Tag: Mario

Happynomics

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Precious babes ready for their stroller ride.

I woke this morning to a compliment: “You are a pretty flower.” Spoken from the lips of my son as we sat in McDonalds eating Timbits and burritos this chilly morning (ignore our diet, please, it really is a Sunday morning treat – and sometimes Monday and Wednesday and Friday treat…).  He had bitten into a timbit and fixed his stare on me.  I tilted my head and looked perplexed.  That is when he softly spoke the words to me.  I pursed my lips and rubbed my eyes and thanked him for saying something so sweet to his mama.  Maria saw this entire scene and quickly chimed in with “Mom, you are a…a… pretty flower.”  She is usually pretty quick with a quip to follow-up on her brother’s so she must believe that Mario summed it up pretty well to simply repeat his compliment.  I swallowed both of their compliments up and stored them away in that place all of us mothers have – the “I need to remember something positive about these kids” storage chest that we can open when all heck is breaking loose and we feel like we need to escape but cannot.  If we can just take ourselves back to one of those memories, hopefully we can stay sane enough to make it through the breakdown.  Kinda like chocolate….

Maria (Ms. Serious) and Mario (Mr. Jolly) playing Wii.

On our stroller ride home, Mario finally admitted he was cold.  Both kids refuse to wear big coats or hats or gloves even though it is only 38 degrees outside.  I bring their coats and accessories because I know eventually they will request them – or I should say, one will request them.  Mario.  Maria is a cold weather machine; a heater; a polar bear.  She has our warm blood streaming through her and it takes a blizzard to make her slightly chilled.  When we got home, Mario went straight to the Wii for a b-ball game.  Maria and I went back out for a stroll and talked about Mario’s birth, her birth, what kind of car I had growing up, what kind of car she wants when she gets older, and boyfriends (she is so inquisitive about the past – I love it).  

When we got back home, Maria and Mario played Wii together while Jon worked and I cleaned.  They went upstairs after five games and took a bath.  Maria loves it when Mario is in a good mood because he will play Barbies with her.  He still uses his Spiderman figurine but he will act like Spiderman is talking to Barbie, they go on dates, talk about their friends, and so on.  It is hilarious to listen to from behind the door.  They played a good half hour before they started to splash the water around the tub and all over the floor.  We politely screamed at them to get out, and before we knew it, there were two naked children in Maria’s room reciting “we are robots” and giggling hysterically. 

Maria and Mario fashion models

Jon and I continued to work and clean and Maria and Mario played together upstairs.  After another half hour, Maria yelled down asking if we were both ready for a fashion show.  “Sure!” we yelled back to her.  She introduced her and Mario while they waltzed down the stairs and stepped off the landing in a beautiful display of velvet green and plaid.  Mario in a button down shirt and Maria in a dazzling dress.  I screamed like they were teen idols, and asked for their photo and autograph, which Maria loved.  I also asked if I could kiss her cheek and she blushed with excitement.  “You are such a superstar, Ri, thanks for saying hi to me!”  She laughed and waved goodbye and went up to help Mario who realized he had a tear in his pants (causing him to bolt up the steps to avoid being seen by any other fans).

I finished cleaning the cabinet in the kitchen.  While I scrubbed spaghetti sauce off the white paint and listening to M&M laughing upstairs and talked to Jon about our week ahead, I felt a surge of happiness through my bones.  Pure, raw happiness.  Life could have stopped right there at that second – my head swirled with happiness about who I was, people I loved, experiences I had, places I traveled, choices I made.  All in that moment.   

This evening I perused the NY Times and happened by Roger Cohen’s post titled The Happynomics of Life.  England’s prime minister has decided to create a happiness index.  Cohen argues that this idea is not outrageous and could be helpful if used wisely.   He notes that when Western industrialized societies started measuring gross domestic product, the issue for many was survival.  But now that most of us have enough to live on — or far more than enough by the standards of human history — the question may want to turn to: “What’s going on inside our heads?”  Trying to make a shift from financial prosperity to emotional prosperity.  Putting value on things that don’t have price tags: open spaces, clear air, security, release from pressure — things of growing importance but also growing scarce.

The kids playing it up before Jeni's

Cohen thought of some recent moments of happiness in his own life. “One came walking across Regent’s Park, my skin tingling at the first brush of spring. Another came kissing my daughter goodnight as she slept and seeing how peaceful she was. A third came in Cairo seeing the powerful dignity of the Egyptian people coalescing to bring peaceful change.  These moments were linked to nature, to finding time, to feeling the transcendent power of the human spirit. Emotional prosperity is not the next e-mail in a relentless life.”

His piece struck me based on my experience earlier in the day, and stayed with me as I took Maria and Mario and Maria’s friend, Jonera to Jeni’s for ice cream.  They all ran ahead of me laughing at Mario making silly faces at them.  They giggled the entire time at Jeni’s about goofy things – Mario’s dancing, Maria’s kissing frenzy, the puppy at the window waving to us.  We walked home with the crisp cusp of Winter at our side but with birds chirping and people on their porches clearing the way for swings and planters.

The kids enjoying Jeni's

Fresh Air – Finally!

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Maria and Mario enjoying the 50 degree weather

The only good aspect of living through such cold, dreary, snowy, rainy, blustery days is that when a mildly sunny 50 degree day pokes through, it is like nirvana.   I had been trying to convince myself all week not to fall deep into the doldrums but it had not worked especially well.  I went to bed at 9:30 last night because I was tired and irritable and sick of the cold – go away old man winter!   

