Canine love, and baby too

Ok, so this article explains why – 9 months pregnant – I was worried that I’d never love Maria as much as I loved my pup, Cy. And why, even when Ri was born, I sometimes felt a closer connection to Cy than to my newborn. Those first few months, all Ri did was cry and feed and poop. But then there was Cy who stared at me with sweet eyes, licked me, and jumped up and down every time I came near him.
I figured my feelings were all screwed because of hormones but this article confirms that dogs bring on the same positive, loving responses that children do. And I’m sure if the study would have went deeper, it may have found that your pup actually elicits more positive reaction from you when your child is a crying newborn and you are a first time mom…!
Now, I did eventually grow to wholeheartedly love and adore sweet Ri after I settled into the fact of being a mom to a human baby – not a canine one. She eventually looked up at me with adoring eyes and goo’d at me and I was forever gone – she had my heart over any four-legged creature (and yes, Mario, too).
Now, if I look at nine-year-old Ri or seven-year-old Mario and then at Rocco, I can confidently state that I am a thousand times more in love and dedicated to my human babies.
But I still do get a tingle in my soul when I walk in the house and Rocco comes rushing towards me with tail a waggin’ and tongue a lickin’. Especially when those human babes are fighting and screaming and carrying on like animals.

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Party planner

Ri has a career in party planning…starting now. She is hilarious with the things she thinks of for the parties we host – she’s much more creative and daring then me.
I picked her up from her friend’s house at 11:30 am on Saturday and we worked until 4:30 getting the house together for Sarah’s Kickstarter fund-raising party. The night before, Ri and her friend created bookmarks to give away as gifts to the women that came to the party. They wrote Vela in all types of styles and designs and the words “thank you.” They also added peace signs or words (“Vela is awesome!”). We stuffed the bookmarks into little paper bags and wrote Vela on the front of the bag. Ri explained that we needed a different design on the bag than on the bookmark because that livened it up more. She also thought we should add chocolate to the bag so I dutifully bought some chocolate squares to throw in.

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Ri moved on to arranging the chairs in the living room for optimal talking space. I told her we needed a sign for the table where guests would lay down their books for the book exchange. There was no where to tape it on the table or wall so she created a sign to tape onto a book and then stood the book up on the table. Simple but creative. I love her so much.
She couldn’t wait to babysit Elena and another little girl, Sophia, whose mom was coming to the party. She did a good job as always in that area.
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Her girlfriend, Henley spent the night, and I learned she is just as crazy as Ri. I came home from a quick walk with Rocco and found her with dangling earrings hanging out of her braces. All I could think was her mom was going to kill me when I called her from the ER.>

Boy Scouts! Boy Scouts!

Mario counted down the days for his Boy Scout meeting. Finally, Wednesday arrived and Mario begged to leave for the meeting from the time I got home at 5:45 pm until 6:45 pm when we left. We walked down the stairs to the basement of the church where meetings are held and Quinn came running towards us.
“Mario, look at all the medals you earned!”
He and Paxton and Mario ran to the board where the medals hung.

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Mario wrapped his arm around Quinn and I heard chatter between them. Surely Mario was bringing them up to speed on all of his achievements. He was so excited.
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He sat dutifully as the troop leaders spoke and followed his leader back to the kitchen to work on a project. Finally, an hour later, they presented the medals. He looked so innocent and sweet standing next to the Scout leader while he congratulated Mario on earning so many medals. Then the Scout leader presented him with a certificate that Mario earned at the Shoot-A-Ree for nailing a tomahawk into a piece if wood. He was the only one to do it. He beamed at me. And then he walked proudly back to his chair and showed them off to his friends.
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He ran over later and showed them to me. He was so incredibly happy. As we were standing around after the meeting, he pulled at me.
“We have to get my uniform tonight, mom. I want to put my medals on my belt and wear it to school tomorrow.”
I explained the store wasn’t open but promised is go there during the week. Thursday came and went and as we were getting ready for bed, Mario asked “did you get my uniform?” I had to break the news that I hadn’t. He got upset and ran to his room. The boy is a Boy Scout fanatic. I promised him we’d go on Friday.
Friday morning brought pleas from Mario to not forget we were going to the store after school. I did not disappoint. Bethany dropped him off to me at the store and we got all the items he needed and more. He left a happy camper.
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As soon as we got home, he got out his belt and slipped on his medals. He kept asking when dad would be home.
Jon pulled up in the driveway.
When he walked in the door, Mario asked him to stay in the kitchen. He put on his shirt and neckerchief and belt and tucked his shirt into his shorts. He placed his cap on his head. Jon watched in delight.
Our boy.

