Soccer girl

September 22, 2014September 22, 2014Leave a comment

I have loved watching Ri out on the soccer field. She had practice on Saturday morning. I was supposed to be in a meeting but I called into it instead because I wanted to watch her play. She likes being goalie (just a hunch why – less running). I think she will be really good at that position because she’s not scared of the ball and she’s strong. She did really good at practice.
The girls had their first game yesterday. Holy cow, I was so nervous for her. She’s never played soccer in her life and had only had three practices. I didn’t want her to get in the game and get discouraged if she missed a ball in goal or didn’t kick the ball well down the field. Mama Bear.
She didn’t go in at the start. One of her friends, Gabby, started in goalie. Gabby’s been playing for three years. She knows where to position herself and how to kick the ball to one of our players. She stopped some good kicks. The other team had some tall girls on it. Two in particular barreled down the field most of the game. We played a lot of defense.
Ri got put in for the second twelve minutes of the quarter. I paced up and down the line with my mom who was just as nervous. Jon was able to stay quietly in his seat. How?! The play started and the two tall girls flew toward Ri. There was a mass of our defenders tangling with the girls. Ri didn’t quite know where to place herself. She stood ten feet from the goal post trying to help the defenders when one of the tall girls broke free and kicked it into the goal. My heart sank. My mom sighed. A few minutes later, one of the tall girls sank another one in the net – this time Ri was there but it was hit hard. I cringed. My mom cried “oh no.” Ri looked upset. She wouldn’t respond when I cheered for her.
She made it through the twelve minutes and walked off the field as the whistle blew. She wouldn’t look at me.
“You listen here. You tried your hardest out there. This was your first time as goalie and you didn’t give up! You need to be proud of yourself and tell yourself you did your best. You hear me?”
She nodded. Another mom came up to her and said nearly the same thing. She smiled. She went in two more times as goalie without flinching at the thought. A few went by her but she also snagged a few. And she had some strong kicks from the goal to her teammates. All my nails were bitten to the core when the final whistle blew but I survived. And Ri flourished.
She walked away with a smile on her face (the post-game snack and the camaraderie of her friends helped, I’m sure). I was so proud of her for not giving up and not freaking out. She could have easily cried out on the field when the second goal was scored on her but she shook it off and kept playing. And she could have refused to play goalie again. But she continued.
On the way home, I told her again and again how much I admired her determination and perseverance. I was so proud of her. She nodded and looked out the window of the car but I know she heard me.
It is such a joy to be her mom.
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Soothe It!

September 20, 2014Leave a comment

I fell in love with this article the moment I read it. So I read it over and over and over again. It hit me on a personal level as the author talks about her struggle with her newborn’s refusal to sleep, and her questions on how we self-soothe as a baby through adulthood.
I remember being up multiple times a night with Ri and Mario trying to soothe them back to sleep and trying to calm my own emotions so I didn’t lose it and scream my head off. I immediately picked them up at their first cry and fed them or rocked them or read them a book. My arms became their soothing balm. I look back and think maybe I should have allowed them to cry it out more but in the end, I treasure that time since I now battle for kisses from them at ages 9 and 7. I got a lot of snuggle time with them when they were babes. A lot.
My self-soothing probably lied in the same experience – holding them in my arms. Rocking them back and forth until they calmed down and laid their small noggin’ onto my shoulder. Feeling each breath as if it was coming right from my chest. I would have never believed that I could function on 2 hours of straight sleep per night but I did – for many months. I also would have never believed that I would not rip someone’s head off after only getting 2 hours of sleep a night. But I never did (although I did cuss my sweet hubby out a few times…).
I appreciate that this article reminds us that we all must find our self-soothing measures or else we begin to go downhill – fast. As the author states:
“It’s a million little moments when we do our best to draw on our own sensory genius, our own self-awareness, our own faith, to feel okay in the world.”
After a really crappy day at work, I still find that my go-to soothing measure is my kids. Playing frisbee with them, hugging them, drawing pictures with them, taking a walk with them – all of these activities calm me down and shift my perspective back to where it should be. And ice cream, that always works, too.

A good ending

September 17, 2014September 20, 2014Leave a comment

And a happy ending occurred yesterday! After hours of anger, disappointment and frustration, and tons of emails and texts, Ri got into the soccer league. She was charged up – as was her friend Henley as she screamed in delight when she heard the news. One of my mom girlfriends was crucial in keeping me going through it all. She kept texting “WTF” and writing encouraging words in CAPS about not giving up. Love that girlfriend power has a way if pumping you up when you most need it.
I watched Ri practice with a smile on my face the entire time. She ended up in goalie for their scrimmage and did pretty well. She had four saves and two misses. Not bad for her first time.
She walked off the field after practice with a huge smile on her face, and that made the entire day worthwhile.