But then Saturday arrived like a bright pink package waiting for you on Christmas morning and I felt sparks of energy zing throughout my body.  The sun was out, and it was above 40 degrees.  I went for a run around the neighborhood.  I felt like I could go for 20 miles.  When I came home, Maria immediately begged to go on a walk – yes ma’am!  She got her homework sheet (find things outside that engage one of your five senses) and went to wait for me on the porch.  Mario, always imitating his sister, grabbed a pad of paper and pen and followed her outside (on a side note, Mario wore jeans today for the first time in probably 4 months – he had sworn off jeans and only donned sweats for all of winter (can we say George Castanza?!)) 

Enjoying their favorite tree

They walked a few houses up noticing the delicate Spring flowers blooming on the hillsides of the neighbors’ yards.  Mario did not like the white ones because they drooped downwards and looked like they were “dead.” He liked the purple ones standing at attention, sturdy, strong.  Mario is all into muscle lately whether on him (“Feel my muscles, everyone”) or on objects.  Maria reminded me that we needed to buy flower seeds and flowers to plant soon so our yard would look pretty for Spring.  She is a task master.  After looking around the street, she chose a car to describe her senses.  She saw the car, touched the car, smelled the car (she observed if it was turned on she would smell gas) and heard the car start its engine ( I tried for a flower or tree but she wanted a car). 

We headed up the street to Stauf’s for a bagel and cream cheese.  We had not hit Stauf’s together for a long time and it was refreshing to sit in the coffeehouse and relax.  And neither of my children ran around like crazy people, which thrilled me most of all.  Mario sat on my lap and Maria sat in her chair.  Is this what it is like to have well-behaved kids?  Love it. We took off down Grandview Avenue – Maria running ahead and hiding behind signs and Mario trailing behind doing the same.  Luckily, Maria is very good about stopping at every crosswalk but I still make her stop every 20 feet or so.  What is it going to be like when she is older and wants to walk alone with her girlfriends?! 

Mario soaking up the pampering

We made it past the post office, past the waterfall in the flower shop, and to the hair cutting place.  Mario stopped dead in his tracks; ran his hand through his hair, and demanded he get a haircut.  “It has been too long, mom.”  So, we headed inside.  Maria and Mario flipped through magazines (Mario’s was ESPN and Maria’s was Vogue – swear!) and Maria got called up to the chair.  She had decided she would “get a trim.”  However, she didn’t make it two minutes before she started crying about how much it hurt to comb her hair.  It went from a slight sniffle to a full-blown sob and we had to stop the hairstylist.  If there is one thing that Maria hates it is getting her hair combed.  I let her brush her own hair for school because she has such a meltdown if I touch it.  It is one of those battles I choose not to have because it isn’t worth it in comparison to getting dressed, getting lunch together, getting homework done.  She certainly does not do the best with it but I don’t have enough energy to waste fighting this one (although there are times that I just want to style her gorgeous thick hair!). Mario is up to the chair next.  He sits straight up, eyes focused in the mirror, sucker in his mouth, and does not move the entire time the stylist cuts, razors and trims up his hair.  He watches intently in the mirror soaking up the adoration and pampering from the staff.  When finished, he agrees to some gel through his hair.  When we get outside, the wind blows hard.  “Mom, does my hair still look good?”  The boy is destined to be the next drop-dead male model – god help us. 

We head to Giant Eagle next to pick up lawn bags and yogurt with candy on top (Mario’s new obsession).  I am concerned about the walk home because I now have bags of groceries and therefore it is inevitable one will be too tired to walk and want me to carry them.  However, much to my amazement, they run with each other down Grandview Avenue, stopping at the waterfall again and the mailboxes.  They continue to think it is so funny to hide from me behind a parking meter.  

We were so close to home when Mario tripped on a hose; hence, the end of the walk for him.  I carried him home with Maria by my side asking if I was proud of her for walking the entire way. “Maria, you are my amazing, strong, adventurous girl – I am so proud of you.”  She continued to look down the street but I saw a little smile form on her face. 

My rough and tough princess

Thank god for this day – we all needed it to raise our spirits and get us back into life again.  Recharge the batteries.  See the light.  Tomorrow is supposed to be back to 40 degrees and cloudy but we can handle it for a few days now that we have had the gorgeousness and splendor of today.  Besides, daylight savings time is tonight so it will be light until 7 or so every evening – another saving grace to keep us away from those doldrums.

Fun Fair 2011

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M&M at the 2010 fun fest!We went to the annual Family Fun Fest today for the second year in a row (the picture to the left is of M&M after getting their face painted like cats last year; despite their looks, they did have a blast!). 

Once again, I left more exhausted than I am after a ten-mile run.  The middle school gym is filled with frantic kids trying to get to every game and activity in the place.  There was the annual toilet paper throw with boarded up toilet seats as the target; the coconut roll; the duck pond; and the basketball free-throw zone. 

The b-ball zone was Mario’s dream come true.  He would not leave it.  Luckily, the male volunteer in charge of that game took a liking to little Mario and let him take a few shots in between other contestants taking their shots.   He stayed in that one area even though there was a bouncey house, a football toss and the almighty toilet paper toss nearby.  Maria and I were cracking up. 

Maria did not surprise me with her actions at the fair.  She is like clockwork.  She walked in and immediately bolted over to the sand art (putting colored sand in a plastic figurine necklace).  Next, she moved to the painting exercise but it had a line so she quickly moved on (she has her mother’s patience).  She headed over to the cupcake and cookie table and checked out the goods.  I had my eye on her knowing what was to come. 

Mario at the fun fair with the green octopus he chose!

“Mom, can I get two snacks; I am so hungry.” Of course I give in justifying that it is a festival after all.  She chooses the purple cupcake and iced cookie.  Mario nabs a brownie, and heads back to the b-ball game.  Maria shuffles to and from a few games for about ten minutes, and then asks for another snack.  “No way, you have to wait a little longer.  We’ll get a hot dog in a bit.”  She finds a friend soon thereafter and they go in the bounce house together and run around the gym.   I am finally able to drag Mario from the b-ball game by having the volunteer pretend that they are closing up the game up for the day.  He helps me put away the balls and holds off the other kids until Mario and I are out of the door.  God love him.