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Boy Scout Camp

I don’t have a twenty-year old body anymore. Here I was doggin’ on my girlfriend who swore she would never sleep on the ground in a tent.
“You’re a wuss. Sleeping on the ground is wonderful – being one with nature. Just pitch a tent and snuggle in your sleeping bag….”
There was no convincing her.
After Saturday night in a three-person tent with Ri and Mario, I’m starting to be swayed over to her side.
I thought I’d be fine with just a foam pad. I made fun of my girlfriend who drug out a twin mattress from the lodge and placed it in her tent. But damn if I didn’t want to pull one out in the middle of the night as I tossed and turned next to Ri and Mario. They were perfectly sound asleep – with no foam pad. To be a kid.
I woke up with quite the headache and my back felt like little trolls had stomped on it all night. But thank goodness for the drip coffee – sharp and black at 6 in the morning. All the parents looked bleary-eyed and in serious need of more sleep. I wasn’t in it alone. Meanwhile, the kids jumped around like those tiny plastic toys on springs that hop high in the sky when you press them on a flat surface.

Mario loved Boy Scout camp. He loved pitching a tent. He loved hanging with his guy friends. He loved running around in the woods. Maria loved it, too. She killed it in the beebee gun activity. She was like a sharp shooter – rarely missing the target.

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I asked her if she’d help her dad out in hunting turkeys and she quickly responded that she would not kill an animal with a gun – she just liked shooting at cans. Those turkeys are lucky.
Mario loved finding gems and fishing, of course. He has got quite the fishing bug in him. The fish were not biting but he refused to leave until the volunteers closed the area.
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After the activities, we dragged all of our camping gear out of the car and found a spot amidst the other tents. We did not get a spot right next to Quinn but I was proud of Mario for not throwing a fit. It didn’t matter anyway because all of the boys were running around and jumping in and out of all the tents.
The evening was a lot of fun. The boys played football; Maria learned how to knit with another mom and acted as babysitter to a boy scout’s little sister (she loved that)! I got to talk with some fun parents and soak up a gorgeous night.
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After the wood fire ceremony, the scout leaders sent everyone to bed and surprisingly, Ri and Mario went straight into their sleeping bags. One great thing about Boy Scouts is that Mario actually listens and abides by the words of his scout leaders. They were both asleep by 9:30. I figured I better get to bed, too, knowing I’d be up off and on through the night. As confirmed above, good thinking on my part.
We woke up to omelets in a bag. Sounds rather unappetizing but they were actually quite good. Liquid eggs, cheese, veggies all thrown in a ziplock bag and heated in boiling water. What I learned at Boy Scout camp (I also learned that ketchup crystallizes when heated so it’s better to write kids’ names on foil with ketchup rather than marker when making their food over the fire because it won’t melt away their names – love these little tricks)! Of course, Mario was repulsed at the omelet in a bag so he proceeded to eat only the muffins and cinnamon rolls – until he got scolded politely by one if the leaders that no one could eat the muffins until the omelets were made. But not even the scout leaders scared him – he grabbed one more when he thought no one was looking – he will break any rules for sugar.
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My girl and I devoured the omelets and the rolls and the muffins. We will try anything.
So glad we decided to go on the trip and so excited about future camping with my sweet Boy Scout.
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What’s it gonna be like?

What is it gonna be like when I don’t have to nag at the kids to get ready in the morning?
When I don’t have to walk or drive them to school?
When I don’t have to take them upstairs and make sure they brush their teeth?
When I don’t have to read them a bedtime book?
When I don’t have to fix them five different things for dinner?
When I don’t have to get them water after they’ve snuggled into bed?

Will I pace the house ready to explode?
Will I veg in front of my computer staring at Facebook?
Will I workout five times a day?
Will I start a blog titled “Me and my empty nest?”

These babies fill up every free moment I have right now. It’s hard to wrap my head around the thought of that not being the status quo.

This morning, Ri and Mario biked to Stauf’s while I ran beside them with Rocco. Rocco nearly pulled my arm out of socket when he chased a motorcycle. The kids nearly fell off their bikes laughing so hard. These moments are priceless and beautiful. They fill me up with joy for the day – the random smiles that come over my face as I walk to meetings are sparked by those moments being re-played in my head… Mario embracing Rocco before he heads into school. Maria smiling at me as she turns around to skip up the street to meet friends.

