Olympic joy

February 9, 2014February 9, 2014Leave a comment

We were all watching the Opening Ceremony of the Olympics on Friday night. Even Rocco. The ballet piece was fabulous and I commented how I wish I would have continued to practice ballet when I was young.

“Why?” Maria asked.

“Because I could have been a famous ballerina and you could have seen me perform all over the world.”

Maria turned around from her perch on my lap and sweetly said “then you wouldn’t be the mom you are today.”
Mario added “yea, we love you just the way you are.”

It was a marvelous way to end the night.

They both snuggled against me: Ri laid her head on my leg and Mario cozied against my chest and under my right arm.

The ballerina twirled. I kissed Mario’s head. I held Ri’s hand. Yes indeed. This is way better than being a ballerina.

Chipotle love

January 11, 2014Leave a comment

These babes make me topple over with the love I have for them. I let Ri Grace have a whole burrito (black beans, cheese and sour cream) at Chipotle after she begged me the entire time we stood in line. When I ordered her one, she exclaimed “you are the best mom ever!” So worth a burrito!

Too Much Praise!

January 10, 2014January 10, 20141 Comment

So I remember reading an article similar to this one back when Maria was a toddler. And I remember thinking “that is such bullish–! You can never praise a kid too much.”

If there is one fu– up that I have had as a mom, I think this ranks up there (god knows I have had quite a few). I am able to completely verify the accuracy of the study in this article.

My sweet Maria has only ever been told since birth what an amazingly wonderful, special, fantastic, incredible girl she is. Any project she works on warrants a “what a spectacular job” no matter if it’s mediocre or truly spectacular. Any sport she attempts warrants a “you are a machine out there” no matter if she tripped over everyone. Any drawing she created warranted “that is gorgeous” even if she scribbled and put in little effort. Get my drift?
And I thought “what a great mom I am lavishing all this praise on my girl.”
And she did and continues to do, wonderful things. She’s passionate, adventurous, caring, loving, aware, funny, smart. But she’s also hesitant to try new things or to push herself beyond her known capabilities. She will, at times, but it takes work to get her there. That is why after reading this article, I was beating myself up. It’s hard to think of Ri as having low self-esteem. She is boisterous and not afraid to talk to people and always ready to take a trip and see new sights. She asks questions of adults when she doesn’t understand. She introduces herself to strangers.
But she also gets worried that she’s not as good a reader as her classmates. That she’s uglier than her girlfriends. That she isn’t motivated like her colleagues. That her teacher thinks she’s stupid. When I ask her to try soccer, she doesn’t want to. When I tell her to try to finish a long article, she complains (now that could be pure laziness!). When I tell her to draw an animal she hasn’t drawn, she hesitates.
Is it because I praised her so much that she doesn’t want to risk disappointing me with a new project she doesn’t know if she can complete well? Have I inadvertently caused her to avoid challenges?
Errhh. It’s so frustrating. It’s also humbling. Here I am praising my kid left and right and inadvertently judging the mom who doesn’t – when all along I could have learned some tips from her. It also can’t be the end of the world. There are plenty of “right” things I have done with that baby girl. I’m over the delusion that I will be the perfect mom. I just don’t want to screw her up too much (by the way, Mario is a whole other story – he thrives with excessive praise but there are quite a few other areas that I need to work on…).
So, I will keep this article in mind when I have told Ri for the 10th time how incredible her drawing looks of two stick figures. And I will continue to work on exercises that raise her self-esteem because I know my girl can reach the farthest star in the sky if she believes fully in herself. And I will continue to appreciate myself as a mother trying my hardest to raise intelligent, thoughtful, confident, and empathetic kids.

Amen!

Those moments

November 25, 2013Leave a comment

I chased them upstairs with them begging me “get our butts!” I jumped on the bed where they thought they were safe and I tickeled them wildly and kissed them all over. They screamed in delight and laughed hysterically as I asked them “who do you love?” They got the breath to say “you, mom” and then begged for more. I watched them as they stood in the bathroom and brushed their teeth. Maria in her orange tank top nightie with her fuzzy peace-symbol pants and Mario in only his boxers – just like his dad. Ri caught me looking at her and kicked her foot out in a karate move. She stumbled, and leaned forward laughing at her antics. Mario did his crazy hip thrust dance move while keeping his toothbrush steady in his mouth and waited to see the smile on my face. It makes him happy. I stood in the hallway and let everything about them absorb into me. Maria’s piercing eyes; Mario’s taut little torso; Maria’s extreme joy in herself; Mario’s love for comedy; Maria’s beauty; Mario’s handsomeness. For those precious moments, I was lost in unadulterated love. My heart was floating and happy. I had dropped everything else – laundry, dishes, work emails – and lived in the those delightful moments with my two little beings who will soon be grown and out of their nighties.