Mama Bear

September 16, 2014September 16, 2014Leave a comment

The Mama Bear is in full force today. Hear me roar.
I thought I signed Ri up for soccer this past Spring with Kiwanis. Turns out I didn’t. But last week, I went to the first practice without Ri to ask the coaches if I could add her in the mix. They agreed. So Ri practiced last Thursday and actually enjoyed it! She wanted to keep playing. I, in turn, was even more excited since I’ve been wanting Ri to try soccer since she was two. She took a soccer ball home with her and was ready for practice tonight.
Then the email arrived at 8 am. It stated that Ri never registered and therefore could not play. The team was too full.
I wrote back and pleaded that she be let in since she already went to practice and got a ball and was so excited. No response. I emailed again asking if I could simply speak to someone for a few minutes. No response.
How obnoxious.
As a parent, I would at least have the courtesy to call a distressed parent back and talk through why the decision had been made. Maybe think of some alternatives. Maybe not. But at least give the courtesy of a call.
I get that there needs to be deadlines. I get there are rules. But really, we are talking 3rd and 4th grade girls here and a team that is not “competitive” in relation to a select team or the like. So why not bend the rules a bit to let a girl who wants to try out a sport try it? I’m annoyed even more that two women are the ones ignoring my request to talk. Shouldn’t us women try to help each other out when it comes to our daughters?
I know I’m blowing this up to be a much bigger issue than it is. Jon has better perspective: Ri will probably take it in stride and move on. I did fail to register her on time. She can join a team in the Spring. Move on, Mary.
But damn if it doesn’t just grate on me. Probably because I didn’t sign her up on time so I feel bad. And probably because I’ve been wanting Ri to play more sports. Ok, I see a lot of these are my own issues. But I also feel that non-competitive leagues at this age should be a bit more fluid in admission; and girls at this age should be given opportunities at every turn in order to grow and learn more about themselves and what they love and don’t love.
Ok, so I will move on now, or at least after I make one more call….

Immersion

September 11, 2014Leave a comment

I’m so in love with these munchos of mine I can hardly stand it. My heart expands to the size of a hot-air balloon when they show me a math problem they did or tell me a story they read in class. Those minds expanding and growing and full of questions and ideas. I just want to eat them up and tell them how special they are, over and over and over again.

We took a walk last night after dinner. We talked about random things – school, getting Rocco, how many babies they would have when they were older (Mario five and Ri six – heaven help is). These are some of my happiest moments during the week. No cell phones to answer. No friends to interrupt us. No homework to fight about. Just us talking about anything that pops up and laughing together. And laugh we do – a lot.
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I don’t know that I appreciated this time with the kids as much five years ago. It seems as the years float by, my awareness of the preciousness of this time with them deepens. I am immersed in the moment. I remember with preciseness the smile on Mario’s face as he gets pulled down the street by Rocco and the raucous laughter coming from Maria as Mario rolls around with her in the grass. Whoa, does that feel good and rich and grounding.
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Taking care of business

August 27, 2014Leave a comment

I came home from running this morning and there was Ri and Mario eating Lucky Charms. Ri had poured a bowl for her brother and herself. Thank the heavens I have a self-sufficient girl. I can avoid getting up at the crack of dawn in order to be home by 7 am to get them ready and instead get up at a reasonable hour when the sun is rising and it’s not jet black outside.
She also has absolutely zero desire to have me walk her up the street to meet her friends. She wants to walk all by herself. So, I could wake up even later and make it home solely for Mario who doesn’t have to leave for school until a half hour later than Ri; but that would entail me missing a goodbye kiss and hug from my girl. She still humors me with such love when I ask her. And I will lap that up until it is no more.

Football and cake = an August weekend

August 25, 2014August 25, 2014Leave a comment

We made it out to the farm on Saturday with enough time to eat lunch, eat cake and play one badminton game. But Ri got to soak it up a bit longer out there with her friend Henley. Jon, Mario and I had to head back to Columbus for his Meet the Team night in the Grandview Stadium.
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Ri and Henley had a good time holding Elena and riding the horses and playing yoga kickball with Peepaw and Jorge. Poor Henley took a hike with me and Ri and fell on her back as she tried to swing on a vine. Then she got stung by a bee. I’m not sure a trip back to the farm will be happening soon for her…!
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I always forget how self sufficient Ri is on the farm. She’s completely able to traverse the farm without any issues, and when she falls she just picks herself up and keeps truckin’. A true farm gal. But we gave kudos to Henley for not giving up and trying that vine again. She succeeded at swinging on it the second time.
Meanwhile, Mario, Jon and I went to Meet the Team night. Mario was in his element with his guys. He soaks up that testosterone and jumps right into all the boy antics.

