahh, Mario, we love you – you are so cuuute!”  Amanda, the teacher who has been with him the longest, cried as we talked about his transition.  I am fairly calm about it at this stage but next week will likely throw me for a loop, especially if it is hard from him to transition.  I persevered through nearly three months of incessant crying each day I dropped him off until he finally got to the point of waving goodbye to me with a smile on his face.  I hope the same scenario will not occur again.  Maria is bummed he will not be in her room (even though she is only in her class another four weeks).  She wants to nurture him for as long as possible before she heads out to big K. 

Maria cuddling her borther after a swim

I will always remember an email that my dad sent to me a while back. I still have the email in my office to lift my spirits in time of need (and god knows there have been too many times lately!).  In part, he told me that he was incredibly happy that I was his oldest child because I was so good with my little sis and brother.  I feel the same way with Maria.  She is the best older sister a boy could have – funny, protective, daring, adventurous, warm, and generous. 

I think Mario will enjoy preschool – he adores learning and one of the preschool teachers is a science nut, which is right up Mario’s alley.  I think he will also continue his crazy antics and have all of his new friends in stitches within a couple of hours on his first day.  He is a born comedian. 

I think Maria will enjoy Kindergarten but I fear it may take her a little more time to get used to the new school, new friends, new teachers.  It took her some time to get used to the new friends at her current school.  She is very shy when she first meets kids her age and can be a little intimidating in her look (a total Jon characteristic!).  She gets nervous and withdrawn.  But, once she feels comfortable, she is just as crazy as her brother.  She is still into boys and boyfriends and dating.  It makes no sense to me.  Age 5.  How?  I struggle with whether to just forbid the talk in the house or to allow her to “let it out” with the hopes that she loses all interest by the age of 7.  Anyone had this issue and resolve it well?  Help a struggling mom out!

Maria "taking care of" her brother

There was a time years ago when I was complaining to a friend about how tired I was and irritable I was due to the lack of sleep from being up with a cranky, colicky Maria night after night.  My friend looked at me directly in the eyes and retorted “You will look back at these days and wonder how they darted by so fast.”  At the time, I wanted to smack her. Now, I see exactly what she meant.  I still remember those days of being so tired and irritable, and I am glad that I am not getting up every two hours with a crying baby.  But, they do seem like they were just here yesterday and old time has flown by past me shaking its head and sassing “told ya.”  Because of that, I am more conscious of my time with these babies.  I know the days of Mario lightly touching my cheek and whispering “I love you to the moon” are not going to last forever.  I understand that Maria’s wish to hang out with me every second of the day will not survive ten more years.  I want to embrace it while I can and hold it close to me.

M&M heading to school this summer

I love you to my heart

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There are these transitory moments in my life when I feel an overwhelming surge of hope and love and joy and gratification.  They are beautiful, marvelous, even staggering moments that propel me forward and recharge my batteries when they start to drain from all the routine events of living. 

Sweet Mario

The other morning Jon was getting the kids out the door to head to daycare.  Mario typically wants me to walk him out and put him in his car seat but that morning I was not dressed to head outside and I was saying my goodbyes to Mario in the living room.  I reinforced how much fun daycare was, how Ms. Leslie and Ms. Amanda would take care of him, and how mom would take him on a bike ride when he got home. 

“Have a great day, ok buddy?” 

“Ok, mommy. I want to tell you something, mommy.”

“What is it Mario bo Bario?”

 “I love you to my heart, mommy.”

There it was – my few seconds of absolute bliss standing in front of my two-year old son hearing words of pure love directed at me.  Ahh, they hung in the air.  I snatched them up and gulped them down.  He proceeded to tell me “I am getting to be a big boy, mom.”  My heart ached with affection.  I scooped him up and gave him a bear of a hug, feeling his big boy breath against my ear, and appreciating his tender sweet baby self. 

