Finally! A no travel weekend

August 19, 2014Leave a comment

We had no plans to travel this weekend. I don’t believe that has happened for three months. Ms. Elena has a lot to do with that predicament. Ri and I can barely go a week without heading to the farm to see her.

We’ve also had Cincy pool parties, Big Mario’s pig roast, farm family reunions, vacation. You name it, we did it this Summer. So it was heavenly to stay put this weekend.
Maria had a Strings picnic on Saturday afternoon. I thought it was just a gathering outside the middle school to play on the swings and jungle gym and get to know fellow String players. I had Joanne pick up Ri so I could finish cleaning and told Ri I’d meet up with her at 1 (the picnic was 12-2). Mario and I walked up at 1. I should say that Mario started out in the stroller but then walked as soon as we spotted his football coach. He had not wanted the stroller to begin with but we were in a hurry and he wanted to eat lunch so he couldn’t bike. He even told me as he hopped in “I can’t let anyone see me in this because it’s embarrassing.” So when we spotted Coach Jim and his family a block ahead of us, he leaped out of his seat and walked ahead of me. What a trip.
We arrived at Edison to find no one outside. We learned the picnic was inside and all the kids, including Ri, were sitting in rows with their instruments. I guess this is a musician’s idea of a picnic… The 4th graders plucked away as they tried to follow the notes on the page. The 5-7 graders played with their bows. They actually sounded pretty good. Ri and her two girlfriends looked a bit overwhelmed but they hung in with the rest of them.
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Afterwards, I asked Ri what she thought. She confirmed she was overwhelmed and that her fingers were sore from plucking. I began to feel the “I want to give up” cloud moving in and promptly blew it away. “You are just starting. You will only get better. You need to hang in there.” She nodded and continued walking.
When we got home, she immediately placed her violin case on the table and took it out. She began to pluck after she wrote down a line of D’s, A’s and G’s. She did this off and on all weekend, and loved playing a “concert” for Jon and Mario and me. Hopefully, this enthusiasm will remain.
Mario enjoyed hanging with his boy, Quinn over the weekend and swimming with his friends Zachary and Owen. He always wants to be with his friends or on his iPad so when we say no to iPad, we know he will ask to play with a friend. Quinn is always first on the list. But Saturday, Quinn was busy so Mario met Zachary and Owen to swim and play at Zachary’s house. Dressing up and drinking lots of juice was involved.
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Ri and Sophie and I took Rocco for a walk to Grandview Ave. around dinner time. Why is it that we always and up with Jeni’s ice cream for dinner when we do that?!
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Mario and I played Yahtzee when we got home while Ri played violin. He and I had an epic battle – two competitive souls fighting for a Yahtzee. Neither of us got one but he made it up top so he beat me by 35 points. He loved that.
On Sunday, Jon and I were treated to an anniversary breakfast in bed by M&M. Mario kept running into our room to see if we were sleeping until finally he pleaded for us to get up at 8 am (yea, they were up before 7). He brought us two coffees and me a Powerade. He knows his mama. Ri brought up two plates holding two over easy eggs and a waffle. They made us eat all the food as they watched us (the eggs may have needed cooked a bit longer). We told them that the best things to came from our marriage were them munchballs.

After breakfast, we cleaned Ri’s room – I swear we had two garbage bags of stuff to either throw away or give away and yet her room was still cluttered as can be. Mario would not allow his room to be clawed over for old toys and trash. He neatly piled all his junk in his drawers or bins and called it a day.
I did get the kids to take Rocco to the woods with me. Rocco has finally come to terms with the kids climbing up the tree. He used to bark and jump up on the tree to get them.
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Mario got his wish come true the rest of Sunday. He got to play with Quinn all day. Ri got to play with Sophie, too. It’s been such a long time since we had an entire day to spend just relaxing with friends. Jon and I spent the day gazing into each others’ eyes still mesmerized by each other 12 years after we said our vows to one another. Actually I got a massage and he got palettes for Ri’s broken bed frame but we did swipe smiles at one another as we walked out the door. >

Love is in the air (along with a photo booth!)