We found the face-painting area on our way out.  Maria chose an ice cream cone and Mario chose an octopus.  Mario spent five minutes after the painting admiring his octopus in the little mirror they gave him.  Maria told me she got a chocolate ice cream cone just for me, and then added “Now, can we get a hot dog or a treat?”  She knows how to reel me in…

We went to the food table and they were sold out of hot dogs.  Maria glared at me with tears forming quickly and shouted “It is all your fault – we should have come over here when I first asked, mom!”  I attributed the outburst to half exhaustion and half a longing for festival food.  As I stood there trying to help Mario put on his shoe, she spotted the cupcake table.  Her anger at me soon ceased.  “Mom, may I please get one more snack since they don’t have a hot dog?” Sweet as can be (she really does know how to work it).  I bought her a small cookie.  Mario refused any more sweets because “they have a lot of sugar which won’t make me grow.”  Jon and I have been telling him this so that he will eat more veggies and fruits and every once in a while it works.  Rather than worry about food, Mario beamed at the sweat that he had built up from playing basketball.  “I look like you mom after you come home from a run!” 

Maria with her ice cream painting.

 We strolled home in the light drizzle without saying a word – the excitement of the fun fair blowing us away for a second year in a row.

A much needed get-away

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Looking out to the waves.

Jon and I took off for Cancun on Wednesday a couple of weeks ago.  It was a nail-biter prior to Wednesday morning at 5:30 am when we took off for the airport.  I got a leg infection on Sunday afternoon – thought it may be a hernia since my left thigh and groin were swollen and red.  I went to the ER on Sunday morning to ensure it was not a hernia and discovered it was an infection.  Luckily, antibiotics kicked in quickly and I felt better by Tuesday morning.  Then it was Jon’s turn to give us a scare.  He came home on Tuesday night feeling nasty with a headache, stomach ache and slight fever.  He never got his flu shot this year, and he felt like it was the flu coming on strong.  We packed our bags up on Tuesday night but in the back of both of our heads we were thinking that the trip would likely be cancelled. 

Jon and I braving the zip-line - we were pros!

Wednesday morning came and Jon got up from the bed to get his alarm at 4:45 am.  He still felt achey and his stomach hurt but no fever.  It was quite the dilemma at that time of the morning – my body had no desire to get out of bed and the fatigue overwhelmed the senses, which were screaming to get out of the 9 degree weather to sunny Cancun!  Jon and I waited until the last-minute to decide to go; called Maggie to come over and get Maria to school, and headed out to the airport.  Seven hours later we were in 79 degree weather staring out at the ocean. 

We had a marvelous time between playing in the ocean, zip-lining through the “jungle” , driving ATVs through dirt paths and ankle-high puddles (got my brand new gym-shoes dirty though – ugh!), and swimming in a cavernous pool of fresh water.  The ocean was our favorite – we both love diving into the waves and getting thrown around.  We agreed that Spring Break should be at the beach if it is warm enough.  Meanwhile, the kiddies were with our beloved parents. 

Maria enjoying a tractor ride (altough her face says differently!)

Maria stayed with her Pee-paw and Mama Meg.  She got treated to her Uncle Jack’s concert on Friday night and the farm on Saturday and Sunday.  She went on two hikes with her Pee-paw, both lasting over two hours.  That kills me!  I ask her to walk to school a half mile away and she whines the entire way.  Something about that gorgeous farm….  It helped that there was ice coating the creek – Maria loves cracking it.  Mama Meg played barbies with her (what a saint!) and cooked up some yummy food.  Meg is the only relative I know that actually vetoes certain barbies going out to the farm!  It seems that she refuses all the sluts and bimbos so I gotta give her a shout out – way to keep Ri real!  Mario stayed with Grandma Ionno and Papa Ionno.   They spoiled him like mad (as they always do) and he was in heaven.  It is his second home up there.  He sat on Papa Ionno’s lap one night and ate mini Nutter Butters while they watched basketball.  Mama Ionno cooks him whatever he wants, scratches his back softly (Mario scolds me everytime he comes home from Mama

Mario and his Grandma Ionno

Ionno’s house that I don’t scratch his back as good as Mama Ionno!), rocks him to sleep, and lets him wrestle her.  He is the king of the roost in that house, for sure. 

I treated Maria and Mario to COSI when we returned from Cancun.  We spent 6 hours at that place!  They saw geckos, entered a submarine, played in the kids area, changed the weather, and got shocked by electricity (supervised by a real scientist – not a torture device for being bad!).  I was pooped, as always, when I got home with them but the kind of pooped that intertwines accomplishment with exhaustion, gulping down life with drop-dead fatigue.

Family Ritual

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The Adventure Team with the addition of M&M!

Last night, I read a book that included a section about the importance of family rites and rituals.  The author asked the question “why do we need rites and rituals?” and answered it with the following: “Because we fall into forgetfulness.  The speed Demon captures our souls. We are too busy…. The demands of modern life are so many that we easily become distracted and neglect to pause and consider what is really important.” 

When I read this passage last night, I immediately thought about some of the past rituals that I share with my family.  My dad, stepmom, brother and sister and I used to take summer vacations to areas where we could hike, find rocks, swim and camp.  It was an outdoor adventure and not surprisingly, we dubbed ourselves “The Adventure Team.”  I look back on those trips with such fond memories (even though for a few of my teenage years, I remember dreading the thought of leaving my friends and the city to go to the lonesome woods!) and an appreciation for Dad and Meg’s persistence in making such vacations happen.  A high appreciation now that I have kids and know the effort and time necessary to prepare for such events and the lack of “leisure” that can often occur on such vacations!  

Mario enjoying his donuts!