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Learning a lesson

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Yes, this little angel racked up $45 worth of charges from iTunes on Sunday afternoon. I received an email yesterday confirming his multiple purchases of dragon gems – gems used to buy more animals in Dragonvale. He had asked me in the previous days if he could purchase them and I had agreed here and there to let buy some for $1.99. He also paid me $1.99 to buy some (and yes, the gems are used up in three seconds). He found out my password for iTunes a while back. Ri spilled the beans. But he has been very good about not buying anything unless he asks me first.
That little angelic voice inside his head must have turned evil on Sunday causing him to go on a gem shopping spree.
I called him after school and told him I knew about the purchases. He whispered sorry. I told him we’d talk more about it when I got home. He said ok and didn’t seen too worried. When I got home, he was playing on the computer. “Hi mom!” He seemed to have forgotten all about our conversation.
I went in and spoke with Jon. He and I walked into the kitchen and asked Mario why he bought the gems without asking me. He looked down and mouthed “sorry.” Jon opened up Mario’s wallet and took all $39 out if it. “No technology all week dude. And you still owe us $6.”
Mario bit at his lower lip. His eyes swelled with tears. He continued to look down or away from us so that we would not see him upset.
I asked Jon to go to the next room. I pleaded for Mario. “Let’s not take all his money. Let’s let him work to get it back at least….” What a wuss, I am. I even second-guessed taking away technology for the week. Thank god I have Jon to impose some much-needed discipline.
We walked back into the kitchen and Jon asked Mario what he thought his punishment should be. Mario didn’t know. Jon eventually sent him up to his room to clean it and told him that he needed to learn a lesson – that’s why he’d be banned from technology for the week and have to earn back some of his money by doing chores. Smart result and one I could not have instituted without Jon. I am so bad at punishing!
Mario went upstairs.
I went up later to check on him. I still felt bad for him even though I knew he knew that what he did was wrong. How did I become such a softie when I became a mom? I would have ripped into other people who took $45 from me!
He was lying in his bed staring at his blinds. I told him we loved him but he had to learn a lesson. He turned his head over my way and burst out crying. “But you took every last penny I had earned in my entire life!”
He turned back to the shades. Confirmation: if we want to teach Mario a lesson and make it stick – take away his money.
I left him alone and he eventually came downstairs. He walked past me as I tried to hug him so I kept doing the dishes.
“Can we play Old Maid” he asked softly.
Of course, I replied. And he and Ri and I played a hand. Then we went upstairs to get ready for bed. He got his wish to have a pillow fight (Ri and Mario both knocked me a good one). I read them Baby Brains (our new favorite book). Ri and I rubbed his back, and he fell to sleep.
He woke this morning as I was heading down the stairs to take a run. He asked to go with me. I reminded him that he could not play on technology (which I knew would be a deal-breaker). He asked if he could go downstairs and play Wii. I grabbed his arms as he jumped on my back for a piggy back ride.
I placed him on the couch and he turned on the Wii as I got my iPod to listen to NPR on my run. No tantrums about not being able to play on the computer. I even came home to a happy guy. He read off the vitamin percentages in Honey Nut Cherrios to me and then told me he loved me as he headed out the door standing close to his dad.
He must understand that discipline is not the end of the world … now, I just need to understand that….

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Soccer girl

I have loved watching Ri out on the soccer field. She had practice on Saturday morning. I was supposed to be in a meeting but I called into it instead because I wanted to watch her play. She likes being goalie (just a hunch why – less running). I think she will be really good at that position because she’s not scared of the ball and she’s strong. She did really good at practice.
The girls had their first game yesterday. Holy cow, I was so nervous for her. She’s never played soccer in her life and had only had three practices. I didn’t want her to get in the game and get discouraged if she missed a ball in goal or didn’t kick the ball well down the field. Mama Bear.
She didn’t go in at the start. One of her friends, Gabby, started in goalie. Gabby’s been playing for three years. She knows where to position herself and how to kick the ball to one of our players. She stopped some good kicks. The other team had some tall girls on it. Two in particular barreled down the field most of the game. We played a lot of defense.
Ri got put in for the second twelve minutes of the quarter. I paced up and down the line with my mom who was just as nervous. Jon was able to stay quietly in his seat. How?! The play started and the two tall girls flew toward Ri. There was a mass of our defenders tangling with the girls. Ri didn’t quite know where to place herself. She stood ten feet from the goal post trying to help the defenders when one of the tall girls broke free and kicked it into the goal. My heart sank. My mom sighed. A few minutes later, one of the tall girls sank another one in the net – this time Ri was there but it was hit hard. I cringed. My mom cried “oh no.” Ri looked upset. She wouldn’t respond when I cheered for her.
She made it through the twelve minutes and walked off the field as the whistle blew. She wouldn’t look at me.
You listen here. You tried your hardest out there. This was your first time as goalie and you didn’t give up! You need to be proud of yourself and tell yourself you did your best. You hear me?”
She nodded. Another mom came up to her and said nearly the same thing. She smiled. She went in two more times as goalie without flinching at the thought. A few went by her but she also snagged a few. And she had some strong kicks from the goal to her teammates. All my nails were bitten to the core when the final whistle blew but I survived. And Ri flourished.
She walked away with a smile on her face (the post-game snack and the camaraderie of her friends helped, I’m sure). I was so proud of her for not giving up and not freaking out. She could have easily cried out on the field when the second goal was scored on her but she shook it off and kept playing. And she could have refused to play goalie again. But she continued.
On the way home, I told her again and again how much I admired her determination and perseverance. I was so proud of her. She nodded and looked out the window of the car but I know she heard me.
It is such a joy to be her mom.
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Soothe It!

