Category: Parenting

Don’t sweat the small stuff

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I came home from work last night needing some serious big hugs from Maria and Mario.  Work has been kickin’ my a– lately.  But it is nice to jump on my bike for a ride in the open air after work rather than getting into a hot car.  And to my surprise, the kids were waiting near the back door when I walked out of the garage.  They got smothered with kisses. Over and over.

I laid with them later in the evening and watched them drift off to sleep.  I love how their eyes are wide open when I head over to sit next to them, and they swear that they will stay awake until midnight because they are Not Tired!  And then after a back rub or foot massage, I see their eyelids begin to droop and their cheeks begin to turn toward the soft pillow.  And then they are out.  And how beautiful they both are so quiet and still.  As I laid with them, I thought about how fortunate I was to have them in my life – day in and day out.  Sure, there were moments that I wished I had two minutes to be alone but those moments were overshadowed by their character and lightness.

After sitting with them for a bit, I walked into the kitchen for a late-night ice cream bar, and a review of the latest news.  I found a nugget of a piece by Ann Bauer in Salon that struck me, and made me even more cognizant of the fleeting moments we have with our kids.  As they say “time flies when you are having fun” – even when you don’t feel like you are having fun (i.e., changing a diaper at 2 am or quieting a screaming kid in the grocery store).  Bauer succeeded in making me take a step back last night from all of the chaos going on in my head with work and camps and deadlines, and breathe.  Breathe and stare at my unbelievably gorgeous, darling kids.  Because one day I will be standing in the bleachers, too, just like Bauer, and I want to be able to testify that I lived to my fullest with them, and consciously tried to limit the number of regrets that I would experience as a mom raising two kids and juggling work and being a strong partner to Jon and taking care of family and friends, and being a community advocate. 

Bauer’s piece provided a welcome reminder to enjoy the small stuff of life and not get weighed down by the other.

Life is Good

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Can we have a more insane, crazed night than tonight?

I walked in the door at 5:45 pm after a nutty day at work full of little fires and big personalities.  As soon as I step in the hall, Maria gets in my face crying that she needs a grass skirt and coconut boobs for tomorrow’s Hawaiian day at horse camp.  Seriously, can’t the horse camp owners just make it a colorful t-shirt day?  Everyone has a colorful t-shirt in their drawer – no-one has a grass skirt and coconut boobs.  I text a few friends who are no help.  I know that I am going to give in to her and run her to the store eventually.  But first, I want to mow the lawn before Jon leaves for the airport.  I change, slip on my grassy shoes, and head out.  Our mower sounds like death.  I have hit one too many rocks with it (in no part due to my inability to take my time) and it is ready to call it a day.  I finish the back yard and when I go to start it in the front, it refuses.  I knew not to mess with it any longer – its little mower life was up – but not before it gave me one last cut in the backyard.  I will miss it.  Luckily, we had Jon’s brother’s mower in the garage.  I used it in the front only to find three-fourths of the way through that I had lost a screw on the left side of the mower so the handle would not stay up.  I had to finish the lawn holding the left side up while I tried to push the mower with my right arm and hip.  Ain’t it great?

I cleaned up, threw on a new shirt, and we headed out to the Dollar Store for Hawaiian goodies.  We lucked out and scored a skirt, leis, and flower clips.  Hopefully, Mario’s daycare has some left over boobs from their party that Ri can get tomorrow. Mario scored a set of handcuffs and knife – perfect for a wild four-year old.  We ran out of the store and into the car to head home for a hot pocket and sandwich.  After we heated the hot pocket, Maria jumped on her bike and Mario hopped in the stroller and we were off to Music on the Lawn for some music by Conspiracy.  People packed the lawn taking in the funk.  Mario engaged in a robot dance that had the entire left side of the lawn cracking up and Maria get treated to a bag of popcorn by her friend Zach.  When he offered it to her, she blushed the loudest red I have seen.  God help us.

Mario had a bathroom attack while dancing so we ran into the library.  Of course, since we were in there, he needed to get a handful of movies.  We met Maria outside for a few more songs and then called it a night at 8:45 pm.  When we arrived home, I grabbed the scissors and began pruning the roses.  They have been driving me nuts for weeks, and I promised myself I’d get them done last night or tonight.  After working on those for twenty minutes while Maria and Mario played with the handcuffs and knife, I came inside to read a book to them.  We read a couple, headed upstairs to get changed into pj’s and brush teeth, and headed back down for one episode of Scooby Doo.  

