Tag: Maria

Subway Adventure

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Maria on her third b-day enjoying cupcakes at daycare.

Maria got out of school early yesterday (at 11:30). Jon and I are still not used to this kindergarten deal where kids get out of school early, don’t have school during the middle of the week, get two weeks off for vacation.  Don’t these schools know that we rely on them to be babysitters for our children while we work our 9-5 jobs?  We are still in denial that she is going to be off all summer.  We keep waiting and hoping that some pixie dust will create a summer babysitter for Maria – we are the worst procrastinators.  Thankfully, we don’t have to worry about Mario because he is still in a daycare that takes care of us working parents by staying open until 6 pm.  

Jon and I realized on Thursday afternoon that Maria was off early.  Typical last-minute realization.  Therefore, we decided to do split shifts: I picked her up from school and he watched her later in the day.   Before school I had told her that I would take her to lunch so she could daydream all day about where she wanted to go.  When I picked her up, she ran over to me and squeezed me hard.  Pure excitement.  There is nothing better in life than an ecstatic squeeze and smile from your kid.  To be loved….

Maria getting ready for a "nutritious" lunch at school with her friends!

We walked to the car and she told me that she had chosen Chipotle.  Within a minute of getting in the car, it turned to Noodles.  Then Wendy’s.  We finally agreed on Subway because she wanted a salad and sandwich.  Alright, I thought, something half-way healthy – she has been eating the school lunches, which consist of fried cheese on a stick, french toastix, and cheeseburgers.

As we walked into the store, I described some sandwiches.  They have ham and turkey and roast beef and chicken…

“Mom, I want a meatball sub with extra cheese.”  My girl.

She also wanted a “salad” which consisted of lettuce, cheese, and croutons.  I made her add some tomatoes and peppers but she picked right through them later.  Then she picked up a bag of Doritos (“I promise I will just eat a couple”) and a chocolate milk.  What a smorgasboard.  We would have been better off at Five Guys Burgers and Fries.  We sat at the bar and began eating our meal.  Like her mama, she can take down some food.  Her meatball sandwich was gone in 5 minutes and we both moved onto the salad.  I must admit the Doritos were a good choice – I have not had those in a long time and they hit the spot. 

My girl taking down a cupcake!

Finally, we topped the meal off with a chocolate chip cookie and cupcake.  So much for Jared’s shtick about losing weight through Subway!

Clingin’ Twins

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The Cling-ons

Maria’s and Mario’s new nicknames have to be the Clingin’ Twins. 

I always wanted my kids to want to be near me and feel close to me but lately I have been wishing that they were teenagers and hating the thought of me coming around them.  They are like those little finger puppets with magnetic paws that cling onto your finger or belt clip. 

The neighbors down the street invited us to a birthday party for their twin 2 year olds at a trendy cafe/kids play area last week.  Coffee and chit-chat for adults and play land for kids.  The space had high ceilings, kid-friendly play areas, bouncy house, scooters, and some comfy furniture for adults to sit and talk.  When we walked in, there were at least eight kids running around on all of the toys and play areas.  I nudged M & M over towards the play areas, and they both clung to my hands.  I had to walk Maria over to her friend and initiate conversation between them before she let go of my hand.  Mario, being the clingiest of clingy, really never let go until we were fifteen minutes away from departing the place.   

Maria braving the slide

I know in hindsight that I tended (and still tend) to do too much for my kids.  For example, if Maria wants a pen, I will get up and get it for her when she could just as easily retrieve it.  Or when Mario wants a drink, I grab him the cup and pour the water.  Now, when they were 1, probably appropriate.  At ages 3 and 5, not so appropriate – or smart.  And it is a heck of a lot harder to break them of this mommy reliance now versus at age 1.  I also drop everything when they begin to talk to me or ask me a question.  If I am talking to another adult, I interrupt that conversation to answer Maria or Mario rather than asking M or M to wait.  Again, not the best route to go I have learned. 

But, we live and learn, right?  I need to consider the ten other attributes M&M possess that are wonderful and stop dogging myself about this one thing (something I tend to do a lot in motherhood as well as work, relationships, etc.).  Nonetheless, I will have some different advice to give Maria and Mario as they raise their children (although I am sure I will spoil their children and do everything for them!).   

Mario and mom reading Mario's favorite Cat in the Hat

Anyway, the mom who hosted this party is one of those moms who should wear a cape and the song “Supermom” be played whenever she enters a room.  She feeds her kids all organic foods, she stays home with them all day and reads them books, plays games, does crafts.  They know how to read and play music and count.  I will never forget the day that Maria and I were over for a visit and Maria and Blake were drawing at the table.  Maria spelled her name and I  praised her for such an accomplishment.  Blake, two weeks younger, wrote his name and an entire two sentences.  I tried not to care but it produced a wave of guilt I had not prepared for that day.  Should I be home with Maria?  Should I feed them better? Should I read to them more and make them write more often?  

These feelings descended on me again while we were at the party and Maria and Mario kept dragging me over to where they were playing so I could watch them.  “Maybe if I would have stayed home with them, they would not be so clingy.”  “They feel abandoned during the day so they cling with me any time they can.”  And the thoughts kept going and going… And then a fellow mother approached me. 

“How do you juggle it all between working and getting these guys out and home life?”