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” – Henry David Thoreau

Ri and Mario – ages 4 and 2

Little victories

November 7, 2013November 7, 2013Leave a comment

Ri has been struggling a bit lately with self-confidence. It really irks me because she is such an amazing kid and I just wish she could embrace that fact and see the wonderfulness in herself.
We have instituted affirmations into our lives so every day I make her tell me three good things about herself. We will get there, I know we will. But I wanted to scream last night at gymnastics when she was trying to do a flip over on the rings and could not do it. All the other girls did and I kept rooting her on but she just couldn’t quite get there. She looked completely dejected and I was heartbroken. The class ended and I asked the instructor if Ri could try the rings again. She agreed and I looked Ri in the eyes and told her she could do it.
She walked over and tried it. She didn’t do it. But the instructor let her try it again and showed her how to tuck her elbows down once more. Ri didn’t give up.

I was so proud of her – it took all my might not to scream “Whoo-hoo Maria” at the top of my lungs. She beamed when she rose from the foam blocks and rose to do it a second time.

Little victories.

Birthday no. 42

November 6, 2013Leave a comment

42 was a piece of cake, or I should say, pieces of cake, based on the many pieces I consumed through the day. My mom came up from Cincy on Monday night so that I could start 42 off right with a morning run and weight-lifting. I woke at 6:10 and the sunrise greeted me at mile 5. Gorgeous dark peaches and mango across the eastern sky as I finished up my run and walked into the gym for some heavy duty lifting. It’s been my routine for ten+ years and I cherish it.
I came home to kisses from Ri and Mario (even with my sweaty self) and a walk up to Stauf’s with my mom and Rocco. If only every day could begin like that – warm kisses, sweet kids, good conversation, Stauf’s coffee (add in Jon and it would be perfect)…. I hit work after Stauf’s and got happy birthday wishes from friends on Facebook. It is funny how excited people get over birthday messages via Facebook, especially when they are from people you rarely speak with during the year. But I must admit that I was one of those people smiling with each new message wishing me a great day.
I took off a little early from work to meet my sis at the house at 5 pm for a walk with Rocco and the kids to the woods. We timed it perfectly with the sun setting before us as we walked into the woods. Vibrant oranges laid as a backdrop against the yellows and reds of the trees’ leaves. Magical.
Mom was off her call when we arrived home and we headed out to Cap City for some yummy dinner and dessert. The waiter was a gem and allowed me to get both the salmon and the meatloaf because I couldn’t pick which one sounded better. They were delicious. And we couldn’t resist carrot cake for dessert (even though mom had bought me a sheetcake!).

I have flowers galore in the house and at work thanks to my hubby. He sent some to my office that are quite the lift-me-up when I walk into my digs in the morning (along with a sweet note).

The ones he sent to the house were ones he had delivered with Ri’s and Mario’s names on the card. When I opened the card and asked the kids “did you get these for me?”, Maria immediately said “no, dad did.” Not Mario though. He didn’t flinch when he responded “yes, I picked them out.” He likes to take credit where credit is not due…. but I can’t help but love him.
Ri wrote me a poem about love and gave me some acorns. Sarah wrote me a precious letter and mom hooked me up with running gear and an endearing card. We came home to more sheetcake and peanut butter chip ice cream. By 10 pm, none of us could move or stay awake.

Mom hit the road back to Cincy and Sarah and I and the kids headed up to bed. And there, before my eyes, was my most awesome present – a bed full of folded clothes. Mom had folded four loads of laundry for me as well as cleaned up dog poop outside. Now that’s a helluva birthday present.

Halloween 2013

November 2, 2013November 6, 2013Leave a comment

One ninja zombie and one valley girl showed up before my eyes when I walked into school Thursday for the Halloween school parties. Some other mom was helping Mario into his costume and an irrational streak of anger jolted through me. “That’s my kid”, my jealous self thought. But then he looked over at me and exclaimed “there’s my mom, she made it!” Yep, work can always be put on hold for that type of reaction; I gently shoved the mom aside and took over wrapping ninja yarn around Mario’s head.
Mario and his boy friends were jumping all over the place and play boxing while the girls were standing around watching. It was a hoot trying to get them to pose. The boys kept punching each other and the girls kept giggling.