My god.  My eyelids kept falling over my eyes like broken shades.  But I persevered through finishing up emails and memos for tomorrow and chanting all the while “life is good; life is good.”  And alas, as crazy as it is, life is good.

Dad saves the day!

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After that entire wrenching conversation about whether tooth fairies are real last night, I forgot to take Maria’s tooth from under her pillow and put money there instead. Nice job, Mary.

Jon and I were getting ready for work and Maria and Mario were sitting on the bed talking about the latest Turtleman episode. Maria shot up out of nowhere and yelled “I forgot to look under my pillow!”

My stomach sank to the basement. “Shit!” I mouthed to Jon. By that time, she had lifted her pillow only to find her tooth still laying there. She looked back at me quizzically and began sobbing. I went into reactive mode.

“Baby, it’s ok. I bet the tooth fairy heard our conversation last night and decided to wait to take your tooth until you really believed in her.”

“But mom, when I closed my eyes last night, I really believed in her. And she didn’t come.”

More sobs from her. More guilt from me.

Jon walked in the room. “Maria, this happened to me when I was little. I didn’t believe in the tooth fairy and she did t take my tooth. But when I began to believe, she came” Maria looked at him to see if he had on his straight face.He did.

She seemed to be turning a corner but then the sobs poured again. I hugged her and told her if she kept believing – even stronger than she did last night – I was sure the tooth fairy would come.

She stopped sobbing but laid in her bed pensive and melancholy. Jon asked her to come to him. I heard him tell her an additional fact: when the tooth fairy finally came to get his tooth the second night, he got even more money than he got with his other teeth.

She walked away with a huge smile on her face. Huge. She walked over to me and reiterated what dad told her. I reaffirmed that dad has told me that story, too so it had to be true. She smiled again and skipped into her room to get ready for horse riding lessons.

Jon saves the day. We are out an additional $5 but our girl has not lost faith in the tooth fairy. Job well done, dad.

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Tell me the truth, is the tooth fairy real?

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Maria lost her second tooth in two days.  She pulled and pulled at it in the bathroom while I cringed at the thought in the hallway putting up pictures of when she and Mario were babies.  She exclaimed 10 minutes after the start “My tooth is out!”  She had pulled out another one, blood and all.  She has no fear.

We went through the day hosting family for Father’s Day.  When everyone left at 10 pm, she asked where I put her tooth.  I had hidden it this time in a plastic bag behind the fridge because two days ago, we put her tooth in a plastic bag that Mario used to store his cheese and crackers.  It was only after he had eaten all of the cheese and crackers and thrown the bag away that we realized her tooth was in it.  When we pulled the bag out, there it sat next to a tiny remnant of american cheese.  Gotta love it.  I thought Mario would faint. 

She held her tooth and asked me to sit next to her at the table.  I sat down expecting her to ask me how much money I thought she would get from the tooth fairy.  Instead, the conversation went like this:

“Mom, you gave me money under my pillow and acted like the tooth fairy, didn’t you?”

“No, Ri, I do not put money under your pillow.”

“Mom, tell me the truth.”

“I am telling you the truth, darlin’!”

And then she glares at me and I feel like I am under the control of a lie detection machine.  This is the same glare she gave me when asking if St. Nick was real back at Christmas time.  The glare got me that time, and I admitted that me and dad were St. Nick.  But I refused after that time to ever let her get me again until she was much older.  I want her to believe in some things – Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy.  Why?  I guess because I like the thought of her believing in magical things and experiencing wonderment at the notion that she can put a tooth under her pillow and money appears the next morning. 

She continues, “Mom, I just have a belief that you give me the money and there is no tooth fairy. I just want the truth.”

Ok, so how many of you would admit at this point that it is you?  How many would continue to fib and say it’s the tooth fairy?