I turned to the mother, a “stay-at-home” mom, and replied “what I do pales in comparison to what you are doing.” 

She replied “Oh, no, I could not see getting up and rushing to work and working all day and picking up the kids and making dinner and playing with them and getting them to bed – I would go nuts.” 

Enjoying the Cat in the Hat theme

I told her that I could not see getting up every morning and have a full day ahead with the kids (and no adults), kid activities to plan, refereeing fights, and staying at the house through the day. 

We laughed.  And agreed on a fundamental tenet.  Our kids will be fine because we love them and care for them and hold them and kiss them.  She is not the person that could juggle an outside job, kids, home-life.  I am not the person who can “stay home” all day.  So we both concluded we made the best decision for us, which in turn has to be the best decision for our kids.  Yet, I inevitably second guess my decision when I see the mom swinging her kids on the playground at 1 in the afternoon – just as I am sure there are stay at home moms who watch me jumping in my car to head to work and second guess their decision as their toddler tips over the grape juice glass and throws a solid temper tantrum.

One extreme to the other

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Snow party!

This Winter has been way too cold.  December usually brings a few days of below freezing weather but last month I don’t remember a day where I couldn’t have seen penguins sliding around on the ice outside of our door.  I thought maybe we could look forward to a surprisingly warm January but this month is more of the same.  However, one of my New Year’s Resolutions is to be less negative and see that glass as half full versus half empty.  So, here I go.  Although it was freezing outside, we at least got some snow.  Of course, not enough that we could build a snowman (stop the negative!) but enough that we could make a go at sledding down our local hill. 

 In doing so, wegot the chance to use the plastic sleds we received from cousin Laura for Christmas.  They are the cutest little sleds with a curvy hourglass seat and a handle in the front to steer.  Of course, the seat is made for a three-year old’s butt – when I sat on it at the house, more than half of each cheek laid on the cold snow – not a plastic sled.  We bundled up in two pairs of pants, two shirts, two pairs of socks, jumpsuits, gloves, hats, coats, and snowshoes and booked down to the hill in hopes of beating everyone else.  We only found four others sledding on it – yeah! 

 

Getting ready for the hill!

The hill had already lost most of its snow but with a plastic sled, no problem (see that positive spirit shining through!).  We climbed up to the top and loaded Maria on her red sled.  I gave her a push and much to our dismay, she gently coasted down the hill having to push herself one or two times.  Ok, my reaction affects her reaction so when she looked up the hill at me, I yelled “that was awesome, Ri!”  You could tell that she had expected to go faster but hesitated in saying so because of my reaction.  All of a sudden, a smile formed on her face and she yelled “can I go again?”  Nothin’ like spreading that positive thinking!  

Mario got on his blue sled, and I would have sworn it was custom-built for him.  His butt sat in it perfectly, and with a slight push he whizzed down the hill.  After watching Mario, Maria gave it another try and had high hopes.  Unfortunately, half way down the hill we heard a snap.  When she got to the bottom, she stood up and realized that her sled had broken in two (she has her momma’s bottom).  There was an immediate breakdown – crying like she had been told that she would ever eat meatballs again.  I raced down the hill to calm her down.  “Hey, we still have Mario’s sled” I told her.  

She finally calmed down.  We approached Mario at the top of the hill and told him of Maria’s dilemma.  

 “This is MY sled – no one can use it besides me!”
 
Pretty much what I had expected from Mario who is not into sharing at all (he won’t even share a piece of food that he does not like) so I was ready with my response.  
  
“Mario, your sister lets you share everything with her.  You will share your sled with her or we are leaving and no one sleds.”  
  
“Ok, let’s go home.”

Broken sleds

 
Yeah, again, pretty much the response I expected from him.  Stubborn as heck.  He will give up any type of fun if it means he does not have to share.  I explained to him that he was going to sled with his sister or let his sister go by herself.  He chose the former.   I loaded him and Maria onto the sled and they slid slowly down the hill.  Surprisingly, they both looked up from the bottom of the hill and were smiling!  Alright, score!  When they got up the hill, they asked me to go with them.  In the excitement of it all, I hopped on and stacked them on me.  The sled broke within two seconds of push-off.  Next meltdown but Mario this time.  I explained that we would get some new sleds and come back to the hill.  Hs finally calmed down, cheeks frozen with tears. 

Maria ready for the pool!

  
The next day, knowing that the hill would have no more snow on it, I offered the next best activity to sledding – swimming!  We went to a new indoor pool in Dublin.  Swimming is quite the chore for me because Maria is not swimming on her own yet and Mario wants me to watch his every move.  As soon as I go near Mario, Maria wants me and vice versa.  Finally, I got Maria to put on her goggles and swim to me while I sat near Mario and watched him jump up in the water and land on his stomach.  There was a lazy river that provided much fun as we acted like superheroes while we swam around it.  Unfortunately, they have 15 minute breaks every hour.  Poor Mario cannot handle the cold once he has to get out of the pool.  His lips turn purple, he shakes, and he begs to go home.  Maria, on the other hand, doesn’t even use her towel when she gets out – our little polar bear girl.  I knew that a bag of Cheetos and a big hug from me would calm Mario down and I was right.  We lasted through the 15 minute break and hopped back in at the whistle’s call.  Maria got better at playing by herself and Mario got better at not demanding every second of my attention.  We swam another 45 minutes and then hopped into the showers.  Mario refused to get out.  He showered for 18 minutes with hot water before he finally asked me to get him (this is the same kid who adores hot tubs).  We got dressed, got some chips for Ri and played I Spy while we sat in the Dublin Rec Center lobby.  
  
