Self-discovery

October 30, 2013October 30, 20131 Comment

My girl has been wanting a sewing kit ever since they had a sewing lesson two weeks ago in Girl Scouts. She asks for one everyday. Surprisingly, only because every kid in America seems to want one, she doesn’t want a rainbow loom. She came home with one of the bracelets a friend of hers had made and showed it to me a few weeks ago and ever since then, I have seen them everywhere. Mario got one from Quinn and when he accidentally undid the bands, I thought he might put himself in coronary arrest.

This morning, Maria again mentioned the sewing kit. I blurted out “I know, I know” making yet another mental note to get her that kit so she can start to sew my ripped shirts. I glanced at one of the bracelets on the table and asked “do you want one of those rainbow loom things?”

“No.” A pause. “I hope you’re not mad, mom. I’m just not into them like other people are.”

I know why she added the sentence after “no.” I have been getting on her about finding something that she really enjoys doing so that she isn’t bored when I’m doing other things. Im thinking she should read or draw or play a sport. But she has no interest. Don’t get me wrong, she will be the first to hop on her scooter and take a walk or play make-believe with the neighbor or help me bake cookies but she’s not into going to her room and chillin’ with a coloring pad or a book.

I did admit to her that it was a bit my fault since I kept her busy doing activities all her life and I was constantly by her side whenever we had a free moment (she swept that admission up and stuffed it in her pocket to inevitably sling at me the next time I got on her for not finding something to do by herself).
But while I got on her about doing things on her own, I realized I was pressuring her to do things that I would want to do: I wanted to read more so she should. I always loved to draw pictures so she should. I loved soccer so she should. But she’s not me. Ah-hah.

And so I have backed off on pushing those things on her. When I am reading my magazine, and she looks bored, I let her figure it out. Yes, she may play Minecraft on the iPad but she may also go outside and play with Rocco or just stare at the walls. But she’s no worse off than if I stuck her face in a book and forced her to read (which she would just mimic reading anyway). She gets her reading in at school and at home for homework.

She’s in third grade; she’s just starting to figure out who she is, what moves her, how she reacts to things. I don’t think that forcing her to engage in activities she doesn’t want to do is how I should help her get there (that is not to say that I won’t make her try at least one activity and one instrument eventually).

When I discarded this notion that those activities were the “right” activities for her and just listened to her and watched her, I saw and heard activities that she really wanted to do: sewing, horseback riding, building. They were just activities that didn’t interest me so I had been blind to really seeing them as options for her.

This morning, I called the horse farm to schedule lessons for Ri. I also asked a girlfriend where I could find a good starter sewing kit (she looked at me in amazement until I told her it was not for me but for Ri – she laughed hysterically).

And I am reminded yet again that discovery of self is a life-long process.

Heaven

October 29, 2013October 29, 2013Leave a comment

I am so happy to have this boy in my life. A few days ago, he started making Skylander books, which consist of one Skylander on a page and about three or four pages stapled together. No words. But he verbally describes each Skylander to me. After reading all three different books to me, he started his sales pitch: “what book do you want to buy, mom?”

“How much are they?”

“For you, $10.”

“”Is that a higher price than for others or a deal?!”, I wondered out loud.

“Hey, I need money to buy Skylander swap so I gotta sell them for at least $10.”

I told him I’d give him $5 knowing we’d land at $6 since he always bargains back and forth. But I made him autograph it for me so when he became famous, I could say “I knew him when….” He thought that was cool. He wrote “Mom”, drew a heart, and signed his name. Precious. Then he stuck out his hand to retrieve $6 from me.

When I tucked him in, he asked when I’d get him the $6. I told him I’d savage through my purse when I went downstairs. He made me promise to put the cash in his wallet in a particular order: “the ones have to go after the fives and the fives after the tens. Dad and I organize our money right.” Oh my.

The next evening, he laid in our bed waiting for Jon to come up to watch football with him. Jon called me up to look at him. He was laying face up holding one of his “books” in front of him. He looked like an angel. I walked over to him and kissed his forehead and he looked at me with a sad little face.

“What’s wrong pumpkin?”

“I don’t want you or dad to die.”