I thought back to a book we read a year ago by Jason Alexander called Dad, Are you the Tooth Fairy? We were walking around the used book store and Maria grabbed it off the shelf and asked me to read it.  We all plopped down on the floor and I began to read.  Much to my amazement, the dad admits that he is the tooth fairy!  But, he acts on behalf of all of the fairies and pixies that lived before him because the last fairy on Earth asked him to keep the magic going when she was gone.  Or something like that. 

I asked Maria if she remembered that book hoping that maybe she’d remember something that would help her process her dilemma.  To my surprise, she remembered the book better than I remembered it.  She explained to me that the dad was the tooth fairy because there were no more tooth fairies around and they asked him to deliver the money on their behalf.  Then she stared me down.  What to say now?!

I told her that I was not going to say anymore except that I always believed in magic and good things happening to people who opened up their hearts and imagination.  Surprisingly, she listened to me and then simply pondered my response without any retort.  When we went up to brush our teeth, she had a final thought for me. 

“Mom, I am trying hard to believe in the tooth fairy.  One side of my brain keeps telling me there is a tooth fairy but the other side keeps telling me it’s you and dad. I just don’t know what to think.” 

Poor girl.  She was about to move into cuckoo land if I didn’t tell her the truth.  So did I? 

Yes and no.  I just reaffirmed that she had to believe what she wanted to believe – and have faith that this world was good and magical and full of wonder no matter what.  I gave her a big hug and kiss and led her in her room to put on her pj’s.  She placed her tooth under her pillow and looked over at me.  I stared back at her.  She stared back at me. And, neither of us blinked.

Top Ten reasons I love my man on Father’s Day

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10. He s our protector!  There is no one or no thing that will mess wth us when he is near us.  Example: he took me to a Prince concert years ago, got me near the stage to dance, and played bodyguard the entire time to make sure no one messed with me. 

9. He loves family.  He would do anything for family, and always gives his two cents on matters to try to help family members through binds.  He gets so excited on days that we are heading to family gatherings.  Example: when we hosted my cousin’s graduation party, he woke up bright and early and began preparing food and drink with a big ol’ smile on his face.

8. He cracks us up.  I laugh harder with him than I do with any other human being.  And the kids find him hilarious, too.  Example: I have never heard Maria laugh as hard as when she is with Jon.  Her face gets super red, her smile is huge, and her entire body shakes in pleasure. 

7. He is so patient (and I am so not).  He helps me slow down and take a breath and savor a moment here and there.  Example: he makes me calm down and savor the “down time” while we are standing in Kroger’s check-out line and I start to get irritated that other lines are moving faster.

6. He is good-hearted.  If someone is in need – be it family, a friend, or a homeless guy on the street – he will lend an ear to talk with them and help them out.  Example: he saw a homeless man when he was on his way to Target and the homeless man kept talking to him about his life story.  Jon just listened and when the homeless man stopped talking and asked for a little help, Jon handed him $20. 

5. He is generous.  He takes time out of busy days to visit family and friends.  He doesn’t think twice about helping out family members in need, friends down on their luck, or the homeless person on the corner.  Example: when a family member ran into some hard times, Jon approached me and recommended that we give her some money to help her through the rough time.

4. He is STRONG. As many times as we play fight, I ahve never won a match.  He can pick up heavy machinery, mounds of trach, and even a car, I believe.  He hasn’t worked out at a gym since we dated years ago, but his calves and thigs and biceps are still bulging with muscle.  Example: when we go out, people ask him if he’s a football player!  Hot!

3. He is my number one supporter.  When we go out with friends, he always has a story about how I won a race or ran 10 miles or biked up major hills.  I always know he backs me up in all that I do.  Example: when I completed the marathon, he bragged to people that I had barely trained but I finished the marathon.  He believes in me. 

2. He is a superstar husband.  He surprises me with lottery tickets.  He fixes my bike when it breaks.  He massages my legs when I am sore.  He always listens to me when I am dealing with a problem.  He stands by me no matter if he agrees with my decision or not.  He tells me he loves me every day.  He watches the kids while I take a much-needed run.  Example: when I accidentally scheduled an excursion to a pipeline field in Alaska and we stayed in a work trailer for two days of our honeymoon, he didn’t divorce me, and he even laughed about it with me (six months later!).

