Tag: Life

Partyin’ with potato salad

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Jon took over the kitchen Sunday morning; there was no stopping the man.  When Mario and I got home from our run, we found him hunched over peeling potatoes into a glass bowl.  He had spices out, jars open, and utensils scattered.  It was quite a breath-taking (and rather attractive) sight.  Patty gave him the recipes to her potato salad and her baked beans, and he would not let anyone else see them or work on them.  Once he decides to cook, everyone else must scatter away from his kitchen space.  After tasting his potato salad, I am happy to give him all the space he needs.  He is a heck of a cook.  That is how he wowed me when we were dating – he’d bring me soup while I studied for the bar.

Maria and Mario and I cleaned rooms and the kitchen, and got ready for Gracie to come over.  Maria loves to babysit that girl but Maria is a tough bird.  Gracie does something bad and Maria says “Grace Ann Wells! You should not do that!”  She is everything I am not!  Discipline, structure….  god help her children.  Grace arrived at 1 pm, and yelled “Aunt Mary!”  She was glued to my hip the rest of the day except when she took a two-hour nap in the middle of the afternoon.  Maria read her The Fly Guy before her nap and when we all left the room, she babbled for fifteen minutes and then fell asleep.  That is a foreign occurrence for Jon and me.  We would have to rock M&M to sleep, rub their backs for 20 minutes, lay with them, you name it.  All of those hurdles before any sleep would occur.  And then, 9 times out of ten, they’d be up within a half an hour anyway.  So Grace is a piece of cake. 

While the gals napped, Mario played Ben Ten games on the computer.  He had his Cheez-Its next to his side as he intently concentrated on his next move.  His concentration allowed me to get the house decorated for Maggie Jean’s party.  Of course, I had felt that we had it all under control the night before but then inevitably, the day of, I find myself scrambling to get everything together.  Maggie, our graduate, arrived to the house at 4 pm after sitting in 90 degree heat for four hours.  Julie and Liz were with her – Liz having sat through graduation on Friday in Cincinnati.  We broke out the celebratory beer and chips and dip, and let the party begin!  Maria was instantly mesmerized with Maggie’s friends Sarah and Annie.  Mario acted silly with Maggie’s dad, Denny.  Gracie stayed on my hip the entire afternoon, which I loved.  Liz kept telling me to put her down but I just couldn’t do it.  She was so happy hanging out with me that I had to soak in the love. 

My aunt Terrie and aunt Ann arrived a little later.  They had not seen the house since we bought it.  They each brought me a house-warming gift from Pottery Barn (high-class aunts, I will say…), and gave accolades galore about the house.  So sweet.  I was so excited that they came up to Columbus because I don’t get to see them often.  Terrie is in Marietta, Georgia with her hubby and three boys and Ann is in Washington DC and Dubai with her job and beau.  When I was little, Terrie and Julie used to invite me over to their apartment on the West side of Cincy for sleep overs and I remember listening to slow sappy 70’s love songs on the radio.  Time with them was a treat – hanging with the older girls.  Ann is only a year and a half older than me (the youngest of eight) and I looked up to her like a big sis.  She was into serious heavy rock when she was in high school and I used to just sit in her room and watch her get dressed to go out as she banged her head to Motley Crue.  And now here we all were standing my kitchen as adults.   Life is strange. 

At one point in the evening, we brought out Dairy Queen cake for Maggie.  We were all joking about what to sing to her, what the cake said, etc. and I all of a sudden felt a rush of gratitude and joy for having the day with my aunts and cousins.  I just wanted to lean over the table and smooch ’em all on the lips but I figured that may not have come off as I would have planned so I just smiled at them all and lit the candle for Maggie to blow out.  After cake, Julie and Terrie helped me figure out the weeds versus plants in the garden.  I have a lot of weeds but weeds look like plants to me; in fact, I think I am prone to liking weeds more than plants and flowers.  They are tough cookies – not dying for anything and growing back even stronger than before.  There is something you have to respect in the weed.  But we pulled ’em out nonetheless.  We would have been out there all night if Jon wouldn ‘t have announced that there is poison ivy in the garden.  That blasted Ter and Jul out of the garden and into the bathroom to wash off.  I would have felt like a total heel if they had gotten poison ivy.  