Today, Maria, Mario, Jon, and I woke up to a balmy 32 degrees outside and the sight of a cardinal and robin perched in a bare magnolia tree in the back yard.  We looked out the back door at the two birds debating which one was a male and female; the babies they may have in the Spring; and the magnificent color of red the cardinal wore against the ashen tree.  After the birds flew away, we headed back into the living room, and decided that it was warm enough to take a stroller ride to the donut shop.  It has been a while since we did this on a Sunday morning.  The kids bundled up with their nighties under their clothes, and we jumped in the stroller for a wintry, snowy ride to Tim Horton’s.  

During the ride, Maria noticed how beautiful the morning was with the sun shining (the first time in days!) and the snow glistening.  Mario noticed the huge nests that were still present in the bare trees. Ahh, it is these mornings that I breathe in my children and my life and everything beams around me….

Maria and her sultry pose at the donut shoppe.

Once at Tim Horton’s, we claimed our regular seats near the window and ate our donuts and bagel.  We talked about Mama Ionno’s house and what they would play there when they went for dinner.  We talked about Daisies and how many cookies Maria has sold to family.  We talked about summer and how great it will be to stroll to the donut shop in a t-shirt and shorts!  After the donuts, Maria begged to go to the river to find rocks.  I was not sure Mario would agree because he gets so cold even wrapped up in three layers but he ended up being game.  It was an adventure getting there since the bike path was still covered in snow.  I got my arm workout in for the week!   

Maria found her stash of cool rocks, as always.  The girl has an eye for unique rocks.  She found one with fossils and another shiny onyx one.  Mario threw small, medium and large rocks into the water listening for the different sounds they produced upon impact.  We found an “iceberg” jutting off the edge of the bank and took turns throwing rocks on it and watching the ice break off and float down the river.  I told them that if anyone ever told them that they were not strong, they could tell them that they destroyed an iceberg!  They liked that. 

Maria and Mario at the river

We headed back to the house about a half hour later.  I trudged back through the snow along the path and took a deep sigh upon seeing the road.  We headed up Grandview Avenue taking in the immense sunlight and “warm” temperatures.  While I pushed the kids up the hill, I thought about family rituals and it dawned on me that going to the river is our family ritual.  Spending the morning at the river engaging in the simple acts of gathering rocks and making huge splashes in the water.  It is strange to think about creating new rituals for my children; my focus in the past has always been on retaining the rituals from my childhood – Christmas dinners at Grandmas’ houses; Easter egg hunts at Grandma’s house; birthday parties with big sheet cakes.  

But now I found myself creating a new ritual with Maria and Mario that, although right in line with the activites of my childhood summer vacations. was different and special to us.  And best of all, the trips allowed all of us to “pause and consider what is really important.”

Clingin’ Twins

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The Cling-ons

Maria’s and Mario’s new nicknames have to be the Clingin’ Twins. 

I always wanted my kids to want to be near me and feel close to me but lately I have been wishing that they were teenagers and hating the thought of me coming around them.  They are like those little finger puppets with magnetic paws that cling onto your finger or belt clip. 

The neighbors down the street invited us to a birthday party for their twin 2 year olds at a trendy cafe/kids play area last week.  Coffee and chit-chat for adults and play land for kids.  The space had high ceilings, kid-friendly play areas, bouncy house, scooters, and some comfy furniture for adults to sit and talk.  When we walked in, there were at least eight kids running around on all of the toys and play areas.  I nudged M & M over towards the play areas, and they both clung to my hands.  I had to walk Maria over to her friend and initiate conversation between them before she let go of my hand.  Mario, being the clingiest of clingy, really never let go until we were fifteen minutes away from departing the place.   

Maria braving the slide

I know in hindsight that I tended (and still tend) to do too much for my kids.  For example, if Maria wants a pen, I will get up and get it for her when she could just as easily retrieve it.  Or when Mario wants a drink, I grab him the cup and pour the water.  Now, when they were 1, probably appropriate.  At ages 3 and 5, not so appropriate – or smart.  And it is a heck of a lot harder to break them of this mommy reliance now versus at age 1.  I also drop everything when they begin to talk to me or ask me a question.  If I am talking to another adult, I interrupt that conversation to answer Maria or Mario rather than asking M or M to wait.  Again, not the best route to go I have learned. 

But, we live and learn, right?  I need to consider the ten other attributes M&M possess that are wonderful and stop dogging myself about this one thing (something I tend to do a lot in motherhood as well as work, relationships, etc.).  Nonetheless, I will have some different advice to give Maria and Mario as they raise their children (although I am sure I will spoil their children and do everything for them!).   

Mario and mom reading Mario's favorite Cat in the Hat

Anyway, the mom who hosted this party is one of those moms who should wear a cape and the song “Supermom” be played whenever she enters a room.  She feeds her kids all organic foods, she stays home with them all day and reads them books, plays games, does crafts.  They know how to read and play music and count.  I will never forget the day that Maria and I were over for a visit and Maria and Blake were drawing at the table.  Maria spelled her name and I  praised her for such an accomplishment.  Blake, two weeks younger, wrote his name and an entire two sentences.  I tried not to care but it produced a wave of guilt I had not prepared for that day.  Should I be home with Maria?  Should I feed them better? Should I read to them more and make them write more often?  

These feelings descended on me again while we were at the party and Maria and Mario kept dragging me over to where they were playing so I could watch them.  “Maybe if I would have stayed home with them, they would not be so clingy.”  “They feel abandoned during the day so they cling with me any time they can.”  And the thoughts kept going and going… And then a fellow mother approached me. 

“How do you juggle it all between working and getting these guys out and home life?”

I turned to the mother, a “stay-at-home” mom, and replied “what I do pales in comparison to what you are doing.” 

She replied “Oh, no, I could not see getting up and rushing to work and working all day and picking up the kids and making dinner and playing with them and getting them to bed – I would go nuts.” 