I was dizzy with love and compassion and swooped him up in my arms to hug him. I told him we weren’t going anywhere and he hugged me back as hard as I hugged him while planting the most gentle of kisses on my cheek.

Heaven.

Pumpkin patches

October 25, 2013Leave a comment

I am in disbelief over my babies at age three and now at ages 8 and 6 at the pumpkin patch. What will it feel like when they are 15 and 13? The thought of it makes my heart drop like a boulder into my stomach. There are certainly those days when I ask myself “when will they be 18 and able to take care of themselves?” But those days seem to happen a lot less than they did when they were 5 months old and I was up for the tenth time in the wee hours of the night. Now they can make cereal on their own, sleep through the night, play games together. It’s the perfect time where they are somewhat self-sufficient but also completely in love with me. I get hugs with no provocation. I get pleas for good-night kisses. I get random “I love yous” through the day.
Fellow moms tell me that it gets even better as they continue to grow up and develop their sense of selves, their independence. And I can see that as I watch those moms beam as their child scores a soccer goal or makes the Dean’s List.

But I will miss that constant affection and connection that I have with my babes right now. The thrill that runs through me when I step in the door and get knocked over on the ground with hugs. The warmth of two kids’ bodies curled against me as I read them a book. And the immense joy they exhibit by simply being dropped off from a hayride into a patch of pumpkins.

Weekend Round up

October 21, 2013October 21, 2013Leave a comment

We took Rocco for an evening walk on Thursday or Friday night. The moon was glorious – as full as it could be and casting a muted yellow light onto the earth. I stopped the kids and made them absorb it. Then I shouted “make a wish!”
Mario pleaded for lots of toys at Christmas and a new Skylander. Sophie begged for new Legos. Maria pleaded for her mom to have the best birthday ever. That’s it. All she wanted from the moon. My sweet baby. She has got every caring gene in her body (Mario has them too but the toy gene trumps quite often).
On Saturday, Jon took the kids to Marion to visit their cousins at Patty’s and Joe’s house. I got in a killer 11 mile run in and lifted weights. It was superb. And then to top it off, Rocco took a walk with me and didn’t stop every second and make me beg him to move. It was delightful. I love taking him to the woods by our house and letting him off the leash; he rips through the leaves and dashes from log to log smelling the remnants of other animals.

Saturday evening, Jon and I drove up to Marion to pick up the kids and visit Patty and Joe and Jon’s brothers and their families. The boys spent most of the time watching each other play Minecraft on the iPad while the girls played make believe in the basement. It’s so freeing to have them all play together alone while the adults chatted upstairs.
Ri woke up in the middle of the night with a fever. She’s such a machine, though. She washed down some Tylenol and just went back to bed without complaining at all. When she woke Sunday morning, I knew she didn’t feel the best but she kept a straight face and went with me to the YWCA to do crafts with the homeless kids. She has such a big heart. Within about twenty minutes, I could tell she felt horrible and I made her sit down. But soon I saw her up helping a little girl with her Halloween mask. We left the Y and went home for a day of relaxation. She slept on the couch while I raked leaves with Rocco. It was so gorgeous outside I didn’t mind the manual labor at all. She mosied outside after a while and recited recipes from one of her kids’ books.while I made a leaf pile. Then she began to take pictures of all the glorious flowers in the yard. She’s got a bit of an eye on her….

She slipped in this one (Rocco’s poop bag) and thought it was hilarious!

Meanwhile, Jon took Mario to his swim birthday party. Jon talked it up with the moms at the party keeping them laughing with his jokes. He reported that Mario had a great time with his dudes splashing around the pool and being silly. When Mario came home, he reported to me that one of the boys swam in “panties.” I looked at him quizzically and Jon chimed in “they were speedos, Mario.” Mario had never seen such things since he has been wearing boxers for the last two years to be like his dad. Indeed, anything he can do to be more like his dad makes him happy. He watched football with Jon in the evening jumping off the couch every few minutes to act like he was catching a pass (Jon does not do that).
Ri and I read Janes and the Giant Peach for 45 minutes, which made me oh so happy. I love reading with her and dreamt about it since she was a baby. I tucked her in bed at 8:30 with the hope that she would be better in the morning. Mario stayed up until 10 with his dad watching football and making us watch his pretend touchdowns (and touchdown dances). I think he’s ready for the NFL at age 6.
Oh, and we got Boo’d last night, which means we have to “Boo” two houses in Grandview tonight. I’m not sure if I like this “Booing” idea – seems to be yet another way to commercialize a holiday (I now have to go our and buy candy and bags to put at the two houses we “Boo.”) But the kids were so excited to be the “Boo” recipients so I will play the game like a good citizen and go buy candy and bags after work. I will make them walk to the houses we “boo” tonight though – it’s too nice outside to drive anywhere today. Winter will sneak up on us way too soon….