August 5, 2014August 5, 2014Leave a comment

A cousin wrote on Facebook that she’s amazed at the number of people who have never been to a wedding. After all, she’s been to 16. It got me thinking of the reception that we went to on Saturday night near Toledo.
Jon and I had been so brain dead since our Great Wolf Lodge trip that we had not watched the news in two days. It ends up that Toledo had a water problem caused by algae and people were driving 60 miles south to stock up on bottled water. The reception was almost canceled because they did not know if they could get enough water or make the food for the 200+ guests. That would have been a perfect end to our vacation week – drive 2.5 hours to arrive at an empty reception hall.
Ri got dropped off from her Cedar Point trip at 2 pm on Saturday afternoon. She and her friend Evie rode roller coasters and got henna tattoos and swam at the hotel pool in Sandusky. She loved it. Evie’s mom is a machine for taking them and her son and his friends up there (they left at 6 am on Friday morning!).

We got our RedBox movies, activity books, markers, food (snacks are a necessity for any trip greater than 10 miles), and sweatshirts (the kids always complain about the AC on the way home) and we were off. Jon and I were pleasantly surprised that the trip only took a little over 2 hours. However, that meant we were the first ones at the hotel reception hall. We had to forego the wedding ceremony (much to Ri’s dismay) because Ri got home too late from Cedar Point. We wandered around the lobby until some other guests arrived. We knew no one. Megan and David (the married couple) were both our babysitters throughout the last four years. We found Megan in 2011 – she watched the kids after school and during the Summer and David took over in 2012 until this summer when he got an internship. Ri idolized Megan. Megan taught her to ride a bike with no training wheels and jump off the diving boards at the pool. Mario idolized David. He taught him how to shoot a basketball and throw a football. They were both great with the kids and I’m sure Ri and Mario will always remember them as they get older.
The Smith family finally arrived. Karen and Adam went to law school with me and have five girls. Karen introduced me to Megan because Megan’s sister babysits the Smith girls. Yea, Jon and I had some adults we knew and could talk to as we waited for the reception hall to open. Ri roamed around grabbing broccoli and dip from the appetizer stations and Mario hung outside waiting patiently for David to drive up. And finally they arrived!
Mario began to run out to greet David. Maria was appalled. “Mom! You can’t let him go out there!” She is definitely the adult in the group. I allowed Mario to give him a hug and then made him come right back inside to appease Ri.
And then the traditional wedding reception activities flowed just like at the many other receptions I’ve been to through the years. Megan and David ran into the ballroom hoopin’ and hollerin’. The DJ played “Let’s get Ready to Rumble” as they ran in – Mario found that so cool. Megan’s dad made a toast and the maid of honor and best man followed. We ate. We cut the cake. We watched the bouquet toss, which Ri viewed intensely (they made the eligibility 18 years and up which bummed her out). We watched the removal of the garter – David had to start from the back of the room and impress Megan enough to take off the garter. He unbuttoned his vest and his shirt as he swayed smoothly towards Megan. They played stripper music. It was hilarious. Mario had his hands over his mouth in glee. And when David went under her dress for the garter, Mario slapped his knees in awe and laughed hysterically. What he’s learning….
Then we had cake and Mario danced to one of those traditional wedding songs where you all have to move to the left and right and shake….
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Meanwhile, Ri found the photo booth in the corner of the ballroom, and proceeded to throw on ridiculous props and get her picture taken. Mario caught hold of it, too, and that was the end of any other activity. They begged Jon to do it with them, too, and he let down his guard and went for it.
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Meanwhile, I ate a second piece of chocolate cake and watched Megan jamming it out on the dance floor. I thought back to my wedding day with Jon and remembered how we engaged in the the same activities that Megan and David did on our day (except I may have been a bit more animated and tipsy…). And how my cousins all sat there on the edge of the dance floor watching Jon and I’s first dance just like Ri and Mario watched Megan and David’s first dance. Weddings are magical, especially to kids.
Jon and I were exhausted as we drove home at 10:30 pm. But we were glad we bit the bullet and made it to the celebration. Megan and David deserved our love and support and they gave more than they know to Ri and Mario that night. After witnessing all the fun and love at the reception and receiving hugs and kisses from Megan and David, M&M left the ball room with first-hand knowledge that life is beautiful and full of joy and not to be taken too seriously.

He will be just fine

July 25, 2014July 25, 2014Leave a comment

I’ve been beating myself up all week.

Right blow.
Left blow.
Uppercut.