We got home in time for dinner, and decided on pasta and meatballs and garlic bread.  Good post-swimming meal.  As they sat at their table, Maria spoke to Mario about the importance of saying thank you even if you don’t like a gift that you get (we had discussed this with the kids when we were making Christmas rounds).  Mario sat intently listening to her.  She moved onto discussing the idea of sharing and asked him for a chip.  He promptly responded with a “no.” She took one anyway.  He complained.  She gave it back and told him that if someone takes your food, you should tell them that you do not appreciate it but you should not yell at them.  This coming from the girl who nearly burst a vein screaming at Cy when he ate her garlic bread.  However, that was months ago – how she has grown since that time.  
 

Mario waiting with goggles on!

Girls’ Day Out

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Oh, yeah, we are too hot to handle!

Maria and I traveled to Cincinnati yesterday afternoon to head to my cousin Emily’s graduation party. Mario was up at Jon’s parents’ house enjoying the tv, cookies, and wearing his pajamas all day.  Before heading off to Cincy, we took a quick stroller ride up to Giant Eagle grocery store to get a card for Emily and a salad for Maria.  Yeah, impressive, right?   Salad! 

Hmmm, salad….  You may think of peppers or broccoli, or carrots, or tomatoes.  Heck, even mushrooms or sprouts.  But no.  When my girl wants a “salad” she wants lettuce (and typically iceberg lettuce even though I got her to agree to field greens this time (although she ate little to none); a couple of chunks of ham, cheese, and a truck-load of croutons.  For dressing, an avalanche of ranch.  After Giant Eagle, we were off to Cincy with the Berenstein Bears Christmas movie, popcorn, and diet pepsi.  When we were 20 minutes away, Maria decided that she wanted to talk to me rather than watch the movie.  We played the animal game and sang songs to one another.  We picked up Grandma Lolo, and answered Maria’s questions on the way to Aunt Jane’s house.  She asked our favorite memory, our worst memory, our favorite Christmas.  When we turned the questions on her, she refused to answer (just like her dad!). 

We were one of the first family members to arrive at Aunt Jane’s house.  Emily and Laura gave some big hugs to Ri, and then Ri was off to the cookie table.  I think she downed five before I put the smack-down on her.  Aunt Jane’s house is much more subdued than Grandma Heile’s house so Maria did not know how to act.  She is used to chaos and loudness and rough-housing.  Cy and Robert came around eventually, but they were in football mode so were not engaging her as they usually do.  Therefore, it meant that Maria glued onto me.  She dragged me downstairs, outside, in the kitchen.  Finally, Grace arrived and became a much appreciated distraction for me and Maria. 

Gracie showing her good nature with Maria "hugging" her!

Maria adores Gracie-poo.  In fact, Maria adores all babies and kids under the age of three, especially girls.  She especially loves Grace because Grace is her cousin and because Grace pretty much lets Maria kiss and hug all over her without throwing a fit.  She also lets Maria direct where she goes (to a limit!) around a room and Maria loves playing the mother hen role.  Maria has been telling Jon and I for months that she wants to have ten or fifteen kids and I can now see that she very well could and handle it with perfection!  In fact, she shows a lot more disciplinarian skills than me – the ways she raises her voice, her sternness, the way she looks at you with shame when you do something she does not approve of, the discipline she metes out….  (my cousins would say that it doesn’t take much to beat me on the disciplinarian front since I am such a softie!).  But Ri also has my soft touch in her – Maria handed her camera to Grace and when Grace put it up to her face, Maria shook her head up and down and in an excited tone stated “Yes, Gracie, that is how you use a camera; you are so smart.” 

Maria proud of her picture "set-up"

After dinner (and loads of stories about drunkenness from the night before), Ri and I took a walk down the street.  We took silly pictures and tried to solve mysteries.  When we went back inside, Maria got to line up her aunts for a picture.  She directed who stood next to who, how their hands were placed, how there heads were tilted.  She has got her late Grandpa Bill embedded in her soul.  After some obligatory rough-housing with the boy cousins, we packed up our cake and cookies and hit the road back to Columbus. 

Sleeping beauty

Once home, Ri and dad got into Wii.  We learned that Ri has quite the bowler’s arm scoring quite a few spares during their game.  She also loves throwing the frisbee to her cute computer pup.  We finally shut her down at 10:30 and read Poison Ivy Fancy Nancy (her new favorite).  After the book, she begged dad or me to put her to bed.  I knew what would happen if I took her up to bed and rubbed her back.  Setting my tush on that bed would send me straight to sleep and I had been wanting to get on my computer for a few nights straight with no luck.  But it had been too wonderful of a Maria/mom day to say “no.”  We trekked up the stairs to her room.  PJs on, teeth brushed, face washed.  We laid down under the covers and I kissed her goodnight.

“It Wasn’t as Fun as I Thought It Would Be!”