The aunts left a while later – all three of them heading to Starbucks to get a coffee for the road.  Little do they know how much I think of them and appreciate their generosity in traveling up north to see me.  And Julie constantly opening her house to me and the kids when we are in Cincy.  It is a rare gift to receive.  With their departure, we just had Maggie and her friends left at the house.  Maria and Mario were in heaven – Mario danced to I’m Sexy and I Know It and played ball with the boys, and Maria brushed the boys’ hair so that they could “pick up rich girls.” I am sure they were wondering what they had done to deserve a night at our house. 

Everyone hit the road around 9:30 and the kids hit the sack pretty quickly.  I got to watch my HBO show, Girls, and eat the rest of the DQ ice cream cake.  What a great life.

Pushing away

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Maria refuses to come home.  She has been in Cincinnati since Friday morning when Maggie drove her down.  Just six months ago, she would have cried for her mama after one night.  Now, she tells me to stay in Columbus and not come get her.  I can see why – she is getting pedicures and manicures from Aunt Ann, time to babysit Gracie, trips to garage sales with Aunt Julie and Terrie, and attention from her grandma and all of her cousins and other aunts.  Columbus cannot compete.

It is yet another step towards independence just like her desire to ride her bike up the street all by herself.  I remember dreaming about this type of independence when she was two and a half-years old throwing her binky at me one minute and pulling on me to hold her the next.  But now it doesn’t feel quite right.  She seems too young to be moving in this direction.  I want that two and a half-year old back even if I have to take a binky in the forehead. 

Hanging with Maggie for 3 days straight!Ahh, but in thinking harder about it, I guess I don’t.  I guess I just want the affection back, and the desire to take refuge in my arms.  Intellectually, I know that how she is acting is healthy and a sign of confidence.  I remember reading an article a while back that talked about kids’ confidence levels.  A study had shown that kids who feel comfortable holding their ground with their parents (e.g., parent wants to leave but kid says she doesn’t want to leave) are typically more self-confident because their parents have given them the opportunity to not be fearful in standing their ground (now, there obviously comes a point where this self-confidence leads to bratty and obnoxious behavior and I am sure the study went on to find those kids are now occupying positions in Congress).  I think of this study when Maria acts this way to me, and chant in my head “I have made her a self-confident girl…I have made her a self-confident girl….” 

I wonder if I will feel as strongly when Mario begins to push away?  Or is it just a mother/daughter phenomena?  I harbor dreams of Maria changing this world in some way that suits her – I’d love if her suit involves curing cancer, feeding the poor, saving the environment.  But she can’t stay snuggled under her mother’s bosom and achieve any of those aforementioned feats or others.  I have the same dreams for Mario and can only assume, since he is glued to my hip, that I will feel much the same way when he decides to unravel the tie that binds us.  Maybe this process with Ri will lessen the sting a bit with Mario.  Or maybe it will be a different set of feelings that onset with that little guy.  I should have another couple of years before I find that out.

Waking happiness

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I woke up to a little hand laying on my head and a pair of sleepy blue eyes staring at me. I hesitantly got out of bed and tripped over a pair of five-pound weights. Ugh. Open your eyes, Mary.As I headed out for a run, I hoped not to wake the snoring Maria in her room.

When I got home, Mario gave me a kiss -peck goodbye and headed out with Jon to school. Jon told me he loved me. Maria laughed at my silly antics and rode her bike outside while waiting for Maggie.

I got ready for work – a task I had no desire to perform. I wanted to stay home and play with Ri and plant flowers and pick up Mario and chat with Jon.