Mario experienced his first Boy Scout camp this week. It’s been a bit of a fiasco since we learned three days before camp that an adult needed to be with him at all times during the 8 am to 4 pm camp. Rack on another “crappy parent” notch to our belts since Jon and I could not take the entire week off to attend camp with him. That’s immediately how I looked at the situation. Jon is a little easier on us. His viewpoint is that we are working parents and we can’t do everything with our kids – we have a sitter that can do these things when we can’t. Real simple. I wish I could steal that gene that doesn’t harp on guilt.
But the problem arose that our sitter also has a two year old son who she tends to through the day along with Ri and Mario. Could we really expect her son to be good and stay by her side for 8 hours while she tended to Mario at camp? I spent the weekend trying to figure a way I could take off a day or two and Jon did the same. I also prepped our sitter about what may be in store for her and asked her to see if her parents could watch her son. I also convinced myself that Mario would probably dislike it any way and not want to go after Monday.

He loved it on Monday.

Jon was able to take him Monday morning, get him registered and acclimated and see him through some initial stations. Mario loved having him there. Our sitter arrived around 10:30 am and relieved him. Mario begged Jon to stay. He did not want our sitter’s son to stay (he’s been having a rough time with our sitter’s son all summer – it’s tough to go from being the youngest in the house to the middle child). But they survived until 4 pm. And he told me all the fun he had that night.
“But can you or dad stay all day tomorrow?”
Of course, the last two weeks have been reasonably calm and I could have gone in late to take Mario to camp. But this week was ridiculous with emergency matters left and right. I talked to Jon – who had to leave town at 5:30 pm Tuesday night – to see if he could take him again on Tuesday. He moved mountains but was able to do it. Mario was so happy. Jon stayed with him until lunch time. Our sitter relieved him at noon and that allowed her to only have to balance her son and Mario for four hours. A small victory. I had hoped to go out on Tuesday afternoon but could not break away from the chaos. It ate me up and pissed me off and I swore I’d get there Wednesday.
I pressured our sitter to find someone to watch her son on Wednesday so that she could be alone with Mario and give him complete attention. She was able to do so, which gave me a little sigh of relief. But I couldn’t make it over to the camp on Wednesday either due to the work madness. I didn’t get home until close to 11 pm that night and I stood at the kitchen counter eating ice cream from the package and staring off into space. I was tired and irritated and missing my kiddos. I walked upstairs to find Ri sprawled out on her bed like a teenager. I jumped on her and bear hugged her and kissed her cheeks and she laid as still as a sweet baby doll. I whispered a goodnight to Mario (who was staying with Patty) and went to bed.
Patty, aka our savior, took Mario to camp Thursday and Friday. What a godsend it was to me – to have peace of mind that he would be with her all day. She is close, if not at, the same level as Jon and I in Mario’s eyes. So he was in heaven at the thought of her attending.
But he did call me and ask if I could try to come so that I could watch him doing activities. That’s it, I thought, I gotta get up there if only for an hour. I struggled to get work done and got some help from my colleague in order to take off at 1 pm and head up to see Mario. I made sure to capture the look on his face as he walked up the path to greet me – pure joy and excitement. Damn, it feels good to be loved that intensely. I made it just in time to creek walk with him. Grandma joined, too. We learned about water creatures and clay rocks and crawfish. It was a wonderful time.

Mario held my hand and walked with me. He gave me kisses. He laughed. It was well worth the effort to get out there.
In the end, all my worry and angst was unnecessary. I couldn’t see that in the moment but after a Mama Mimi’s pizza and some UDF ice cream on Friday night, I could see that 15 years from now, whether our sitter went with him or I went with him, he would turn out fine.
I continue to face the fact that I cannot “have it all.” I cannot always be with the kids when I want. I can’t always produce the most stellar work. Life gets in the way. Emergencies arise. Appointments arise.

When I give myself the space to accept that, life looks pretty good.

I work in a fairly flexible job. Some weeks are insane and some are slow. I get a lot of kid time when weeks are slow. Unfortunately, Mario’s Boy Scout camp was during an insane one. But I tried my hardest to take care of Mario by getting my sitter to go without her son, by working with Jon to flex his schedule, by asking Patty to go a couple of days, and by finding the most opportune time to get out and see him myself.

I shouldn’t be beating myself up, I should be hugging myself.

I think in the end, it is the knowledge that you are loved that helps a kid blossom. Mario feels love from all directions – parents, sitters, grandparents. He will be just fine. And I will, too.
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Rocco turns one!

