Weekend Round-Up

Biking up to the Annual Cake Walk was bad luck. How were we going to carry a cake home if we won?

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The Middle School gym was packed with no ability to avoid touching another human (Jon would have been very unhappy). I am usually ok in those situations for a brief period of time but then I reach a rapid breaking point and need out quick. There were the parents who loved every second of the event watching the crowd and chatting with other parents.  Then there were the seriously irked parents in the crowd silently bemoaning their children for making them endure such conditions. I was in-between.  This was the first year that I felt comfortable allowing Ri to leave my sight and run around by herself or with friends. And thank god I did because there was no way to let her walk ahead and still keep an eye on her. Ten feet ahead and she was in the masses. Mario wished he was Ri and could be on his own. He is so over having to be next to me and not run around on his own. Luckily, there was a toy/game area cordoned off upstairs so I could stand back and let him do his thing  (inevitably he’d run back to me though and say “Mom, come watch me play!” (he needs me more than he thinks)). Mario found Quinn and followed him everywhere. He’s got a complete boy crush on him. Ri hung with Sophie.

We failed on the cake front. Mario got so mad after our first loss that he pronounced “this is stupid, I’m never playing again!” Mario is intolerant of games of chance. He played a few more times and got irritated at losing every time.  Ri could have cared less; she was busy bragging about how Uncle Jack played in the band at the Cake Walk when he was in middle school. I love this picture of us: I was stunned because I almost won; Mario was mad because he didn’t; and Ri was zoning out due to a sugar overdose.

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Saturday brought 40 degree weather which meant we were on our bikes and trolling the neighborhood. We hit Panera with Jon (Mario ate his entire ham sandwich – miracle!) and trekked over to our old digs to see if our bird’s nest was still up in the corner of the neighbor’s house. It was! But we found no mama sitting on eggs. Maria again lamented like she always does about the new owner not taking care of our old house. “He doesn’t care for it like we did. He doesn’t even plant flowers.” I’m worried if he ever comes outside, she may give him a piece of her mind. We stopped at Doris and Kim’s house to say hi but they weren’t home. The kids wanted a sad picture to send them so they’d know we missed them.

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But then our always joyful Ri chirped “Now turn those frowns upside down, folks! Unfortunately, her stranglehold on Mario produced a greater frown.

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Next, we hit Zach’s house. They were preparing for Grace’s birthday party so we helped fill the piñata and broke out SpongeBob tattoos (we know how to party). Zach let M&M ride his go-cart which thrilled Mario. He also played b-ball with him. Mario is gonna love making boy friends at Stevenson. Meanwhile, Ri threw on Zach’s football pads and completely played the role of linebacker.

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We left Zach’s and headed up to Kroger’s for eggs. We had our Paas coloring kits already. The kids engaged in their annual egg coloring doing better this year than in any year past (usually there is at least one colored water spill). After coloring 20 eggs we called it a night. Ri read Martin Luther King Jr.’s book to us before bed.  The book contained his “I Have a Dream” speech. Mario paid no attention to which Ri scolded “you are never going to learn about history, Mario!”

We skipped out on the farm on Sunday due to the Winter Storm predicted for the day (ended up to be a false alarm with hardly any snow through the day – daggone meteorologists. Mario jumped on me at 7:30 in the morning begging to color more eggs. So there we were at 8 am coloring away.

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Ri went to Yoga with me at 10am. She loves playing on the iPad and watching me sweat. She is at once in awe and disgusted. We came home and found Mario in heaven because he was playing with Quinn. Ri and I took off to Stauf’s for a scone and Uno and then picked up Sophie and Paxton to head to the woods. Nothin’ like a girl climbing a tree in cowgirl boots.

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After climbing trees and playing in the shallow creek, we called it a day and went home. Quinn and Mario were playing mutant ninja turtles in the basement and eating peanut butter and Ri and Sophie took sleeping bags to her house to sleep outside in the snow.  When Quinn had to leave, Mario gave him a big hug and told him that they would play again tomorrow “because we’re best friends.” When Jon questioned Mario about Gio being his best friend, Mario told him “it’s complicated, dad, let’s not go there.”

We ended the night with a family card game of Three Little Pigs and Beat the Parents.  The kids demolished us.  We blamed it on being tired but I think it’s more likely a lack of sugar from no cake.