Meanwhile, my girl was in the bathroom with her other third grade classmates getting ready. Aunt Sarah and Jorge were helping her out (blue eye shadow and pink lips to add to the costume). I met up with her after I walked the parade route with Mario (who highly complained about the parade being termed a parade: “this is simply a walk around the block, mom, not a parade with music and lots of people!”). Ri was adorable with her 80’s self.

The rain started coming down right when we hit the school doors – perfect timing. I stayed with Mario in his classroom since this was his first grade school Halloween party. He was grouchy as heck because he expected candy and games and running around thanks to his sis who had given him false hope that his party would be all that. What Ri failed to understand was that I brought in cupcakes and sugar and crazy games because I’m a sugar nut whereas the moms in charge of Mario’s party were wholesome and nutritious and brought in bananas with raisin eyes and did spider crafts. Mario sat pouting as his spider legs wouldn’t glue correctly and his scissors wouldn’t cut well and he was forced to sit in his chair. But then a cupcake appeared with an Oreo on top and life was good again; he even smiled for a picture with his mom!

Meanwhile, Ri partied it up in her classroom. Sarah and Jorge stayed for a bit but then felt like Ri wanted left alone with her friends so they hit up Stauf’s. A while later, Ri came down to Mario’s room sad that I wasn’t in her room with her. She’s had three straight years of me all to herself. Nonetheless, after she saw how down Mario was, she was her generous self as always and told me I could stay with Mario. She stole a candy corn from his table and bolted back to her room.

Bethany met us back at the house (we were soaked from just getting in and out of the car). Mario threw off his shoes and played Star Wars Wii and Ri threw on her robe and played Minecraft. I headed into work for a quick meeting and prayed the rain would stop by 6. No luck. I got home at 5:30 and Sarah and Jorge had the kids ready to go. We threw on our rain coats and headed up our street for our first time ever trick-or-treating on our street (we usually head to 2nd Ave.). It was Jorge’s first trick-or-treat experience. Too bad there weren’t more kids out due to the pouring rain – but he did get to witness a human taco. My little munchos were making their mama very happy by ignoring the downpour and hitting up all the welcoming houses.

Meanwhile, Rocco cried and cried whenever the kids walked up the sidewalk to get candy.

We made it all the way to Broadview before Mario started to peter out on us. He was wet and cold – two things he can’t stand. Sarah and I pushed him hard though saying “look at this house here – it will have good stuff!” He held on for a few more houses (he scored big on the last with eight pieces of chocolate) and then Jon rescued him from his misery (Jon got in from England in the afternoon and drove from Detroit back home to make the tail end of Halloween). Maria left with her friend Riley around the neighborhood so Sar and Jorge and I were left contemplating dressing up and getting candy ourselves. Sar could have completely passed as a ten-year old ghost but we forgot a sheet.
We met back up with Ri and headed to Doris and Kim’s house to say “hi.” We saw our old house on 2nd Ave. and got a handful of candy from Doris and Kim. We also saw our old neighbor Carolyn who still sends b-day cards to the kids. She gave Ri a big squeeze (and a lot of candy). Ri and I hopped in the car as Sar and Jorge brought it around to us and Ri gloated as she showed them her loot. A bag filled to the top – just what I had begged for over the last two weeks. Kit Kat, Reese’s, Butterfinger, M&Ms, Snickers… Pure heaven.

Ri sat sorting out candy for Sarah and Jorge and me while Mario ate his stash. I was concerned about whether this Halloween would be a bust but it turned out to be delightful.

And the kids really got a treat when Sarah and Jorge stayed with them the next morning and played an epic two hour Monopoly game with them. Pure heaven.

Self-discovery

October 30, 2013October 30, 20131 Comment

My girl has been wanting a sewing kit ever since they had a sewing lesson two weeks ago in Girl Scouts. She asks for one everyday. Surprisingly, only because every kid in America seems to want one, she doesn’t want a rainbow loom. She came home with one of the bracelets a friend of hers had made and showed it to me a few weeks ago and ever since then, I have seen them everywhere. Mario got one from Quinn and when he accidentally undid the bands, I thought he might put himself in coronary arrest.

This morning, Maria again mentioned the sewing kit. I blurted out “I know, I know” making yet another mental note to get her that kit so she can start to sew my ripped shirts. I glanced at one of the bracelets on the table and asked “do you want one of those rainbow loom things?”

“No.” A pause. “I hope you’re not mad, mom. I’m just not into them like other people are.”