Magic Mountain madness

October 14, 2013October 14, 2013Leave a comment

Mario,

This is how much I love you. I gave up three hours in the beautiful outdoors – 70 degrees and ocean blue skies – to stand at Magic Mountain play land and watch you run around like a spaz with your boy friends. I’m not sure Magic Mountain is any more obnoxious than Chuckee Cheese (at least it doesn’t have a life-sized rodent playing the guitar and belting out ear-piercing tunes) but it is as loud and chaotic. Moms and dads looking at iPhones trying to be lured away from reality, Magic Mountain teen employees flirting with each other and bumping into you. And kids (a majority of boys it seems) bouncing off each other and matted walls like little atoms.
I was hoping I could do a drop off but you aren’t quite at that age yet. And besides, the boy who didn’t want me near him 24 hours ago while walking in the parade now wanted me by his side and watching his every move.

“Mom, you can have some pizza! Mom, they have your favorite, chocolate cake. Mom, you will love this game!” (He knows how to get me).

But Mario had a blast with his boys and that’s what matters. He even scored a hand buzzer with the number of tickets he racked up and that was quite the gem in his eyes. He wound it up and approached me to shake my hand. I shook his hand and it buzzed rather faintly but enough you could hear it. I leaped backwards and Mario laughed.

That’s what makes these otherwise challenging parties worthwhile.

Doing something right

October 14, 2013October 14, 2013Leave a comment

I have been reinforcing to Maria how special and unique she is since she arrived in this world.

I managed to score a personalized autograph from Gloria Steinem to Ri before Ri could say her first word. I read stories about strong women to her while we rocked to sleep. She met throngs of incredible female role models through her life: grandmas, great grandmas, aunts, cousins, colleagues, friends. Recently, after she made some quip about not “being skinny like other girls”, I taught her about affirmations.

“I am beautiful. I am funny. I am caring. I am strong. I listen to people.” These are a few of the affirmations she recited to me and her words were pure poetry to my mama/female ears.

So why would I be at all amazed at her response to me as I was fretting about mingling with my superiors at a work event Saturday evening?

“Mom, you just need to be yourself.”

I stared out my car window and smiled. Then I reached my hand to the back seat and felt her hand clasp mine. Our connection lifted me through the entire evening.

Homecoming night

October 13, 2013October 13, 2013Leave a comment

Mario walked in the homecoming parade and could not have been more ready to walk by himself. Every time Ri and I got close, he’d yell “go away!” He wanted to bask in his football glory without dawdling family members close by him.

Ri and I were so out of there after the parade. She had no desire to watch the football game. Mario, on the other hand, was all about it. He was so excited to sit with Jon the entire game. Some of his little buddies were playing down by the concession stand and he joined them for a bit but sat up in the stands most of the game. Jon gets a gold star for making it through the entire game (most folks with younger kids hit the road at half time).
Meanwhile, Ri and I hit Grandview Ave. for a wild night: Panera for Mac-n-cheese and Orange Leaf for ice cream. We know how to rock the town.

Crooning

October 7, 2013October 7, 2013Leave a comment

Mario crooned “I think you are so cooooool and I want to come to your house. I want to be cooool like you – can I come over” as we stood in the back of Target. That wig brought it out of him.
The power of Maria’s wig did not hit her until we got home and she sang to Jon and me “I’m heading down a country road driving in my four wheels. I want to be with you all night….” (Good ol’ David and his country music that he plays for the kids on the ride home from school).

I swear I don’t know how we survived without these two goofballs years ago.

Nature!

