Like mom, like daughter

December 12, 2012Leave a comment

Last night I allowed Maria to have her friend, Janira over for dinner. I don’t know why I do this on a weeknight after a full day of work and the knowledge that Ri has homework to complete. But I do. While fixing spaghetti for the kids, I chowed down on six peanut butter cookies and what probably amounted to a pound of fudge. I was so hungry I didn’t feel like waiting for real food. Mistake.

I had a sugar headache within a half hour that only worsened with the kids’ screams throughout the house. I did a superb job of hiding my irritation – I even allowed the girls to do my make-up – but when we got back from dropping Janira off I hit my limit. Maria sat next to me writing on the tablecloth rather than doing her homework.

“Ri, don’t be stupid. Stop that!”

“You just called me stupid, mom. That’s just great. You think I’m stupid.”

“That’s not what I said. I said your actions were stupid. You know better than to write on the tablecloth.”

“No, mom. I heard you. I’m stupid.”

“Ri, you are not stupid and I’m not playing this game tonight. Do your homework.”

“Ugh,” she nodded back at me. She noticed my “I’m not happy” look and diverted her eyes from me to her homework.

Within two minutes, she climbed off her chair and wrapped her arms around me.

“I’m sorry for being mean, mom.”

I bear hugged her back and kissed her cheek. I told her I’m just tired and that I’m sorry for using the word “stupid” (we don’t like that word in the house). I continued to write out a check to Kids Club.

Ri scooted back onto her chair and then shot up and started singing “Tis the Season to be Jolly!” I looked at her and couldn’t help but smile.

“That’s the mom I know and love with a big smile on her face! Keep it on there lady!”

Yep, that’s my girl. Always wanting peace and happiness throughout the house just like her mama. I could take a snapshot of me engaging in the same antics a week ago when Ri or Mario was upset. She is my mirror image at times.

Yikes!

Braving the flu vaccine

December 9, 2012December 9, 2012Leave a comment

I finally scheduled flu vaccines for M&M last week. I got hit with that alien bug and wanted to try my best to prevent the kids from suffering (even though there are rumors that the flu nasal spray may cause flu-like symptoms?).

Maria swore up and down that she was going to get the shot. She prides herself on being a machine. I can’t count the number of times that she has fallen off her bike and people passing by make a quick stop and stare at her thinking she’s seriously hurt. She pops up with a big smile on her face and chirps “What? I’m fine! I’m fine!”

When we walked in the doctor’s room, Mario begged to go first. He wanted to get the ordeal over with and wanted to make sure he got the spray. There was no way he was considering the shot. He still gets concerned when we tell him he has to get shots in a month for his check-up. He asks twenty questions about the shots: “Are the shots big? Will they hurt? Do they sting? Will I cry?”

The nurse came in with the nasal shot and explained to Mario how he’d have to hold his nose after she sprayed the mist. He was excited that he was so calm about the ordeal.

The nurse sprayed both nostrils and he immediately pinched his nose just like the nurse ordered. Perfect patient.

Mario stepped off the table beaming proud at his accomplishment. He helped Maria onto the table acting like her little knight in shining armor. She continued to demand a shot and the nurse went out to get one laughing at Maria’s courage. Meanwhile, Mario played with a truck and I looked at my phone. In those few seconds, Ri changed her mind.

“I was going to get a shot to show Mario it doesn’t hurt but then he got the spray so there’s no reason to get it.” Makes sense.

The nurse was sent back to get nasal spray shaking her head as if she knew that Ri wouldn’t take a shot. Little does she know my girl. She would have easily taken that shot if there had been any reason. But Mario already had his spray and I wasn’t getting one so why suffer unnecessarily? She’s smart. She also fully abided by the nurse’s orders and squeezed her nose tight after the spray.

The nurse shook her head yet again as she walked out of the room and muttered “I wish all of my patients could be so good.”

Compassion and Febreeze

November 30, 2012November 30, 2012Leave a comment

Jon went hunting last night with the hopes of bringing some deer meat home to his family (I’m just hoping for some of Vicki’s meatballs!).