The high school boys came out last and all the younger boys get to form a line on each side of them to cheer them on. We watched Mario smile as he slapped the high school boys’ hands. The high school boys got to introduce themselves and name their favorite breakfast food. Mario will fit right into this football group based on the answers we were hearing. I believe 80% of the boys answered that their favorite breakfast food was donuts or pancakes.
After the stadium event, the Touchdown Club held a gathering at the Italian Club down the street. We weren’t going to attend but after sitting around the house for an hour, we decided to head down. Mario was again in his element. He partied it up with his football buddies tossing the football and running around the place. He even jumped on stage without hesitation when Gangum Style came out of the speakers.
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We had to drag him out of the building at 9:30 to head home.
While Ri and Henley were trying to read to Elena Sunday morning, Mario was chowing on eggs and waffles preparing for his first football game.
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Jon headed up to the field with Mario at 11 am. He had to get weighed in and practice before the noon game. I gasped when I saw him – big ol’ shoulder pads and jersey with his name on it. He looked like a miniature pro football player.
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He was ready to play. He has no desire to throw or catch the ball; he just loves to tackle. He’s not scared of the big boys either. I thought I’d be scared half to death watching him but I wasn’t. I saw him hold his own play after play and felt surprisingly calm. Now, I’m sure the day will come where I will exhibit nerves and fear (especially if he is catching the ball and getting tackled) but I’ll enjoy watching him play for now. He’s also quite the nut of the team.
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They ended up tying the game. Mario looked like me after a long run – completely drenched in sweat. He got a celebratory hot dog and walked out with the love of his life, Grandma Ionno.
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Of course, he had to take off his shirt and strut it out back to the car. I used to not be able to picture my little guy as a teenager but as I snapped this picture, all I could see was Mario at age 16.
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Hence why I agreed to read Dracula to him for a half hour last night at bedtime – I’ve got to get the snuggle time in with him while I am able.
And Ms. Maria is heading right up that path, too. I go to say goodnight to her and find her in her pjs, wet hair combed from a shower, looking up iPhones on her iPad. But just when I was about to leave her room, she noticed me and sang “mom, can you scratch my back and bring me water.” There’s my baby girl.
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He will be just fine

July 25, 2014July 25, 2014Leave a comment

I’ve been beating myself up all week.

Right blow.
Left blow.
Uppercut.

Mario experienced his first Boy Scout camp this week. It’s been a bit of a fiasco since we learned three days before camp that an adult needed to be with him at all times during the 8 am to 4 pm camp. Rack on another “crappy parent” notch to our belts since Jon and I could not take the entire week off to attend camp with him. That’s immediately how I looked at the situation. Jon is a little easier on us. His viewpoint is that we are working parents and we can’t do everything with our kids – we have a sitter that can do these things when we can’t. Real simple. I wish I could steal that gene that doesn’t harp on guilt.
But the problem arose that our sitter also has a two year old son who she tends to through the day along with Ri and Mario. Could we really expect her son to be good and stay by her side for 8 hours while she tended to Mario at camp? I spent the weekend trying to figure a way I could take off a day or two and Jon did the same. I also prepped our sitter about what may be in store for her and asked her to see if her parents could watch her son. I also convinced myself that Mario would probably dislike it any way and not want to go after Monday.

He loved it on Monday.