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“It wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be…” 

The words out of Maria’s mouth when I picked her up from her old daycare last Monday.  She had been so excited to go back to her old stomping grounds and hang out with her favorite teachers, Amanda and Chris and Nate, and her old friends, Sydney, Logan, Brianna.  She even gave up a birthday party to go to school all day.  When I dropped her off, she quickly shooed me away and hung on Ms. Chris as I walked out the door.   When I returned at 5:15 that night, she ran to me like she used to when I picked her up from that school – arms out, smile wide.  I thought she would be excited when I told her that she may be going back daycare one more day, tomorrow.  Rather, she fell limp. 

“No way, mom.  I don’t want to come back here again.”

“Why, Ri, you were so excited about coming to school today.”

“I don’t know, mom. It just wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be.”

Oh, darling one.  All I could think when she said those words was how often in my life I have built up an event to only exit it hours later thinking “Well, that wasn’t quite what I expected.” Or, to be more accurate in my thinking “Well, that sucked.”

M&M - post unwrapping gifts

I thought about Maria’s sincere and truthful statement after the holiday festivities this weekend. 

First, the festivities.  It started with Christmas Eve at my mom’s house and my cousin’s house (formerly my grandmother’s house).  Soon after we stepped into my mom’s house, both kids were begging to open presents, especially Mario.  We told Maria to wait a few minutes, and although you could tell she was not too happy about it, she adhered to our wishes and shuffled around the presents looking to find the words “Maria.”  Mario, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with waiting. 

“Mom, I want to open presents now.”

“Mario, you have to wait a few minutes. This celebration is not just about gifts, it is about being with family.”

M&M at mom's house loving Barbies and transformers!

It was as if I told him that Santa did not exist (and I had been tempted to do it many times in the last few weeks when he had pushed me to the limit).  He scrunched his face, looked perplexed, and stomped away.  “How could this day be for anything other than presents”, he thought?  Dad and I had only been telling him for weeks that he better get to sleep or he won’t get any presents from Santa.  After he stomped away for 30 seconds, he returned with a vengeance and a loud scream: “I want to open my presents.”  Mom gave in as grandmas tend to do, and the kids ripped open their presents.  Mario opened one after the other within 4 minutes and then looked up and said “I want more.”  Lovely.

Maria, on the other hand, expressed her appreciation for her camera and books and proceeded to give the warm hugs and kisses for her thoughtful presents.  Thank goodness for that little girl right now.  She knows just when she needs to step in so that I don’t rip my head off or more likely, my sweet, adorable hellboy’s head. 

Maria enjoying time with her cousins (Mario refused to join in)!

Jon and I and my mom and Rod were able to rip open our present in lightening speed before Maria and Mario wore us down with their incessant demands.  I found out later that I totally missed some jewelry my mom bought me because I was too busy just trying to get the gifts open so we could move on to the cousin’s house.  We rushed out of mom’s to get to cousin Laura’s house for the Heile get-together.  Mario and I walked up the three stairs to the kitchen and everyone stood there and screamed “Welcome! Merry Christmas!”  It sounded like they all had superpower megaphones but that was just their normal voices.  I am inflicted with that loud voice, also.  Therefore, my natural reaction was to join in the screaming and laughing and hugging.  Mario was not amused.  He immediately withdrew and would not look at anyone (Maria, on the other hand, ran over to her cousins and hugged and teased them – a true Heile). 

Mario a bit excited about his ball from Aunt Jane.

For most of the night, Mario was on my hip (except when I turned on SpongeBob downstairs for him to watch – the only thing that will pry him away from me).  He was sullen and pissy until nearly everyone left and then he livened up and had a good time for the remaining 20 minutes of our stay.   Not exactly what I had hoped for when thinking about the night.

We drove home, both kids still awake at 9:30 when we arrived at the front door.  It took a while for bed to actually occur and I spent the next hour preparing for Santa to come.  Finally, I hit the sack around 11 pm.  Poor Jon was fighting a sinus infection so he got about 3 hours of sleep.  The kids awoke at 7:30 (not bad for Christmas morning) and flew down the steps to the presents.  Mario ripped through all of his presents with his last one being a Spiderman web shooter.  That present was the only one that caught his eye and that he actually stopped to take a breath and admire.  We could have gotten him lumps of coal wrapped in tissue with the Spiderman web shooter and he would have never known.  In fact, that is what Santa should have brought based on Mario’s behavior the last two months.  Maria ripped through her presents, also, and seemed pleased with what she received – her favorite being her barbie dolls and Leapster.  However, when she went to play the one game I got her, Globe Expedition, she returned to the room almost immediately crying about how the game was horrible. 

Maria showing off her presents

“I just want to play a game, mom.  This game just wants you to learn things.”

Oh, heaven forbid.  She proceeded to complain about how this Christmas had been horrible and boring.  Meanwhile, Mario burst out in tears because he shot all of his web string within ten minutes and he no longer had any to play with through the day.  Ahh, such peace and joy for the holidays.  Not the picture I had in mind for the holidays.   

Jon’s family came over at 2 pm for Christmas dinner.  The kids played fairly well together although Mario still clung to me or Patty the entire time.  They left around 8 pm that night and we were all exhausted except Mario who always gets his second wind around that time.  He wanted to wrestle and jump and punch and kick.  The boy is like the energizer bunny.  We played for a while in Maria’s room – Mario put on his imaginary diving suit and jumped in the ocean off of Maria’s bed and Maria helped him look for fish to catch.  Maria and I fried the fish and ate them.  After 15 minutes of that game, Ri and I read some Fancy Nancy books. and Mario chose Dr. Seuss.  Mario got out of bed, as always, within 10 minutes of putting him down.  We fed him cheese and crackers and he begged me to go upstairs with him.  I hesitated because I wanted to veg out with my computer and cookies, but I gave in and was fast asleep by 10 pm.  Ugh, so much for some down time and again, not the night I had thought it would be.