It was just the kids and I and I had to help out a local non-profit with decorating for a gala tonight. So the kids got to head downtown with me and “work” their little butts off. They had a blast doing it. The gala is at the Vault, which I believe is an old bank converted to an event hall. It has a vault in the back of the hall that provided a secret hideaway for M&M. They loved running around the place and hiding from me. But they also provided assistance putting favors in bags and decorating table trees with red ornaments. They thought placing the plastic red cardinals on the tree was the bomb!

They were polite yet animated and the volunteer crew loved them. I love that I can share with them my passion to help others and they enjoy doing the work with me. I hope I am instilling in their little bodies a life-long desire and passion to care for others. With each project, I imagine their souls expanding to make room for all the compassion, empathy and purpose pouring from their little bodies into the work.

But, alas, they are kids and must mix a bit of childish fun along with virtues of compassion and giving. Mario found Febreeze in the ladies bathroom and thoroughly enjoyed spraying its remnants among the four walls of the tiny room. I thought a cheap perfume grenade had exploded when I stepped in to retrieve Mario but his face said it all – no grenade, only Mario orneriness.

The elf brings magic

November 29, 20121 Comment

Ri and I walked into her classroom on Monday morning and all of the kids were in a circle screaming at one another about what their “elf on a shelf” did the night before.

“My elf’s a girl and she took clothes out of my brother’s drawers!”

“My elf swung from one side of the room to the other side with my dad’s rope!”

Maria stood outside of the circle with her mouth opened just enough to form a tiny candy square and her eyes fixated above the kids as if she was watching their words floating in the air. She shifted her piercing blue eyes onto me.

“Mom, why don’t we have an elf?”

By Tuesday we had one: Christmas Elfie, Snowy Snowbell. A girl. I didn’t run out and buy one because everyone else had one and I needed to keep up with the Jones’. I bought one because I saw the magic and wonder in Ri’s eyes when the kids were talking about the elf. She believed. After last year’s trauma with St. Nick where she refused to believe in him and broke me down to where I had to admit it was dad and me who filled her stockings, I would have bought a continent to have her believe.

When we all got home Tuesday night, I placed our elf on the mantle and yelped “Guys, did you see what’s on our mantle?” They ran in the living room and Ri screamed and immediately belted out commands to Mario.

“Don’t touch the elf; she will lose her magical powers! Don’t bother her! Write down what you want for Christmas and lay it next to her!”

He listened intently. I told them that one of their friends’ elves must have told Santa to send an elf our way. I described to them how this elf would watch over us all day and head back to the North Pole at night to deliver a report to Santa. Their eyes bulged out towards the window imagining the elf’s travels to the North Pole. They each wrote up a list of desires: Maria, a pup, American Girl doll, a Barbie; Mario, a scooter, tic tac toe game, and a laser. They set it by the elf and we all went in the family room to play.

A half hour later, Jon rushed into the room and gasped “the elf is gone!” The kids bolted into the living room and he was out of sight. The front door was ajar.

“He must have headed back to the North Pole and taken your lists!”

Mario burst through the front door and stood on the porch looking into the black sky. Pointing to the North Star, he proclaimed “I see the elf riding towards Santa’s home!” Ri stood next to him and gazed up at the crystal star.

Jon moved the elf to the kitchen bookshelf that night and the next morning the kids ran downstairs screaming “the elf didn’t come back!” Jon explained that the elf may have landed somewhere else in the house upon his return from the North Pole. They opened a hall closet and found the green exercise ball shoved in it.

“Dad, the elf shoved your ball into the closet!”

Jon had shoved the ball in there on Thanksgiving to avoid someone tripping over it but he went with it. “Oh my! Where could that elf be?”

They finally found it in the kitchen. They did not touch it because they didn’t want it to lose its magic. They just yelled “We found Elfie! We found her! She’s back!”

Pure Magic.

Drawing woes

November 13, 2012November 14, 2012Leave a comment

Ri and Mario and I sat at the kitchen table a couple of nights ago and drew. We play a game where someone names an animal or thing and everyone draws it. My drawings are always the worst, and the kids find much humor in them.

