Pulling teeth

August 1, 2013August 1, 2013Leave a comment

This was my view for an hour and fifteen minutes yesterday afternoon. I flinched and squirmed more than Ri. She was a machine; she barely moved the entire time the dentist pulled her tooth out, inserted a crown and filled a cavity. I, on the other hand, couldn’t sit still. The dentist told me I could leave but I kept thinking that Ri would call for me.
Mario had prepared me for the worst. I can’t leave his side when he goes to the dentist even if its for a routine cleaning.
When they allowed Ri to stand up, she wobbled over to me looking dazed. That laughing gas got her good. She could not stop drooling on herself. Poor baby.
She asked for UDF on the way home which I quickly agreed to for my own sake (peanut butter chocolate chip ice cream). When she got her vanilla ice cream, she cried in the back seat because she couldn’t keep it in her mouth.
When we got home, her friend Sophie came over and brought her a hand-made bracelet. Ri asked if she wanted to watch tv, and she plopped on the couch with her. I went upstairs and took a nap for a half hour (that tooth extraction wore me out!).
When I came downstairs, Ri had gone to town on her ice cream and was feeling better. I was so glad.
We decided to take a bike ride with Sophie and have her spend the night. We left at 8 pm, biked around the neighborhood, ate Orange Leaf, shopped at Giant Eagle, played at the park, and performed bike tricks in the parking lot and got home at 9:45 pm.

We got on our pjs, brushed our teeth, and grabbed our iPads to play games (Ri and Sophie) and to read Vela posts (me). We all passed out at 11:15 on the couch and I woke up to Ri kicking me in the head. I carried Ri and Sophie to bed and we all stayed asleep until 8:15 in the morning.

These teeth episodes are tiring.

Long live baseball

June 11, 2013June 11, 2013Leave a comment

Both babes playing baseball: this fast-pitch softball player is loving life! Ri continues to craft her competitive spirit asking each game “who are we playing?” When I tell her the team – no matter which one – she has some curt response like “oh, they can’t hit” or “they aren’t that good.” This coming from my “I don’t like winners and losers” girl from six months ago.

Ri has really progressed with her batting. Her swing used to be rigid and awkward but now it is pretty smooth. She has been getting out there with David and me and working on it, to her credit. Her fielding needs some work – she’s got muscle – she just needs to move more quickly. It’s like she gets the ball and is so amazed it’s in her glove that she can’t move. A lot if the girls are like that though. And Ri just began playing this year so she will get the hang of it next year (hoping there is a next year – she gave up cheer leading after one year but, for that, I didn’t complain…).

Mario was completely upset that his baseball wasn’t coach pitch like Ri’s.

“I’m not a baby; I don’t need a tee!”

He was going to give it up but I told him he’d miss out on making friends and he decided to go for it. And he made friends – immediately. He walked up to everyone at the jungle gym and struck up a conversation. He began playing with two boys on the playground and acted like they were best friends in five minutes time.

His baseball game was hilarious. At first, he wanted to bat first. But then he saw that the last batter got to run all the way around the bases at one time since he was last at bat so he decided being last was better. He likes to look over in the stands while he’s on base to make sure people are watching him.

The field play could have just as well been soccer rather than baseball. As soon as the ball was hit, every single fielder – no matter the position – ran towards it. One glove would touch it but then another glove and body would land on it, then another and another. The poor soul who actually grabbed it would be smothered until the little tykes got up one by one.

Each time Mario returned to his position, he would look over at Jon and me and give us a wave or a thumbs up. Sweet boy. I’m pretty sure we only have about three years left of that before he’s too cool to acknowledge us.

Long live baseball and softball!

Memorial Weekend Round-up

June 1, 2013June 1, 2013Leave a comment

Ri and I were short-term celebrities Memorial Day weekend when we got to walk in the Grandview parade. It took mad running around to find a truck for my girls to ride in Saturday morning but I found one and the girls had a blast throwing candy to folks lining the street. I had them whooping up “Go Reds” at every turn. And, we got a surprise visit from Grandma Lolo. She came up for Ri’s first game and joined in the parade with us.

Once we got to the field, the girls lined up and ran around the bases as their names were called. Half were charged up and the other half were scared too death (Ri was in the former, of course). Then mom and daughter got photographed by paparazzi.

Maria went three for three in our first game. I was so excited for her! Jon and I were worried that she’d strike out and get all melancholy about softball (like she did in practice) but she cranked it (and then started to get cocky saying “the other team doesn’t hit that well…”). It was a blast watching the girls hit and go around the bases so elated to have actually hit the ball.

