You are one of my nicest thoughts

January 12, 2013January 12, 2013Leave a comment

I received this card from my mom a week ago and I love the saying on it: “You are one of my nicest thoughts.” What a magnificent way to tell someone you are thinking of them.

I appreciate these simple nuggets that randomly enter my life because they gently slap me on the face and remind me of the important things in life. My family, my friends, being outdoors, doing cartwheels. When I opened up this card, I had been steaming about an email from a work colleague. The email was absolutely not worth the energy I was giving to it and the card brought that to light immediately.

As I was laying with Ri that night, I told her that she was one of my nicest thoughts. She looked at me awkwardly at first but then smiled her huge, rapturous smile and replied “I love you to the moon and back, mom.”

And so, we continue to add to our repertoire of wonderful sayings.

Surviving the dentist

January 11, 2013January 11, 2013Leave a comment

Jon and I just experienced one of the most disturbing incidents in our parenthood.

Mario getting a cavity filled.

Horrid and nightmarish.

This is Mario pre-filling.

Sweet, charming, calm.

Even if I could have gotten a picture of Mario during the procedure, I would not post it. People would believe that he was being tortured. He pretty much psyched himself out as soon as the dentist walked in the room. He looked like he was facing the firing squad. I just wanted to wrap him up in my arms and shoot out of the office.

The dentist began by looking into Mario’s mouth with the typical little instrument that has a mirror at the end. Mario cried and would not open his mouth more than a grimace. And it went downhill from there. We had to hold him down for the numbing gel and the shot took him over the edge. Screams of pain, giant tears that could have filled a bucket, hyperventilation.

“I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!”

We stopped. I held him. He begged to leave.

“I can’t take this anymore! I can’t do it anymore!”

More soothing from me and Jon. As soon as we got him to lay down again, he wailed and begged to tell me “one more thing.” By the time the dentist started drilling, the novocaine had worn off and when the doctor drilled, Mario writhed in pain.

We went through the process again with the same crying and soothing and hyperventilating and begging until the numbness settled in. Mario sat fairly still as the dentist finished the drilling and seal clenching my hands and asking “are we done?” every three seconds.

When we left, I felt like I had ran a marathon. Jon was even worn down. Emotional trauma. Mario would only get a picture with me and when I smiled he stopped me. “You can’t smile, mom. This was not fun.”

Grandma Lolo called as we were heading out and told him he earned his $20. She had promised him that if he acted brave through the process. Not quite sure we’d call it “brave” but he got the filling and reached the end goal… Kicking and Screaming.

Jon took him to Target to get a Wii game. He called me when they got home and reported that Mario was back to Mario again – playing Wii and laughing. Glad he’s back to normal but I am still recovering!

Serious lesson learned for all: Brush your teeth after every meal! I think Mario may listen after today.

Dizzy in love

January 10, 2013January 10, 2013Leave a comment

You make me dizzy with love for ya, Ri. Don’t you ever lose that spirit – it is contagious.

Ri time

January 9, 2013January 9, 2013Leave a comment

Ri is so fortunate it’s Winter. It’s the only way that I’d agree to manicures right after work and school. In the Spring, Summer and Fall, we’d be on our bikes or at the park. But the dark combined with the cold leads us indoors. In addition, Mario got to go to Grandma Ionno’s house this week and Ri had to go back to school so I promised her a night where she could choose our itinerary.

When I picked her up at Kids Club, she had it all set. Janira would come with us and we’d go to the nail salon and to dinner. She is not a cheap date.

“Chop chop lollipop!” She pushed me out the door towards the car. “We’ve got some nails to make pretty!”

She begged for a pedi along with the manicure but I nixed that request. Janira and Ri flipped through magazines while I got my gel polish scraped off. I never used to get my nails done but recently felt uneasy about my nails while sitting in a work meeting. Everyone had gorgeous manicured nails and mine looked like a cave man’s. So I tried this gel process. I regret it. You have to get your nails done every couple of weeks and I hate sitting in a salon for an hour. So, I asked the tech to take off my gel polish and just put on regular clear polish. She looked at me like I had just told her to cut my wrist.

Ri and Janira waited patiently for their turn and loved every minute of it. They read about Katy Perry and Beyonce. When their nails were finished, they flaunted them off to me. Two different colors on each hand just like Katy Perry would do.

We decided we’d stay in for dinner since they wanted time to play. They wanted a “fancy” dinner so we got out candles and china. They got dressed up – make-up and all – while I made their dinner. They made me call their names for dinner (yes, I am a trooper). They walked in the room and owned it with their confidence and style.