However, on this particular night, we decided to use Maria’s animal sketch book from the library to help us out. It showed the steps you had to take to get the animal you wanted like starting with an oval and ending with a cute pig. I like the book because it allows me a step-by-step process to get a finished result.

We started with a deer. Mario and I were working away. I had gotten close to completion with a deer that actually resembled a deer for once and showed my drawing off. Maria was amazed. “How’d you draw that so well, mom?” I looked at her drawing and couldn’t tell what she had made. This is unusual for Ri. She typically draws animals that you recognize immediately. She looked over at Mario’s drawing and saw that he was on his way to making a pretty good deer, too. She lost it.

“I hate drawing! Hate it! I am no good at it and I never will be!” She threw her marker in the bin and charged upstairs. Mario shrugged his shoulders and carried on as if a fly had just whizzed by but was now far away. He began to draw a rhino after his deer. Pretty amazing how well he drew when he had detailed steps.

And then it struck me. Mario and I are total left brainers. We think linearly and need set instructions in order to best draw an object. Maria is a right brainer. She sees an object with her own mind and draws it how she sees it. Requiring her to follow steps hinders her process rather than boosting it.

I walked upstairs to comfort her, andI got attacked.

“I can’t draw! I am dumb! D-O-M, dumb!”

I wanted to laugh at the irony of her calling herself dumb and how she spelled it (I knew she was stressed because she knows how to spell “dumb”) but figured she’d go into major distress so I just sat still. Maria went on about how her cousin Alana draws so well.

“Maria, she draws for hours in the day. She doesn’t do as many things outdoors as we do so she draws a lot instead.”

Maria looked up at me with a glare. “We’ll then it’s your fault for making me go outside so much!”

Oh, we have a lot to teach that girl when it comes to accountability.

I hugged her again and brought her downstairs to work on drawing anything she wanted. I explained to her about being right-brained and she seemed to understand that concept (because she is right-brained!). I told her how lucky she was that she could draw an animal without having to follow detailed steps. I reminded her ridiculous my animals looked when I didn’t have detailed instructions. She laughed at the thought of them.

She began drawing a girl in a gown and then a boy with a bow tie. She wrote “mom and dad” next to the drawing. It was us on our wedding day. Meanwhile, Mario kept cranking on that rhino.

Love no matter what

November 5, 2012Leave a comment

My sis recommended a heart-warming blog titled “Star in Her Eye” narrated by a mother, Heather Kirnlanier whose baby girl has a genetic disorder, Wolf-Hirschhorn Syndrome. It is serendipitous timing as I just began the book “Expecting Adam” by Martha Beck about a mother raising a baby boy with Down Syndrome. Both writings challenge the cultural view towards special needs children and reinforce a mother’s love for her child no matter what the ailments.

One of Kirnlanier’s blog entries describes a time prior to conceiving her child when a friend of hers told her that an acquaintance had given birth to a baby with Down Syndrome. She expressed her condolences to the friend and they both gossiped about how hard it would be to have such a child. She cringes at the thought of talking and feeling that way now that she has her own special needs child. She acknowledges that surely there are medical difficulties with a special needs child – quite profound ones possibly – but she challenges our thinking that such difficulties should inhibit us from moving forward with rearing such a child.

How many of us have said “My babies are growing up too fast?” Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a child that develops just a little more slowly so that you have more time to “smell the roses, to see in all its minutiae the subtle learnings of a little girl?” How many of us spend an inordinate amount of time raising children only to feel an immense pain when they leave the nest? A special needs child likely requires care throughout her life; how wonderful to have a lifetime with your little babe. Change your thinking and change your world.

I remember watching a mom and her son with Down Syndrome walk into Maria’s kindergarten class a few years ago. My immediate thought was “what a woman she is; that has got to be hard.” After getting to know the mom and hearing Maria talk about class-time with her son, I began to get a small glimpse into this “hard” life I imagined for mom and son. Sure, the mom had her days when she was ready to wring her son’s neck because he would not eat his breakfast before school or he refused to take off his coat when they got into the classroom. How many days was I ready to scream at the top of my lungs because Maria took forever to get dressed? How many mornings did I walk away irritated with her because of her snippy attitude? But this mom also had precious moments with her son – riding their tandem bikes around town; picnics at the park; long, thoughtful discussions about why flowers bloomed in the Spring; and hard laughter when the mom sang her son a certain song. He brought her more joy than she could have ever imagined before he entered her life and that is all that mattered.