Mario rooted on his sis and when I asked what his favorite part of the day was he said “seeing Ria in the parade.” Darling.

Mom blessed us with gorgeous ceramic mushrooms for our yard when we got home from the game. I love walking out to them every morning. It was so nice having her experience the chaos of the game with us!

Mom left in the afternoon and Jon’s kin drove up. We had his parents and brothers and niece over for a cookout. Ri is all about family – always has been. When I told the neighbor kids they could stop over in the evening, she scolded me “Mom, we have family over in the evening – we can’t have friends over, too!” She likes her family time. Patty made her potato salad and her chocolate truffle for the cookout. Double trouble. I will be wearing sweatpants for the next month.

By the time the family left at 9:45, I was dead to the world. My body was exhausted in so many ways and I could barely make it upstairs to bed. So what did we do on Sunday? Headed to the zoo with the neighbors! Why not just make it a completely insane weekend?!
However, I got to talk with Stephanie, another adult, while the kids played and that was a welcome activity.

I think we saw a total of eight animals during the time we were there because we had to stop at each statute and play on it. But it wore them out so we dealt with it just fine. It is so wonderful to have kids three houses down the street that get along so great with Ri and Mario. They will be spending a large chunk of the Summer together, Zi am sure.

By Monday evening, Jon and I were spent. Ri had another game on Monday afternoon and Jon got just as involved as I did as coach. We left the game, had two of Ri’s friends over and hosted the neighbor kids for Mario. I told Ri and Mario that dad and I better be sainted for all we do for them.

They both rolled their eyes … but then jumped on us with big hugs. They know.

A Mighty Girl

May 27, 2013May 27, 2013Leave a comment

I have a son who at age four pulled a Maxim magazine off the grocery store shelf and proclaimed “she’s hot!”

Why? Not because I, or his sister, dress in tight clothes and short skirts. And certainly not because his dad is riding around with him whistling at women.

I have a daughter who put on a shirt yesterday morning and pronounced “my belly sticks out of this shirt. I’m not pretty.” This declaration after I have told Ri a thousand times that she is beautiful and amazing. And that has been reaffirmed over and over by her grandparents and dad and cousins. So why does she say such nonsense?

Hmmm…. could it be the magazines (Maxim is among many), the tv shows (“America’s Top Model” comes to mind), the media focus on all things thin and “perfect” and superficial, or the companies who market princesses with big boobs and size 0 waists to young girls.

When I was five and begged for a Barbie, I got Dusty. She was a flat-chested “barbie” with sandy brown hair cut in a straight bowl around her face, wearing jean sorts and riding a horse. And Ri wonders why I despise dresses to this day. She was my ideal. She’s who I played with every morning. I grew up in Clifton – I saw all sorts of women walking around town. Big, little, pierced, saggy, firm – you name it. And they were all beautiful in their own right.

But I still squeezed the fat rolls on my belly at night as I laid in bed. “If I could just lose this, I’d be so much prettier.” So even with my forward thinking, feminist parents, I still got caught in the trap.

I appreciate Mighty Girl drawing attention to Disney’s revamp of the young girl in Brave from a strong, every day looking heroine to a dress-off-the-shoulder, made-up princess. Sometimes I catch myself dismissing these pleas for action because I’ve heard them over and over again. But then I get one more plea and am reminded that if we didn’t have such over-glamorization and “sexing up” of our girls, there wouldn’t be so many pleas.

Mighty Girl is doing critical work to help our girls see themselves as soulful, intelligent, strong, courageous, opinionated people – not sex objects and eye candy.

When Ri squeezed one of Mario’s friends the other day, Mario yelled out “My sister is really strong, Quinn! She can hurt you!” And when Mario needed help on his bike, he knew Ri would be at his side (“you got it Mario; don’t be scared little guy!”). I appreciate that Mario sees his sis as a strong girl.

Most recently, Ri has fallen in love with softball. She is not the strongest batter but she has been persevering through missed swings and not giving up.

“Heile Menkedick Ionno’s don’t give up!” she chirps at me, repeating the words I have drilled into her head for years as she takes another swing.

Keep it up, Ri, and don’t worry about bellies. You are beautiful.

Losing it

May 22, 2013May 22, 20132 Comments

A picture of Maria and Mario shocked and amazed to find our house keys in the door after we spent 90 minutes trying to track them down all over Grandview. I could do nothing more in the moment than laugh hysterically at the entire situation – the entire day as a matter of fact (which warrants a completely separate post). The kids thought their mom was turning into a lunatic in front of their eyes, I’m sure.