Weekend Round-Up

A list of all the events from the weekend of March 8:

Friday

Ri headed to Kids Night Out at Stevenson. She stayed in Ms. Palmer’s room with the third graders to help watch Ms. Palmer’s little boy, Colin. She would give up friend time to watch a little kid anytime. She also got a healthy dose of Spongebob while they waited for Mrs. Palmer to get organized.

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When I picked her up from KNO, I ran down the hall with her and out the door trying to pinch her behind. We jumped onto a stone structure and laughed as we tried to get our breath. She looked at me and said “you are the funnest mom ever!” Words tucked away in my heart.

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2. While Ri was at KNO, I took Mario to Target to buy new shirts and a Skylander (he got to buy that with his own money). We got our icees and headed straight to the Skylander aisle. And… we stood there for what seemed like two hours deciding which Skylander to buy. Another kid came over while we were standing there and he and Mario acted like old friends as they chatted about their favorite Skylanders. Hilarious. We ended up with Stealth Elf who Mario reported was liked by everyone – even our babysitter David. A cute little gal, I must admit. Then we headed to the clothing aisle. Doggone Spring clothes were already out so we could only find a few long-sleeved shirts. He found some boxers that “looked just like dad’s” so we got those, too. We got a good deal on a Dr. Seuss book – $5 – and Mario “read” it on the way home. He is hilarious with reading. He simply looks at the pictures and makes up his own story. He’s pretty creative, and usually some up with a more interesting story than the one in the book.

Saturday

We took advantage of 55 degree weather! We also took advantage of Mario’s new running shirt – as soon as I came home from my run he begged to go out with me for another run.

“I have my new running shirt, mom! I want to test it out!”

Ri biked (her worst nightmare is running!) and Mario and I ran. I explained to him about keeping a steady pace which he adhered to for two seconds and then sprinted again. After about two blocks he turned around and said “why aren’t I sweaty yet, like you always are?!” He wants to come home sweaty just like his mama (another one if Ri’s nightmares!). We played at the park a while and then went home to toss the football.

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After running around, the kids were ready to chill in the car for a trip to Cincy for Cy’s 18th birthday party. Mario made dad and I engage in a singing contest (dad won with his famous song “Spicy Meatballs”) and Ri drew a picture for Cy’s birthday. When we arrived, the kids went straight to Robert and Cy and their girlfriends to play. Robert tossed the football with Mario and Cy messed around with Ri. There was a two-year old boy at the party so Ri was in heaven chasing him around and holding him. She is gonna be a heck of a babysitter.

Jane made killer lasagna and garlic bread: the Italian Ionno family was quite pleased. Liz and I ate with the kids downstairs cracking up at Ri going to town on her lasagna and Mario trying to play pool. Jane has hosted 72 birthday parties over the years for her kiddies – what a machine! We sang happy birthday to Cy, gobbled up chocolate cake and ran around the house wild until it was time to head home.

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Sunday

Ri rode her bike and I ran up to Stauf’s. We took a long way up and down side streets to make it a three mile ride/run and Ri cranked it out on her old, run-down bike. She prides herself on being able to ride this bike (she always asks “do you think [insert friend’s name] could ride this bike like I do?). The chain is rather rusted and the pedals are tough to push but she has her parents’ strong leg muscles!

We had a wonderful Stauf’s trip – we sat outside in the 60 degree weather eating a chocolate chip scone and talking about school. I love mornings like that. We brought home a donut for home-body Mario and got ready for the Ionno clan to arrive.

We hadn’t seen Alana and Gio for a while so the kids were excited to have them over.  As soon as they arrived, Ri and Alana were upstairs playing barbies and Gio and Mario were on my bed with my iPad and Grandma Ionno’s iPad. When we made them come downstairs to play, they picked up their nerf guns and acted like they were zombie killers.

I took the girls to the woods to try to find baby bunnies. No luck on that front but we did find a good tree to climb. It was only 65 degrees but Ri was “so hot.” She had to create a “belly shirt” to cool down and slip off her shoes. God help her when Summer hits.

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The boys were next. I took them to the woods by the train tracks (I didn’t let them go near the tracks, Aunt Kathy!). They were hilarious talking about Skylanders and zombie killing. Mario kept asking Gio if Gio had a running shirt like he did. When Gio said no, Mario scolded him that he needed to get in shape.

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When we returned, I had to play zombie. The boys destroyed me with their nerf guns (they did an excellent job aiming from the waist down). Then Grandma Ionno got in the mix and wrestled Mario. For 70+ years, that woman can hold her own. I can’t get over how much energy she has. She was on the carpet rolling all around with Mario. Good way to stay fit ad work off some of the calories consumed from Jon’s killer homemade spaghetti and meatballs meal.