We have a cultural bias towards everything perfect – “perfect” being size 2 bodies, no grey hair, wrinkle-free…and able-bodied. “Ableists” as Kirnlanier points out by way of Wikipedia, believe that a disability or imperfection is a mistake or failing rather than a simple stamp of human diversity. It takes people like Kirnlanier and Beck to reverse this type of thinking. Hearing their stories drives open your mind and strips away any inherent cultural bias in you. How could it not? These kids are just like mine and my friends – they enjoy watching bubbles float in the air, smelling flowers, laughing at their silly parents, listening to music, and feeling immense love from their mamas.

Mario blooms

October 24, 2012October 24, 20123 Comments

A car drove past Mario and me while we biked to school this morning. I thought the guy driving was a colleague so when we biked past him, I waved. As I waved, I noticed that the guy was not my colleague and no one I knew. I said “that’s embarrassing, Mario. I just waved at that stranger.”

Mario’s reply: “No it’s not, mom. You probably made his day. He may have been sad and now he’s not.”

These are the moments where I realize that my kids have listened and seen me, and they have instilled some of my values in their lives. Mario has seen me say “hi” to people passing by, be pleasant to workers bagging our groceries, strike up a conversation with a gentleman waiting for a bus while we waited on our bike for the traffic light to change. He has witnessed the smiles on these people’s faces after someone smiles at them, says hello to them, engages with them. And he has heard me talk about the importance of being nice to others and how you can never know when someone just needs a smile to feel better.

And so he reminded me that I shouldn’t be embarrassed about waving to that stranger but rather feel happy that I may have made someone’s day and allowed them to see the randomness that is this life – be it a stranger waving at you or a bright red Autumn leaf falling on your shoulder or a child blooming right before your eyes.

Boys

October 19, 2012Leave a comment

“When I grow up I want to be a little boy.” – Joseph Heller

Gio descended on our house tonight and Mario and him have been moving and shaking ever since. They played guns in Mario’s room, fought dragons, and played Wii. All within 15 minutes. I calmed them down for a small amount of time with a science project in the kitchen. We made a volcano with baking soda and vinegar and food coloring. The boys thought it was cool for five seconds and then they dug their fingers into the hole of the volcano and scraped out the baking soda and food coloring in order to smear it on themselves. Really?!

Next, I had them color paper plates in order to make macarenas. They colored for about three minutes and were ready for the next project, which ended up being a concert for me. They crooned and played their instruments while I cheered them on in the basement. They actually performed for me for a good chunk of time. Impressive. Then they moved on to wrestling and pillow fighting, which was still going on an hour later. I guess they can handle long spurts of violent activity.

Dealing with boys is a 180 degree difference from dealing with girls. Maria and Alana would have been up in Ri’s room for hours before I saw them and then they’d have spent time coloring or playing a card game or watching a movie (they are loving life together at grandma’s and grandpa’s house this weekend).

At 9 pm, I put on Spider-Man for the boys and they still jumped all over each other.
I want that energy.
Now.
Can I usurp it from them?
They just keep going and going and going. I realized that the only thing that settles them down is feeding them a bunch of junk so they get lazy from full stomachs. We brought out the Pringles and sugar after a bit. They looked like little old men eating in their beanbags.

The Pringles did the trick.

I have a bit of fear in my blood about a full day with these young men tomorrow. My desire to get out and stay active will undoubtedly be met but will it come at the cost of a headache from popping around all over the place? I’m tempted to rent a bouncey house and let them jump in it all day while I rake the leaves and listen to NPR. But then I’d miss out on the concerts and the science fairs and I just can’t bear that thought even with as exhausted as they make me.

Parenting Advice – Show the Love

October 18, 2012October 18, 20122 Comments

A friend forwarded this Article to me this morning. It reinforces one of my strongest beliefs as a parent: always show kids constant love and support, and don’t freak out over superficial crap. I love Toni Morrison’s story in the article. Greet your child with a smile, a hug, an “I love you” before anything else. Foster joy and wonder and commitment.