1.  He is an incredible father.  The kids think he is the most awesome person on this Earth, and when he goes on business trips, they whine every morning that they wish he was home.  He is not shy about telling them that he loves them at least three times a day. He wrestles with Mario and plays Memory with Maria.  He makes sure that they have everything they need.  He spoils them with books and toys.  Example: every night before bed, he makes sure he gives them both uge hugs and kisses and tells them that he loves them.  A true gift from a dad to a child.

Slightly insane but still kickin’ it

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Mothers are all slightly insane. – JD Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

And there you have it summed up well.  I thought of this quote tonight as I sat with my girlfriend, Amy and her two kids and husband at Jeni’s ice cream parlor.  Maria and Mario wanted to see Zach and Grace (Amy’s kids) and we decided to meet at a local ice cream parlor and sit outside.  Zach is as wild as Mario so whenever the two of them get together, it tends to be chaotic.  Gracie and Maria do their own thing – typically not together since there is a two-year difference – but they are cool with just hanging out in their own separate hemispheres.  

Maria and Zach - minus two teeth

When we got to Jeni’s, Amy and her hubby already had a table.  Zach came running up to me and rammed into my side.  Mario jumped on him and fake-punched him in the back.  Maria climbed on Mario.  Gracie watched.  Let the chaos begin.  A friend with a daughter in Maria’s class was in front of me in line for ice cream.  She began to make small-talk with me about what teacher Maria had next year while Mario was dodging in and out of the stools with Zach.  This is how the conversation ensued:

Her: “So, who does Maria have this year?”

Me: “She has, ugh…Mario, get off the floor and stand over here now! She has Ms. Palmer – is she any (evil eye to Mario) good?”

Her: “I hear she is just awesome. Did Maria like her first grade teacher?”

Me: “Yeah, she… Mario, stand still now; do not move another inch or no ice cream! Yes, she really liked her – Maria, watch out for the wandering baby! – first grade teacher.”

And so it went for another five minutes as my friend waited in line without any children in tow surely thanking the heavens for a night with no interruptions.  When I went to sit down, it started all over again.  Amy and I would get a question and half an answer out before interrupting one or the other with a command to one of the children.  But somehow we were able to pick up where we left off in the conversation – even if it was right in mid-sentence – and complete our thoughts.  Mothers may be slightly insane but we can multi-task with the best of them and walk away from a get-together having got caught up on each others’ lives and kept the children from disaster! 

One Lovely Blog Award

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I began blogging to keep a history of the times (good and bad) with my two children, Maria and Mario.  I began a diary when my first child, Maria, was born.  I wrote in it nearly every day for a year and a half and then fairly frequently after that time until my second child was born, Mario.  Then I fell into the insanity of newborn land with no sleep and lots of feeding – poopy diapers – feeding – poopy diapers.  The diary ceased production.  However, the times we had with the kids were better than ever and the things coming out of Maria’s and Mario’s mouths were too good not to document.  There were some rough times, too, and the blog provided an outlet for me to vent (when my hubby was tired of listening!). 

I bring up my reason for writing this blog because I am very humbled to have been nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award by an incredible blogger, Patty.  I did not imagine my blog being noticed by fellow bloggers, and I appreciate Patty’s shout out to me.  Patty is a mom who heads up the blog Discover and Devour.  Patty writes about the trials and tribulations with her son who is fairly new to this world – born in 2011.  She focuses on child development, particularly literacy and language.  She has great book reviews and information on literacy. Check her out!

The Rules of Acceptance:

  1. Thank the person/people who nominated you and link back to them in your post.
  2. Share seven possibly unknown things about yourself.
  3. Nominate fifteen or so bloggers you admire.
  4. Contact the chosen bloggers to let them know and link back to them

Seven Things You May Not Know About Me:
1. I could not get enough of the Brady Bunch when I was little and would sob if I missed one episode.