They turned on some Bieber to eat to and made me leave the room (gladly). We stopped at DQ for dessert and took Janira home. Ri and I returned home, watched National Geographic Wild, and snuggled in bed. We were asleep within 10 minutes. I woke to Ri kicking me in the head.

When we turned on the Today show at 7 am, it was 39 degrees. We decided that Ri would ride her bike to school and we’d stop at Stauf’s for a hot chocolate and bagel. Ri begged me to get her a hot cocoa in a cardboard cup so she could drink it in class. Another girl had done that last week and she thought it was cool.

And there she was at her computer as I went to leave her school. Looking like a college kid. For a brief few seconds, I had an image of her at age 19 sitting in her frosh English class with her hot chocolate (I think she will stick with that hot drink over coffee) waiting for her girlfriend to sit next to her to chat about their weekends. Then the image left me. Good riddance I thought. Let me keep her my little second grader for a bit longer.

They’re back

January 8, 2013January 8, 2013Leave a comment

Three days of a quiet, peaceful home seem like a galaxy away. The munchballs returned home yesterday and set the house ablaze with commotion and loudness and activity. We had our first Wendy’s gym session for the Winter – we haven’t been to the gym for a year and a half. The kids loved it. Mario directed all of the boys around the equipment giving them advice on how to do cartwheels and how to balance on the beams. Ri listened intently to her instructor – she’s like her dad – it will take her a few sessions before she opens up to her classmates.

We got home and ate dinner. Maria has gotten into the phrase “no offense.” At dinner, she must have said “No offense, dad, but…” five times. Mario even chimed in at one of her final comments saying “I knew you’d say “no offense, Ri” and raised his fingers to do the block quote sign.

These two munches keep us laughing but I am keeping with my promise to institute a Quiet Zone in the house for an hour each night. It’s a lot easier for Ri than Mario. Is it because he’s 5, a boy, or got too much of his mom’s crazy energy?!

Fun at the farm and quiet in the city

January 6, 2013January 6, 2013Leave a comment

Ri and Mario went to Peepaw’s and Mama Meg’s house on Friday afternoon and spent the weekend with them. As a result, Jon and I had the entire weekend to ourselves, which always feels like we are in an alternate universe. We went out to Polaris Mall this morning to fix my phone at the Apple store (and left right after the Apple store – we couldn’t get out of the mall quick enough). On the way home, we picked up Jersey Mike’s for lunch and as we left the store, we both thought of the times pre-M&M when we’d have nothing to do on the weekends but this: head out on errands, grab lunch, go to the coffee shop…. It’s nice to live that life again for a couple of days but we miss those pumpkins and want them home… tomorrow.

Meanwhile, they are living the farm life with their grandparents – shoveling horse poop, loading hay, and making abstract snow figures.

It is supposed to be a horse. They also got some sledding in on inner tubes and plastic sleds. Peepaw showed them how it was done first. Mario nearly got a concussion from going down one of the hills Sarah and Jorge made over New Years but they loved it.

Ri reported to me this morning that she read an entire Magic Treehouse book last night. Not sure what Meg and dad needed to do to make that happen but that’s one great thing about the farm – no 500 channel cable tv and lots of books!

That brought on another New Year’s resolution – unplug the tv before bed and get out a book. Yes, Jon, that means you too!

Shots and donuts

January 4, 2013January 4, 2013Leave a comment

Mario survived.

It was a trying ordeal but he persevered after counting to 100.

Yes, the dreaded doctor’s appointment is over. He’s only been sick about it for weeks. When we got to the office, he was initially excited about getting weighed and measured (25th percentile height (he’s got his Grandma Ionno in him!) and 60th percentile in weight). But when we got in the examination room, he turned on us.

“I’m scared mom. My stomach feels funny because I’m so scared.”

Maria chimed in before I could speak.

“It’s ok baby boy. You are going to be brave just like your big sis. You are just gonna get those shots and act like nothin’ happened to you buster.” She pinched his cheek just like your eighty year old grandma would do.

He tried to stay stoic. He began counting to 100. Ri continued to try to make him laugh. The doc eventually came in to look him over and he impressed her with his counting and his spelling of “Mario.” She gave him a clean bill of health and then told him he’d only need two shots. We had told him four because that’s what Ri had gotten at age five so we thought he’d be relieved. But instead he took the opportunity to bargain.

“How about just one shot?”

The doc laughed. Maria looked dejected. She wanted him to get all four and be brave.

“Can he get three?” she asked. “And can I get an examination done on me after you are done with Mario?” She’s the only kid I know that enjoys visits to the dentist and doctor.

The doc left and it seemed like an eternity until the nurses arrived. Mario asked every 30 seconds when they’d be in to give him his shots. Maria rolled up both his sleeves and kissed the top of both of his arms.