July 24, 2014Leave a comment

Maria has been dying to host a birthday party for Rocco who turned 1 on July 19. We sat at Stauf’s on Sunday and looked at dog party ideas on Pintrest. At one point she found a dog party company that “brings magic shows to dogs in your own home.” She was cracking up at the thought. I swear the girl could be my 40 year old girlfriend with the way she makes fun of these things with me. She’s a nut.

We ended up buying a ton of doggy bakery treats and tennis balls to stuff in doggy bags for Rocco’s guests.
Tuesday was an insane work day. The party was slotted for 7 pm. It ended up that only one other puppy friend could make the party. Poor Rocco had to feel deflated….
Maria and her friend Kathryn worked tirelessly after Girl Scout camp to put together decorations and create party games. I got home right at 7 pm to find a table decorated on the deck with dog treats and streamers. They had a pin the tail on the dog game set up. Precious. Kathryn’s mom arrived with Hannah, a golden doodle pup. Rocco was his clumsy, goofy self hopping on Hannah and sniffing all over her. But she sang happy birthday with us and she made Rocco happy.
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After the pups went to town on dog treats and cupcakes, the humans got to play games and win prizes. Mario won pin the tail on the dog.
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He graciously allowed Elizabeth and I to have the prizes – lotion and nail polish. We then played a guessing game and called it a night. It was 8 pm by that time and I was exhausted after a long work day. Besides, I believe Rocco had been fed a doggy cupcake, three large bones and at least ten other treats by 8 pm and he was starting to look bloated. I should have been prepared for a night up with the pup when I looked at him that moment, but I was too exhausted to notice. I got the kids in the shower and prepared camp lunches. We all hit the sack at 10 pm. At 1 am, I heard Rocco whining. And so it started. Just like when the kids were babies, I was up every hour letting him outside to expel all of the treats from his stomach. I was a zombie when the kids came into my room at 6:20 am, and drank two energy shots to try to look alive through the day. The kids, on the other hand, sprang down stairs and were ready to roll out another day of camp. Even Rocco was running around like a crazy pup by morning time. So, birthday number 1 was a success. Rocco gorged himself. Mario won the games. Maria was very proud. And mom, as tired as I was, loved seeing everyone happy.
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Chill Sunday

July 21, 2014July 21, 2014Leave a comment

Sunday morning Monopoly.

Not Sunday morning run.
Not Sunday morning yoga.
Not Sunday morning gym time.
It is hard for me to sit still. I blame this whole-heartedly on both the Menkedick and Heile sides of the family. My dad never stops. My mom is always walking. My grandmas on both sides worked and played voraciously. My Grandma Heile was mowing the grass in her 80s and my Grandma Menkedick was taking walking tours in hers. And so when I wake up, I’m ready to go go go.
But Sunday morning, I walked down the stairs to find myself being embraced in a full body hug by Mario.
“Let’s wrestle!”
Maria, he and I went at it rolling around the family room and tossing each other from one end to the other. It ended ten minutes later with Ri getting hurt; Mario slammed her earring into the back of her head. She cried for a second and then shot up on her feet and demanded: “let’s play monopoly!”
I hesitated.
It was 9 am and there was a yoga class at 10 am downtown. They rushed around the room trying to find the Monopoly game.
“I found it!” Mario exclaimed as he ran into the kitchen and knocked into Ri. She turned around and hugged him screaming “you are the man, Mario!”
They both turned to me and matter-of-factly said “ok, mom, you are the banker, let’s get started!”
How could I resist those sweet faces?
They are my trainers. They are making me work on chilling the heck out. They will make me plant my butt in the chair and remain seated for longer than two minutes. They will make me see what a gift it is to stay still and be fully present with them.
Mario rolled a ten and landed on a railroad.
“Yes! You will owe me $25 if you land on this railroad.”
Nothing like promoting his love of money by playing a game of Monopoly.
Ri has a bit more strategic thinking in her play – she goes straight after Park Place and Broadway.
After about 20 minutes of playing, it wasn’t me that stood up antsy. Ri and Mario both got up in search of food. We decided on chocolate chip pancakes. I prepared the batter and Ri and I flipped the cakes. Meanwhile, we continued to play the game. While the kiddos may have taught me to chill, they have not taught me to stop multi-tasking!
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My muscle

July 20, 2014July 21, 2014Leave a comment

My girl is a muscle.