My sleepy baby boy

      

Sleeping Beauties

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We can spend forty-five minutes trying to get them to bed, absolutely exhausted and irritated at their hyperactivity and zeal at 9 pm at night (and with little to no naps!).  There comes that tipping point, like in the movie Terms of Endearment, when Debra Winger’s sons are walking out to the car with her and her interested man.  The sons try to ask her a question and she politely asks them to go to the car and wait for her.  They do not listen and ask again, and with a little more irritation in her voice she responds “go wait at the car hunny.”  They ask yet again and she finally bursts out “GO WAIT AT THE CAR HUNNY!”   

I remember laughing so hard at that scene when I was a teenager not having any clue that such a scene would be my life in my thirties with two kids.   Actually, I guess that scene does not occur very often… I think back to Debra Winger’s acting and wonder if it was that hard for her to act that scene out or whether she just imagined her own kids doing that and nature took over. 

I pulled a Debra Winger the other night with M&M when I was trying to get them to go down to sleep.  Maria had chosen a book to read, which we did as Mario ran around the room pointing guns at us and threatening us with his plastic sword.  Then it was Mario’s turn. 

“Get a book Mario, and then it is bedtime.”

He  continued to play Ninja.  

“Ok, bedtime, then.”

“No, Mommy.  Book.”

“Get your book, then, Mario.”

He continued to run around chasing Maria with his sword.

“Get your book, Mario,” I pronounced a little more emphatically.

He stayed the course of chasing Maria with his sword.

“Mario, GET YOUR BOOK OR ELSE BEDTIME NOW!”

He placed the sword down on the chair and got Clifford.   Maybe I just need to start at that tone right away?

After reading and rocking, I finally got to head downstairs for some peace.  I wrote, ate some ice cream, and trekked back upstairs to call it a night.  And what did I find? 

Mario sleeping with his two obligatory binkies

 

Those boisterous, high-energy children sleeping like little fairies in their beds.  Maria had even changed into one of my old silk nighties (that I got for my wedding!), which made me just want to eat her up.  It is funny how your mind lets all the irritations and anger slip away in one quick second after seeing little babes resting like this.  I guess it is nature’s way of protecting the young.  Make sure they look sweet and angelic shortly after their tirades so mom and dad stick around another day. 

Smart move.

My little fairy

Easter Madness

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M & M hit the Easter Egg Hunt

 

We started our Easter weekend with a trip to Grandview’s Wyman Woods for the annual Easter Egg Hunt on Saturday at 10:00 am.  We had some friends ready to “take us on” in the hunt so we had to prep ourselves up beforehand with stretches and lunges and body jabs.  We will do anything for chocolate, after all.  Especially chocolate easter bunnies with their cute little faces that you can bite off.  There had to be two hundred kids there, some dressed up in bunny ears or tails, some still in their pjs, some in their “Sunday best” to have their picture taken with the freak mammoth bunny in the corner of the park all dressed up in pink and white and bouncing around waving at the kids (and surely cussing every other second about how hot the damn outfit was or how obnoxious the kids are).  

The kids were very patient waiting behind the line while staring at all of the Oreo packages, Reese Peanut Butter Egg packages, and brightly colored eggs with loads of candy inside of them. Finally, the whistle blew and they were off.  Well, the four-year olds were off.  The hunt was for 2 to 4 year olds.  The 2 year olds seemed loss in a daze or a stupor.  “Why are all of these kids running around like maniacs picking litter off the ground?”  But, that was taken care of in a few seconds as all of the parents of these 2 year olds (including moi) started yelling at them: “Over here. Get this one. Hurry!”  

Mario digging in

 

You would have thought that a check for college tuition was in the egg rather than a hershey kiss.  Mario 

Ri enjoying that chocolate

 

managed to get a few eggs, which he proceeded to open and devour every piece of chocolate he found in them.  Bill, one of our friends, gently approached Mario and asked him for a piece of chocolate.  

“NO!” Mario yelled at him.  “This is my candy.”  