We ended the weekend on our backs looking up at the sky and debating what the tree in our yard most resembled (I thought the tree stump from Skylanders and Ri thought a mom asking her kids why they broke something – you can see who is more creative).

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And here’s to the start of a new week.

Ri time

Ri is so fortunate it’s Winter. It’s the only way that I’d agree to manicures right after work and school. In the Spring, Summer and Fall, we’d be on our bikes or at the park. But the dark combined with the cold leads us indoors. In addition, Mario got to go to Grandma Ionno’s house this week and Ri had to go back to school so I promised her a night where she could choose our itinerary.

When I picked her up at Kids Club, she had it all set. Janira would come with us and we’d go to the nail salon and to dinner. She is not a cheap date.

“Chop chop lollipop!” She pushed me out the door towards the car. “We’ve got some nails to make pretty!”

She begged for a pedi along with the manicure but I nixed that request. Janira and Ri flipped through magazines while I got my gel polish scraped off. I never used to get my nails done but recently felt uneasy about my nails while sitting in a work meeting. Everyone had gorgeous manicured nails and mine looked like a cave man’s. So I tried this gel process. I regret it. You have to get your nails done every couple of weeks and I hate sitting in a salon for an hour. So, I asked the tech to take off my gel polish and just put on regular clear polish. She looked at me like I had just told her to cut my wrist.

Ri and Janira waited patiently for their turn and loved every minute of it. They read about Katy Perry and Beyonce. When their nails were finished, they flaunted them off to me. Two different colors on each hand just like Katy Perry would do.

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We decided we’d stay in for dinner since they wanted time to play. They wanted a “fancy” dinner so we got out candles and china. They got dressed up – make-up and all – while I made their dinner. They made me call their names for dinner (yes, I am a trooper). They walked in the room and owned it with their confidence and style.

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They turned on some Bieber to eat to and made me leave the room (gladly). We stopped at DQ for dessert and took Janira home. Ri and I returned home, watched National Geographic Wild, and snuggled in bed. We were asleep within 10 minutes. I woke to Ri kicking me in the head.

When we turned on the Today show at 7 am, it was 39 degrees. We decided that Ri would ride her bike to school and we’d stop at Stauf’s for a hot chocolate and bagel. Ri begged me to get her a hot cocoa in a cardboard cup so she could drink it in class. Another girl had done that last week and she thought it was cool.

And there she was at her computer as I went to leave her school. Looking like a college kid. For a brief few seconds, I had an image of her at age 19 sitting in her frosh English class with her hot chocolate (I think she will stick with that hot drink over coffee) waiting for her girlfriend to sit next to her to chat about their weekends. Then the image left me. Good riddance I thought. Let me keep her my little second grader for a bit longer.

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Obama Rally

Obama pins, Obama cups, Obama shirts. Protestors. Loud music. Welcome to the OSU Obama rally, Maria and Mario.

I asked our babysitter to drop the kids off at my office with the stroller so that we could walk over to the rally on the Oval. I made the last minute decision when I found out they had a few more tickets at the Obama headquarters downstairs from my office. With as much back and forth between M&M about the candidates, I thought this would be a good experience.

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I knew from the beginning of our stroller ride that Mario was not gonna hang with me in all of the chaos. He has a nasty cold that has him headache-y and coughing. He perked up a bit when the Secret Service guys talked to him as we went through security and he even danced for them when he caught a bit of Black Eyed Peas on the loudspeaker. But when we moved into the crowd and the speakers were blasting and the crowd was cheering, he wailed “I want to go, mom!” I tried to distract him but there was no use. So, I made them take in all of the people and excitement and energy of the place and always remember how important it is to vote. On the count of three, we all yelled “Vote!” And then we headed back to my office.

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Of course, once in my office, Mario came alive with the sight of chocolate everywhere (a lot of us have bowls of chocolate on our desks). He remembers the chocolate all too well and went directly to the rooms that had it. Maria went directly to my desk to be “the boss.” They could have played in my room all night.

But Jon rescued me and drove up like a knight in shining armor to pick us up. We ate Bob Evans (could I live on chocolate chip pancakes? Yes), and then I rode home (no room for my bike in the truck) only to find M&M in the driveway riding their bikes in the dark waiting for me.