When I asked her to help me with the groceries, she grabbed one bag and then demanded that I “load ’em on!” She slung five bags on each arm and started towards the door. She panted it out and nearly made it (I had to take two at the end).
When Ri was in preschool, she was friends with a teeny weeny little girl names Bell. They were nearly the same age but Bell maybe weighed 35 pounds wet. Ri, on the other hand, weighed in around 70. She is, and always has been, thick and strong – just like her daddy. When other kids would mess with Bell, she’d get in between them and protect Bell with all she had. Bell’s parents loved it and when Ri showed up at Bell’s birthday party, Bell’s dad exclaimed “There’s the muscle!”

It has stuck with her ever since for very good reason….

Leave! Ok, now come back…

July 18, 2014Leave a comment

The kids and I drove out to the farm on Tuesday afternoon to sneak a peek of Ms. Elena. We can only handle a week away from that pumpkin before we go nuts. She did not disappoint. Wide-eyed and engaged. We got to even dress her up in ladybug shoes and a barrette!

Ri could seriously spend every waking moment holding her. She situates herself down on the rocking chair and she rocks that baby just like Grandma Heile.
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Uncle Jack is staying at the farm, too, until he heads to Sweden in September. So the kids have triple the fun between Aunt Sarah and Uncle Jorge and Uncle Jack. That combo did the trick for me when I got ready to leave Tuesday night and head home. I knew Ri wanted to stay through Friday because she would live at the farm if possible. But Mario usually wants to return home with his mama. However, this night, he gave me a hug and told me he’d stay as long as he had his blue blankie (his new comfort item). It helped that as I was leaving, the crew was getting ready for a corn hole competition. Mario will stay for anything competitive.
And so I drove home with only my pup in the back seat. I looked out my windshield and witnessed a gorgeous rose and orange sunset and began to say “look guys, look at the sunset” but I caught myself. They weren’t back there.
I arrived home and only had to unload Rocco. One trip. I usually have at least three between carrying each kid to their bedroom and carrying the 20 bags we bring for just one day trip.
It was 9:20. Maybe I could watch a movie? I never get to watch movies when the kids are home because they don’t go to bed until 10 and there is no way I can manage a midnight bedtime. I flipped through the channels. Nothing struck me. I ended up half-watching Veep and reading the New York Times. I was snuggled in bed by 10:30.
The next morning I expected a call from Mario begging for me to pick him up.
Nothing.
I worked all day going in and out of thoughts of the kids and wondering what they were doing. By the end of the workday, I figured all was well and that there would be no need to pick Mario up that night.
I biked home, walked Rocco, and took a SOS class with some girlfriends. I haven’t done that since law school.
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I felt good after the class. I walked in the front door drenched in sweat and ready to gab it up about how tough the class was for me. But no one was there. Jon was in England so fast asleep. The kids were probably finding eggs in the chicken coop. So I told Rocco all about it on our walk.
The night played out pretty closely to Tuesday night. I sat down with my lasagna and ice cream (hey, I deserved it after that class!), flipped through the channels for 15 minutes, turned on Veep, and caught up on Facebook. I crawled into bed at 10:45.
Thursday morning arrived and I thought surely Mario would call crying for me to get him.
Nothing.
I went through my day thinking of them at random times. 5 pm hit and still no call. Ok, then, I guess I’ll hit another class. Yoga boot camp this time. I biked home exhausted. I opened the front door to silence. No kids running towards me and screaming “Mom!” No fighting. No hitting. But also no hugs or kisses. No blue eyes staring up at me.
I did have brown ones though. Rocco greeted me with licks and kisses and I lapped them up. We took a long walk to the pet store and walked past Jeni’s. I could hear Ri’s pleas in my head to stop for ice cream. We walked past the flower shop and saw the black cat in the window and I could see Mario’s finger pointing at it and his exuberant smile.
Rocco and I got home at 8:30. I began some yard work and decided to call my parents to check in. Mario answered.
“Hellllllooooo, mother!” He was giggling over something happening in the room. He handed the phone directly over to Meg without saying anything more. Meg reported they were doing well and having fun. We discussed a time for my sitter to meet them Friday morning and hung up.
I felt relieved that they were doing so well at the farm. Mario’s had a rough time missing me when he goes out there and it seems like he had much less trouble this time around but dang, he could have at least told me he loved me….
I did a bit more yard work and then went inside to more lasagna, ice cream and Modern Family (needed a break from Veep). The tv provided background noise as I read my sister’s piece in Paris Review and a few other articles. How quiet the house was when I turned off the tv and shut off the computer at 10:30. I walked up the stairs and past Mario’s room. His door was shut and piece of paper was taped on it with the words “keep out.” I looked into Ri’s room and saw her baby lying on the floor with random Barbie accessories lying around.
I missed them and all their quirks.
“They come home tomorrow,” I thought to myself as I took off my eyeliner and splashed water on my face. I fell into the bed and slept straight through to morning. I woke up excited. My babies are coming home today.
It’s so strange how I can dream of a few days alone for months and months and then I get it and I dream of seeing my babes again. I was amazed at how much time I had over the last two days. I thought back to being child-less and how busy I thought I was those days.
Workout, go to work, walk the dog, get dinner, go to bed. Where does the time go, I’d think to myself after a weekend with Jon.
Now I look at me – juggling work, Girl Scouts meetings, school volunteer activities, football, softball, homework, family events, working out, walking the dog, reading, cleaning the house, folding laundry, giving baths, arranging play dates, playing games, wrestling, making dinner…. That’s busy, baby.
And overwhelming at times.
Hence why these small breaks are wonderful.
But they certainly reinforce how grateful I am to have these two kiddos in my life. And Jon. And family. They are my joy and they bring richness and depth to my life. Jon and I made a fine choice in bringing M&M into the world.
When I left work Friday, I felt butterflies biking home to see them. Butterflies?! How many times in the last month have I wanted to scream at them or pull my hair out over their tantrums? Yet I have butterflies in my stomach in anticipation of seeing them tonight? Whoever or whatever is responsible for creating this indelible bond between parent and child should be commended.
Those hugs from M&M when I jumped off my bike to greet them were like pumpkin pies with loads of whipped cream – comforting and filling and long-awaited goodness.
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Sweet nutball