“Grandma Ionno’s mom used to kiss her on the place where she was going to get a shot so I’m keeping up the tradition, Mario.”

He let her kiss him with the hopes that this ritual would somehow lessen the pain. The nurses finally stepped in and Ri and I held his hands while they inserted a shot in each arm.

He screamed. And cried. I held him.

Maria repeated “you are our strong baby boy, yes you are.”

Five minutes later we were driving to Giant Eagle to get the donut we promised him.

When Ri and I were getting ready eraly that morning, she had wondered what we could do for Mario after his shots as a reward for being brave.

“It was easy with me because all I ever wanted was ice cream or spaghetti. Mario doesn’t like food like I do! We may need to buy him a toy!”

But then as she stood in the mirror brushing her hair, she shouted “Oh duh! Mario loves donuts! We can get him lots of long john donuts!”

And so it was decided. He’d get a donut and Ri, by default of being with us, would get one, too. I have a feeling she set me up for that one….

Heading out on the town

January 2, 2013Leave a comment

Mario has been dreaming to go out on his own the past few nights. This has been an ongoing desire over the last few months that has manifested itself with admonishments from him to me whenever I get too close to him. At the library, he went up to the second floor by himself to look at Wii games. I followed him stealthily so that he would not see me. I watched him look at the Wii games and then head over to the counter to ask the librarian whether they had the Rise of the Guardians Wii game. She was having trouble understanding him so I butted in to clarify. Mistake. Mario became irate and embarrassed. “Mom, I told you I would do it myself. You are so embarrassing! Go away!”

Last night, we were drawing pictures, and Mario asked Maria how to spell “I’m Going Somewhere.” He then walked over to me and gave me the picture. I couldn’t read it at first and then I got it. I asked “you are going somewhere? Where?” Mario’s response: “Don’t know yet but I will figure it out. I will wait until tomorrow.”

mariojeans tattoo Tonight, he asked Maria to go upstairs with him. Ri ran back downstairs and breezed past me. I asked her what she was doing and she quickly replied “Getting some cool shoes for Mario.” They both came back down ten minutes later and Mario looked too cool for school with his double layered oxford shirts, new jeans and sweet man-watch on his wrist. Maria grabbed the body crayons and drew tattoos on his arms.

“I’m heading out tonight, mom.”

“Where you going?”

“I may got to the bank and then I may just take a walk.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I am not going to any girls’ houses but I may not be home until tomorrow.”

door Jon told him that he was free to go (the mom in me could not let him leave even though I knew Jon would sneak out and watch over him). Mario put on his coat and hat and gloves and he said goodbye to Ri. Ri bawled and begged him not to go because he could be stolen by someone in the night. He told her he’d be fine.

He walked out the door and stood on the porch in the 15 degree cold. He looked back at me. He walked back to the door.

“Mom, will the police stop me if they see me?”

“Yeah, they won’t let you walk by yourself until you are fifteen.”

He walked back out on the porch. He stood on the step for a minute. I stepped back so he would not see me.

He walked back to the door and peeked inside.

“Mom?”

“Did you decide to come back to your mama and sis?!”

“Yes, I will come back just because the police are out. I will go out later when the police get off work.”

I agreed knowing that Jon would explain to him that the police never get off of work. I am sure he will think of some other way to get out of the house in the next few days. Probably use a disguise or something. He is jonesin’ to get out on his own at age 5. Ri, on the other hand, is perfectly content with me following her everywhere and has no desire to leave the roost. I imagine that will change when she hits her pre-teen years especially with her brother’s influence.

2012 Wrap-up

January 1, 2013January 1, 20134 Comments

2012 Highlights:

1. Playing in the ocean and collecting seashells.

2. Petting an alligator (and Ri kissing it!).

3. Hiked the sand dunes in Michigan.

4. Playing lots of putt-putt.

5. Ri and Mario flew on an airplane for the first time!

6. Took a boat ride on Traverse Bay.

7. Visited Louisville, Kentucky for Miles and Taylor’s wedding, and spent the night at a hotel with Grandma Meg and Peepaw.