Maria, on the other hand, took two whole packages of Oreo cookies and gave one to Bill and another to Heather who had mentioned that she loved those cookies.  What a sweetheart – hopefully, Mario will learn from her!  

Both M & M made the wise choice of not seeing the Easter Bunny.  We went home and showed off our candy to dad who just shook his head knowing that belly aches were surely to come (and not just to the kids!).  Later that night, we visited Grandma and Grandpa Ionno and Jon’s brother and sister-in-law and their two boys.  Maria has a complete crush on both the boys and hung on them all night (they, in turn, played with her as much as they did not want to at times – god love ’em).  Mario enjoyed playing with the older boy’s nerf gun and pretending he was being shot (lovely boys).  Grandma Ionno made her killer cookies, as always.  Why is it so hard to just eat a couple?  I devoured a dozen through the evening alongside Maria who has inherited my love for eating.    

Off to the Hunt

 

On Sunday, we woke up to another egg hunt but this one at our very own house.  I set out the eggs while Jon held the hunters at bay upstairs.  M&M ran out in their pjs just as I remember doing as a little girl and as I remember Sarah doing as a young girl.  The enthusiasm and excitement I felt as a little girl on Easter morning came back watching Maria and Mario hunt around for their eggs.  I loved seeing their face beam as they found an egg.  Oh, the memories!  

Maria finding "My Little Pony!"

 

Mario showing it off

 

We then took off for Cincy at 9:30 am.  We first went to my cousin Kerry’s house.  She lives in northern Cincy with her husband and two kids.  They are fairly close in age to M&M with Anneliese being 6 and Ben being 2.  Maria idolizes Anneliese, and loves to go to her house because she has a kickin’ toy room.  Mario enjoys Ben’s ball collection, and he loved the sticks and trees in the backyard.  My uncle made the most incredible coffee cake for brunch and pecan chocolate pie.  He has the Menkedick sweet tooth just like me.  We envied their house because it has so much open space and light and an awesome family room in the basement.  Oh, what I would give for a family room!  Dad and Meg brought Duke along (their new dog), which caused much glee in M&M who have been waiting to meet him for a whole week (“it felt like a year, mom!”).  

Maria and Anneliese enjoying the swing

 

After eating way too much food (including insanely gorgeous red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing ala Meg-pie), we hopped in the truck to head to Grandma Heile’s house (now owned by my cousin Laura since Grandma died last Summer).  Maria was all excited because she had on a gorgeous Easter dress that she knew all of her girl cousins were adore (she loves dressing up for them because they ogle over her all day!).  Mario was excited because Robert and Cy, our high school boy cousins, would be there and he could stand in awe of them playing basketball and toss the ball with them.   Maria got the attention she expected and she even scored some potato salad from Aunt Jane (her absolute favorite food after pasta and meatballs!).  Mario got to throw the volleyball to us after each play (although he would only throw it to Robert most times).  

We had yet another Easter Egg hunt in the big side yard and 

The chosen few for the egg hunt

 

Baby Grace (my cousin Liz’s sweet baby daughter) got the $5 egg (it is tradition to put out one egg with $5 in it).  When Maria found out, she plopped down on the grass and pouted “I wanted that egg.”  I explained to her that it is fun to see Baby Grace get it; besides, she needs diapers and that will help buy them.  Somehow, that explanation resonated with her and she agreed it was best for Baby Grace to get the $5.  Anyway, it meant more candy for her!   

Maria nabbing the eggs

 

Speaking of candy, that is simply all Mario cared about and frantically opened his eggs yelling “Candy Party” each time more candy fell out.  I am surprised that he was not constipated for five days from all the chocolate he devoured.  

We left Laura’s house at 8:30 pm and headed back to Columbus.  The kids were nearly comatose in the backseat staring at the tv. I was picking through the Easter baskets unwrapping random candies and plopping them in my mouth until my belly did start to ache.  Jon drove us all home safely.  It was a busy, magical weekend. 