It all began with an emergency situation at work whereby I had to leave a field trip with Ri to head into work – that right there put me in a foul mood. I got into work at noon and did not stop until 5:30. I proceeded to bolt home in order to see Jon off to Michigan for a few days for work and get dinner ready for Ri and Mario. While cooking dinner, I worked on homework with Ri (and Mario who is determined to start homework now to be ready for kindergarten).

After homework drama and dinner, we searched for shoes and we headed out to walk to Orange Leaf. I had promised it to Ri when I left the field trip hoping that would somewhat cheer her up (she’s like me, food always comforts). We locked up the house and took off. Mario banged his ankle along the way which elicited an unwarranted amount of drama on his behalf. Later, we saw Doris and Kim, our old neighbors, working in another friend’s garden. We stopped and chatted with them for a while and then headed north for ice cream. Mario banged his ankle two more times which warranted more full-blown drama – falling to the ground, writhing in pain, crying, pathetic screams, the whole deal.

As soon as we walked into Orange Leaf, my phone rang. A colleague from work needed to fill me in on meetings for later in the week so I got stuck on that call while Mario filled his bowl past the rim with cotton candy yogurt that he’d never eat (and I despise). We left after watching Three Stooges and playing tic tac toe.

I went back and forth between carrying Mario and pushing him on his scooter during the travel back home. When we got to the top of our street, I realized I didn’t have my keys. Are you kidding me? Luckily I had my car key so we hopped in the car and went to the friend’s house to scavenger her yard for the key. We had no luck so we moved to Orange Leaf. We scoured the place with no luck there either. We moved onto the police department and struck out there, too.

As we drove home, Ri fretted about someone having our keys and breaking into our house. I continued to console her reinforcing that no one would know they were our keys. Mario consoled her by confirming that he’d beat anyone up that broke into the house.

We pulled into the driveway and parked. As we walked to the front door at 9:20 pm, we saw objects glittering in the door. My keys. And that’s the end of the story.

But it’s not the end of days like this, I’m sure. Jon counseled me on slowing down when he called me at 10 pm from the road and I told him about our night. To some extent, he has a point. I need to know my limits based on my day – maybe forego a walk if I’m exhausted; maybe let them watch tv for an hour while I read a book; maybe not start the laundry until another day. But on the other hand, there are times when multi-tasking needs to happen. Kids have homework, sports’ practices, playtime, reading. They have to eat. They need to bathe every once in a while. And you have to push that all into a three hour period of time.

A report on NPR concluded that moms tend to multi-task much more than dads. Women felt more overwhelmed and stressed because they spent 10.5 more hours a week on multi-tasking than dads – such as laundry, dinner, homework. Dads tended to view multi-tasking as talking on a work call while “watching” their kids and didn’t feel as much stress. Well, imagine that…!

Now I love my hubby too death but I think he would fit right into this study. He gets on me for doing too much but homework, dinner, laundry, and dishes need to be done. We always kid each other about me going overspeed and him going to under speed and needing a middle ground for both of us.

I think that can’t be clearer after last night’s insanity. My mind clearly shut down after 8 pm. The fact I didn’t even look at the front door before we took off for a 90 minute key search is scary.

So, how to make it better?

1. Take some breaths in a room without kids. Do some chants. Calm my mind before I do anything.

2. Leave the dishes for a later date.

3. Eat cereal for dinner once a week.

4. Wear dirty clothes more often.

5. Make Jon cook dinner while looking over homework and folding kids’ clothes and watch him lose it, too
– the more the merrier.

Growing up Mario

May 19, 2013May 19, 2013Leave a comment

Yep, that’s slick boy handing out donuts to his classmates on Friday. Jon reported that he walked into the classroom, held up the box of donuts, and pronounced “Who wants donuts?” He beamed in delight as everyone yelled “Mario has donuts! Mario’s here!” I think he rather enjoys his ego stroked….

But oh, is he versatile. He goes from city slicker to country hunter in a flash of a second. He wasted no time getting his camo on and heading out to Big Mario’s woods to hunt turkey with Jon. He was dejected when they heard a few but Jon had unloaded his gun already. I am fearful for those turkeys when he gets old enough to shoot.

And if that’s not impressive, he has yet another persona – sweet, playful, curious Mario. We went to the river this morning to find cool rocks and I almost cried when he picked one up and admired it. “Isn’t this one beautiful, mom?”

My body could have melted at his feet. I told Jon when we got home that I am going to miss that innocent, precious five-year old boy who holds my hand and giggles as we throw rocks in the water together.