But, alas, life is not perfect. So I continued on my task and headed to work knowing that I’d see my darlin’ crew in a mere eight hours.

Being conscious of treasures

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We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.  ~Thornton Wilder

I am making a conscious effort each day to step back at certain moments in time, be it with the kids or work colleagues or Jon or by myself, and appreciate the moment for what it offers to me.  These small retreats build up, and by the time evening rolls in and I am putting on my pjs alongside Maria and Mario, I generally feel grateful for what life has offered me through the day (there are those rare evenings where even a day full of wonderful moments can be demolished by a child going through a temper tantrum). 

There are tons of books and magazines and blog sites touting the benefits of gratitude but it’s not until you actually make that conscious effort of practicing it that it hits home.  I feel more serene when I go to sleep, more hopeful during my day, more positive in my outlook.  Overall, I guess I would say I am more “happy” – whatever that looks like. I simply feel more alive and more connected.

Today, I got to take a run in the morning for the first time in two weeks.  Jon stayed with Mario while I ran through the neighborhood and lifted weights at the gym.  Listening to NPR for 45 minutes was the best gift I could receive from Jon.  On my run home, as I listened to Michael Jackson’s Beat It and looked at the gardens lining our street, I had one of those step-back moments.  I felt an intense swelling of gratitude for Jon, and his selflessness in letting me get up in the mornings to do the thing I love to do.  I also felt grateful for my legs – yeah, my legs!  For allowing me to be able to run the distance I am able to run and let my mind drift as I listen to stories and news on NPR.  It is such a treasure for me.

Later in the day, when I came home from work to find Mario and Jon already back from school, I felt that surge of gratitude rise again.  Mario popped out of the family room with a whopping smile on his face telling me to close my eyes.  When I opened, he had his home-made graduation cap on his head and the same smile across his face. 

“I graduated today, mom!”

Some in his class graduated to Kindergarten today but they let all of the kids make caps (always politically correct).  He was so proud of his creation.  We took a bike ride later to get his haircut, and while on the bike, he asked me to sing to him.  I sang him a rhyming song about how much I loved my boy cuz he was just like a toy, and his toes tasted like soy… (yeah, I know, pretty lame except to a four-year old), and he turned around laughing at me.  It was the sweetest moment.  I replay it in my head as I sit here tonight, and it still makes me smile as I think about it.  When we got to the salon, he made me move away from him while the gal cut his hair because he wanted to be alone with her.  He wanted to tell her how he wanted his hair.  I sat in the seat up front the entire time without him ever calling out for me.  When she finished, he got out of his chair, and walked over to me. 

“What do you think, mom?”

“You look awesome, dude.”

He walked over to the mirror and put his hand through his hair, and nodded his head up and down.  He knew he looked good.  Man, I am grateful for that nut. 

When we got home, Jon told me that he called Maria at Grandma Ionno’s house.  Patty told him how Maria kept her and Joe laughing throughout the day with her quips.  She was telling a story to Patty and Joe and Joe closed his eyes.  She looked at Patty and said “I guess the story was a little long – no wonder Grandpa fell asleep!”  That girl has got a personality to last a lifetime, and I am grateful beyond words to have her in my life (and I miss her like mad – get home, pumpkin girl!).

I am thankful for this consciousness of treasures I continue to sharpen in my daily life.  Now, off to a good-night’s sleep.

Ten Reasons to be grateful

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Top Ten Reasons to be Grateful for Today:

1. Waking up to Maria snoozing away like a baby giraffe laying perpendicular to me in my bed with her head tucked into my legs and her legs sprawled out over the end of the bed.

2. Watching Mario’s “I’m Sexy and I know it” video on my phone – he is banned from hitting the bars until he’s 30.

3.Eating Reese Peanut Butter Puffs and a chocolate easter bunny for breakfast!