The crew preparing to open presents

On Sunday, I got up at 7 am and ran up to Panera to get some yummy bakery treats.  I literally ran up the street just to wake me up because I was exhausted from the past two days – 15 degrees will open your eyes and get your blood pumpin’ anyday.  My dad and Meg, Sarah and Jorge, and Jack came over at 9 am.  Let the third round of chaos begin!  Sarah and Jorge madly wrapped gifts, Mario begged to open presents, Cy barked madly, and Maria stole bites of all of the bakery treats. 

We tossed around gifts to their rightful owners and tried to prepare ourselves for the traditional opening of the presents.  I think back to life just eight years ago when Jon and I were sans children, Sarah was home from college, and Jack was in high school.  We would head over to Meg and dad’s house at a reasonable, adult-like hour, spend at least an hour and a half opening presents, and then get treated to a down-home breakfast of eggs and toast and pancakes.  My family needs that time to open presents.  We like to open a gift and talk about its origins, its necessity to our lives, its cool texture or how we’ll use it.  Jon’s family is exact opposite.  Everyone opens their gifts at the same time, a thank you follows the opening of the present, and it’s done.  I am quite sure I take the nutty in-law award at Christmas with them as I explain for ten minutes when and where I am going to use the gift and how I had been wanting it for years and years.   

Mario enjoying a present

On this Christmas, however, we have two little munchkins that cannot hold back their excitement for opening more presents.  We also have a drop-dead time that we have to leave to Cincy to visit family.  Therefore, in the end, we  only have about an hour to open gifts, which in any other family may be more than enough time, but it is like a nanosecond for us.  Maria and Mario opened first because Mario was going to go into coronary arrest if he did not open his big box.  And, what joy when he saw his bean bag!  Joy that lasted nearly 5 seconds at which time he pushed it to the side and asked, while salivating and looking a bit crazed, “where is my next one?”  Maria, my gracious five-year old girl, expressed much appreciation for her bean bag.  She has heard stories of how I laid on my bean bag watching tv, eating doritos, and sipping coke on the weekends.  She dreamed of aping me.  By the time M&M finished opening, we had about 40 minutes.  I think we got through a round or two of gifts before we realized we only had 10 minutes left.  We threw out tradition and began opening our presents quickly, and only speaking about them for a few seconds.  Very strange and wonderful to my dear hubby, but again, not what I thought it would be like that morning.  

Mario taking a break from being mad to laugh at silly grandpa and aunt sarah!

We then headed back to Cincy to see my grandma, uncle, and cousin and her family.  Mario remained in his complete mama state refusing to say hello to his great-grandma and refusing to even let Pee-paw hold him while I went to the car (Maria gave double the hugs and kisses to great-grandma – thanks Ri).  I cannot wait to tell these “clingy mama” stories to Mario when he is 13 years old and begging me with all of his heart not to kiss him when I drop him off at school or come around him and his friends.  Finally, Pee-paw whisked him away crying and all to show him the pool table; he quickly became immersed in pushing the balls into the different side pockets.  Maria and Annaliese played dress-up and I got to breathe for a few minutes and get in a talk with Meg and grandma about raising boys.  I also got to take a little stroll with my siblings as we took the dogs out to get some air.  Sarah has two pups named Stella and Mona.  Dad has one pup named Rosie.  Rosie is insane.  Stella is wild.  Mona is chill.  I walked Mona. 

Maria and her great-grandma

We had another delicious meal and opened yet another round of presents.  Mario received his 20th spiderman toy.  He could own a spiderman factory.  He gave his traditional pout after he opened his last gift and complained that everyone else had more presents than him.  I tried to explain to him that others had the same amount but that he opened his like a hurricane leaving others in the dust.  He liked the analogy of beating others so his mood became upbeat again.  Boys.  Maria swaddled her new baby, which surprisingly held her attention for a good amount of time.

We left my uncle’s house around 5 pm and headed up north to our distant home.  We forgot my sweater and Maria’s doll so we circled back to the house with much exhaustion. 

Ms. Maria

As I looked back at the holiday events – my mom’s and cousin’s house, our house with Jon’s family, and my dad and Meg and family, I think about the myriad of times during the three-day period when I thought “This is not what I expected” and I felt irritated or tired or frustrated.  But nearly every time I had such feelings, I quickly pushed my mood up a few notches by thinking about how grateful I am for my family.  Grateful that I could share the holiday with my closest relatives – my hubby, my kids, my mom, dad, stepmom, sister, brother, grandmother, in-laws, cousins, aunts….  Grateful that I could laugh with them about Mario’s terrible threes and Maria’s infatuation with boys and Justin Bieber.  Grateful that I could see my 90-year-old grandma enjoying her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  Grateful to have such a wide spectrum of personalities and interests amongst my family members. 