Mario basking in the chocolate

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Sweet Mario

Top Ten Things I love about my Mario…

10. Your persistence.  When you want something, you will engage in any antics to get it.  Unfortunately, your father and I and even your sister continue to give in to you every time you engage in these antics, be it crying hysterically; yelling madly; throwing your body down onto the floor in mad rage; or begging mercilessly.  I have told you “No more books” at night and then left the room reading five more.  You are good.

9.  Your compact little body. You hop around like a frog; climb up beds and chairs like a spider monkey; dart in and out of rooms like a harried mouse; and twists and turn like a wild snake.  You amaze me with your flexibility; neither your dad, Maria nor I can call flexibility our strong suit.  

8. The way your strong, sinewy legs wrap around my left hip when I reach down with one arm to pick you up just like a baby monkey with his mama.  You remind me of one of those tiny furry animals with a magnetic clip that you pinch and its arms and legs open up and attached to your shirt.  I always wanted one of those….

7. The way you say “thank you mommy” whenever I retrieve your binky for you, get you a glass of milk at bedtime, grab a toy that you cannot find.  You state it with such genuineness and kindness, which makes it even more ingratiating.  

6. Your unadulterated and pure excitement in being naked!  Whether it is running around Maria’s room after a bath, banging your fists in the air and yelling “Arggghhh” and “Naked” with a wicked smile on your face or taking your pants off upstairs while guests are over and slowly coming down the stairs to surprise us with your antic.

Fiesty Mario

5. Your response to me everyday I picked you up from daycare up until two weeks ago.  It was one of two: (a) “I cried mommy” to which I would respond by asking “how much, Mario?” and you replied “just a little” while you held up your thumb and forefinger close together or (b) “No cry, mommy!” with a look of pride.  Two weeks ago, you stopped crying at drop-off.  It is such an amazing and heart-calming change.  Now, as long as I give you lots of kisses, sit with you for a few minutes while you get your breakfast, and make a big ordeal about leaving “Bye, Mario, I will see you in a while, I love you so much, bye Mario and Mario’s friends, love you Mario, bye teachers, see you later….”  then you are fine.

4. How you love animals and nature.  You will stare at the trees until you spot a bird nest around town; you search for the kitty in the crafts and flower store every time we pass; you plead to pet every dog that passes us on the street; you consistently question Peepaw and MamaMeg about the blue birds and horses at their farm; you smell the flowers in the neighbor’s yard when we take our walks responding “Mommy, they smell so good”; and you pat and hug on Cy all the time calling him down the steps in the morning and directing him to sit so that you can give him a treat.

3. Your love for Stauf’s coffee shoppe. Not even being sick with a fever and aches can keep you from wanting to walk

Mario at Stauf's with his bran muffin

 up to Stauf’s for a muffin or bagel with cream cheese.  You people watch and talk to anyone nearby and smile in sweet content at me as you bite into that big heaping muffin or lick all of the cream cheese out of the container.

2. Your affinity for the outdoors. You want to be outside for as long as possible, often throwing a mad fit if we require you to come indoors.  You pick up sticks, dig in the dirt, play basketball, look for Cy’s poop (an activity that both you and your sister enjoy for some strange reason!), find big rocks, ride your bike.  You have a career in the Sierra Club, kid.

1. Your energy! You made it longer than Maria on New Year’s Eve, still dancing around when the ball dropped!  Sometimes I check your back to make sure there is no wind-up mechanism keeping you going.  You don’t sit still for more than a few minutes even when a good show is on the television.  You have to adjust in your seat, stand up and walk around, run in the kitchen to scare me.  Sorry, buddy, you undoubtedly have my ADD, and there is no doubt you are my son. 

I do have to add one more thing and that is your morning greetings.  When dad brings you into me while I lay in bad, you greet me with such enthusiasm and joy singing “Mommy!” and wrapping your arms around my torso.  What a perfect way to start the day.  I love you, little man.

Mario and momma