October 6, 2013October 6, 2013Leave a comment

We had to take advantage of the warm October weather yesterday. We packed Rocco’s “bag” consisting of water, bowl, treats, and a chew toy (I finally don’t need a diaper bag and I’m relegated to this). We packed string cheese and crackers and granola bars for us humans. And we headed to Park of the Roses.
I took Ri and Mario there last year sans dog and they loved taking off their shoes and playing in the shallow creek. Quite a number of dogs jumped in with them while we were there and that’s what reminded us that it would be a good place to take Rocco. It didn’t disappoint. Rocco loved being off the leash and running through the damp leaves, picking up tiny sticks, and braving leaps over baby branches pushed easily by strong winds. Mario gave him a run for his money running ahead of him in a mad sprint to see if he could catch up.

Maria has soaked in the spirit of her late Grandpa Bill and her uncle Jorge; she wanted to take pictures galore of all the glory in the woods.

We arrived at our destination – a cascading, slate waterfall with mid-calf length pools of water on each end. The shoes immediately came off and the kids became one with the water – literally. Maria laid on her stomach and immersed her whole self. As I watched her, I witnessed pure grace. The way she lifted her head to the sky and closed her eyes as if soaking in all the beauty of the woods with one long breath.

And then Mario interrupted the tranquility with this face:

And so we moved from spirituality to frivolity with the help of Mario and Rocco who proceeded to flip out when he noticed Ri and Mario in the creek. He is still a bit shy about swimming so he expressed his displeasure with them going in without him by barking like a rabid mutt. It scared the heck out of Mario. But eventually he settled down with the lull of treats and even jumped into the very shallow end. In a hilarious move, he walked right on Ri’s stomach and used her as a log to protect him from the mean waters.

An 80 pound black lab visited us at one point in the afternoon and Rocco was beside himself happy. He played with her for 15 minutes straight not at all scared of her size. He even tried to make his moves on her but she was unimpressed (note to boys, jumping our leg does nothing for us).
Nature brings out curiosity and playfulness. You can’t help but jump from rock to rock and pick up the giant leaf resting in front of you to compare it to the size of your hand.

You can’t help but stand on a boulder and belt out a song about love (yes, Ri and Mario want to be on the Voice badly).

You can’t help but strike a silly pose when mom begs for a darling picture of her babies.

And you can’t help but plant a big ol’ smooch on your brother as you play in the creek together.

Ok, there are some things that even nature can’t make right!

We have no choice but to make this our regular nature outing – how could we say no to a face like this?

Treasure

October 4, 2013October 4, 2013Leave a comment

Mario has been begging me to pick him up from school this week. I had a break in the middle of the afternoon Wednesday so I surprised him. His face beamed when he saw me and I saw him mouth “there’s my mom!” to his teacher. I even got a big hug when he reached the final step.
He begged to go to the park with some other boys. I trailed behind as they raced ahead to the gym set on the park turf. They jumped and kicked and tackled one another. Maria played with her friend Anna and acted like a mother hen to the boys when one stumbled over another and began wailing for his mom.

“Where’s your mom, sweetie?” she asked him gently as she put her arm around his shoulder. She walked him over to where he was pointing and delivered him safely to his mother.

Mario continued to rough house with the other boys until all of the moms decided to go. Mario was a sweaty mess when we left and jammed his thumb moments before I told him we had to leave. Needless to say, it was Meltdown City. He reached his hands up for me to hold him. I scooped him up and carried him to the car tussling his blond hair with my free hand. He laid his head on my shoulder.

I completely absorbed myself in the moment. I remember his musty smell that would have repulsed me if it came from anyone else; but from him it was like smelling nectar. I remember hearing his exhausted breathing and the weight of his tiny six-year-old body against my chest. I was in a love cocoon and did not want to break out: couldn’t we just stand on the street in front of the car for eternity?

I have learned to treasure those moments and cement them in my brain. They come in handy when I’m sitting in a meeting listening to the fifth person give her take of why we should follow her lead. Or when I’m biking home. Or when I’m on hold with the doctor’s office. Or when I’m in the shower.

They make life sweet and delicious.

"MOM!"

Adventures in the Life of a Working Mama