Jon mustered up five little words in response as he stared out the window: “I know what you mean.”

Mother’s Day 2013

May 13, 2013May 13, 2013Leave a comment

Top Fifteen memories from Mom’s Day 2013

1. Watching Ri and Mario fight over who gives me my gift bag.
2. Using my Garmin GPS watch from Jon and the kids and clocking eight-minute miles.
3. Making frames with Ri to give to the Crutcher ladies.
4. Getting a voice mail from Meg and dad wishing me a great day and telling me I was the best mom (after Meg, of course!).
5. Hanging out with hilarious and loud women all afternoon (Patty fit in with us Heile women perfectly).
6. Scratching a winning lottery ticket from Patty for $8!
7. Receiving a ceramic painted mushroom to place in my garden and a flower basket from mom.
8. Eating chocolate truffle that Patty made.
9. Having Liz and Mag register me for the Reds Stadium 10K on June 1 (I finally get to go on the Reds’ field – I’ve been dreaming of that since 6th grade).
10. Getting a hug from Grace-Bug.
11. Watching Patty climb a tree.
12. Experiencing Lou running away from us after Ri accidentally let go of his leash. Pure madness on Bluff Ave. as mom, me, and the five kids chased Lou through yards and the street for eight minutes of intense emotion ranging from panic (“what if he bites that other dog!”) to gut-splitting laughter (watching the kids and mom try to pounce on the leash to catch him).
13. Learning how to angle the iPhone camera to hide a double chin (thanks Mag).
14. Eating leftovers when everyone departed.
15. Walking up to Stauf’s with M & M at 8 pm to get a coffee, bagel and giant chocolate chip cookie and hear them both say I’m the best mom ever (buying the chocolate chip cookie probably helped)!

Poetry and earrings

May 10, 2013May 10, 2013Leave a comment

Last night, Ri brought me home a present tied up in a pink paper box and a purple strung. I opened it and saw a beautiful pair of homemade earrings. They were made of a pearl stone and a glass leaf. Ri’s Kids Club teacher brought in the beads and earring stems for the kids to make mom’s day presents. So sweet.

When I saw them, I hugged Ri and told her they were absolutely beautiful. I told her I loved them so much. She told me how she made them and hugged me hard. Mario sat on the other side of the table watching us. He didn’t say a word. Other times in the past, when Ri has made me something and he hasn’t, he gets upset. He runs away and complains that he’s a “horrible son” or he says that I don’t love him as much as Ri. But he had no such reaction last night. After Ri and I hugged, I asked them both what we should have for dinner and the night proceeded regularly.

Fast forward to lunch at Mario’s school today. The school hosted lunch with mom to celebrate Mother’s Day. I arrived at 11:45 and Mario and I played with the geese outside for a bit. Then as if someone had just shot him with a thought bubble, he grabbed my hand and whisked me into his classroom.

“Close your eyes mom. Close your eyes!”

I closed them.

“Ok, open!”

I looked down at his extended little hand. There laid two tiny purple twisted pipe cleaners. I didn’t know exactly what to think so I smiled and said “Wow!” Luckily he immediately chimed in and exclaimed “they are earrings I made for you, mom! Do you like them?!”

How could I not love them? But how concerned should I be that my son made these for me in order to directly compete with his sister and one-up her?!

He also made me a picture of a rainbow with my name and his on it. Perfect for my office wall. And he answered a few questions posed by his teacher about his mama. He’s so right about my favorite food….

Prior to Mario’s lunch, I got treated to muffins at Ri’s school as well as a poetry fest. Ri and each of her classmates wrote poems for their moms but only Ri and a few other of her girlfriends wrote ones directly about their moms. Ri’s poem was the sweetest, most darling poem ever written to me.

She had several other moms tearing up, thank goodness, because that was the only condition in which I was permitted to cry – if other moms did – so she wouldn’t be embarrassed having the only mom who cried. Afterwards, she gave me huge hug and sat on my lap.

I have branded this day in my mind so I can resurrect it ten years from now when both kids are running off with friends on Mother’s Day and not even dreaming of making their mom jewelry.

Loving dad more

May 8, 2013May 8, 2013Leave a comment

Ri and I took a walk about a week ago. She was on her scooter beside me and I was talking with her about the Summer. She got quiet for a few seconds and I asked what was up.

Hesitantly, she said “Mom, I feel bad telling you this but I feel like I have to.”

“You can tell me anything Ri.”

“Well, I’ve been thinking and I realize that I love dad just a bit more than I love you.”