Enjoying the Cat in the Hat theme

I told her that I could not see getting up every morning and have a full day ahead with the kids (and no adults), kid activities to plan, refereeing fights, and staying at the house through the day. 

We laughed.  And agreed on a fundamental tenet.  Our kids will be fine because we love them and care for them and hold them and kiss them.  She is not the person that could juggle an outside job, kids, home-life.  I am not the person who can “stay home” all day.  So we both concluded we made the best decision for us, which in turn has to be the best decision for our kids.  Yet, I inevitably second guess my decision when I see the mom swinging her kids on the playground at 1 in the afternoon – just as I am sure there are stay at home moms who watch me jumping in my car to head to work and second guess their decision as their toddler tips over the grape juice glass and throws a solid temper tantrum.

One extreme to the other

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Snow party!

This Winter has been way too cold.  December usually brings a few days of below freezing weather but last month I don’t remember a day where I couldn’t have seen penguins sliding around on the ice outside of our door.  I thought maybe we could look forward to a surprisingly warm January but this month is more of the same.  However, one of my New Year’s Resolutions is to be less negative and see that glass as half full versus half empty.  So, here I go.  Although it was freezing outside, we at least got some snow.  Of course, not enough that we could build a snowman (stop the negative!) but enough that we could make a go at sledding down our local hill. 

 In doing so, wegot the chance to use the plastic sleds we received from cousin Laura for Christmas.  They are the cutest little sleds with a curvy hourglass seat and a handle in the front to steer.  Of course, the seat is made for a three-year old’s butt – when I sat on it at the house, more than half of each cheek laid on the cold snow – not a plastic sled.  We bundled up in two pairs of pants, two shirts, two pairs of socks, jumpsuits, gloves, hats, coats, and snowshoes and booked down to the hill in hopes of beating everyone else.  We only found four others sledding on it – yeah! 

 

Getting ready for the hill!

The hill had already lost most of its snow but with a plastic sled, no problem (see that positive spirit shining through!).  We climbed up to the top and loaded Maria on her red sled.  I gave her a push and much to our dismay, she gently coasted down the hill having to push herself one or two times.  Ok, my reaction affects her reaction so when she looked up the hill at me, I yelled “that was awesome, Ri!”  You could tell that she had expected to go faster but hesitated in saying so because of my reaction.  All of a sudden, a smile formed on her face and she yelled “can I go again?”  Nothin’ like spreading that positive thinking!  

Mario got on his blue sled, and I would have sworn it was custom-built for him.  His butt sat in it perfectly, and with a slight push he whizzed down the hill.  After watching Mario, Maria gave it another try and had high hopes.  Unfortunately, half way down the hill we heard a snap.  When she got to the bottom, she stood up and realized that her sled had broken in two (she has her momma’s bottom).  There was an immediate breakdown – crying like she had been told that she would ever eat meatballs again.  I raced down the hill to calm her down.  “Hey, we still have Mario’s sled” I told her.  

She finally calmed down.  We approached Mario at the top of the hill and told him of Maria’s dilemma.  

 “This is MY sled – no one can use it besides me!”
 
Pretty much what I had expected from Mario who is not into sharing at all (he won’t even share a piece of food that he does not like) so I was ready with my response.  
  
“Mario, your sister lets you share everything with her.  You will share your sled with her or we are leaving and no one sleds.”  
  
“Ok, let’s go home.”

Broken sleds

 
Yeah, again, pretty much the response I expected from him.  Stubborn as heck.  He will give up any type of fun if it means he does not have to share.  I explained to him that he was going to sled with his sister or let his sister go by herself.  He chose the former.   I loaded him and Maria onto the sled and they slid slowly down the hill.  Surprisingly, they both looked up from the bottom of the hill and were smiling!  Alright, score!  When they got up the hill, they asked me to go with them.  In the excitement of it all, I hopped on and stacked them on me.  The sled broke within two seconds of push-off.  Next meltdown but Mario this time.  I explained that we would get some new sleds and come back to the hill.  Hs finally calmed down, cheeks frozen with tears. 

Maria ready for the pool!

  
The next day, knowing that the hill would have no more snow on it, I offered the next best activity to sledding – swimming!  We went to a new indoor pool in Dublin.  Swimming is quite the chore for me because Maria is not swimming on her own yet and Mario wants me to watch his every move.  As soon as I go near Mario, Maria wants me and vice versa.  Finally, I got Maria to put on her goggles and swim to me while I sat near Mario and watched him jump up in the water and land on his stomach.  There was a lazy river that provided much fun as we acted like superheroes while we swam around it.  Unfortunately, they have 15 minute breaks every hour.  Poor Mario cannot handle the cold once he has to get out of the pool.  His lips turn purple, he shakes, and he begs to go home.  Maria, on the other hand, doesn’t even use her towel when she gets out – our little polar bear girl.  I knew that a bag of Cheetos and a big hug from me would calm Mario down and I was right.  We lasted through the 15 minute break and hopped back in at the whistle’s call.  Maria got better at playing by herself and Mario got better at not demanding every second of my attention.  We swam another 45 minutes and then hopped into the showers.  Mario refused to get out.  He showered for 18 minutes with hot water before he finally asked me to get him (this is the same kid who adores hot tubs).  We got dressed, got some chips for Ri and played I Spy while we sat in the Dublin Rec Center lobby.  
  
We got home in time for dinner, and decided on pasta and meatballs and garlic bread.  Good post-swimming meal.  As they sat at their table, Maria spoke to Mario about the importance of saying thank you even if you don’t like a gift that you get (we had discussed this with the kids when we were making Christmas rounds).  Mario sat intently listening to her.  She moved onto discussing the idea of sharing and asked him for a chip.  He promptly responded with a “no.” She took one anyway.  He complained.  She gave it back and told him that if someone takes your food, you should tell them that you do not appreciate it but you should not yell at them.  This coming from the girl who nearly burst a vein screaming at Cy when he ate her garlic bread.  However, that was months ago – how she has grown since that time.  
 