When I spoke with Maria after Christmas was officially over at my uncle’s house, I talked with her about this principle of gratitude.  I explained to her that people who practiced gratitude typically lived more joyful, content, meaningful lives.  I used an example: Sometimes mom gets very irritated and angry with you or Mario when you are acting up but after a while I close my eyes and think about how grateful I am to be your mother, to watch you grow and learn, to give you love and comfort.  Once I practice that gratitude, I feel better.  Maria sat looking at the wall for a few seconds and then replied “Yeah, Mario irritates me sometimes, too.”  I chuckled and asked her although she got irriated with Mario, was she still thankful to have him as her brother.  She glanced over at Mario who was intently playing with his spiderman figurine and eating a cookie, looked at me, and quietly responded “yes.”

“You be Daphne and I am Velma.”

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Maria on her rock

A year ago, Maria and Mario loved all of the Noggin’ shows – Dora, Diego, Max&Ruby.  We excused ourselves for letting them watch a few of the shows through the day because Noggin’s scientists told us in the beginning of the shows that our childrens’ brains would be much better off after watching their 20 minute show.  Then, in what seemed a nanosecond, Maria and Mario shunned Noggin shows in favor of one show only – Scooby Doo.  Ugh!  To say that I dislike Scooby Doo is a huge understatement.  I hated it growing up and I continue to detest it today.  M & M, on the other hand, adore it. 

Maria doing her umpteenth pose for me

Maria talks about Daphne and her outfits and her make-up and her love for Fred.  I figured that Maria would take to her seeing that Maria can be obsessed about boys and high heels and make-up at times.  However, she surprised me on our “hike” the other day (a short walk through the local woods to the playground).  While she led me through the woods, she asked if we could “play.”  I agreed.  Next, she told me we would be looking for clues in the woods.  “Alright – got it”, I replied back to her waiting for her to tell me I was Fred or Velma.  But, to my utter surprise. she directed me to be Daphne, and she would play Velma.  

She wanted me to talk about make-up and my high heels.  When I did, she responded with a sigh “Oh, Daphne…” and then proceeded to find clues on the ground and on rocks and in the trees to help us solve the mystery.  As we continued to walk towards the playground, I found myself smiling and feeling proud.  I would have thought that she would have loved to have been Daphne since that is what she seems to be “into” these days.  But when given the opportunity, she chose to be Velma, the smart, curious, independent one (talk about reading into a game!). 

Maria daydreaming on her favorite tree

After the park, we strolled up to Giant Eagle to find a card for Jack, my little brother who turned 22 on Friday.  The first one she handed me had two girls with huge breasts on it asking if the card-reader wanted to get hot and steamy.  It opened up to the Car Wash song.  “What made you pick this?” I asked her.  She giggled and responded “It is for Uncle Jack, mom!”  Like that explains it… Uncle Jack would rather have a card with a saxophone on it then a big-breasted woman but whatever….  Maria likes to go for the va-va-voom.  We decided to go with a card that had a cat dressed up in a provocative outfit with the owner yelling to his wife “The cat is in heat again.”  Much more Jack’s style. 

When we got home, Ri took a bath all by herself.  Mario was asleep.  She loves doing that now, just like my little sis, Sarah, used to do when she was young.  Sarah would sit in the tub for hours reading a book.  I could never last more than 15 minutes.  Maria may be heading down Sarah’s path – she stayed in for 30 minutes.  Then she hopped out and put on her pjs for movie night at Blake’s house down the street.  Jon and I got to head to a neighborhood party while Maria and Mario went to Blake’s house.  You would have thought she was going to meet Scooby Doo.  She jumped up and down in excitement waiting for Mario to get ready.  She gathered her popcorn containers, popcorn, and slippers.  We arrived at Blake’s house, and he showed off the popcorn and M&Ms waiting for Maria and Mario.  M & M had died and went to heaven.  They didn’t even notice us leave.

Crazy man refusing to sleep!

When we returned a few hours later, M & M were going strong.  Mario had been playing hockey with Blake for the last 20 minutes and Maria and Jonera (another little girl down the street) had been reading princess stories.  They were in no mood to leave but eventually gave in and sauntered out the door with Jon and me.  Maria went to bed within fifteen minutes of getting home.  Mario, on the other hand, stayed up for another hour playing up in her room, his room, and sneaking downstairs to talk to Jon and me.  The boy has too much energy.  We finally put our feet down and told him to go to sleep.  When we walked upstairs an hour later, he was snuggled up, as always, to his big sis – both of them snoring away.

We give up.

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Mario in his new bed

We just spent a nice chunk fo change on a cool loft bed for Mario with the hopes that he would stop sleeping in Maria’s bed and stop being so scared to go to sleep at night.  Spiderman sheet and pillow and comforter.  Steps to climb up into the bed.  Play area under the bed to hide, play with toys, read books.   Mario came home from school and we led him upstairs with eyes closed to see it.  He loved it.  He climbed up the steps and sat up in his bed beaming.  Maria tried to climb up and he screamed “No, Maria. My bed!” 

Maria enjoying her book in bed

We talked it up all night.  Maria even helped us out (“Mario, that is the coolest bed in the world – you are so lucky!).  Maria’s assistance was all the more impressive because she was so jealous of Mario’s new bed.  She laid in it while he played in her room with Jon.  When we made her come into her room, she walked in with a pout.  “My bed is so boring – Mario gets everything.”  We had to have a talk with her about how much she has compared to others on this earth, and how we drooled and gushed over her bed when we got it when she was four years old.  I told her that I used to lay in my bed and read books, draw, and talk on the phone with girlfriends!  She cooled off, and we hopped into her bed and read a book. 