July 17, 2014July 17, 2014Leave a comment

My boy has to be part monkey
He hangs from bars and shimmies up trees
He climbs up poles and then jumps down
In addition to being part monkey, he’s gotta be part clown.

He loves his pup and protects him well
If we forget his collar, he will yell
He teaches Rocco tricks and gives him treats
And he is proud to walk him up and down our street.

He loves to hang out with the boys
Wrestling, fighting, and playing games
He calls his friends “dudes”
And they all think girls are so lame.

He could eat 10 donuts in one sitting
Sugar and he are real tight
If he could head to Giant Eagle for breakfast each morning
He would think his mom was outta sight!

Mario is very particular about his clothing and shoes
And will take an hour to find the right hues
He likes to look cool and if he’s not feeling it
He will change yet again to a more tighter fit.
He shows off his muscles
And shows off his speed
And wants to hear accolades for all of his deeds.

His sister adores him and he makes her laugh
He tries to coach her in all sports much to her dismay
but he also lets her hug him and he always gets his way.

He is a total nut
And adores the spotlight
He does anything to get folks laughing
Be it making funny faces or dancing with all his might.

His best days ever are ones spent with his dad
Whether it’s hunting or fishing or playing football
He bursts with joy when Jon comes around
A number one dad he has found.

His mom makes him read
Which really gets him mad
But she also wrestles him and hugs him when he’s sad
She let’s him run with her in the early hours
And snag a breakfast donut, which he promptly devours.

He loves all his grandparents but Grandma Ionno he holds dear
She’s spoiled him and watched him for his entire 6 years
He snuggles with her and stays with her for days
And she always always always let’s him get his way.

Football is his favorite sport
He can’t wait to wear pads this season
He thinks he’s gonna play pro soon
And make a million for some reason.

Yet as crazy and zany as our Mario is
He’s a hundred times more sweeter and quite a whiz.
He loves to take care and give big hugs
On all of our heart strings he does constantly tug.

We love you, Mario ba Bario!

Life is messy

July 14, 20144 Comments

Yesterday, I sat on the edge of the bathtub reading Alya and Zeno to Ri as she brushed her teeth. Then I made her sit next to me to read the next page. We traded pages back and forth until the end of the chapter. One more down. She ran off to play with her friend as soon as I closed the book.
That’s how it typically rolls.
I used to have idyllic thoughts of Ri and I cuddling on the couch reading Little Women together and discussing what we read after each chapter.

Ri hates Little Women.
Ri hates to take time out from playing to read.

That’s reality. Face it, Mary.