I know why she added the sentence after “no.” I have been getting on her about finding something that she really enjoys doing so that she isn’t bored when I’m doing other things. Im thinking she should read or draw or play a sport. But she has no interest. Don’t get me wrong, she will be the first to hop on her scooter and take a walk or play make-believe with the neighbor or help me bake cookies but she’s not into going to her room and chillin’ with a coloring pad or a book.

I did admit to her that it was a bit my fault since I kept her busy doing activities all her life and I was constantly by her side whenever we had a free moment (she swept that admission up and stuffed it in her pocket to inevitably sling at me the next time I got on her for not finding something to do by herself).
But while I got on her about doing things on her own, I realized I was pressuring her to do things that I would want to do: I wanted to read more so she should. I always loved to draw pictures so she should. I loved soccer so she should. But she’s not me. Ah-hah.

And so I have backed off on pushing those things on her. When I am reading my magazine, and she looks bored, I let her figure it out. Yes, she may play Minecraft on the iPad but she may also go outside and play with Rocco or just stare at the walls. But she’s no worse off than if I stuck her face in a book and forced her to read (which she would just mimic reading anyway). She gets her reading in at school and at home for homework.

She’s in third grade; she’s just starting to figure out who she is, what moves her, how she reacts to things. I don’t think that forcing her to engage in activities she doesn’t want to do is how I should help her get there (that is not to say that I won’t make her try at least one activity and one instrument eventually).

When I discarded this notion that those activities were the “right” activities for her and just listened to her and watched her, I saw and heard activities that she really wanted to do: sewing, horseback riding, building. They were just activities that didn’t interest me so I had been blind to really seeing them as options for her.

This morning, I called the horse farm to schedule lessons for Ri. I also asked a girlfriend where I could find a good starter sewing kit (she looked at me in amazement until I told her it was not for me but for Ri – she laughed hysterically).

And I am reminded yet again that discovery of self is a life-long process.

Heaven

October 29, 2013October 29, 2013Leave a comment

I am so happy to have this boy in my life. A few days ago, he started making Skylander books, which consist of one Skylander on a page and about three or four pages stapled together. No words. But he verbally describes each Skylander to me. After reading all three different books to me, he started his sales pitch: “what book do you want to buy, mom?”

“How much are they?”

“For you, $10.”

“”Is that a higher price than for others or a deal?!”, I wondered out loud.

“Hey, I need money to buy Skylander swap so I gotta sell them for at least $10.”

I told him I’d give him $5 knowing we’d land at $6 since he always bargains back and forth. But I made him autograph it for me so when he became famous, I could say “I knew him when….” He thought that was cool. He wrote “Mom”, drew a heart, and signed his name. Precious. Then he stuck out his hand to retrieve $6 from me.

When I tucked him in, he asked when I’d get him the $6. I told him I’d savage through my purse when I went downstairs. He made me promise to put the cash in his wallet in a particular order: “the ones have to go after the fives and the fives after the tens. Dad and I organize our money right.” Oh my.

The next evening, he laid in our bed waiting for Jon to come up to watch football with him. Jon called me up to look at him. He was laying face up holding one of his “books” in front of him. He looked like an angel. I walked over to him and kissed his forehead and he looked at me with a sad little face.

“What’s wrong pumpkin?”

“I don’t want you or dad to die.”

I was dizzy with love and compassion and swooped him up in my arms to hug him. I told him we weren’t going anywhere and he hugged me back as hard as I hugged him while planting the most gentle of kisses on my cheek.

Heaven.

Pumpkin patches

October 25, 2013Leave a comment

I am in disbelief over my babies at age three and now at ages 8 and 6 at the pumpkin patch. What will it feel like when they are 15 and 13? The thought of it makes my heart drop like a boulder into my stomach. There are certainly those days when I ask myself “when will they be 18 and able to take care of themselves?” But those days seem to happen a lot less than they did when they were 5 months old and I was up for the tenth time in the wee hours of the night. Now they can make cereal on their own, sleep through the night, play games together. It’s the perfect time where they are somewhat self-sufficient but also completely in love with me. I get hugs with no provocation. I get pleas for good-night kisses. I get random “I love yous” through the day.
Fellow moms tell me that it gets even better as they continue to grow up and develop their sense of selves, their independence. And I can see that as I watch those moms beam as their child scores a soccer goal or makes the Dean’s List.

But I will miss that constant affection and connection that I have with my babes right now. The thrill that runs through me when I step in the door and get knocked over on the ground with hugs. The warmth of two kids’ bodies curled against me as I read them a book. And the immense joy they exhibit by simply being dropped off from a hayride into a patch of pumpkins.

"MOM!"

Adventures in the Life of a Working Mama

Tag: Parenting