2. I am addicted to running and listening to NPR.

3. I bike to work in a dress and gym shoes.

4. I adore UDF chocolate chip peanut butter ice cream with hot fudge topping, whipped cream and a cherry on top.

5. I could listen to Michael Jackson songs all day long (especially Off The Wall songs).

6. I love to see people smile.

7. I would love to meet Shirley MacLaine but may faint before I actually got to speak to her!

I nominate the following bloggers for the One Lovely Blog Award:

KeepMoving4wd

Ms. Jolly Blogger

Finding Red Fern

The Ordinary Adventures of Javier Antonio

Memyselfandkids

Posa Tigres

iGameMom

this man’s journey

changed by change

Partyin’ with potato salad

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Jon took over the kitchen Sunday morning; there was no stopping the man.  When Mario and I got home from our run, we found him hunched over peeling potatoes into a glass bowl.  He had spices out, jars open, and utensils scattered.  It was quite a breath-taking (and rather attractive) sight.  Patty gave him the recipes to her potato salad and her baked beans, and he would not let anyone else see them or work on them.  Once he decides to cook, everyone else must scatter away from his kitchen space.  After tasting his potato salad, I am happy to give him all the space he needs.  He is a heck of a cook.  That is how he wowed me when we were dating – he’d bring me soup while I studied for the bar.

Maria and Mario and I cleaned rooms and the kitchen, and got ready for Gracie to come over.  Maria loves to babysit that girl but Maria is a tough bird.  Gracie does something bad and Maria says “Grace Ann Wells! You should not do that!”  She is everything I am not!  Discipline, structure….  god help her children.  Grace arrived at 1 pm, and yelled “Aunt Mary!”  She was glued to my hip the rest of the day except when she took a two-hour nap in the middle of the afternoon.  Maria read her The Fly Guy before her nap and when we all left the room, she babbled for fifteen minutes and then fell asleep.  That is a foreign occurrence for Jon and me.  We would have to rock M&M to sleep, rub their backs for 20 minutes, lay with them, you name it.  All of those hurdles before any sleep would occur.  And then, 9 times out of ten, they’d be up within a half an hour anyway.  So Grace is a piece of cake. 

While the gals napped, Mario played Ben Ten games on the computer.  He had his Cheez-Its next to his side as he intently concentrated on his next move.  His concentration allowed me to get the house decorated for Maggie Jean’s party.  Of course, I had felt that we had it all under control the night before but then inevitably, the day of, I find myself scrambling to get everything together.  Maggie, our graduate, arrived to the house at 4 pm after sitting in 90 degree heat for four hours.  Julie and Liz were with her – Liz having sat through graduation on Friday in Cincinnati.  We broke out the celebratory beer and chips and dip, and let the party begin!  Maria was instantly mesmerized with Maggie’s friends Sarah and Annie.  Mario acted silly with Maggie’s dad, Denny.  Gracie stayed on my hip the entire afternoon, which I loved.  Liz kept telling me to put her down but I just couldn’t do it.  She was so happy hanging out with me that I had to soak in the love. 

My aunt Terrie and aunt Ann arrived a little later.  They had not seen the house since we bought it.  They each brought me a house-warming gift from Pottery Barn (high-class aunts, I will say…), and gave accolades galore about the house.  So sweet.  I was so excited that they came up to Columbus because I don’t get to see them often.  Terrie is in Marietta, Georgia with her hubby and three boys and Ann is in Washington DC and Dubai with her job and beau.  When I was little, Terrie and Julie used to invite me over to their apartment on the West side of Cincy for sleep overs and I remember listening to slow sappy 70’s love songs on the radio.  Time with them was a treat – hanging with the older girls.  Ann is only a year and a half older than me (the youngest of eight) and I looked up to her like a big sis.  She was into serious heavy rock when she was in high school and I used to just sit in her room and watch her get dressed to go out as she banged her head to Motley Crue.  And now here we all were standing my kitchen as adults.   Life is strange. 

At one point in the evening, we brought out Dairy Queen cake for Maggie.  We were all joking about what to sing to her, what the cake said, etc. and I all of a sudden felt a rush of gratitude and joy for having the day with my aunts and cousins.  I just wanted to lean over the table and smooch ’em all on the lips but I figured that may not have come off as I would have planned so I just smiled at them all and lit the candle for Maggie to blow out.  After cake, Julie and Terrie helped me figure out the weeds versus plants in the garden.  I have a lot of weeds but weeds look like plants to me; in fact, I think I am prone to liking weeds more than plants and flowers.  They are tough cookies – not dying for anything and growing back even stronger than before.  There is something you have to respect in the weed.  But we pulled ’em out nonetheless.  We would have been out there all night if Jon wouldn ‘t have announced that there is poison ivy in the garden.  That blasted Ter and Jul out of the garden and into the bathroom to wash off.  I would have felt like a total heel if they had gotten poison ivy.  