Jon was able to take him Monday morning, get him registered and acclimated and see him through some initial stations. Mario loved having him there. Our sitter arrived around 10:30 am and relieved him. Mario begged Jon to stay. He did not want our sitter’s son to stay (he’s been having a rough time with our sitter’s son all summer – it’s tough to go from being the youngest in the house to the middle child). But they survived until 4 pm. And he told me all the fun he had that night.
“But can you or dad stay all day tomorrow?”
Of course, the last two weeks have been reasonably calm and I could have gone in late to take Mario to camp. But this week was ridiculous with emergency matters left and right. I talked to Jon – who had to leave town at 5:30 pm Tuesday night – to see if he could take him again on Tuesday. He moved mountains but was able to do it. Mario was so happy. Jon stayed with him until lunch time. Our sitter relieved him at noon and that allowed her to only have to balance her son and Mario for four hours. A small victory. I had hoped to go out on Tuesday afternoon but could not break away from the chaos. It ate me up and pissed me off and I swore I’d get there Wednesday.
I pressured our sitter to find someone to watch her son on Wednesday so that she could be alone with Mario and give him complete attention. She was able to do so, which gave me a little sigh of relief. But I couldn’t make it over to the camp on Wednesday either due to the work madness. I didn’t get home until close to 11 pm that night and I stood at the kitchen counter eating ice cream from the package and staring off into space. I was tired and irritated and missing my kiddos. I walked upstairs to find Ri sprawled out on her bed like a teenager. I jumped on her and bear hugged her and kissed her cheeks and she laid as still as a sweet baby doll. I whispered a goodnight to Mario (who was staying with Patty) and went to bed.
Patty, aka our savior, took Mario to camp Thursday and Friday. What a godsend it was to me – to have peace of mind that he would be with her all day. She is close, if not at, the same level as Jon and I in Mario’s eyes. So he was in heaven at the thought of her attending.
But he did call me and ask if I could try to come so that I could watch him doing activities. That’s it, I thought, I gotta get up there if only for an hour. I struggled to get work done and got some help from my colleague in order to take off at 1 pm and head up to see Mario. I made sure to capture the look on his face as he walked up the path to greet me – pure joy and excitement. Damn, it feels good to be loved that intensely. I made it just in time to creek walk with him. Grandma joined, too. We learned about water creatures and clay rocks and crawfish. It was a wonderful time.

Mario held my hand and walked with me. He gave me kisses. He laughed. It was well worth the effort to get out there.
In the end, all my worry and angst was unnecessary. I couldn’t see that in the moment but after a Mama Mimi’s pizza and some UDF ice cream on Friday night, I could see that 15 years from now, whether our sitter went with him or I went with him, he would turn out fine.
I continue to face the fact that I cannot “have it all.” I cannot always be with the kids when I want. I can’t always produce the most stellar work. Life gets in the way. Emergencies arise. Appointments arise.

When I give myself the space to accept that, life looks pretty good.

I work in a fairly flexible job. Some weeks are insane and some are slow. I get a lot of kid time when weeks are slow. Unfortunately, Mario’s Boy Scout camp was during an insane one. But I tried my hardest to take care of Mario by getting my sitter to go without her son, by working with Jon to flex his schedule, by asking Patty to go a couple of days, and by finding the most opportune time to get out and see him myself.

I shouldn’t be beating myself up, I should be hugging myself.

I think in the end, it is the knowledge that you are loved that helps a kid blossom. Mario feels love from all directions – parents, sitters, grandparents. He will be just fine. And I will, too.
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My muscle

July 20, 2014July 21, 2014Leave a comment

My girl is a muscle.

When I asked her to help me with the groceries, she grabbed one bag and then demanded that I “load ’em on!” She slung five bags on each arm and started towards the door. She panted it out and nearly made it (I had to take two at the end).
When Ri was in preschool, she was friends with a teeny weeny little girl names Bell. They were nearly the same age but Bell maybe weighed 35 pounds wet. Ri, on the other hand, weighed in around 70. She is, and always has been, thick and strong – just like her daddy. When other kids would mess with Bell, she’d get in between them and protect Bell with all she had. Bell’s parents loved it and when Ri showed up at Bell’s birthday party, Bell’s dad exclaimed “There’s the muscle!”

It has stuck with her ever since for very good reason….

Leave! Ok, now come back…

July 18, 2014Leave a comment

The kids and I drove out to the farm on Tuesday afternoon to sneak a peek of Ms. Elena. We can only handle a week away from that pumpkin before we go nuts. She did not disappoint. Wide-eyed and engaged. We got to even dress her up in ladybug shoes and a barrette!