After many months fighting it and fighting Ri to enjoy it (“Damnit, Ri, you have to enjoy reading this book with your mom because I said so!”), I’ve come to terms with reality.
Ri is going to fight tooth and nail to avoid reading. She is going to moan when I make her sit down and do it. She is not going to pick Little Women or Little a House on the Prairie as her book choices.

That is ok.

Life is messy and imperfect. Kids tend to not have your idealized version of a day well spent. They would rather sit on an iPad playing Minecraft or Animal Farm all day than do multiplication tables. I was there at one time, too.

Remember that, Mary.

When we do read together, Ri’s pleasant. She reads the words with inflection and tone. She even listens when I read to her. She engages with me afterwards when I ask her what she thought of the chapter (but that is with much less excitement and one leg out the door).
So I have learned to temper my desires and live with what I got right now. A messy, sighing, exasperated process whereby I have to initiate reading with my daughter and see her tapping her leg waiting for the last page of the chapter to arrive. And that’s ok. Because she’s reading and learning and pronouncing more words correctly even if it’s killing her. After all, how many nights did I sit up with my dad and yell at him for making me do my algebra problem over and over until it was correct? But now I’ve got perseverance and can add up grocery items in my head to know if I’ve reached $50 so I can use my $5 off coupon. The benefits come through eventually. It’s just as a parent it can get difficult to see up ahead. You get caught in the yelling and whining and you think “is it even worth it?”

But then you breathe.

And catch your daughter reading alone (albeit a People magazine).

And you remember how you were and where you are today.

And you keep plugging away at it – through the mess and tantrums – to arrive at another chapter accomplished.

We lost – get over it.

July 11, 2014Leave a comment

My girls lost their tournament game last night by an unspectacular score of 3-0. They were not hitting anything and our pitching could have been stronger. The bottom line – the other team was more “on” then we were for the hour and a half we played. Oh well, you win some and lose some, right? WRONG!
I was so bummed for my girls. The night before I had been anxious about the game and had nightmares about forfeiting it. How ridiculous. A half hour prior to the game, I had the girls throw and hit to prepare. I got them all revved up and put black ink under their eyes.
We got up to bat and my three best hitters struck out. 1-2-3. Are you kidding? Then my best pitcher went out on the mound and threw balls. The other team was well aware she was off and the girls just waited for a walk. Nonetheless, the first two innings our infield made spectacular double plays and kept the score 0-0. But we had one bad inning in the third – combo pitching and infield errors – that allowed three runs to score on us. And that did us in for the season. We could not get ourselves on base to save our lives. The girls just did not have their game on the way we needed to beat the other team. And that happens and it is ok, right? WRONG!
I lined up the girls after the last out and counseled them to congratulate the Giants and be proud of what they accomplished this year. Inside, I was churning though. After we shook hands, we circled up and I told the girls how proud I was of them; how they’d grown; how they’d come together as a team. They were dejected, and I was too. But I kept the mood upbeat and did not show it. We put our hands in the circle and chanted 1-2-3 “Go Reds!” one last time. One of my assistant coaches said “let’s also do a cheer for the Giants in order to be good sports.” The girls cringed. I followed up and demanded it was the right thing to do. Hands in the middle. 1-2-3 “Good game Giants!” we all cheered. And then the girls dispersed. Parents left. And I cleaned up bubble gum wrappers and sunflower seed kernels. I felt like I hadn’t done enough.
What is this perfectionist gene I got stuck with and why can’t I ship it off to never never land? Somehow my mind warps an excellent season with my third and fourth grade girls’ softball players to a lame one. The parents are probably mad that I didn’t coach better. The girls are going to be in a state of ruin because they didn’t get trophies. I should have worked harder at throwing and catching with them. Stop brain. Just stop. Do these gals pictured below seem dejected?!
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Loosen up on the control, Mary. You can’t mold the future and what it will bring. You can’t do anything about a girl striking out or a missed catch. Life can suck sometimes and you don’t always get what you want. Life is messy and imperfect, girls, but you keep moving forward. It doesn’t help being a control freak and a bit OCD about needing everything to go perfectly but the game provided yet another teaching opportunity to me that things aren’t perfect and I can’t make them so. And DQ helped lessen the pain a bit, too….
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And so we all move on to a new season in 2015, and embrace the great memories we have from this 2014 season, right?
RIGHT!>

"MOM!"

Adventures in the Life of a Working Mama

Tag: Life