8. Celebrated Ri’s 7th birthday!

9. Mario turned 5!

10. Headed to Kings Island and rode the Beastie!

11. Rode the COTA bus to downtown.

12. Swam at Fort Rapids water park for Zach’s birthday party.

13. Ate at Perkins for my birthday!

14. Ri went to her first horseback riding camp!

15. Mario played his first season of football and baseball.

16. Maria cheerleaded!

17. Mario learned to ride a bike!

18. Ri started the second grade.

19. Mario and I raced at the track while Ri timed us.

20. Ri and Mario got to see Uncle Jack play in his band.

21. Riding rides and playing games at the Ox Roast.

22. Ri got to see Big Time Rush in concert.

23. We made lotsa pancakes!

24. Mario got to go hunting with dad!

25. Ri got to make wine with dad.

26. We ate lots of Orange Leaf yogurt!

27. We had a decade party at Grandma Meg’s and Peepaw’s!

28. We went to President Obama’s rally at OSU.

29. We went to the St. Patrick’s Day parade in Cincy.

30. Mario went to the dentist for the first time.

31. We visited the dog shelter to walk the dogs.

32. We walked Willie and Butters in Cincy.

33. We ate rocks at the river (ha, just wanted to see if you were awake!).

34. We celebrated Easter with our cousins playing out at the farm!

35. We found Easter eggs at the Heile Easter egg hunt; didn’t win the $5 egg but got lots of coins and candy.

36. We played at French Park like I did as a kid.

37. We swam at Grandma and Grandpa Ionno’s country club.

38. We swam at Grandma Lolo’s pool.

39. We rode Grandma Meg’s and Peepaw’s horses.

40. We hosted Maggie’s graduation party!

41. We caught fireflies.

42. We saw Aunt Sarah and Jorge more because they live in Pittsburgh!

43. We watched fireworks at Wyman Woods for the 4th of July.

44. We learned how to roll into a sleeping bag sandwich thanks to David!

45. Robert began at OSU and Laura came to visit.

46. We jumped in leaves!

47. We participated in the Heile Olympics.

48. We hosted Thanksgiving for the wild Heile clan and made our first Grateful Tree!

49. We went sled riding all week of Christmas break!

50. We spent the last day of the year with our Ionno cousins and built a huge snowman!

51. We hosted Christmas for the Ionno’s and Menkedick’s and Grandma Ionno got to see all her grandbabies!

52. We loved playing Three Little Pigs card game.

53. We still managed to ride in the stroller all year!

54. Elfie came to live with us until Christmas day and wrecked havoc on our house.

55. We went to the zoo with Alana and Gio.

56. We visited with my best girlfriends from Cincy and their kids.

57. We worked in our garden.

58. Mario and I went to Darby Creek with Gio.

59. Maria had more sleepovers and play dates than in 2011.

60. Lou came into our life!

And for 2013, our resolutions:

Maria – eat healthier (good job, Ri!)
Mario – to be able to shoot fire
Jon – to not make resolutions
Mary – to cook more (or I guess it’s more honest to say, “to cook”)!

Balancing act

December 19, 2012December 19, 20121 Comment

I met up with one of my friends this morning. She is pregnant with her second child and feeling stressed about balancing work and family. As soon as we sat down, she lamented: “I feel like I should be able to know everything in my job and be able to do everything at home, and when I don’t or can’t, I get so mad at myself.”

We talked about her particular situation at work and brainstormed about how to manage it. Imagine this: tell people you need help on this particular project because it’s not in your area of expertise. Novel idea for us perfectionists.

We talked about home life. How do we not rip our partners’ heads off when they ask “what’s for dinner?” Another brainstorming session led us to this revolutionary idea: talk to these partners about our stress quotient and ask them to head up dinner for the week. It may be that we are eating Wendy’s and cheese and crackers but there are some weeks that has to happen. Better a little more fats in your diet than a mental breakdown.

Then we talked about kids and our guilty feelings around not spending enough time with them. Revolutionary idea no.2: spend more time with them. Drop the laundry basket and leave the dishes and go sit on the living room floor with a deck of cards. Who cares if the kitchen looks like a madman pummeled through it; do we want our memories ten years from now to be that we had a spotless kitchen or that we had some mean ol’ UNO games together? I’d prefer the latter.

These are topics that I see all over magazines (“Juggle it all in five easy steps!”) and books (“Be a better mom today!”) and websites but they never seem to be put to rest. At times I get irritated with the dialogue – yes, it’s hard to juggle all of these things as a woman but how many conversations do we need to have? But today, while watching my mentee struggle with real dilemmas surrounding work and home, my attitude changed. This dialogue was essential to moving her forward in her job. It was essential for reassuring her that we all struggle with balance. It was essential to remind her what was most important to her at this time of her life. It was essential to reinforce in me how grounding female relationships are and how necessary it is to help one another along. God knows I have had my days and I am positive there will be more to come.

At the end of the conversation, she apologized for complaining the entire time. I made her apologize for apologizing – that’s the last thing she should be doing. I gave her a hug and we both promised to keep talking. And then we whipped out our iPhones to show the latest pictures of our babies.

"MOM!"

Adventures in the Life of a Working Mama

Category: Parenting