Ri could seriously spend every waking moment holding her. She situates herself down on the rocking chair and she rocks that baby just like Grandma Heile.
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Uncle Jack is staying at the farm, too, until he heads to Sweden in September. So the kids have triple the fun between Aunt Sarah and Uncle Jorge and Uncle Jack. That combo did the trick for me when I got ready to leave Tuesday night and head home. I knew Ri wanted to stay through Friday because she would live at the farm if possible. But Mario usually wants to return home with his mama. However, this night, he gave me a hug and told me he’d stay as long as he had his blue blankie (his new comfort item). It helped that as I was leaving, the crew was getting ready for a corn hole competition. Mario will stay for anything competitive.
And so I drove home with only my pup in the back seat. I looked out my windshield and witnessed a gorgeous rose and orange sunset and began to say “look guys, look at the sunset” but I caught myself. They weren’t back there.
I arrived home and only had to unload Rocco. One trip. I usually have at least three between carrying each kid to their bedroom and carrying the 20 bags we bring for just one day trip.
It was 9:20. Maybe I could watch a movie? I never get to watch movies when the kids are home because they don’t go to bed until 10 and there is no way I can manage a midnight bedtime. I flipped through the channels. Nothing struck me. I ended up half-watching Veep and reading the New York Times. I was snuggled in bed by 10:30.
The next morning I expected a call from Mario begging for me to pick him up.
Nothing.
I worked all day going in and out of thoughts of the kids and wondering what they were doing. By the end of the workday, I figured all was well and that there would be no need to pick Mario up that night.
I biked home, walked Rocco, and took a SOS class with some girlfriends. I haven’t done that since law school.
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I felt good after the class. I walked in the front door drenched in sweat and ready to gab it up about how tough the class was for me. But no one was there. Jon was in England so fast asleep. The kids were probably finding eggs in the chicken coop. So I told Rocco all about it on our walk.
The night played out pretty closely to Tuesday night. I sat down with my lasagna and ice cream (hey, I deserved it after that class!), flipped through the channels for 15 minutes, turned on Veep, and caught up on Facebook. I crawled into bed at 10:45.
Thursday morning arrived and I thought surely Mario would call crying for me to get him.
Nothing.
I went through my day thinking of them at random times. 5 pm hit and still no call. Ok, then, I guess I’ll hit another class. Yoga boot camp this time. I biked home exhausted. I opened the front door to silence. No kids running towards me and screaming “Mom!” No fighting. No hitting. But also no hugs or kisses. No blue eyes staring up at me.
I did have brown ones though. Rocco greeted me with licks and kisses and I lapped them up. We took a long walk to the pet store and walked past Jeni’s. I could hear Ri’s pleas in my head to stop for ice cream. We walked past the flower shop and saw the black cat in the window and I could see Mario’s finger pointing at it and his exuberant smile.
Rocco and I got home at 8:30. I began some yard work and decided to call my parents to check in. Mario answered.
“Hellllllooooo, mother!” He was giggling over something happening in the room. He handed the phone directly over to Meg without saying anything more. Meg reported they were doing well and having fun. We discussed a time for my sitter to meet them Friday morning and hung up.
I felt relieved that they were doing so well at the farm. Mario’s had a rough time missing me when he goes out there and it seems like he had much less trouble this time around but dang, he could have at least told me he loved me….
I did a bit more yard work and then went inside to more lasagna, ice cream and Modern Family (needed a break from Veep). The tv provided background noise as I read my sister’s piece in Paris Review and a few other articles. How quiet the house was when I turned off the tv and shut off the computer at 10:30. I walked up the stairs and past Mario’s room. His door was shut and piece of paper was taped on it with the words “keep out.” I looked into Ri’s room and saw her baby lying on the floor with random Barbie accessories lying around.
I missed them and all their quirks.
“They come home tomorrow,” I thought to myself as I took off my eyeliner and splashed water on my face. I fell into the bed and slept straight through to morning. I woke up excited. My babies are coming home today.
It’s so strange how I can dream of a few days alone for months and months and then I get it and I dream of seeing my babes again. I was amazed at how much time I had over the last two days. I thought back to being child-less and how busy I thought I was those days.
Workout, go to work, walk the dog, get dinner, go to bed. Where does the time go, I’d think to myself after a weekend with Jon.
Now I look at me – juggling work, Girl Scouts meetings, school volunteer activities, football, softball, homework, family events, working out, walking the dog, reading, cleaning the house, folding laundry, giving baths, arranging play dates, playing games, wrestling, making dinner…. That’s busy, baby.
And overwhelming at times.
Hence why these small breaks are wonderful.
But they certainly reinforce how grateful I am to have these two kiddos in my life. And Jon. And family. They are my joy and they bring richness and depth to my life. Jon and I made a fine choice in bringing M&M into the world.
When I left work Friday, I felt butterflies biking home to see them. Butterflies?! How many times in the last month have I wanted to scream at them or pull my hair out over their tantrums? Yet I have butterflies in my stomach in anticipation of seeing them tonight? Whoever or whatever is responsible for creating this indelible bond between parent and child should be commended.
Those hugs from M&M when I jumped off my bike to greet them were like pumpkin pies with loads of whipped cream – comforting and filling and long-awaited goodness.
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"MOM!"

Adventures in the Life of a Working Mama

Tag: Motherhood