“We beat you, mom!”
“Yea, but I’m gonna get you now” I remarked as I chased them down the driveway listening to them laugh and prod me to chase them faster.

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After engaging in these chases for twenty minutes, I finally petered the kids out. They parked their bikes and went inside. Mario turned on the computer and yelled “Mom, come here!” I walked over and he said “see mom, I told you Mitt Romney is more famous because he’s on the front page of the computer!” Maria and I shook our heads and scrolled down to find a picture of Obama to show him.

Tornado hits Cincy

I planned a trip to Cincinnati with the kids for the entire weekend because Jon was heading to England Saturday morning. However, his trip got delayed so he informed me he’d be home all weekend. Lucky dog, I thought. But he really wanted me and the kids to stick around so I compromised and took the kids to Cincy after Mario’s game on Saturday and decided we’d come back Saturday night.

Mario is doing better and better with football. I think the key is to have Jon present; he likes impressing his dad and routinely looks over to Jon after a play and gives a “thumbs up” to him. He’s been running after the other players more and even dodged another player while running with the ball for his team. I must agree with one parent who mentioned to me “he will be really good next year with this practice.”

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After the game, we headed down south with our popcorn, cheese pretzels, and powerades. Oh, and with National Geographic’s Wild Kratts show. Mario has been waiting patiently for it to arrive from another library and it was worth the wait. It had the Alaskan bears that Mario asked about every time a new show came on tv. Very cool.

Our trip to Cincy was like most other day trips down there. My mom and her husband describe it as a tornado coming through the house. Pretty accurate. My Aunt Julie, who lives across the driveway in the condo complex would likely describe it the same. The kids jump out of the cars, surprise mom and Rod, play with Lou and run over to Julie’s to say hi to her and Gracie and Liz and Maggie. It’s a cousin-fest! We break out the chips and candies and play with toys and make lots of noise. We tickle Gracie and pounce on Liz and Mag and act crazy. After that gets old, we head outside and show off our bike riding and toss the bouncey ball. Within a few minutes, we are ready for the park. Gracie gets in the stroller, Maria and Mario get on their bikes and we head north to the park where cousin Laura meets up with us. She swings Maria and Grace while I play with Mario and mom walks Lou. The kids put on a show for us that I want to kick myself for not recording. Of course, Maria emcees it and Mario and Grace do funny dances and songs.

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After the play, we moved onto the main playground where Maria decided to take an eight foot fall off the slide. I knew she was hurt when I picked her up and she cried incessantly. She brushes off most falls but this one hurt. We carried her to the “ambulance” (Laura’s car) and transported her back to my mom’s. The only thing that would help calm Ri’s pain was Larosa’s spaghetti and meatballs so we ordered from there. I devoured a veggie pizza, and the kids ate garlic bread, pizza and spaghetti. We had worked up an appetite.

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After Larosa’s, we hit the outdoors again for some cheer leading lessons from Ri who may be the world’s strictest coach ever. She showed me a cheer and then I tried it. She looked at me with sheer disgust. “Oh, Mary, that was not good….” So much for a gentle touch! Meanwhile, Mario and Laura threw the ball up on the carport roof and watched it bounce down. Mario thought it was the coolest activity ever but he could not get it up to the roof like Laura. It would bounce under the carport and over the small fence behind the cars and we’d spend ten minutes looking for it acting like it was lost treasure when we found it! Mario finally bounced it up to the roof and his smile was as wide as it was long when he turned to me. “I did it,Mom!”

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Laura took off for Oktoberfest and we headed inside for baths. The water looked like the Olentangy when the bath ended. The kids both wore goggles and laid parallel to one another to see who could hold their breath the longest. What a sight to behold. Two white round butts in the air attached to two tanned still bodies trying to beat each other in under water breath holding. Mom and I stood over them in awe and joy. They’d come a long way since the nights of bottles and binkies and crying at 2 am.

We ended the night with ice cream and the Dog Whisperer. Maria sat mesmerized by the show while Mario concentrated on making letters with marbles. We looked down and he had spelled “Rex.” He is a Ben Ten fanatic.
We dragged ourselves out to the car, got situated with a movie, and started our journey back home to Jon.

The tornado struck Cincy again but the destruction was well worth it, as always.

Biking for health and quicker access to coffee

I appreciate any assistance in persuading people to get out and bike more often. This article confirms the benefits to both our health and our environment when we stay away from our cars and hop on our bikes.