Mario waiting with goggles on!

Solely Mario

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Mario in his sullen holiday state!

We have had Mario for three nights and two days without Maria Grace.  I had reached my tipping point with Mario three days ago when we were at my uncle’s house for Christmas – Mario had gripped onto me like a baby monkey throughout the holidays, refused to go near my grandma and give her a holiday smooch, threw tantrums over eating anything remotely healthy, demanded to only wear his batman costume to family dinner, and cried hysterically when Jon buckled him in his seat rather than me.  Now, it is as if some mysterious spirit – knowing that I was about to boil over and melt down – released a bolt of sweetness and goodness into my son.  He has been significantly better over these last two days. 

I think he merely needed a break from his sister – he needed that only-child-attention that Maria got for 2.5 years.  He snuggles with Jon and me; he sporadically kisses us; he tells me he loves me out of the blue; he plays quietly in the tub with his Spidermen for a half hour; he reads books with me.  Now, it is not all bliss – he still has had his episodes of irrationality (especially when it comes to getting dressed – he continues to think all of his jeans make him look “fat” and none of his shirts fit properly) but they are outweighed ten-fold by his episodes of kindness. 

The only-child Mario!

I think three-year olds need that extra attention – need that reassurance that you are watching them perform that gymnastic move or sing that goofy song.  And when there is a five-year-old to compete with for that attention, it is quite difficult to get it.  They may get a five-minute piece of attention but then they need to give it up for another five minutes while the five-year-old performs.  Whereas when that five-year-old sibling is gone, holy cow, they have the spotlight for what to them probably feels like years (and to the parents can also feel like years, especially when you are watching the twentieth spiderman jump off the bed). 

Maria will return home tomorrow, and her return excites me because I have missed her.  But there is still a tiny part of me that just wishes she could stay at grandma’s house a while longer so that I can continue to bask in this new-found son of mine.  I have gotten rather used to being told “I love you” and being smothered in kisses all night.

“It Wasn’t as Fun as I Thought It Would Be!”

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“It wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be…” 

The words out of Maria’s mouth when I picked her up from her old daycare last Monday.  She had been so excited to go back to her old stomping grounds and hang out with her favorite teachers, Amanda and Chris and Nate, and her old friends, Sydney, Logan, Brianna.  She even gave up a birthday party to go to school all day.  When I dropped her off, she quickly shooed me away and hung on Ms. Chris as I walked out the door.   When I returned at 5:15 that night, she ran to me like she used to when I picked her up from that school – arms out, smile wide.  I thought she would be excited when I told her that she may be going back daycare one more day, tomorrow.  Rather, she fell limp. 

“No way, mom.  I don’t want to come back here again.”

“Why, Ri, you were so excited about coming to school today.”

“I don’t know, mom. It just wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be.”

Oh, darling one.  All I could think when she said those words was how often in my life I have built up an event to only exit it hours later thinking “Well, that wasn’t quite what I expected.” Or, to be more accurate in my thinking “Well, that sucked.”

M&M - post unwrapping gifts

I thought about Maria’s sincere and truthful statement after the holiday festivities this weekend. 

First, the festivities.  It started with Christmas Eve at my mom’s house and my cousin’s house (formerly my grandmother’s house).  Soon after we stepped into my mom’s house, both kids were begging to open presents, especially Mario.  We told Maria to wait a few minutes, and although you could tell she was not too happy about it, she adhered to our wishes and shuffled around the presents looking to find the words “Maria.”  Mario, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with waiting. 

“Mom, I want to open presents now.”

“Mario, you have to wait a few minutes. This celebration is not just about gifts, it is about being with family.”

M&M at mom's house loving Barbies and transformers!

It was as if I told him that Santa did not exist (and I had been tempted to do it many times in the last few weeks when he had pushed me to the limit).  He scrunched his face, looked perplexed, and stomped away.  “How could this day be for anything other than presents”, he thought?  Dad and I had only been telling him for weeks that he better get to sleep or he won’t get any presents from Santa.  After he stomped away for 30 seconds, he returned with a vengeance and a loud scream: “I want to open my presents.”  Mom gave in as grandmas tend to do, and the kids ripped open their presents.  Mario opened one after the other within 4 minutes and then looked up and said “I want more.”  Lovely.

Maria, on the other hand, expressed her appreciation for her camera and books and proceeded to give the warm hugs and kisses for her thoughtful presents.  Thank goodness for that little girl right now.  She knows just when she needs to step in so that I don’t rip my head off or more likely, my sweet, adorable hellboy’s head. 

Maria enjoying time with her cousins (Mario refused to join in)!

Jon and I and my mom and Rod were able to rip open our present in lightening speed before Maria and Mario wore us down with their incessant demands.  I found out later that I totally missed some jewelry my mom bought me because I was too busy just trying to get the gifts open so we could move on to the cousin’s house.  We rushed out of mom’s to get to cousin Laura’s house for the Heile get-together.  Mario and I walked up the three stairs to the kitchen and everyone stood there and screamed “Welcome! Merry Christmas!”  It sounded like they all had superpower megaphones but that was just their normal voices.  I am inflicted with that loud voice, also.  Therefore, my natural reaction was to join in the screaming and laughing and hugging.  Mario was not amused.  He immediately withdrew and would not look at anyone (Maria, on the other hand, ran over to her cousins and hugged and teased them – a true Heile). 

Mario a bit excited about his ball from Aunt Jane.