I fell in love with this article the moment I read it. So I read it over and over and over again. It hit me on a personal level as the author talks about her struggle with her newborn’s refusal to sleep, and her questions on how we self-soothe as a baby through adulthood.
I remember being up multiple times a night with Ri and Mario trying to soothe them back to sleep and trying to calm my own emotions so I didn’t lose it and scream my head off. I immediately picked them up at their first cry and fed them or rocked them or read them a book. My arms became their soothing balm. I look back and think maybe I should have allowed them to cry it out more but in the end, I treasure that time since I now battle for kisses from them at ages 9 and 7. I got a lot of snuggle time with them when they were babes. A lot.
My self-soothing probably lied in the same experience – holding them in my arms. Rocking them back and forth until they calmed down and laid their small noggin’ onto my shoulder. Feeling each breath as if it was coming right from my chest. I would have never believed that I could function on 2 hours of straight sleep per night but I did – for many months. I also would have never believed that I would not rip someone’s head off after only getting 2 hours of sleep a night. But I never did (although I did cuss my sweet hubby out a few times…).
I appreciate that this article reminds us that we all must find our self-soothing measures or else we begin to go downhill – fast. As the author states:
It’s a million little moments when we do our best to draw on our own sensory genius, our own self-awareness, our own faith, to feel okay in the world.”
After a really crappy day at work, I still find that my go-to soothing measure is my kids. Playing frisbee with them, hugging them, drawing pictures with them, taking a walk with them – all of these activities calm me down and shift my perspective back to where it should be. And ice cream, that always works, too.

Smart talk

Yet another article confirming that I have sent my daughter down a path of failure. I thought I was doing well by praising Ri as being smart when she correctly completed a math problem but apparently I’m setting her up to head straight to trucking school after 12th grade.
My research shows that praise for intelligence or ability backfires,” said Dweck, who co-authored a seminal research paper on the effects of praise on motivation and performance. “What we’ve shown is that when you praise someone, say, ‘You’re smart at this,’ the next time they struggle, they think they’re not. It’s really about praising the process they engage in, not how smart they are or how good they are at it, but taking on difficulty, trying many different strategies, sticking to it and achieving over time.
The researcher continues to say that not only is telling our daughters they are smart unproductive, but it actually may be harmful to their development.

Sweet Jesus.

Here I was thinking that I was a superstar because I was commenting on Ri’s brains and not her beauty but not quite….

I appreciate these studies in order for us to learn more about how to raise our girls to be confident and excel but damn if they don’t make me second guess everything before talking to Ri.

But, alas, change and growth and questioning are a part of life so I guess I need to keep reading these studies and shifting my praise accordingly (oh, how my grandma would be shaking her head at all the analysis we engage in as parents in 2014!).

Tonight, Ri told me that she completed 91 subtraction problems in five minutes when she had only completed 78 two nights ago. I replied “You are my smart girl!” But then I caught myself and quickly replied: “You worked so hard to raise the number you could complete and never gave up – great job!” So who knows where that mixed message will take her.

In the end, I think she will be just fine. After all, does she look like she lacks confidence?!

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A good ending

And a happy ending occurred yesterday! After hours of anger, disappointment and frustration, and tons of emails and texts, Ri got into the soccer league. She was charged up – as was her friend Henley as she screamed in delight when she heard the news. One of my mom girlfriends was crucial in keeping me going through it all. She kept texting “WTF” and writing encouraging words in CAPS about not giving up. Love that girlfriend power has a way if pumping you up when you most need it.
I watched Ri practice with a smile on my face the entire time. She ended up in goalie for their scrimmage and did pretty well. She had four saves and two misses. Not bad for her first time.
She walked off the field after practice with a huge smile on her face, and that made the entire day worthwhile.

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