4. Watching “mini me” (Maria) bike to school in her running shorts and t-shirt and look both ways before crossing the streets! You go girl!

5. Biking into work in 55 degree weather; I can’t believe it will be 93 degrees this weekend.

6. Drinking an iced decaf americano with milk and cinnamon and seeing a clip of Usher’s “Oh My Go-” video on tv. Love that song.

7. Hearing the joy in my mon’s voice when she called at 1 pm to tell me she got off work early and picked up Lou from doggie daycare.

8. Looking at the colorful array of flowers that I get to pot tonight. Hopefully at least a few live after my touch.

9. Soaking in Jon’s voice and hearing him say “I love you.”

10. Giving a smile to the janitor in my building who responded with a boisterous “It’s a grand beauty of a day, ma’am!” amen, sir.

 

Optimism triumphs

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I love this drawing. I am lucky to err on the side of optimism most of the time when something is not going as planned. But I do have my days when pessimism creeps in, and fortunately, I have my family and friends to steer me back on the “O” path.

The other morning, I opened the shades and saw a dreary morning sunrise. I let out a sigh and walked downstairs to make Maria’s lunch. Mario looked outside a few minutes later and shouted down to me “It’s a beautiful day, mom!” My optimist.

Last night, Maria and I biked to Giant Eagle for allergy medicine. When we walked out the sliding doors, the sky was dark gray. I looked at Maria and told her we may be biking in the rain. She looked up at me in disbelief and said “Mom, we are right by our old street. We could just go to our old neighbors’ houses and wait for the rain to pass.”

And… my other optimist. Of course, this was after Maria cried about how horrible life was and how much she hated me because I made her bike to Giant Eagle before Orange Leaf!

Gratitude Runneth Over

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I have been struggling over the last few weeks with the meaning of my existence.  Ya know, just a light topic to ponder during the day.  Colleagues think I am a blast!  

My crewIn actuality, it is not so much pondering the meaning of my existence as it is pondering what I want to get out of this life.  What do I want to accomplish?  Where will I be in five years?  These heavy questions can weigh me down very quickly, and I have been searching for a way to lift myself out of it when I move from productive questioning to destructive judgment. 

I have found that one exercise is particularly helpful in stabilizing me, at the least, and boosting me, at the most. It is the practice of gratitude.  As soon as I catch myself wallowing in self-pity or feeling like I am not contributing enough, I think of something for which I am grateful.  Today it was a family soccer game.  Jon tried to score on Mario.  Maria and I ran around waiting for our turn.  Jon and I tried to see how many head balls we could do to one another before the ball fell to the ground (don’t ask, it was not impressive).  We all laughed together at Mario’s dives and Maria’s antics.  It was a most enjoyable half of an hour as the sun began to set.  It allowed me to remember to not get so wrapped up in the analysis of everything but to just relax (not a mainstream word in my vocab).  

I have an incredible family and I have a wonderful home and I mean so much to M&M and Jon and friends and cousins.  I don’t have to solve world hunger in order to have accomplished something in my life.  That is not to say that I want to cease questioning where I am and what I want.  To the contrary, this practice of gratitude actually motivates me to want to do more, to challenge myself, to think about what I want to do in the years ahead.  

I am trying to consciously practice this art of gratitude everyday because I feel happier and less anxious when I do it.  It relaxes me.  And it is not that hard.  I could look solely to M&M everyday for something for which to be grateful but I can also look to Jon (most days!), colleagues, the grocery store, you name it.  I think we have so many things happen to us through the day, and we encounter so many people, that we could all fill up our lives practicing gratitude.

Remember that teenager who held the door for you or that old lady who smiled so sweetly at you?  Remember when someone laughed at your lame joke or told you how great you looked?  Remember when your child looked up at you and said “I love you?”  Remember when your partner gave you a goodbye kiss?  Remember when your favorite song came on the radio? Remember when you spotted a cardinal on the rose-bush?