For most of the night, Mario was on my hip (except when I turned on SpongeBob downstairs for him to watch – the only thing that will pry him away from me).  He was sullen and pissy until nearly everyone left and then he livened up and had a good time for the remaining 20 minutes of our stay.   Not exactly what I had hoped for when thinking about the night.

We drove home, both kids still awake at 9:30 when we arrived at the front door.  It took a while for bed to actually occur and I spent the next hour preparing for Santa to come.  Finally, I hit the sack around 11 pm.  Poor Jon was fighting a sinus infection so he got about 3 hours of sleep.  The kids awoke at 7:30 (not bad for Christmas morning) and flew down the steps to the presents.  Mario ripped through all of his presents with his last one being a Spiderman web shooter.  That present was the only one that caught his eye and that he actually stopped to take a breath and admire.  We could have gotten him lumps of coal wrapped in tissue with the Spiderman web shooter and he would have never known.  In fact, that is what Santa should have brought based on Mario’s behavior the last two months.  Maria ripped through her presents, also, and seemed pleased with what she received – her favorite being her barbie dolls and Leapster.  However, when she went to play the one game I got her, Globe Expedition, she returned to the room almost immediately crying about how the game was horrible. 

Maria showing off her presents

“I just want to play a game, mom.  This game just wants you to learn things.”

Oh, heaven forbid.  She proceeded to complain about how this Christmas had been horrible and boring.  Meanwhile, Mario burst out in tears because he shot all of his web string within ten minutes and he no longer had any to play with through the day.  Ahh, such peace and joy for the holidays.  Not the picture I had in mind for the holidays.   

Jon’s family came over at 2 pm for Christmas dinner.  The kids played fairly well together although Mario still clung to me or Patty the entire time.  They left around 8 pm that night and we were all exhausted except Mario who always gets his second wind around that time.  He wanted to wrestle and jump and punch and kick.  The boy is like the energizer bunny.  We played for a while in Maria’s room – Mario put on his imaginary diving suit and jumped in the ocean off of Maria’s bed and Maria helped him look for fish to catch.  Maria and I fried the fish and ate them.  After 15 minutes of that game, Ri and I read some Fancy Nancy books. and Mario chose Dr. Seuss.  Mario got out of bed, as always, within 10 minutes of putting him down.  We fed him cheese and crackers and he begged me to go upstairs with him.  I hesitated because I wanted to veg out with my computer and cookies, but I gave in and was fast asleep by 10 pm.  Ugh, so much for some down time and again, not the night I had thought it would be.

The crew preparing to open presents

On Sunday, I got up at 7 am and ran up to Panera to get some yummy bakery treats.  I literally ran up the street just to wake me up because I was exhausted from the past two days – 15 degrees will open your eyes and get your blood pumpin’ anyday.  My dad and Meg, Sarah and Jorge, and Jack came over at 9 am.  Let the third round of chaos begin!  Sarah and Jorge madly wrapped gifts, Mario begged to open presents, Cy barked madly, and Maria stole bites of all of the bakery treats. 

We tossed around gifts to their rightful owners and tried to prepare ourselves for the traditional opening of the presents.  I think back to life just eight years ago when Jon and I were sans children, Sarah was home from college, and Jack was in high school.  We would head over to Meg and dad’s house at a reasonable, adult-like hour, spend at least an hour and a half opening presents, and then get treated to a down-home breakfast of eggs and toast and pancakes.  My family needs that time to open presents.  We like to open a gift and talk about its origins, its necessity to our lives, its cool texture or how we’ll use it.  Jon’s family is exact opposite.  Everyone opens their gifts at the same time, a thank you follows the opening of the present, and it’s done.  I am quite sure I take the nutty in-law award at Christmas with them as I explain for ten minutes when and where I am going to use the gift and how I had been wanting it for years and years.   

Mario enjoying a present

On this Christmas, however, we have two little munchkins that cannot hold back their excitement for opening more presents.  We also have a drop-dead time that we have to leave to Cincy to visit family.  Therefore, in the end, we  only have about an hour to open gifts, which in any other family may be more than enough time, but it is like a nanosecond for us.  Maria and Mario opened first because Mario was going to go into coronary arrest if he did not open his big box.  And, what joy when he saw his bean bag!  Joy that lasted nearly 5 seconds at which time he pushed it to the side and asked, while salivating and looking a bit crazed, “where is my next one?”  Maria, my gracious five-year old girl, expressed much appreciation for her bean bag.  She has heard stories of how I laid on my bean bag watching tv, eating doritos, and sipping coke on the weekends.  She dreamed of aping me.  By the time M&M finished opening, we had about 40 minutes.  I think we got through a round or two of gifts before we realized we only had 10 minutes left.  We threw out tradition and began opening our presents quickly, and only speaking about them for a few seconds.  Very strange and wonderful to my dear hubby, but again, not what I thought it would be like that morning.  

Mario taking a break from being mad to laugh at silly grandpa and aunt sarah!

We then headed back to Cincy to see my grandma, uncle, and cousin and her family.  Mario remained in his complete mama state refusing to say hello to his great-grandma and refusing to even let Pee-paw hold him while I went to the car (Maria gave double the hugs and kisses to great-grandma – thanks Ri).  I cannot wait to tell these “clingy mama” stories to Mario when he is 13 years old and begging me with all of his heart not to kiss him when I drop him off at school or come around him and his friends.  Finally, Pee-paw whisked him away crying and all to show him the pool table; he quickly became immersed in pushing the balls into the different side pockets.  Maria and Annaliese played dress-up and I got to breathe for a few minutes and get in a talk with Meg and grandma about raising boys.  I also got to take a little stroll with my siblings as we took the dogs out to get some air.  Sarah has two pups named Stella and Mona.  Dad has one pup named Rosie.  Rosie is insane.  Stella is wild.  Mona is chill.  I walked Mona. 