The aunts left a while later – all three of them heading to Starbucks to get a coffee for the road.  Little do they know how much I think of them and appreciate their generosity in traveling up north to see me.  And Julie constantly opening her house to me and the kids when we are in Cincy.  It is a rare gift to receive.  With their departure, we just had Maggie and her friends left at the house.  Maria and Mario were in heaven – Mario danced to I’m Sexy and I Know It and played ball with the boys, and Maria brushed the boys’ hair so that they could “pick up rich girls.” I am sure they were wondering what they had done to deserve a night at our house. 

Everyone hit the road around 9:30 and the kids hit the sack pretty quickly.  I got to watch my HBO show, Girls, and eat the rest of the DQ ice cream cake.  What a great life.

Pushing away

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Maria refuses to come home.  She has been in Cincinnati since Friday morning when Maggie drove her down.  Just six months ago, she would have cried for her mama after one night.  Now, she tells me to stay in Columbus and not come get her.  I can see why – she is getting pedicures and manicures from Aunt Ann, time to babysit Gracie, trips to garage sales with Aunt Julie and Terrie, and attention from her grandma and all of her cousins and other aunts.  Columbus cannot compete.

It is yet another step towards independence just like her desire to ride her bike up the street all by herself.  I remember dreaming about this type of independence when she was two and a half-years old throwing her binky at me one minute and pulling on me to hold her the next.  But now it doesn’t feel quite right.  She seems too young to be moving in this direction.  I want that two and a half-year old back even if I have to take a binky in the forehead. 

Hanging with Maggie for 3 days straight!Ahh, but in thinking harder about it, I guess I don’t.  I guess I just want the affection back, and the desire to take refuge in my arms.  Intellectually, I know that how she is acting is healthy and a sign of confidence.  I remember reading an article a while back that talked about kids’ confidence levels.  A study had shown that kids who feel comfortable holding their ground with their parents (e.g., parent wants to leave but kid says she doesn’t want to leave) are typically more self-confident because their parents have given them the opportunity to not be fearful in standing their ground (now, there obviously comes a point where this self-confidence leads to bratty and obnoxious behavior and I am sure the study went on to find those kids are now occupying positions in Congress).  I think of this study when Maria acts this way to me, and chant in my head “I have made her a self-confident girl…I have made her a self-confident girl….” 

I wonder if I will feel as strongly when Mario begins to push away?  Or is it just a mother/daughter phenomena?  I harbor dreams of Maria changing this world in some way that suits her – I’d love if her suit involves curing cancer, feeding the poor, saving the environment.  But she can’t stay snuggled under her mother’s bosom and achieve any of those aforementioned feats or others.  I have the same dreams for Mario and can only assume, since he is glued to my hip, that I will feel much the same way when he decides to unravel the tie that binds us.  Maybe this process with Ri will lessen the sting a bit with Mario.  Or maybe it will be a different set of feelings that onset with that little guy.  I should have another couple of years before I find that out.

Thank you, bike.

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How awesome is it to watch your first-born ride her bike confidently down the road? 

So Awesome!

Mario rode in the bike seat on my bike while Maria rode her bike ahead of us.  Maria mesmerized me as she experimented with taking one hand off the handlebar, lifting her butt off the seat, zig-zagging her bike along the sidewalk.  Wasn’t it just yesterday that she was scared to have me let go of the handlebars, and now she is a biking machine,.  I love it.  She led us all they way to Upper Arlington to play at a new park.  A cool little park with a stream and a climbing wall and fun obstacles.  When we were heading out, Mario complained that he didn’t want to leave.  She turned around and said jokingly “I knew you would be complainin’ about leaving!”  She was clearly proud that she led us to the park, and enjoying her new-found activity of biking.  We took the long way home – past all of the outdoor restaurants and shops – and she lifted her head up high as she passed the crowds.  I could feel her self-confidence even as Mario and I rode 20 feet behind her.     

Thank you, bike.