How brutally honest my girl is. I haven’t spoken to her since.

To the contrary, I praised for being honest enough to let me know something that may hurt me. She put her arm around my waist.

“Don’t worry. I love you a lot, too, it’s just there are 11 things I love about dad and 10 I love about you. You came close.”

She proceeded to name dad’s 11 qualities (“he protects us, he makes me laugh, he watches Duck Dynasty with me…”). And my 10 (“you play with me, you love me, you come to my school..”). She informed me that we both possessed one like quality: we care about other people. I’m very happy that she sees that in both her parents because it is a value that Jon and I both believe in strongly.

So, my take-away from the conversation? I need to watch Duck Dynasty more often so I can get to 11!

Geese, Brownies and Grandma time

April 23, 2013April 23, 2013Leave a comment

Mario rather enjoyed the geese out front of his day care last Friday. At first he tried to pet them but when they moved away he decided to chase after them. They were not amused.

Mario continued to have a word with one goose as he crossed the lot. The poor fellow was all the way across the lot just watching for big bad Mario when I left.

Mario was happy to go to school that day because he knew that Grandma and Grandpa Ionno were picking him up before lunch. He got an entire weekend with them since Jon was at a conference and Ri and I had her Girl Scout Campout. Patty also picked up Giovanni and kept both boys at her house. She is, as I always say, a machine. A full weekend with those two boys would be considered a major punishment to most but to her, it’s delightful. She is so good with them and stands her ground when they go off course. I was talking to her and she had to tell them to settle down and her voice got fierce. All of a sudden I didn’t hear boys’ screaming anymore.

She described to me Mario’s negotiation, or rather, swindling techniques when it came to money. He told Patty he had money to buy a web shooter if she’d take him but when they got there he said “oops, I forgot it.” Then he proceeded to finagle her into buying that and something else. The boy loves money and loves to spend it. When a commercial comes on that deals with saving money (“buy this insurance and save!”) or getting money (“we’ll give you $2000 for your old car…”), his ears perk up and he’s glued to the tv.

The boys built a “tent city” throughout Patty’s and Joe’s condo and begged not to have to leave one another on Sunday. It’s so wonderful that they are at an age where they enjoy one another’s company.

Meanwhile, Ri and I were freezing our tails off in 35 degree weather at the Girl Scout Campout. Ri was so excited about the camp out and literally hopped in my arms when I met her at school to take her out to it. It was a little rough at first but ended well. Ri does not play with a lot of the girls in scouts, probably for numerous reasons. They have stay-at-home moms who arrange after-school play dates. Some of the moms hang out together a lot so their kids do, too. It could also be that Ri does not have the typical silly, antic-oriented playful style that most 8 year-old girls have. I look at her and Alana and there is such a difference in style. Alana would have been running around loony with those girls. Maria is more contemplative and seems to work better when she’s one-on-one with people. At one point, I could tell she felt awkward and she admitted that she was disappointed that no one was really including her. So of course I jumped in the girl mix with her and got her playing with the girls. She had her moments of just sitting back (the girls put on a talent show and each little clique did a different act; Maria held the flashlight because she didn’t want to perform) and I told myself to let her be. I sat back and bit my lip, and all was fine in the end. She did have a blast staying up until 11 pm with one of her girlfriends. They kept flashing lights on us and running around the lodge. She also loved making s’mores (as did I)!

As we drove home on Saturday, she told me she had a good time. Looking back, I did too. I’ve got to let my crap go in those situations and just let her work through it. If she needs me, she’ll get me. She and I had a blast at my work and getting hot cocoa and coffee at Stauf’s that afternoon. We laughed together and had her friend Ceylone over. We both crashed that night by 8:30 and slept until 7:30 the next morning we were so tired from the cot sleeping the night before.

On Sunday we took a run/bike ride, hit hot yoga, and ate bagels at Stauf’s while I read the Times and Ri wrote poems. Here is one to Sarah for graduation:

Graduation
Hard
Challenging
So much depend
Upon
You getting there
So much depend
Upon
You.

Not only a budding environmentalist but a budding poet? I just want to eat her up.

While we were camping out and building tents, Jon was getting legs wrapped around him on the dance floor and jammin’ to Gangum Style with his buds. I told him he owes me a night out on the town like that (something about Barthel and Loeshner brings out the tiger in him).

When Mario got home from Grandma’s and Grandpa’s, Jon bought KFC and we got out our tray tables and turned on Duck Dynasty for some quality family time. The immediate family is back together again!

"MOM!"

Adventures in the Life of a Working Mama

Tag: Parenting