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In addition to making us healthier and improving our environment, biking is usually more efficient when you are traveling 5 miles or less. It takes me less time to get to work – 4 miles away – on my bike than in my car between lights and traffic and parking. It also takes less time to bike with the kids to Stauf’s on Sunday morning to get my coffee. If that’s not convincing, what is?!

Determined to bike (and be near family).

My boy didn’t give up all day Sunday. He sat on his two-wheeled bike, adjusted the pedal so that it was at the northern-most direction, placed his foot on it and rode until the pedal went a half of a turn to the southern-most direction; and then threw both his feet down on the ground to stop himself.

He started the process again. And again. And again.

Every time Jon and I would try to hold the back of his bike to give him a little push to get him started, he would berate us and push our hands away.

“I can do it myself!”

He’s a determined little sucker. He wants to accomplish things on his own. But he also wants you to watch his every move while he works on them. And if you don’t, he lets you know. At football on Saturday, I coached Mario after a play he made telling him to make sure to run after the ball. He darted over to me on the sidelines and yelled “you weren’t even watching me, mom, so don’t talk to me because I don’t have to listen to you!” (I had been listening to Maria read me a book during his play and had not had my undivided attention on him).

A tad bull-headed.

But being bull-headed has its positive side. Mario was not going to let Monday roll around until he could pedal a few turns without falling. Jon and I took turns watching him start and stop and start and stop and start…. Maria tried to coach him, too, instructing him to get a running start before putting his feet on the pedals. He actually listened to her and tried it but clearly felt like that move was a little too risky for him.

Nonetheless, by the time we went inside Sunday evening, he was able to pedal three or four turns before falling to one side. On Monday evening, he was able to go up or down the driveway before screeching to a halt. Jon and I watched with pride and amazement as he biked from the mid-point of the drive to the end. We cheered and roared as though he won the Olympics.

Tonight, he biked on the sidewalk of our street. He cranked out three or four house lengths before rolling into the grass and starting over. Incredible. Just last week Maria complained about Mario never wanting to try the two-wheeled bike and Mario was adamant that he would not give into her complaints. He had no desire to ride a bike sans training wheels. But something or someone changed his mind on Sunday and now there is no turning back.

Yet another milestone achieved. A milestone that pushes him towards independence and self-sufficiency. After all, once you can bike, you can go anywhere (isn’t that a Dr. Seuss rhyme?!).

Why is it that the mind understands that these babies of ours need to grow up but the heart so desperately wants to keep them young?

I stood and watched his tiny determined face as he situated the pedals just right and took off down the sidewalk. My little munch was not so little any longer. Five years old and riding a bike and playing football and operating a computer. He’s set.

I can only imagine the short amount of time it will take before he begins begging to ride to the next street over, then the next, and then even further away. But for now I will soak in his response when I told him that he was an official two-wheeled bike rider:

“This is great mom. Now the whole family can ride two-wheeled bikes together.”

Always thinking of his family – my sweet biking son.

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Mario, the Romantic

It’s just me and Mario tonight since Maria is at her grandma’s house and Jon is partying with his buddies in Baltimore (he is actually working but heading out to awesome dinners in the evening so I discount his time away as play!).

Mario and I took a bike ride to the library to pick up two Wild Kratts DVDs on hold for us from another library. Mario’s been asking for these for a month and he was so charged to hear they were finally waiting for us. He biked like a mad man to the library in order to pick up the DVDs (however, he did take the time to climb off his bike at certain uneven driveways and cross walks to ensure that he did not tumble over on his bike – the daredevil has his limits, I guess).

After picking up the movies, we headed up north to Dick’s Sporting Goods to purchase his mouthpiece and cleats for flag football. He chose some rockin’ white and black Under Armour cleats and a red and white mouthpiece. He keeps asking when Wednesday night will be here. He’s just a tad bit excited.

On the way home, Ri called to say hi. A few minutes before she called, Mario had lamented to me how much he missed Ria. When she called and I told him it was Ria on the phone, he held up his right hand and said “Don’t say her name, it makes me miss her more and I can’t stand it.” That will make Ri’s day.

When we arrived home, Mario asked me if I knew how many girls he liked. I told him I didn’t know and probably didn’t want to know. He told me he had 20 girls he had a crush on and his number one crush was Jillian, a girl at his school. He continued to show me his love for her…

“I like her so much that one day when I had to fart, I scooted over to the couch and held a pillow to my butt so she wouldn’t hear it.”

How incredibly sweet, heh? If only more men were so considerate?!

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Can’t sit still but I’ll be around longer!