Eventually, the moment of truth came.  It was time to go to bed.  Maria laid down in her bed like she always does – exhausted from her day in Kindergarten.  Mario reluctantly got into his bed.  I affirmed how lucky he was to have this new bed and how Spiderman sleeps in a bed like his and gets all of his strength by sleeping through the night.  I gave him a kiss, Jon gave him a kiss, and we walked out.  I went back into Maria’s room to read her one last book, and within 5 minutes, there was Mario peeking through her door. 

“Ok, Mario, you can read one book with Ri and I and then you have to go to bed.”

“Ok, Mom.”

We read two more books.  I was hoping that he had overheard me reading to Ri and that is what brought him into her room.  I walked him back into his room, and tucked him under his comforter.  I gave him his binkies (yeah, that is a while other post!) and his blankie and told him he had to stay in bed and sleep.  I again affirmed how cool his bed was and how we all wished we had one.  I went downstairs.

Mario taking over Maria's bed

I responded to some emails, looked over volunteer opportunities, thought about activities for the weekend, and walked back upstairs to check on Mario about an hour later.  I had not heard anything while downstairs, which was a miracle since he or Maria typically come downstairs at least twice after being put to bed.  I went into Maria’s room first with the hope and belief that I would just see her sleeping body.  Shattered.  There lay our three-year old stubborn son, head right next to Maria’s, snoring away.  Maybe they are just meant to sleep together in the same room?  It would free up a much-needed room for Jon and I….

The Turning Point

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My secluded pneumonia room

Since I have been sick, I have had every opportunity to watch movies, reality tv, soap operas….  Unfortunately, there is only one tv show that I like (30 Roc).  I typically love movies but I got sick at the worst time of year – when all of the new releases are horrible!  I get to pick from Adam Sandler’s Grown Ups, The Karate Kid, Back-Up Plan (another Jennifer Aniston movie), and Ramona and Beezus.  In bed all day and that is as good as it gets.  Luckily, we get 10 million other channels that I rarely ever review but in my state of desperation at 6 pm last night, I flipped through them and found the Turning Point with my favorite actress of all time, Shirley Maclaine.  If I could go to dinner with any actor or actress, I would choose her in a heartbeat (when my hubby was in California a few years back, he sat near her at a restaurant and got her autograph for me!). 

Shirley's autograph to me!

The Turning Point was a good film.  I loved the ballet scenes and who cannot drool when watching Mikhail Baryshnikov dance – pure beauty.  The last time I saw him dance was in the movie White Nights (great romantic movie).  Anne Bancroft acted well (keeping up with Shirley’s immense talents).  The film did an outstanding job of showing the strain and questioning  that arises when a woman is faced with a career or a family.  Shirley Maclaine acted fabulously in the role of an ex-dancer who chose to have a baby and ultimately give up dancing.  She continues to mull over her decision for the rest of her life.  Her rival, Anne Bancroft, chose to dance and ultimately give up the notion of a family and kids.  The movie shows us both perspectives, and ultimately, how there is no right answer in the end.  There is a bit of futility and wasted energy in second guessing it for the rest of your life although that does not mean that there won’t be those moments that strike right at your heart and make you long to be back in the moment again.  

Maria excited about ballet class!

Maria wanted to take ballet when she was three years old.  The teacher at the Rec Center was rather domineering and strict, especially for three-year olds.  Maria did not particularly take to that type of personality, and therefore, did not last more than a couple of sessions.  She did look daggone cute though…

Come on 40 – bring it on!

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Ri singing me happy birthday!

Really, did November 5 come again this year?  Maybe we skipped over the 5th straight to the 6th?  No, I feel one year away from 40 – November 5 hit for sure.  The legs are tight when I wake up, the knees creak a bit when I stand, I have to adjust my eyes for a few minutes to focus, and by the time the sun rises, I would have gone to the bathroom at least twice.  Ugh.

Riding in the Pelotonia

But I also have an incredible cadre of friends, two crazy spastic kids, one hilarious hubby, a heckuva cool family and good health.  Speaking of health, my birthday day started off with a long run and morning at the gym to lift weights (yeah, my hubby can think of about 1000 different activities that he would rather engage in on his birthday morning!).  I came home to a kiss from my girl even though I was sweaty (typically she makes me shower before coming near me) and a “hello” from my boy who did not change his position of refusing to touch me before I showered. 

I walked Maria to school (riding her almost the entire way on my shoulders since we were running late – a daily occurence).  After dropping Ri off, I headed into work to be greeted by brownies from my assistant and happy birthday greetings from my Facebook friends.  Man, you can start to get a big head when you see all of the FB birthday wishes on your birthday.  I started bragging to my young cousin about all my birthday greetings, and she quickly informed me that all people have to do is hit a button in order to get an automatic happy birthday wish to “friends” of theirs.  Ahh, well, keep me humble.   

Maria presenting me the gifts she wrapped.