Maria and her great-grandma

We had another delicious meal and opened yet another round of presents.  Mario received his 20th spiderman toy.  He could own a spiderman factory.  He gave his traditional pout after he opened his last gift and complained that everyone else had more presents than him.  I tried to explain to him that others had the same amount but that he opened his like a hurricane leaving others in the dust.  He liked the analogy of beating others so his mood became upbeat again.  Boys.  Maria swaddled her new baby, which surprisingly held her attention for a good amount of time.

We left my uncle’s house around 5 pm and headed up north to our distant home.  We forgot my sweater and Maria’s doll so we circled back to the house with much exhaustion. 

Ms. Maria

As I looked back at the holiday events – my mom’s and cousin’s house, our house with Jon’s family, and my dad and Meg and family, I think about the myriad of times during the three-day period when I thought “This is not what I expected” and I felt irritated or tired or frustrated.  But nearly every time I had such feelings, I quickly pushed my mood up a few notches by thinking about how grateful I am for my family.  Grateful that I could share the holiday with my closest relatives – my hubby, my kids, my mom, dad, stepmom, sister, brother, grandmother, in-laws, cousins, aunts….  Grateful that I could laugh with them about Mario’s terrible threes and Maria’s infatuation with boys and Justin Bieber.  Grateful that I could see my 90-year-old grandma enjoying her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  Grateful to have such a wide spectrum of personalities and interests amongst my family members. 

When I spoke with Maria after Christmas was officially over at my uncle’s house, I talked with her about this principle of gratitude.  I explained to her that people who practiced gratitude typically lived more joyful, content, meaningful lives.  I used an example: Sometimes mom gets very irritated and angry with you or Mario when you are acting up but after a while I close my eyes and think about how grateful I am to be your mother, to watch you grow and learn, to give you love and comfort.  Once I practice that gratitude, I feel better.  Maria sat looking at the wall for a few seconds and then replied “Yeah, Mario irritates me sometimes, too.”  I chuckled and asked her although she got irriated with Mario, was she still thankful to have him as her brother.  She glanced over at Mario who was intently playing with his spiderman figurine and eating a cookie, looked at me, and quietly responded “yes.”

“You be Daphne and I am Velma.”

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Maria on her rock

A year ago, Maria and Mario loved all of the Noggin’ shows – Dora, Diego, Max&Ruby.  We excused ourselves for letting them watch a few of the shows through the day because Noggin’s scientists told us in the beginning of the shows that our childrens’ brains would be much better off after watching their 20 minute show.  Then, in what seemed a nanosecond, Maria and Mario shunned Noggin shows in favor of one show only – Scooby Doo.  Ugh!  To say that I dislike Scooby Doo is a huge understatement.  I hated it growing up and I continue to detest it today.  M & M, on the other hand, adore it. 

Maria doing her umpteenth pose for me

Maria talks about Daphne and her outfits and her make-up and her love for Fred.  I figured that Maria would take to her seeing that Maria can be obsessed about boys and high heels and make-up at times.  However, she surprised me on our “hike” the other day (a short walk through the local woods to the playground).  While she led me through the woods, she asked if we could “play.”  I agreed.  Next, she told me we would be looking for clues in the woods.  “Alright – got it”, I replied back to her waiting for her to tell me I was Fred or Velma.  But, to my utter surprise. she directed me to be Daphne, and she would play Velma.  

She wanted me to talk about make-up and my high heels.  When I did, she responded with a sigh “Oh, Daphne…” and then proceeded to find clues on the ground and on rocks and in the trees to help us solve the mystery.  As we continued to walk towards the playground, I found myself smiling and feeling proud.  I would have thought that she would have loved to have been Daphne since that is what she seems to be “into” these days.  But when given the opportunity, she chose to be Velma, the smart, curious, independent one (talk about reading into a game!). 

Maria daydreaming on her favorite tree

After the park, we strolled up to Giant Eagle to find a card for Jack, my little brother who turned 22 on Friday.  The first one she handed me had two girls with huge breasts on it asking if the card-reader wanted to get hot and steamy.  It opened up to the Car Wash song.  “What made you pick this?” I asked her.  She giggled and responded “It is for Uncle Jack, mom!”  Like that explains it… Uncle Jack would rather have a card with a saxophone on it then a big-breasted woman but whatever….  Maria likes to go for the va-va-voom.  We decided to go with a card that had a cat dressed up in a provocative outfit with the owner yelling to his wife “The cat is in heat again.”  Much more Jack’s style. 

When we got home, Ri took a bath all by herself.  Mario was asleep.  She loves doing that now, just like my little sis, Sarah, used to do when she was young.  Sarah would sit in the tub for hours reading a book.  I could never last more than 15 minutes.  Maria may be heading down Sarah’s path – she stayed in for 30 minutes.  Then she hopped out and put on her pjs for movie night at Blake’s house down the street.  Jon and I got to head to a neighborhood party while Maria and Mario went to Blake’s house.  You would have thought she was going to meet Scooby Doo.  She jumped up and down in excitement waiting for Mario to get ready.  She gathered her popcorn containers, popcorn, and slippers.  We arrived at Blake’s house, and he showed off the popcorn and M&Ms waiting for Maria and Mario.  M & M had died and went to heaven.  They didn’t even notice us leave.

Crazy man refusing to sleep!

When we returned a few hours later, M & M were going strong.  Mario had been playing hockey with Blake for the last 20 minutes and Maria and Jonera (another little girl down the street) had been reading princess stories.  They were in no mood to leave but eventually gave in and sauntered out the door with Jon and me.  Maria went to bed within fifteen minutes of getting home.  Mario, on the other hand, stayed up for another hour playing up in her room, his room, and sneaking downstairs to talk to Jon and me.  The boy has too much energy.  We finally put our feet down and told him to go to sleep.  When we walked upstairs an hour later, he was snuggled up, as always, to his big sis – both of them snoring away.