I have finally been vindicated with the MSNBC article out today.  My A-D-D and obsessive compulsiveness around never sitting still is going to allow me to live longer!  Maybe only by a year or two, but still.  That is two more years of enjoying UDF peanut butter-n-chip ice cream, biking on 70 degree days, and watching peach sunsets like the one we saw last night driving home from Cincy.  

I got Maria off the couch tonight and biking down to the park with me.  Mario ran around like a nutcase all day so he chose to ride with me on my bike.  I couldn’t resist him pleading to ride with me when I look at him in his little muscle shirt.  Those tiny little biceps and triceps hanging next to his side.  Eat him up.  And Maria’s little running shorts and t-shirt – she swears my attire off but little does she see how much she dresses like me. 

We moved around all night long – trying out the monkey bars and running down the huge grassy hill.  We could finally breathe since it was only 84 degrees compared to the 100 degrees it had been for the last few days.  I love these types of nights – biking to the park and spending time outdoors – I will take that over a car and sitting inside any day.  So here is to more research on the benefits of moving around a lot – I will be your test bunny!

Some bacon with your splinter?

The evening started out enjoyable but plummeted downhill very quickly.  Maria, Mario and I biked down to the park to meet Sarah, Jorge, and Stella for a little picnic dinner.  We packed up all sorts of goodies – ham sandwiches, spaghetti, cheez-its, watermelon (yeah, our “picnics” are four-course meals) – and squealed with joy when we spotted Sarah, Jorge and Stella under the pine tree. 

We ate together for a few minutes but then the kids split away to climb the tree.  Within 10 minutes, I heard Mario crying.  He sat on the ground next to the tree with one shoe off holding his foot.  I knew right away what we were facing, and I dreaded it.  A splinter.  A splinter half the size of a sewing needle, if that.  But to Mario it was the size of Mount McKinley and there was no way that anyone was touching it.  Sarah asked to look at it but as soon as she touched the bottom of his foot to turn it towards her, he screamed and cried hysterically.  She got in one fingernail push and he went ballistic.  Jorge tried his magic, too, but to no avail.  I knew we were going to need tweezers because he would not let us push for a long enough time to get it out. 

“Mom, stop touching it” he continued to scream every time I tried to get close to him.  I explained to him that we needed to get it out quickly or it would lodge into him deeper (nothing like trying to instill more fear into a kid in order to get something done).  He agreed to head back home with me to get the tweezers.  As I carried him to the bike, he continued to weep and he told me to hurry so that the splinter didn’t go any deeper.  My fear-mongering was working.

We got home and I had the brilliant idea to do what my mom told me my grandma did to her when she was little – wrap bacon around the splinter.  I got out a slice of bacon and wrapped it around Mario’s foot.  This action did bring a faint smile to Mario’s face until he realized that I’d still need to use the tweezers.  Allegedly, the salt in the bacon draws the splinter out.  I believe my grandma used to wrap bacon around my mom and her brothers and sisters’ splinters all night long.  There was no way I was waiting that long for Mario – he would have had a coronary.  So, we kept it on for ten minutes and then I propped him on the couch to work on getting the splinter out.  You would have thought that we were performing open heart surgery on him.  He was hysterical and bawling and jittery.  I kept trying to calm him down but as soon as I did, he immediately started it back up when I moved my hand towards his foot. 

“Mom, let me tell you one more thing!  Please mom, don’t touch me, let me tell you just one more thing.”  He begged like this over and over.  I finally grabbed his foot and held my other arm over his arms but the little guy is strong and he used his free leg to kick me.  My temper started to flare at this point – 45 minutes after he first got the splinter.  He looked at me with huge tears running down his face and exclaimed:

I hate God because he created splinters and they hurt me!” 

My poor boy.  I knew that there was no turning back for him, and we were just going to have to go for it.  I called in Sarah and Jorge.  Sarah held his arms while I held his other foot.  Jorge took the tweezers and began to dig.  Nothing.  Except screams of fear from Mario.  He was begging for mercy and for us to stop all action.  Jorge eventually handed the tweezers my way and I just ripped into the skin on the bottom of his foot.  After two tries, I got it.  A little splinter the size of a mouse’s hair.  This miniscule piece of wood caused an hour of pure hell. 

Mario was traumatized afterwards holding onto me for a good ten minutes.  When I told him I’d take him to the library, he barely moved.  His core had been shaken.  I know one thing – he will never be a carpenter when he gets older.