I remember scouring over parenting books when I was pregnant with Maria and reviewing the same books when pregnant with Mario. Deep down, I think I knew their limitations. They acted more like a security blanket for me as I approached being a new mom. But I remember also rolling my eyes while reading the books and thinking “they really believe they can pinpoint every move a mom should make with a child?”

One of my biggest pet peeves is self-righteousness, and a lot of articles espouse advice as if it’s the golden rule. You don’t follow it, and boy, you are a horrid parent. But this article reinforces the importance of the intangibles in childrens’ lives – the kiss on the forehead when they are heading off to school, the dance party you start up while listening to Bieber, the pat on the back when they find their shoes on their own (and in this family, that merits at least one Oreo with the pat!).

Pumpkins and pizza

October 16, 2012October 16, 2012Leave a comment

The Irons pumpkin patch cured the girlfriend blues. I hadn’t seen my Cincy gals for months due to summer camps, sports events, work functions, vacations, and moves. You name it and one of us was doing it. However, I find that if I don’t get my time with my life-long girlfriends, I start to funk out and get the girlfriend blues. I got my girlfriends in Columbus who I love but these Cincy gals are my life blood. They’ve been with me my entire life through the acne, the break-ups, the homecoming dances, the principal office, the family dramas. They know me – the real me. And damn if they don’t make me laugh and let go of worry every time I see them.

I missed Kathy in the mix – my soul sister moved to Michigan a couple of months ago and just had a baby so she couldn’t make it to our pumpkin patch outing Sunday. She’s the one I count on to talk about what the hell we’re doing in our lives – where we want to be in two years – why we’re not pursuing what we want – how we are gonna make a change! She’s also my fellow lawyer….

Even though we don’t get together every month, I love how our kids always warm up to one another after the initial thirty minute awkward mulling around. Jill’s girls are so polite and sweet, like Jill. Ericka’s daughter is confident and laid-back like Ericka. Lisa’s kids are sassy but loving like Lisa. And mine, well they are crazy and loud, like….

Maria and Mario had to feed the llamas like they do every year (Mario isn’t scared of them even though he was bit two years ago by one and swore he’d never feed one again – distant memory now, thank goodness).

We all laid our respective kids in the grass with the leaves surrounding them with the hopes of a Christmas card-ready picture. The other kids gave some sweet, angelic poses but this is as good as I got.

Goofballs.

We chowed down at LaRosas after the pumpkin patch. Ri got the spaghetti and meatballs she has loved since shortly after birth and Mario and I got pizza. I wish we could get a LaRosas in Columbus but our waistlines would surely expand. Mario and Josh did their boy thing and wrestled during lunch. They created a little bond by way of throwing each other to the floor. The girls drew and gave their condolences to Ri and Emma for having to deal with those crazy boys. Us ladies chatted about work, motherhood, periods, and other random topics that get interjected in the hour that we have together without kids at our beckon call.

After LaRosas, we doled out our hugs and kisses and headed to the outlet mall for some new gym shoes (my most favorite indulgence!). We met my mom at the mall and found some sweet shoes after testing them out throughout the store.

Mario thinks my mom buys everything when we go to the outlet mall so when we got home he pronounced to Jon “Look at the sweet shoes Grandma Lolo bought me!” We also hit Old Navy for some pants for the kids (Mario wears serious high waters and Maria’s all have holes in the butt). They each scored a bouncey ball from the 25 cent vending machine (I am a sucker for bouncey balls) and some new threads. Good life.

Mom and I got some fries while the kids played at McDonald’s play land and talked about the latest happenings in the family, and Lou, of course. She spoils that dog of hers taking him on 6 walks a day sometimes! Good life!

We gave our hugs and kisses to Grandma and made our way back to Columbus to see Jon who was driving back from his cousin’s house without any deer that he had hoped to shoot over the weekend. Oh well, looks like Chipotle for dinner this week.

"MOM!"

Adventures in the Life of a Working Mama

Category: Parenting