I picked up Mario from school.  When I walked in his classroom, I got that gigantic Mario smile and that wonderful scream “Mama!”  When Mario and I stepped in the house, Maria was wrapping my gift with Jon.  Jon looked at me amazed.  “Do you know that your daughter is Martha Stewart? I wrapped your gift and reached down for tape and she had already tore a piece off and stuck it on her arm for me to use.” She LOVES to prepare gifts for people.  She loves cutting the wrapping paper, wrapping the gift, taping the paper, drawing designs on the paper, and presenting it.  She could not wait to give me my gifts.  She also asked Jon to buy my a card that she thought was hilarious.  It was a picture of a woman with gigantic boobs caught in metal traps on the ground.  Her husband is yelling “I told you to watch out for the booby traps!”  She sees that card with me when we are in Giant Eagle and she always takes a look at it.  I guess all along she has been secretly wanting to get it for my birthday.  Gotta love her humor.  She had Mario give me a card with a girl lifting weights since I love to workout.  She is precious.  

Sweet angel sleeping away.

We had Jon’s family over for cake and ice cream.  My favorite – sheet cake and chocolate chip ice cream.  Heaven on earth.  Everyone took off around 9 pm (including Mario who headed home with Grandma and Grandpa with no resevations – he LOVES heading north to be with them), and Maria and I played for a while.  She started to get tired around 10 and I took her up to lay with her in my bed.  I don’t think five minutes passed before we were both snoring away.  My dad came over at 10:30 after watching my brother play in his concert, but I had already passed out.  Pretty bad when your old man can party it up later than you.  But, hey, I gotta cut myself a break – my dad is a frickin’ machine. 

Ri came back into our bed at 5 am, and snuggled against me to get warm.  There are not many other things that I can think of that bring me as much comfort as my girl’s arms wrapped around me and feet warm under my side (except for Mario on my other side doing the same).  The sun rose a few hours later, and I opened my eyes to my first day at age 39.  Bring it on, baby – 40 is still a whole year away!

Chunky

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My intrepid, no holds-barred girl!

“You’re chunky.”

 
 “Yeah, you are chunky!”

Laughter erupted amongst the kindergarten boys and girls as they looked at Maria – the subject of the comments.  Maria stood in line waiting to march back in the school from recess.  She informed her teacher.  The teacher’s response: both kids who shouted the comments to Maria got “yellow” marks for the day (one below the best mark – green). 

One of the kids’ mother, Angie, texted me while I facilitated a retreat that same afternoon.

“Anna needs to apologize to Maria today. Please call me when we can come over.”

After my retreat, I called Angie to get the scoop.  “I cannot believe that Anna would say that to Maria – I am so sorry.”  She continues to tell me how awful she feels and how she sat Anna down to talk to her about how those words could hurt her friends’ feelings.  She asked Anna how she would feel if someone came up to her and said she had an ugly nose.  Anna started crying immediately.     

We hung up the phone.  I stared into the dining room at Maria drawing a picture.  I felt a mixture of emotions.  Anger ranked as the overwhelming one at that moment.  Anger not so much towards Anna but towards this deep-rooted ideal that girls must be skinny in order to be beautiful, and this ideal entering into kindergarten of all places.  To five-year olds.  This weight thing is such a struggle for most women.  I have found many a day that I spend an excessive amount of time worrying about what to eat or irritated about how my jeans fit that I lose track of the big picture – living.  I don’t want Maria to become pre-occupied with her weight to the detriment of living.  I want her to be how she is now: ready to chow down on a piece of cake in front of her, willing to put on her ballerina outfit and dance around the room, proud of her strength, at ease with looks.  However, I can already sense a bit of doubt about how she thinks she looks.  She gets angry at times while putting on her jeans when they won’t button easily.  She looks at her face in the mirror and scrunches up her eyes while complaining “I am not beautiful.” 

Maria and Anna at their Halloween party

Society certainly does not help with all of the magazines and tv shows flaunting 100 pound women smiling, having fun, surrounded by friends.  While I was thinking of the comments to Maria, I wondered to myself whether I would have been as angry if kids called her “ugly” or “stupid.”  I would have been angry because I don’t want people to be mean to MY child but I would not have been as angry.  Why?

Because I struggled with my weight and listened to people call me “chunky.”  I have witnessed first-hand how difficult it can be to persevere and how crappy it makes you feel.  How you second guess yourself and become pre-occupied with it.  I have seen my friends do the same.   

But really, what I have found as I raise Maria is that a lot of the time I get so angry about something, I can look back at my life and see where I was hurt by it.  And that was no different in this situation.  These kids said something mean to Maria.  They could have told her she was ugly, or had a huge nose, or dressed goofy.  Maria would have been hurt by that, also.  I think making a national event of such comments because they deal with “the weight issue” may be perpetuating the issue more than resolving it.

My girl and me

The mom of the other kid, Zach, called me later in the evening and asked if Zach could bring a picture over to Maria.  They arrived at the door fifteen minutes later.  Zach handed Maria a gerber daisy and a picture of him, Maria and Anna playing and smiling.  Maria blushed.  He said sorry.  Maria hugged him. 

Maria learned forgiveness, Zach and Anna learned compassion and humility, and I learned to take a deep breath.  I do not want to project my former (and sometimes current) battle with weight and looks on my daughter.  Yeah, society is ridiculous with its promotion of the skinny, the young, the white.  But this incident did not need to rise to the national level.  We needed a discussion about loving yourself and loving your body, your heart, and your mind.  We needed some apologies and hugs and smiles.  And we got just what we needed.